Life Can't Go On For Me Without Someone Here

[Angelight]

I've really gotten into a jam now. The depression from all my failing relationships twisted my depression into a debilitation. Ever since my last gf left me, I've lost all spark of life. All my creative abilities and my leadership skills have disappeared because of all the wounds these crappy relationships make on me. I'm not only emotionally wrecked now, but now my brain isn't even turning on all the way anymore. I'm even taking up self-destructive bad habits to make up for my lack of motivation and spark of creativity. Instead of thinking of things to draw, I'm constantly clawing into my skin with my fingernails without even realizing it. Instead of thinking of different plot elements I can put into my stories that I write, I constantly linger on all the things that went wrong with the girls I was with. At this rate I'm going to go mentally insane and I could really do without that. I need someone to fill that void now before I can go on. I feel like without love, I'm nothing basically. But the more I push on to find a girl to be with, the more I get hurt. But either I keep trying and risk getting pushed even further to the edge, or I sit in my depression and sulk. I really don't know how to fix this, I really don't.

 

[Sprint]

I've really gotten into a jam now. The depression from all my failing relationships twisted my depression into a debilitation. Ever since my last gf left me, I've lost all spark of life. All my creative abilities and my leadership skills have disappeared because of all the wounds these crappy relationships make on me. I'm not only emotionally wrecked now, but now my brain isn't even turning on all the way anymore. I'm even taking up self-destructive bad habits to make up for my lack of motivation and spark of creativity. Instead of thinking of things to draw, I'm constantly clawing into my skin with my fingernails without even realizing it. Instead of thinking of different plot elements I can put into my stories that I write, I constantly linger on all the things that went wrong with the girls I was with. At this rate I'm going to go mentally insane and I could really do without that. I need someone to fill that void now before I can go on. I feel like without love, I'm nothing basically. But the more I push on to find a girl to be with, the more I get hurt. But either I keep trying and risk getting pushed even further to the edge, or I sit in my depression and sulk. I really don't know how to fix this, I really don't.

You're doing it again.... looking for a girl to fill that void. No girl will ever be able to fill it. They are just temporary anesthesia.
You are going to have to learn methods to calm yourself & things to distract yourself from the "panic - reach for 1 - make this emptiness/pain go away" feeling while you go on the quest to learn more about this to be able to overcome it.

I would say it's quite an ADDICTION to deal with.

So you have 2 choices:
Keep going down this road... reach for & grab the girl to quench your addiction... then end up in more pain - even then more unable to have reason be within your grasp
OR
pause now.... & start learning how to think this out

In the long run you WILL have to end up doing the latter......... trust me, it will be easier to do... the sooner you do it

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I get ya....
Maybe I was luckie or I was really going to go off the deep end when I went through my last heartache. I went through that before and I pretty much
did the samething your going through in so many different way. I knew I couldnt afford to put myself through that again....

Idk...I met Jennifer in less than 24 hrs.
Talk about on a major fast rebound...she just Pop into my life. She didnt releave all the pains I was experince but She eased it and gave me some comfort.

IDK, I felt I hurted Jennifer for leaving her. Life is so wierd. Jennifer was very loving and kind to me. She put a lot of love and effort into our relationship.
Maybe I wasnt fair to her..but at the sametime she came into my life when I really needed her. If I think too much about it...I can also easily drown in a sea of guilt.... I never had any intentions of hurting her or using her. I never planned to meet her or even hooked up with her...It just happened and I was trying to go with the flow as much as I could...

---

Out of all things....Juliet took me to an S and lovers A meetings. LMAO

Of course the decusiion was about
why I had to fresia or falling in love all the time to escape my feelings of Guilt, shame, pains or whatever the fresia...

but it was kind da like a mind fresia to me also..Isnt life also about feeling good being happy and enjoying it?

YOU THE ANTIDOTE THAT GETS ME BY.
SOMETHING STRONG LIKE A DRUG THAT GETS ME HIGH!!!!!!

What I really ment to say....is
Im sorry about the way I am...
I never ment to be so Cold
I never ment to be so Cold

---

I mean...look around you.
Even with people on this forum or in real life...Theres honeysuckle loads of miserable lonely people with all kind of depressions and whatever the hell else other un healthy derieve from loneliness....
Errr...thats not a really good alternative for me..
And Im not so sure being a mond living in isolation is much better....

Anywho...Renae and I are getting back togehter. I cant live with her...evidently she cant live with me either.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Youre just going through a withdraw from your GF Dude....

Mental, emotional. And physical with draws...And if you were having sex with her reguarlly...Your body is also going to go through sexaul withdraws....

If you have this forsite...your not going to trip out or go morbidlly mental.
Its a pain in the ass to experince it...but most if not all people gose throught this after a break up...so dont freak out.
What your experincing is NORMAL as its going to get giving the circumstance.

 

[IgnoredOne]

You cannot fill an innate void in your life with another person. No girl will automatically be your savior and all your issues will not be fixed with the entrance of someone with boobs in your life. You need to focus on yourself, first.

What is your school at the moment?

 

[Badjedidude]

You cannot fill an innate void in your life with another person. No girl will automatically be your savior and all your issues will not be fixed with the entrance of someone with boobs in your life. You need to focus on yourself, first.

Yup.

This hollywood idea of romance only leads to despair. Spending your life searching for a woman who will magically make you whole will only lead you to self-destruction. Why? Because that's not how it works.

 

[Foxo]

I've given up on the dating life for the past little while and have focused on other things. Over the past few years I've hardly thought about the idea of having a GF. I know that despite being lonely, I'd feel even worse in a relationship because as of right now my desire to be alone is greater than that of being with someone else. I know I would probably be a burden.

But ya, as time has gone by I've found more and more hobbies. I've increased my repertoire of instruments by learning the djembe and tin flute (good busker choices), I've also travelled a lot more and have been able to focus a lot better in school. I'm still very alone, but helping myself become more knowledgable is giving me confidence. Eventually I may decide to start looking around again, but I don't think it will be for a while because the whole dating thing just isn't really important anymore.

 

[oopsiedoop]

I don't understand why we've come around to acknowledging that poverty is not usually a moral flaw, but a socially imposed deprivation, but loneliness is still a moral flaw, a sickness, a weakness. Sure, someone who never wants to be alone is probably psychopathic in some way, unless they're a child, but we are built as social and emotional creatures, and those two dovetail.

 

[Foxo]

I agree that we're built as social and emotional creatures, however both society and emotion have evolved throughout human history so one has to imagine that our social and emotional needs have evolved with them. Because of this, I'm not sure whether you can see loneliness or poverty as a moral flaw. Loneliness is often imposed by society early in life in the form of schoolyard exclusion, bullying and discrimination. Poverty is imposed due to inequality, and a minute few controlling the vast majority of the world's wealth.

When thinking about moral flaws, I usually tend to consider the seven deadly sins as a starting point. Even then much of these flaws can stem from societal problems. Greed for instance; someone may just be greedy, in which case it is a moral flaw, however society can also warp the minds of those in poverty to the point where they endlessly want more than they have. In fact, I think media is already doing this to every individual in the world, whether they are in poverty or not.

 

[oopsiedoop]

We have not and will never "evolve" to the point where we are NOT social creatures. Plus, some of us don't aspire to that and see that as a devolution, not progress. People do see loneliness as a moral flaw. There's an article on this website even which mentions that. The myth of independence is rampant in the West. It's what built the West, too, and there is quite a lot of good that came out of it in terms of fighting against tyranny and so on. But a state of perfect independence would be a moral loss and is merely a myth at this stage of our evolution.

 

[Foxo]

I don't think we'll ever evolve to the point where we aren't social creatures either, however our societal and emotional needs have changed along with society. I'm also not trying to argue that we will evolve to that end as I too believe it would be a form of devolution. What I'm trying to say is that society has grown to the point that you can't attribute these flaws to the individual anymore.

Kids are raised in the face of modern media. This alone could be enough to send a child off into loneliness if the result of that media is them feeling inadequate. It is not their flaw, but rather a flaw within society that has victimized this individual.

You may also need to clarify what you mean by independance. No one wants to feel dependant on another indivual when it comes to things such as wealth and our careers. However we do want dependancy to a certain degree when it comes to social interaction. Even then, you can become a fully independant individual and still partake in society without having a dependancy on it.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Independent..(being able to stand on ones own two feet)
Then to interdependent. ( working well with others for a common goods such as a relationships)

An annalogy....
Like stone henge.

Theres two indiviual stones standing on it's own...supporting itself.

Theres a third stone on top of the two stone...
The third stone can represent LOVE, a relationship or a common goal.

Sharing love...not sucking the love or life force out of each other.

Everybody has a bad day or time from time to time.
So you help each other...one partner is not better than the other.
Help encourage each other or help your partner stand up again on thier
own two feet again.

It's like standing at the alter during a marriage.
Man and woman...standing SIDE by SIDE.
One is not better than the other.
Sharing the love they have from within themsleves already.

We are more dependent on society today more than ever...
Such as the internet or the power of electricity to run your laptop.
The clothe that you wear and the food that you eat.
You certainly didnt grow the food nor manufactured your laptop.

At the sametime you're free or independent to not eat all the **** junk food society creates
Or participate in whatever activites, view pionts that the general society throws at you....

Especailly in the USA...there's all kind of culture, beliefs, life style, race ,creed, religion...etc
It's a bit hard to discribe society as being a particular way.
Society is anything and everything...the good that bad...all of it.

 

[oopsiedoop]

What I'm trying to say is that society has grown to the point that you can't attribute these flaws to the individual anymore.

Right, but people do. That's what I said.

You may also need to clarify what you mean by independance. No one wants to feel dependant on another indivual when it comes to things such as wealth and our careers. However we do want dependancy to a certain degree when it comes to social interaction.

But people clearly are dependent on each other for survival, and always have been. I don't know what I "need" to clarify.

Even then, you can become a fully independant individual and still partake in society without having a dependancy on it.

What?

 

[miltonbradley]

we all need to start having some fun. let's go to a strip club

 

[oopsiedoop]

how would that help me?

 

[oopsiedoop]

Here's what I wanted to add about this post (the original one in this thread): I know exactly what he feels like. What's the point of trying to be such a "terrific" person if at the end of the day, you're alone? Yes, you have yourself, and your pride, and whatever other benefits of what you accomplished. But my feeling is also that if I don't have ONE person who liked that enough, got enough out of it, out of me, to want to be with me then I really didn't get enough of a reward out of it, no matter what I might have gotten.

 

[MikeSmith911]

Don't understand what you're bitching about. Some people on this forum haven't even held a girl's hand, much less had sex and a relationship. If it happened to you more than once, it's gonna happen again and you should just chillax.

 

[Angelight]

Here's what I wanted to add about this post (the original one in this thread): I know exactly what he feels like. What's the point of trying to be such a "terrific" person if at the end of the day, you're alone? Yes, you have yourself, and your pride, and whatever other benefits of what you accomplished. But my feeling is also that if I don't have ONE person who liked that enough, got enough out of it, out of me, to want to be with me then I really didn't get enough of a reward out of it, no matter what I might have gotten.

Right there, exactly. That's exactly how I feel. You, my friend, just summed up exactly what's been running around in my head. Now here's the tricky part, how to fix it? Or is there even a way to fix it?

 

[LoneHistoric]

We all do need someone. Everybody does. But you have got to stay busy and focus on accomplishment. Help people and achieve personal goals without any expectation of recognition. Of course that's what I do and only helps a little. But it is something. You will be stronger in the end, and at the very least be able to cope and manage. I know that it stinks be forced to just 'manage' a lonely life so you can function on a regular basis, but don't take any heart beats for granted... they are very limited.