Blue collar boy here.
I made my post and then decided to check out what else is on this forum. Then it hit me,(cause it's got a bif friggin sign) "A lonely life." I felt a little retarded after that, I thought I was posting in some random forum that I had googled when I typed in "I Hate college."
But that asside, I apologize for angering you and hurting you, like Mr. Edgars said in Babylon 5, "there's too much pain in the universe allready." Even if I hadn't found out the nature of this forum, I'd still apologize.
So this is your topic, and I guess I'll tell you what I feel, no advice or anything.
Back home I was a nobody, at least like our society judges nobodies. I had good grades, but I didn't go to parties, and as people took things over the edge in highschool (some used drugs too much, others got into gangs, etc...) I stayed the same. But I had people on my level to bounce my emotions off of. Unlike Ellisa I made a few strong, lasting friendships. I loved my home, I loved my friends. Yeah, love, I really loved that place man. I miss it so much sometimes, I just want to cry, and if no one's watching, I'll shed a tear. I still remember when I left home, I lived on the East coast and moved to the midwest. It was rough, it was horrible. My mom and dad couldn't afford living there anymore, and I couldn't afford staying home and making a life on a construction worker's salary with my parents gone. I'm going to college, I'm in the military to pay for it and cause I like guns (yeah that sounds retarded, I know, but I like weapons and the army, just like some people like fast cars, I'm not an idiot though), and I got no one out here. Plus my parents moved from home, so I never get to go back.
Back to Ellisa's last post.
I had friends on my level. And the friendships weren't transitory. I could talk to them, I knew them, they knew me, we could just chill out, it was beautiful. I never wanted much in life, but those days spent hanging out with them were beautiful.
I also knew loneliness all along, but certainly not as much as you invisable man. 8th grade was the best year of my life, and highschool messed everything up. The old group of friends , we went our separate ways. I was ostracized, I wasted weekends, I felt like honeysuckle.
It feels real bad, makes you real sick when you bust your ass all day working and you call an old friend and you know he doesn't want to hang out with you for some stupid reason, and you want to just ******* hurt him, and beat him. You hate him so **** much....
But God helped me out. Junior summer and Senior year a lot of fences were mended, and the friends that were still in the hood, well we all had a decent time. (I'm ranting but I hope y'all read it, cause I read everything you write.)
My best friend and I always played basketball everyday after I was done with work. I just felt like saying that, we had the deepest conversations, you would not believe.
Week before I left we all decided to have a little get together. We got drunk, it was fun. But one of my friends said he loved me. I'm not a faggot, neither is he, he was drunk. But thinking back on that, as weird as it is to say it, I loved him too. Not like you love a woman, or your mom, but as a friend. I wish we did more of that together, in highschool, but we wasted too much time....
I can still vividly remember the day I left. Out here, college, the real life, it's so **** strange. I don't have any people on my level. They're out there, somewhere, but how the hell do I contact them. My roomate is the quintessential ignorant, American idiot who tries to be refined, but is doomed to failure. Sometimes I wonder if he is lonely and just tries to bury it in booze, parties where no one communicates, really communicates, ******* women but never loving them and studying? Maybe so maybe not. As for the rest, there's all sorts of shades.
You know, one of my teachers said the kids that go away to college come back more mature. I think they just come back emotionally callused, perfectly trained to survive in our society. If being more mature means being more dead inside, than I want to be immature.
After typing all this, I feel like an idiot dispensing advice, I'd rather just share my feelings. But even so, that advice does work, if not perfectly.
Finding someone on my level, a real friend, boy that'd be nice. Sometimes I wonder if it's even possible, if there's even a point to it? After all, I have 4 years here, then I move on again. who gives a honeysuckle right? i'll never see any of these ******* again.