losing virginity with an escort?

[TheSkaFish]

I'm in a similar boat, I've never been with anyone either. I haven't been good enough. And I understand how male virginity is an issue, because the world does indeed make male virginity mean "loser". I think it's a power thing. For women, if they are virgins they are seen as being too good for any man that comes their way, the women are more powerful. For men, they are seen as too weak to get what they want, being sex in this case. Then there is the fear aspect. The problem I've always had with "it will happen when you're not looking/trying" is that it hasn't happened when I've tried, and it hasn't happened when I haven't tried either. How do I know I won't just get nothing for the rest of my life? The fear is real. It makes you wonder what is wrong with you that you are never good enough to get something that many others who are no more special than you (and some who are very loathsome) have been getting with little to no thought or effort for years and years, all the way back to junior high. You just want to break this **** curse. But at the same time I still say that seeing an escort is a bad idea for a number of reasons.

First off is the risk of diseases, including life-threatening or life-changing ones. This alone makes it not worth it. Condoms can break, people can lie about their status because they just want to get paid, people can honestly believe they are healthy but be wrong about it. These women are leading a pretty risky, unhealthy lifestyle, I wouldn't want to risk it.

Not only that, but like others have said, it could be a very unpleasant experience. You know it's all fake at the end of the day, it's an act set up to separate you from your money. Personally it would make me feel like it's even more confirmation that I'm a loser, because that's how the world sees it, and it would confirm that I'm still not good enough for a woman - it would be an insult to myself. It would make me feel like other men muscled me out of the dating pool and into having to pay for it. I'd hate that feeling like hell. I don't want to give them or life/the universe the satisfaction.

Also, if you were to get a girlfriend and you told them about it, they might think it's gross and break up with you for it, even if you don't get sick. The idea grosses me out at least. Or they could look down on you for it.

Finally, you don't know how close you are to getting a relationship. That's another reason I never do anything drastic, even though I might feel angry or hopeless. Because you could be only a year, a month, a week, or even a day away from finding the answer to your problems. If you do something you might regret regardless of what it is, you'll have thrown everything away when you might have been so close. I say if it's come down to this, then you might as well try to figure out what you're doing wrong, anything at all that it might be, or just give yourself more time to clear your head.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Never said there weren't differences, but women get those same questions. Women are looked at as losers if they are virgins too. To say this is a MAN problem and that women don't understand because of whatever reason is what is bullshit. Yes, I'm sure it is different, but that doesn't mean it's worse.

 

[Xpendable]

Never knew a man who didn't get honeysuckle for being a virgin; ever. Women are only shamed by other girls, while men are shamed by guys and girls.

Xpendable Wrote:
So, losing your virginity is not important, but if you force yourself to lose it then it's important?
Tha's what I'm getting from this.

"I don't care about virginity, I care about my sexual dissatisfaction. Also, i care about not being laugh at since this might affect my work prospects."

I was responding to the general comments on the thread. I actually agree with you. It seems like you are not allowed to satisfy that urge unless it is with someone who is attracted to you, if not it is worthless (?)

It is better to remain virgin forever because of some moral ground about the validity of the emotions during the act of sex? But at the same time losing it is no big deal even with the correct emotions? That's a clear dissonance there.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I don't understand why everyone knows you're a virgin. If you don't want people to know and thus, by your words, think you are a loser, why do people know? They can only know if you tell them. Don't tell them.

 

[Xpendable]

It's not something you tell, but at the end, it always gets out.

 

[ardour]

Male virginity is a huge *red flag* for women considering if a man is relationship ready. "If other women weren't willing, why should I?" Basic stuff. There's something seriously wrong or creepy about him (Buying sex doesn't do anything to change this perception...)

This isn't nearly as serious for women/young women because few men view a woman's lack of experience in the same way, and some think favourably of it. Virginity isn't self-perpetuating for women.

 

[TheSkaFish]

It's not something you tell, but at the end, it always gets out.

Or you could get caught off guard and admit it, or get lulled into a false sense of security and admit it, not realizing that there is a good chance that it will cause others to disrespect you.  

Male virginity is a huge *red flag* for women considering if a man is relationship material. "If other women weren't willing, why should I?". There's something seriously wrong with him, something broken or creepy.

This isn't nearly as serious for women; few men will care about a woman's lack of experience; some will think favourably of it.  Whatever shaming women/girls might receive, it doesn't generally prevent them from getting into relationships.

I feel like it makes a woman think "if this guy is single/a virgin, he must be too weak/inferior to be 'protector' material". It all seems to come back to power.  Men usually aren't looking for a "protector", in fact they're told NOT to do this.  I don't think lying is a good idea, because getting caught in a lie makes a person look really lame.  But it's better to avoid the subject, draw attention away from it.

Virginity isn't self-perpetuating for women.

This^, pretty much. That's why this problem is such a ***** for men. The problem reinforces itself, creating a cycle where you constantly feel like a loser, and thus are unattractive.

The trick seems to be learning how to not see yourself as a loser and how to not come off as a loser, how to NOT put loser vibes out there, which can be hard if you were routinely disrespected growing up and you don't feel like you can be good at anything or successful. It can make a person subconsciously fit themselves to that role and it's hard to see yourself as something other than what people seem to see you as, it takes conscious thought, self-awareness to change your internal script. But that's probably a separate thread in and of itself.

 

[DarkSelene]

It is better to remain virgin forever because of some moral ground about the validity of the emotions during the act of sex? But at the same time losing it is no big deal even with the correct emotions? That's a clear dissonance there.

You just hit the nail right on the head there.

 

[ardour]

It would be very difficult to avoid the issue over the long term, since a lot of women demand honesty and openness as things get serious. At some point he’s going to be backed into a corner with questions that can’t be avoided or deflected. He’ll have to acknowledge and explain his lack of experience then (or lie about it). And that's assuming the lack of experience wasn't already obvious, that he's even able to get that far.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Is this like the whole it's okay for a man to be a whore, but a woman can't be a whore? lol

Seems to be like you all want your bitches inexperienced and your friends all man whores.

Seriously, people, worry about what YOU think, what YOU do, not what the rest of the **** world does.

Sex should mean something, IMO, but not everyone feels the same way. If you want to fresia a prostitute, have at it, but it won't really change anything. Do you plan to go bragging about it? The ONLY way people will know, without a doubt, that you are a virgin is if you tell them. That's the only way it gets out. Therefore, don't tell them. I guess you could lie if you really wanted to, what's the difference?

Also, I wouldn't care if a guy was a virgin, most of the time, it just shows me he's probably more into wanting it for similar reasons, shows me his morals and values are more in line with mine. And no, I'm not saying people who have one night stands or have sex with hookers are less than me, just have different opinions.

 

[ardour]

A man doesn’t need have been a player to have experience. Just the existence of one or two past sexual relationships is enough. Women look for this as a form of social approval; it indicates maturity and emotional stability.

I’ve read all sorts of questionairres and online discussions on this. The most common response from older women in my own age group is, yes they would be concerned, and that they don’t have the patience to babysit a man through his first relationship. Not at all surprising.

 

[TheRealCallie]

What exactly does "older" women mean?  30's, 40's, 50's?  (I think I remember your age category, but I  might be confusing you with someone else) After a certain age, yeah, it might make women wonder, but honestly, I'd pick a virgin over a man whore any day.  

But being a virgin doesn't necessarily mean they've never had a relationship before. 

Several people have looked down on me because of how few sexual partners I've had.  It doesn't bother me one little bit because I am who I am and my values are different. No one's opinion of me is going to change that or make me feel bad.

Some women also find a "clean slate" refreshing.

 

[Xpendable]

Is this like the whole it's okay for a man to be a whore, but a woman can't be a whore?  lol

Seems to be like you all want your bitches inexperienced and your friends all man whores.  

Seriously, people, worry about what YOU think, what YOU do, not what the rest of the **** world does.  

It's there some parallel lane where the arguments you're addressing exits? No one is saying any of that.



"Sex should mean something, IMO, but not everyone feels the same way.  If you want to fresia a prostitute, have at it, but it won't really change anything. Do you plan to go bragging about it?"

 Sex with a prostitute won't change what? Happiness? loneliness? frustration? Sex has always been an exchange an in any situation that becomes a first time, the act itself can have all the meaning or lack of as the individual desires. For many, it can be a rite of passage, you still seem to believe male virgins can be waiting for some sort of religious reason, just accept the fact that no man wants to remain a virgin by his own will in 2018.


"The ONLY way people will know, without a doubt, that you are a virgin is if you tell them.  That's the only way it gets out.  Therefore, don't tell them. I guess you could lie if you really wanted to, what's the difference?"

So, what happened with "vibes"? Didn't people have this ability to see through behavior and avoid someone even when this bad feelings had been concealed? I was asked about this by a guy and I told it in a thread. These people had theorized I was a virgin based solely in their interactions with me. I behaved like usual, look at them in the eye while I talked to them, I made my opinions heard and my only sin was to be more reserved and silent overall compared to them. So it's ******* obvious that there's an unspoken rule in society on what a virgin looks like and it's not justifiable. Is the line so thin between what's desirable in a man and what's not? Do people avoid to admit that they know exactly what people are getting sex and who doesn't based in such small quirks?

Funny how it's impossible to detect a virgin but it's totally possible to feel the vibes of the same desperation that comes with that frustration.

 

[ardour]

Some women also find a "clean slate" refreshing.

Late 30s. Even the most sympathetic women don't see it this way. Life spent alone also comes with baggage (they don't want). And they expect certain things at this age. Maybe they're past liking the stereotypical dominance traits, but a man has to know who he is, and have enough confidence and assertiveness to make things interesting. Coddling a man with the relationship experience of a teenage boy isn't appealing.

 

[TheSkaFish]

Late 30s. Even the most sympathetic women don't see it this way.  Life spent alone also comes with baggage. They expect certain things at this age, maybe they're past liking the stereotypical dominance traits, but a man has to know who he is, and have enough confidence and assertiveness to make things interesting. Coddling a man with the relationship experience of a teenage boy isn't appealing.

This is the hard part as an adult.  It's hard to have confidence when it's always seemed that things don't want to work out for you like they seem to want to for others.  It's also hard to have confidence when you don't know what works, because nothing has worked for you yet.  You don't have any positive experiences with romantic/sexual relationships to draw on, to help you feel like you know what to do.  It doesn't really give you anything to assert.  And as far as making things interesting go, most people don't have a lot of time to be interesting because usually that means being good at something, which takes a long time.  Then there's the whole matter of if you can even learn anything interesting at all, or if you need talent...that's a whole other story.  You have to know who you are, but it seems most people don't get to be much of anything because they are either working or recovering from work, doing something that needs to get done but isn't very intriguing at all, and won't help you truly become attractive.  

That's what stumps me.  You need to work, very few women would accept a guy who doesn't and I understand that, you need to survive and you need money to do fun things.  But you also need "who you are" to not be a boring person.  The two things are almost opposites, because if you spend most of your day doing something boring, then it's hard to not be boring yourself, and I imagine it would be hard to date someone that isn't like the people you work with.  You need to know who you are, and who you are needs to be something interesting and exciting enough, or else you'll probably stay dateless, sexless, relationship-less indefinitely.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Some women also find a "clean slate" refreshing.

Late 30s. Even the most sympathetic women don't see it this way.  Life spent alone also comes with baggage (they don't want). And they expect certain things at this age. Maybe they're past liking the stereotypical dominance traits, but a man has to  know who he is, and have enough confidence and assertiveness to make things interesting. Coddling a man with the relationship experience of a teenage boy isn't appealing.

A life spent not alone comes with baggage too. You can compare your life to the life of someone who has had relationships and while they will be different, I think you would find that you wouldn't be the CLEAR winner.   I expect nothing in a relationship.  Granted, if you want the relationship to work, there has to be trust, honesty and communication, I'm pretty sure even virgins can have those traits. 

"But a man has to know who he is and have enough confidence and assertiveness to make things interesting." 
So are you saying a person HAS to have sex to have these things?  This is what I'm saying, though, sex doesn't give you these things.  YOU give you these things. 

I think I can assume what you will say to this, so I'll just go ahead and reply to it now.  (Forgive my assumptions if you wouldn't reply like this)
Going off of what Ska said "It's hard to have confidence when it's always....."  It doesn't matter what "It's always been"  What matters is now, what matters is not looking back, what matters is being your own person, changing what you don't like, getting rid of the negative ass assumptions and thoughts that are clouding basically your entire vision of the past, present and future.  You are so busy stuck on "what it's always been"  and "it's never going to change" that you aren't changing at all to find out if it could change.  Maybe it won't, maybe it won't give you EXACTLY what you want, but maybe EXACTLY what you want isn't exactly what you need (That part is more for Ska than you)  You are all so stuck in the past and your own negative emotions and views of the world that it's holding you back and that has more to do with why older guys might not have relationship experience than whether or not they are a virgin.

Just my opinion of course, and again, if what I said at the end doesn't align with what you would have replied, I apologize.

 

[user 139760]

Wow, this thread went places in my absence lol.

Listen, man, Unix, you're a grown man. You do what you want. You want to call a whore to f*ck? Fine by me. It's your life, your choice, your decision. Hell, I've considered it too, I've been single for 10 years and at some point on year 8 I probably wondered what it was like again. But, you know, I got my pride; I won't pay for sex. I think that's a whole lot more shameful than being a virgin. MY view, no one has to share it.
Regardless, if my friends, or people I know, or anyone else for that matter I frequented, mocked me EITHER for being a virgin or paying for sex? Wouldn't be my friends no more. F*ck what other people have to say, over 50% of this country and others is divorced and there's online website specifically designed for married people to cheat on each other. Goes to show you what insight most people have on interpersonal relationship, no offense to anyone.

Only thing I can tell you is you're the one who'll have to go on with the decision, wether it be a good thing or a bad thing. The optic I have, the optic you might want to consider EVEN if as I can read right now you don't really believe it, is "what am I going to tell my kids someday". That's what I tell myself every time I have a decision to make. When I was younger, I didn't, because like you, never thought it'd happen; as such, there's a boatload of crap I can't really tell my kids about, 'cos I was a grade-A *******. I regret that. Although, on the list, personally, I don't have "I lost my virginity to a prostitute". To me, it matters.

Maybe to you it doesn't matter either way, it depends on what you think. If this is something you really want, do it. F*ck what other people think. But keep it mind it might not be what you expect and that hole you feel might not be filled (no pun intended). You'll still have to live with it, though.

Oh and by the by, just in passing? 5 inches isn't that small. There's a LOT smaller out there, trust me lol. If that's your fear, you should try and abstract from it. The mother of my kids once had an abortion long time ago, with the boyfriend she was with for 2 years. She said it was so small when they did it on the couch, she though he was screwing the couch. Symbol she made with her fingers, erect, was like a peanut. I'm not MAJORLY hung, but in the averages and still, with another girl I dated, it hurt her when we had relations...she couldn't date men who WERE hung and dumped some specifically for that reason, because it'd be too painful, even to bleeding sometimes.

As for the original question, "is it worth it?", no one can answer that besides you. After the fact. If you don't like the answer though, it's too late, remember that. I don't think the 100 quib is worth it, though. I'd go with a high class escort, couple thousand. Because if I go, I'd rather go ALL IN, rather than the local dump truck, if you know what I mean.

Good luck man. Have a good one.

 

[Brennabean]

I agree with Richard, it's no one else's business.

One thing that bugs me that I have seen so much on this forum is about men saying they have it so much harder than women. And obviously this pisses women off because what would you know? It's dumb to compare when you cant be sure. Yeah you can go on statistics or based on people you know or have heard of, you still sound like a dumbass. No one can know who has it harder unless it becomes possible to swap consciousness. Lol mini rant over.

 

[DarkSelene]

It's possible to know who has it harder on specific subjects if one puts aside their emotional victimhood and actually observe how the world works.

 

[LifePath1]

There are women out there who really don't care about penis size/shape, myself included and I know several others too. But I also know a lot of girls who take the piss out of men with small penis', I think it's sickening and it's not worth having sex with an ugly person like that.

Have you tried forming relationships with older women? Like women in their 30s or 40s? (I'm assuming you're in your 20s based on all might being your dp, love it btw). I've generally found that older women are way more understanding, compassionate and less fussy (I know that sounds insulting but your problem seems to be that lots of young women are top fussy about penis size and shape).

There's no shame in having sex with a prostitute, especially in your situation, but as someone said before it might leave you feeling more inadequate... If it doesn't work as you'd hoped then maybe see if you can develop a meaningful relationship with an older woman, itd be so much better for loads of reasons (obviously love is great, your confidence in bed would increase with practise, and you wouldn't feel like this anymore) but it sounds like you need immediate satisfaction, which you'd be better off getting from a prostitute. Be safe and I hope you feel better soon!

And then there's guys like me that get slightly turned on by being humiliated by females....again...forget I said anything lmao!