Life is more cruel than you would think.

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nhk

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I was not given the best shot in life to find companionship or love. Unfortunately, I am shorter than what women like, I'm not at all physically imposing, years of being bullied and hurt have reduced my confidence and self-esteem to zero, and all I have to vouch for when it comes to dating are my talents, my dream to turn my stories into something big, and of course my everlasting love and respect for anyone that gives me a chance. But recently I have found myself plunging into a dark and bitter hatred towards the nature of dating and human attraction. I have found myself with a deep passionate hatred for the fact that you must be the absolute best as a man to ever have hope of finding love. But there is nothing that can be done. That's how nature is. And I only just learned this yesterday.
I don't think I will ever successfully get to spend time with a girl that loves me, because they cannot love. I'm nothing to them. I'm not strong, tall, I have no money or social status to offer, and I'm not intimidating. A young guy would probably think "No! love is real! you'll find a girl that loves you, just be yourself!" it is a hoax. Girls think before they give a guy a chance. And if you're like me, and have nothing to give them, you'll die alone. The idea of dating someone because you genuinely love them is a cruel and sad lie. That comes AFTER a girl has seen something she can use in you. Not before. I've always been friendzoned and kicked around by girls I like because they see me and go: "hmm. Dustin's hot. He's also popular, and I'll look good with him as well as be protected. And since he's hot and masculine, I get carnal satisfaction when I want it, at its best quality. NHK here is the most pathetic piece of shit I've ever seen though-- But since It would be a waste to throw such a weakling away, I have an idea. I'll send him selfies, hug him and show him just a tiiiiny bit of that affection he's obviously never had before, and BAM! I'll have a henchman. Whenever I need to feel better about myself, I'll just shoot him a pic, text "look at this! I'm literally a goddess skfsnfrk" and he'll BOMBARD me with assurance. Then when I'm done with his soggy carcass, I'll toss him to the side, and go have rough sex with a REAL man. Worthless dog thinks he'll ever get a chance with me-- who in their right mind would date such a small and weak guy?"
it's my fault. I should have known earlier, but now It's too late and I'm attracted to women. I can't stop liking them. even though none of them will ever love me. They'll just keep using my attention to fuel their egos, and pay me fool's gold by giving me a hug every now and then.
 

constant stranger

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That sounds awfully bitter, nhk. You've been stepped on pretty hard eh? I'm sympathetic because I'll probably die alone myself.
But really, that level of bitterness.......I'm thinking that holding on to sentiments like that won't improve anything.
 

kaetic

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I'm not saying it sounds good... But if the cruelest thing that's ever happened to you is getting friend zoned... I'd say you're doing alright.

Learn to recognize when it happens and stop giving the users your attention. I can't give you any advice on the bitterness, as I'm kind of going through my own bit of crap right now.

But trust me, it can get a lot worse. I hope you don't have to experience that.
 

ardour

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You get selfies and hugs? Damn. You don't have to grovel to these girls. Tell her she has a fat arse.
 

nhk

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That sounds awfully bitter, nhk. You've been stepped on pretty hard eh? I'm sympathetic because I'll probably die alone myself.
But really, that level of bitterness.......I'm thinking that holding on to sentiments like that won't improve anything.
I agree that holding on to bitterness won't help my case, but I don't know what WILL. In society, If you aren't socially adept, you are quite literally screwed up the ass. You won't be able to find work, you cannot get a partner, you won't get friends, and you won't stay alive long. It is HORRID but true. Just like in the animal kingdom, it's survival of the fittest. If you are'nt a god, no girl wants you. And so since i've realized this, and realized that all the years I've spent trying to improve myself, learning two instruments to make myself feel more interesting and feel like I'm worth being interested in, years spent learning to draw and write so I can pump out all my fantastic stories, years spend in vain trying to learn how to face rejection square in the face without loosing confidence after getting thrown about day after day-- was all for nothing, I can't go anywhere else! The ONLY friends I have right now are the girl I have a crush on that does not value me in the slightest bit and only sees me as an ego boost that orbits her, and another one that quite literally calls me her LITTLE BROTHER. That is how far down into the throes of the friend zone I am. I'm not just a brother, this girl literally treats me like I am an INFANT HUMAN BEING. There's no one to turn to. no where to go. my family is already cynical and heartless, I am a man, so no one's going to give a shit about me anyway, and I've already told you that my only 'friends' are people I'm already fueling and being used by. So I come on sites like this, and vent out the resentment I have suddenly developed. I will NEVER blame women for my loneliness, but at the same time, it is downright horrid and depressing that it is in female nature to dismiss any man that is not masculine enough, and those non masculine men are left in perpetual tantalization of what they can NEVER have.
 

nhk

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You get selfies and hugs? Damn. You don't have to grovel to these girls. Tell her she has a fat arse.
I'd love to, it would feel liberating, but she is all I have. I have no friends, and if she leaves, who knows the next time a girl will deem me worthy to enjoy even 5 minutes of their attention
 

nhk

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I'm not saying it sounds good... But if the cruelest thing that's ever happened to you is getting friend zoned... I'd say you're doing alright.

Learn to recognize when it happens and stop giving the users your attention. I can't give you any advice on the bitterness, as I'm kind of going through my own bit of crap right now.

But trust me, it can get a lot worse. I hope you don't have to experience that.
You have a point; it could be a lot worse-- Love really shouldn't be something that either gender has to struggle so hard to get... doesn't everyone deserve to feel loved by another human being? how come so many guys get left out of this? it's genuinely appalling.
 

Tfranklinyo

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Lower your standards. Let go of your ego. Get some books on ego. Get some books on charisma, socializing, how to make small talk etc. Don't buy into if you can't do it naturally then it's not "who you are." If you refuse to try then admit that and stop blaming "the animal kingdom" You're half right. The loser half. Inherently as men we have no value reproductively. However we have the ability to learn and create. That is how you make your value.
 

TheSkaFish

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I have some thoughts:

Unfortunately, I am shorter than what women like, I'm not at all physically imposing, years of being bullied and hurt have reduced my confidence and self-esteem to zero

First off, don't worry about your height. It's definitely possible for shorter guys to get girlfriends.

As for bullies, they are assholes, they're people that need attention and reactions, and need to feel better than someone else in order to feel good about themselves, because they're immature. Bullies are sad, sorry people, even the ones that genuinely believe they're superior to you. Try not to worry about them or anything they said, don't think of it as true.

I would, however, recommend going to the gym and getting in the best shape you can, though. If nothing else, knowing you're physically stronger and better-looking should be a confidence booster.

all I have to vouch for when it comes to dating are my talents, my dream to turn my stories into something big,

This is good, it's important to have something that you're good at, and something you're active in. It gives you some identity and gives you something to talk about, and it's a confidence booster as well because it gives you something to be proud of. Keep up the good work.

But recently I have found myself plunging into a dark and bitter hatred towards the nature of dating and human attraction. I have found myself with a deep passionate hatred for the fact that you must be the absolute best as a man to ever have hope of finding love. But there is nothing that can be done. That's how nature is. And I only just learned this yesterday.

I don't like this either, but at least you discovered it early.
Like I was saying, try to get in good shape.
Wear some stylish clothes - not necessarily expensive if that's not really you, but clothes that are a true expression of your interests and who you are. Make sure you get the right size, I know you probably do, but the point is to look like you know what you're doing.
Get good at something so you have something to talk about, show for yourself, and take pride in, and so that you have an audience in the women that like the thing you are good at, and they might think you're cool.
Have a range of topics to talk about that you keep up with, so you're not a one-topic guy.

The charisma stuff, flirting, teasing, smooth-talk, all that, I can't help you there because I don't know how to do any of that shit. But what I listed above, should give you at least something to start with.

I don't think I will ever successfully get to spend time with a girl that loves me, because they cannot love. I'm nothing to them. I'm not strong, tall, I have no money or social status to offer, and I'm not intimidating. A young guy would probably think "No! love is real! you'll find a girl that loves you, just be yourself!" it is a hoax. Girls think before they give a guy a chance. And if you're like me, and have nothing to give them, you'll die alone. The idea of dating someone because you genuinely love them is a cruel and sad lie. That comes AFTER a girl has seen something she can use in you. Not before. I've always been friendzoned and kicked around by girls I like because they see me and go: "hmm. Dustin's hot. He's also popular, and I'll look good with him as well as be protected. And since he's hot and masculine, I get carnal satisfaction when I want it, at its best quality. NHK here is the most pathetic piece of shit I've ever seen though-- But since It would be a waste to throw such a weakling away, I have an idea. I'll send him selfies, hug him and show him just a tiiiiny bit of that affection he's obviously never had before, and BAM! I'll have a henchman. Whenever I need to feel better about myself, I'll just shoot him a pic, text "look at this! I'm literally a goddess skfsnfrk" and he'll BOMBARD me with assurance. Then when I'm done with his soggy carcass, I'll toss him to the side, and go have rough sex with a REAL man. Worthless dog thinks he'll ever get a chance with me-- who in their right mind would date such a small and weak guy?"
it's my fault. I should have known earlier, but now It's too late and I'm attracted to women. I can't stop liking them. even though none of them will ever love me.

The problem with this though, is that it's something called "catastrophizing". You're imagining the worst possible case scenario, and your mind is running away from you. I have a hard time with that too. Yes, there definitely are some women that think like this, but not all of them. Just like there are some guys who are players and only care about looks. But not every guy is like that either.

Just avoid the women that think like this. They aren't the only game in town. Look for people with the same interests, personality, beliefs, and values as you, it's more important than looks - it took me a long time to realize that but once I understood why, it made so much sense. It's all about, does the person make you feel good or not? Do you really enjoy spending time with them or not? Do you really care about them or not? Someone with hot looks, but with a personality that doesn't interest you/can't relate to, or that you don't like, or doesn't make you feel good, doesn't help.

They'll just keep using my attention to fuel their egos, and pay me fool's gold by giving me a hug every now and then.
The ONLY friends I have right now are the girl I have a crush on that does not value me in the slightest bit and only sees me as an ego boost that orbits her, and another one that quite literally calls me her LITTLE BROTHER. That is how far down into the throes of the friend zone I am. I'm not just a brother, this girl literally treats me like I am an INFANT HUMAN BEING.

Like the others have said, you have to learn to recognize the people that are just using you. I would say cut them off immediately, refuse to play their game. They can get their validation and ego boosts somewhere else. Kicking them to the curb should boost your confidence too, because you are refusing to be used anymore, you're done with their bullshit. Don't blow up at them or get mad, you don't have to say anything at all, just cut them off. The way they're treating you is disrespectful. Be strong and say "no more" to it.

Question - are these women interested in things you like? Or just hot girls? I'm not shaming you if they are, lots of people just think about looks at your age, I know I did. But only or mostly thinking about looks is a big part of what leads to these types of situations. You have to have not just interests, but personality/nature and beliefs in common, to really connect.

You won't be able to find work, you cannot get a partner, you won't get friends, and you won't stay alive long.

This is catastrophizing again, you're psyching yourself out. Finding work is about having an in-demand skill more than anything else. And even "unpopular" guys get girlfriends. Lastly, I'm not socially adept (at least not in the "cool", "popular" bullshit artist phony way), but I've had friends for years and years. And I'm almost twice your age, so I'm still alive. Don't psych yourself out though, the fear just weighs you down.

I know all about that survival of the fittest stuff, and there are some people who definitely do think that way, and again, nobody hates that stuff more than me. But not everyone is like that. Go for the ones who don't think that way.

learning two instruments to make myself feel more interesting and feel like I'm worth being interested in, years spent learning to draw and write so I can pump out all my fantastic stories

Honestly I think this is really cool. You're ahead of me in this regard, and I wish I could say I had these very skills, but I always psych myself out about fear that I lack talent. It sounds like you've pushed past that though. And there definitely are women who would be impressed/interested/excited/entertained by that stuff too.

This is the good stuff, you're on the right track with this.

Love really shouldn't be something that either gender has to struggle so hard to get... doesn't everyone deserve to feel loved by another human being?

The thing is, I agree with you, I've said it a million times that love is something normal, like friendship, not like being a celebrity and owning a mansion or a Lamborghini. But unfortunately, the world has become more competitive than it used to be.

TLDR/what I wish I did at your age:

- cut off the users immediately
- lift, be healthy, minimize unhealthy habits
- get a clear style true to your interests
- get good at something
- have a range of topics to talk about
- DON'T catastrophize, don't let fear make your mind run away from you with worst case scenarios
- go for common interests, personalities, beliefs, values, and people that you care about and make you feel good, over looks

Hope this helped! Like I said, I wish I'd known this stuff at your age. It would have saved me a LOT of grief.
 
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Blossom2018

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I was not given the best shot in life to find companionship or love. Unfortunately, I am shorter than what women like, I'm not at all physically imposing, years of being bullied and hurt have reduced my confidence and self-esteem to zero, and all I have to vouch for when it comes to dating are my talents, my dream to turn my stories into something big, and of course my everlasting love and respect for anyone that gives me a chance. But recently I have found myself plunging into a dark and bitter hatred towards the nature of dating and human attraction. I have found myself with a deep passionate hatred for the fact that you must be the absolute best as a man to ever have hope of finding love. But there is nothing that can be done. That's how nature is. And I only just learned this yesterday.
I don't think I will ever successfully get to spend time with a girl that loves me, because they cannot love. I'm nothing to them. I'm not strong, tall, I have no money or social status to offer, and I'm not intimidating. A young guy would probably think "No! love is real! you'll find a girl that loves you, just be yourself!" it is a hoax. Girls think before they give a guy a chance. And if you're like me, and have nothing to give them, you'll die alone. The idea of dating someone because you genuinely love them is a cruel and sad lie. That comes AFTER a girl has seen something she can use in you. Not before. I've always been friendzoned and kicked around by girls I like because they see me and go: "hmm. Dustin's hot. He's also popular, and I'll look good with him as well as be protected. And since he's hot and masculine, I get carnal satisfaction when I want it, at its best quality. NHK here is the most pathetic piece of shit I've ever seen though-- But since It would be a waste to throw such a weakling away, I have an idea. I'll send him selfies, hug him and show him just a tiiiiny bit of that affection he's obviously never had before, and BAM! I'll have a henchman. Whenever I need to feel better about myself, I'll just shoot him a pic, text "look at this! I'm literally a goddess skfsnfrk" and he'll BOMBARD me with assurance. Then when I'm done with his soggy carcass, I'll toss him to the side, and go have rough sex with a REAL man. Worthless dog thinks he'll ever get a chance with me-- who in their right mind would date such a small and weak guy?"
it's my fault. I should have known earlier, but now It's too late and I'm attracted to women. I can't stop liking them. even though none of them will ever love me. They'll just keep using my attention to fuel their egos, and pay me fool's gold by giving me a hug every now and then.
Go get your CDL darlin and blossom. Many larger companies train people to earn their CDL, Swift, Shaffer, KLLM, others. You can drive across country and heal. The truck is a camper in itself. I am in the same boat you are in but I am driving across country and healing. Also it is important if you are to meet someone then meet through a hobby. The sky is the limit with trucking. Hang in there man. You will be alright.
 

nhk

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Go get your CDL darlin and blossom. Many larger companies train people to earn their CDL, Swift, Shaffer, KLLM, others. You can drive across country and heal. The truck is a camper in itself. I am in the same boat you are in but I am driving across country and healing. Also it is important if you are to meet someone then meet through a hobby. The sky is the limit with trucking. Hang in there man. You will be alright.
Trucking sounds like such a serene and peaceful job-- I'm black, and an artist though, so I can't imagine myself doing that lol
You guys are so so so caring, and it genuinely breaks my heart that such empathetic people are being hurt in real life. Thank you for listening to me and comforting me so much
 

nhk

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Lower your standards. Let go of your ego. Get some books on ego. Get some books on charisma, socializing, how to make small talk etc. Don't buy into if you can't do it naturally then it's not "who you are." If you refuse to try then admit that and stop blaming "the animal kingdom" You're half right. The loser half. Inherently as men we have no value reproductively. However we have the ability to learn and create. That is how you make your value.
I think confidence is what I have to work on. BIG TIME. I wouldn't really call my mindset prideful or entitled (ego), but more so I'm looking down on myself. That's why I can't get a girlfriend imo
 

Tfranklinyo

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I think confidence is what I have to work on. BIG TIME. I wouldn't really call my mindset prideful or entitled (ego), but more so I'm looking down on myself. That's why I can't get a girlfriend imo

I mean yeah, fake it till you make it right?
 

nhk

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I have some thoughts:



First off, don't worry about your height. It's definitely possible for shorter guys to get girlfriends.

As for bullies, they are assholes, they're people that need attention and reactions, and need to feel better than someone else in order to feel good about themselves, because they're immature. Bullies are sad, sorry people, even the ones that genuinely believe they're superior to you. Try not to worry about them or anything they said, don't think of it as true.

I would, however, recommend going to the gym and getting in the best shape you can, though. If nothing else, knowing you're physically stronger and better-looking should be a confidence booster.



This is good, it's important to have something that you're good at, and something you're active in. It gives you some identity and gives you something to talk about, and it's a confidence booster as well because it gives you something to be proud of. Keep up the good work.



I don't like this either, but at least you discovered it early.
Like I was saying, try to get in good shape.
Wear some stylish clothes - not necessarily expensive if that's not really you, but clothes that are a true expression of your interests and who you are. Make sure you get the right size, I know you probably do, but the point is to look like you know what you're doing.
Get good at something so you have something to talk about, show for yourself, and take pride in, and so that you have an audience in the women that like the thing you are good at, and they might think you're cool.
Have a range of topics to talk about that you keep up with, so you're not a one-topic guy.

The charisma stuff, flirting, teasing, smooth-talk, all that, I can't help you there because I don't know how to do any of that shit. But what I listed above, should give you at least something to start with.



The problem with this though, is that it's something called "catastrophizing". You're imagining the worst possible case scenario, and your mind is running away from you. I have a hard time with that too. Yes, there definitely are some women that think like this, but not all of them. Just like there are some guys who are players and only care about looks. But not every guy is like that either.

Just avoid the women that think like this. They aren't the only game in town. Look for people with the same interests, personality, beliefs, and values as you, it's more important than looks - it took me a long time to realize that but once I understood why, it made so much sense. It's all about, does the person make you feel good or not? Do you really enjoy spending time with them or not? Do you really care about them or not? Someone with hot looks, but with a personality that doesn't interest you/can't relate to, or that you don't like, or doesn't make you feel good, doesn't help.




Like the others have said, you have to learn to recognize the people that are just using you. I would say cut them off immediately, refuse to play their game. They can get their validation and ego boosts somewhere else. Kicking them to the curb should boost your confidence too, because you are refusing to be used anymore, you're done with their bullshit. Don't blow up at them or get mad, you don't have to say anything at all, just cut them off. The way they're treating you is disrespectful. Be strong and say "no more" to it.

Question - are these women interested in things you like? Or just hot girls? I'm not shaming you if they are, lots of people just think about looks at your age, I know I did. But only or mostly thinking about looks is a big part of what leads to these types of situations. You have to have not just interests, but personality/nature and beliefs in common, to really connect.



This is catastrophizing again, you're psyching yourself out. Finding work is about having an in-demand skill more than anything else. And even "unpopular" guys get girlfriends. Lastly, I'm not socially adept (at least not in the "cool", "popular" bullshit artist phony way), but I've had friends for years and years. And I'm almost twice your age, so I'm still alive. Don't psych yourself out though, the fear just weighs you down.

I know all about that survival of the fittest stuff, and there are some people who definitely do think that way, and again, nobody hates that stuff more than me. But not everyone is like that. Go for the ones who don't think that way.



Honestly I think this is really cool. You're ahead of me in this regard, and I wish I could say I had these very skills, but I always psych myself out about fear that I lack talent. It sounds like you've pushed past that though. And there definitely are women who would be impressed/interested/excited/entertained by that stuff too.

This is the good stuff, you're on the right track with this.



The thing is, I agree with you, I've said it a million times that love is something normal, like friendship, not like being a celebrity and owning a mansion or a Lamborghini. But unfortunately, the world has become more competitive than it used to be.

TLDR/what I wish I did at your age:

- cut off the users immediately
- lift, be healthy, minimize unhealthy habits
- get a clear style true to your interests
- get good at something
- have a range of topics to talk about
- DON'T catastrophize, don't let fear make your mind run away from you with worst case scenarios
- go for common interests, personalities, beliefs, values, and people that you care about and make you feel good, over looks

Hope this helped! Like I said, I wish I'd known this stuff at your age. It would have saved me a LOT of grief.
you're just about the most insightful person I've interacted with today-- no, this week.
To answer you question: yeah, we share many things in common (between me and the two girls I mentioned) we all are artistically inclined, and write stories. The one i'm crushing on even sings, and I put chords together to go with her songs sometimes. I think the biggest reason i'm attached to her is because she showed me attention that I've NEVER gotten before. She's effectively trapped me. However, I'm sure the raw knowledge that I don't have to simp for her anymore is enough to give me a small push forward. Soon, hopefully, she will no longer have me under her thumb.
 

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