Uber_Psychology
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- Mar 9, 2011
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I identify myself as being love shy.
My Dad is a schizophrenic, thereby allowing my mother to mostly be responsible for my upbringing. I'm from India, where arranged marriages used to almost be a societal obligation to adults of marriageable age. This usually results in marriages that work, as opposed to marriages brimming with love.
My mother felt she had no clue that she was getting married to a schizophrenic, (my Dad is fully functional 99% of the time, save for the occasional relapse), and she sort of blamed my Dad and his parents for the "misery" that my mom went through. In reality she didn't have the courage to spurn society and get a divorce due to a) the fact that she was saddled with a child almost immediately, and b) fear of being labeled an outcast/divorcee/loose woman by society due to inherent prejudices prevalent in society.
While both my parents gave me plenty of attention and care, and individual love, which I am certainly blessed with beyond anybody's understanding, I may have become a love shy male.
Also I've had two experiences where I've approached women only to be rejected and have been extremely hurt by the way the situations unfolded and how all parties concerned handled them. So hurt that I've almost vowed to not hurt myself like that again.
I'm not unattractive. While I'm certainly not a Brad Pitt, I've gotten "looks" from women, and in fact been approached by a couple of women. But I found those advances to be merely superficial and hence had no interest to pursue. A couple may not be too high a number to brag about but it still counts.
Yes I'm a virgin, and I'm 27. But this is because I have no interest in superficial trysts. I like to develop deep connections. I have 5 friends who I call "friends" even though I have 100s of "acquaintances" I have a good time with. Similarly I'd prefer to develop a deep connection with a female I'm going to mate with, and the relationship should ideally progress from "acquaintance" to "friend" to "lover". Considering the low percentage of acquaintances becoming friends, this is going to be extremely hard to achieve. However that is the only way I will have it, unless I pay a hooker, in which case I'd be able to de-humanize the act, only for the sake of getting rid of the "virgin" label, which might inadvertantly be a cure to my love-shyness.
Sure, in my mind, this makes me the ideal boyfriend/husband, because I would never cheat or abuse my wife. I would treat her with as much respect and sincerity. But I never get to that point, because other people don't "waste their time" getting to know me.
I also like to think I'm perfectly rational and am extremely intuitive, and have a near photographic memory. I also have extreme patience and love seeing any problem thrown my way as a challenge. This means that I'm more likely to research tons of material to obtain the necessary information/knowledge I need to solve the problem on my own, without asking people for help. This therefore prevents me from getting opportunities for normal social interaction like most "normal" people do. For example : I would never need to ask you for your name. Unless you or others who know your name remain completely silent because you know what I'm trying to accomplish, given enough time, one of the people in the room is gonna blurt out your name. If that doesn't happen, I'm bound to come across one personal item/letter addressed to you that has your name on it. You can be surprised at how little time it actually takes. In fact you should try it as a personal exercise.
On Omega-ness
I'm extremely intelligent, witty and can make anybody feel at home, and get along with all kinds of people. However I seem to prefer to react to the first move at interaction from the other party. Being a poker player, a moderately successful one at that, I might add, I've learnt that letting the other party "act" first gives you more sensory information, and that leads to a better decision as to most valuable course of action.
I therefore seem to fit the "omega male" status in that aspect. However I thrive on responsibility and also exhibit "alpha male" characteristics like competitiveness, aggressiveness etc. Conflicting definitions from urban dictionary and ask men dot com makes it confusing as to whether an "omega male" is a compliment or an insult, but I identify with the following description the best
I don't view either of these things as being negative, or positive traits. Its simply who I am and I have grown to accept it. Of course I escape from my loneliness by exploring "alpha maleness" in the cyber world where I regularly "pick up" girls to have cyber sex with and have been commended for my superior "game" on numerous occasions, but to play "the game" you have to have a "selfish, I want to fresia and fresia only, and not worry about the girls feelings (or my feelings for that matter)" attitude which is detestable to the very fibre of my soul, and therefore does not translate to my real life, where I'm love-shy around women I'm attracted to, but you could say I am afraid of the possible grief lurking around the corner, and the price of going through that again would be too much to pay for the comparably lesser joy of ******* her brains out.
My Dad is a schizophrenic, thereby allowing my mother to mostly be responsible for my upbringing. I'm from India, where arranged marriages used to almost be a societal obligation to adults of marriageable age. This usually results in marriages that work, as opposed to marriages brimming with love.
My mother felt she had no clue that she was getting married to a schizophrenic, (my Dad is fully functional 99% of the time, save for the occasional relapse), and she sort of blamed my Dad and his parents for the "misery" that my mom went through. In reality she didn't have the courage to spurn society and get a divorce due to a) the fact that she was saddled with a child almost immediately, and b) fear of being labeled an outcast/divorcee/loose woman by society due to inherent prejudices prevalent in society.
While both my parents gave me plenty of attention and care, and individual love, which I am certainly blessed with beyond anybody's understanding, I may have become a love shy male.
Also I've had two experiences where I've approached women only to be rejected and have been extremely hurt by the way the situations unfolded and how all parties concerned handled them. So hurt that I've almost vowed to not hurt myself like that again.
I'm not unattractive. While I'm certainly not a Brad Pitt, I've gotten "looks" from women, and in fact been approached by a couple of women. But I found those advances to be merely superficial and hence had no interest to pursue. A couple may not be too high a number to brag about but it still counts.
Yes I'm a virgin, and I'm 27. But this is because I have no interest in superficial trysts. I like to develop deep connections. I have 5 friends who I call "friends" even though I have 100s of "acquaintances" I have a good time with. Similarly I'd prefer to develop a deep connection with a female I'm going to mate with, and the relationship should ideally progress from "acquaintance" to "friend" to "lover". Considering the low percentage of acquaintances becoming friends, this is going to be extremely hard to achieve. However that is the only way I will have it, unless I pay a hooker, in which case I'd be able to de-humanize the act, only for the sake of getting rid of the "virgin" label, which might inadvertantly be a cure to my love-shyness.
Sure, in my mind, this makes me the ideal boyfriend/husband, because I would never cheat or abuse my wife. I would treat her with as much respect and sincerity. But I never get to that point, because other people don't "waste their time" getting to know me.
I also like to think I'm perfectly rational and am extremely intuitive, and have a near photographic memory. I also have extreme patience and love seeing any problem thrown my way as a challenge. This means that I'm more likely to research tons of material to obtain the necessary information/knowledge I need to solve the problem on my own, without asking people for help. This therefore prevents me from getting opportunities for normal social interaction like most "normal" people do. For example : I would never need to ask you for your name. Unless you or others who know your name remain completely silent because you know what I'm trying to accomplish, given enough time, one of the people in the room is gonna blurt out your name. If that doesn't happen, I'm bound to come across one personal item/letter addressed to you that has your name on it. You can be surprised at how little time it actually takes. In fact you should try it as a personal exercise.
On Omega-ness
I'm extremely intelligent, witty and can make anybody feel at home, and get along with all kinds of people. However I seem to prefer to react to the first move at interaction from the other party. Being a poker player, a moderately successful one at that, I might add, I've learnt that letting the other party "act" first gives you more sensory information, and that leads to a better decision as to most valuable course of action.
I therefore seem to fit the "omega male" status in that aspect. However I thrive on responsibility and also exhibit "alpha male" characteristics like competitiveness, aggressiveness etc. Conflicting definitions from urban dictionary and ask men dot com makes it confusing as to whether an "omega male" is a compliment or an insult, but I identify with the following description the best
I don't view either of these things as being negative, or positive traits. Its simply who I am and I have grown to accept it. Of course I escape from my loneliness by exploring "alpha maleness" in the cyber world where I regularly "pick up" girls to have cyber sex with and have been commended for my superior "game" on numerous occasions, but to play "the game" you have to have a "selfish, I want to fresia and fresia only, and not worry about the girls feelings (or my feelings for that matter)" attitude which is detestable to the very fibre of my soul, and therefore does not translate to my real life, where I'm love-shy around women I'm attracted to, but you could say I am afraid of the possible grief lurking around the corner, and the price of going through that again would be too much to pay for the comparably lesser joy of ******* her brains out.
