Meeting people through clubs or classes

[lei]

i've met some people in my classes but no one i would consider a real friend. they have only really talked to me when they need something ie copying notes, homework. they are busy with their own families and have other friends in the real world.

i thought i made one friend last semester but every time she agreed to hang out, she always flaked out last minute and never followed through with her promises. i finally blocked her number and stopped answering her texts. it's tough making friends.

 

[AFrozenSoul]

I have tried this, problem is that I generally take classes to learn a skill, not meet people. I focus solely on the skill not wasting time trying to build relationships. I am of the mindset that I am there to learn and anything else is a waste of time. As for clubs I tried to do clubs as well. Problem was that the clubs I joined were not used to getting new members. So often times I was a spectator, as a result I never tried to inject myself into the group and I generally just felt awkward doing things that I enjoyed by myself with uninterested people. I am of the general mindset that if people are interested in me they will pursue me.

 

[TheWalkingDead]

This is something I am trying, I've tried some different things. The Meetup website is a good place to perhaps look for suitable events or groups, but has been hit and miss for me. The first time I went to a meetup it was a gig and the organiser didn't even turn up and I didn't meet anyone, it took quite a while to find the motivation to try again.

Last week I went for a group walk, I really enjoyed that as I did manage to talk to a few people, and if I wasn't clicking with someone or other I could always drift away to look at something interesting, or otherwise extricate myself and try chatting to someone else and I like walking so it was OK and didn't feel too pressured.

Tonight I went to a group meal, it was with the same group, as they put on quite a few things, unfortunately it all went a bit wrong from the outset, really. I was doing well and talking to a person I seemed to kind of click with and felt OK with, so I sat with them, then for some reason the group organiser didn't like the balance of the table and made me go and sit right at the end in the corner, where I felt stuck with some people I couldn't really make conversation with. They were nice enough people but were there to practise their English language skills, which is fine, but I struggled to hear them and they struggled to understand me so I started to feel quite disconnected. It was an all you can eat buffet sort of deal, I spent a lot of time escaping to the buffet, which was an ordeal in itself having to escape from my tight little corner... And then I started feeling misanthropic towards the people piling their plates with food and barging in front of me as if the huge volume of food was going to run out.

We then went for drinks and I ended up in a mini group of 3 the other 2 of which already knew each other for years and so I started to feel myself disappearing as I always do in any situation that isn't 1 to 1. Put me 1 to 1 with someone and I am fine, but the larger the group becomes, the more uncomfortable I am (typical INFP really!). And again somehow the person I'd got on with and spoke to again on the way to the bar ended up sat somewhere else, sigh.

I tried a running club for a while, but I think a lot of the people were far more interested in running than talking, so I kind of drifted away and have gone back to running on my own, which I enjoy.

I've pretty much given up on ever finding a partner, but some new friends would be good.

 

[Finished]

I would like to have a friend. But, I don't want to join any clubs because I don't like being around other people. Ha! ha! That's why I think a female android would work great for me.

 

[ardour]

Same old issue with clubs/meetups. Most people my age are at home, living out dull Coronation Street lives or busy with childcare responsibilities.

 

[Forgottendanfan]

A while back I saw a counsellor who suggested that I joined a club or take classes to meet people. I was very hesitant at first and it took me over a year to pluck up the courage to do it.

I finally started art classes and although I didn't make any real friends it did give me a sense of belonging / companionship and I learnt to paint (although my skill is a matter of debate).

Later I decided to learn French and took evening classes. I met the most incredible people there and even managed to make a few friends and we still meet up on occasion. I've stopped the French classes for now but still think it was worth the effort.

I was just wondering if anyone else joined clubs or took classes to get out and what your experiences were.

I've nothing particularly against this method of meeting people, but I think it can come across as a bit disingenuous if you're more interested in the idea of meeting people in the class than the subject of the actual class itself. There aren't really any groups or classes local to me that pique my interest, so I'd feel like a fraud, joining one under false pretenses, to try and meet potential friends or a partner. It might work for other people though.

 

[TheRealCallie]

There aren't really any groups or classes local to me that pique my interest, so I'd feel like a fraud, joining one under false pretenses, to try and meet potential friends or a partner.

Have you actually tried all these activities that you know you wouldn't be interested? You never know what you might like if you don't at least try it. So, unless you join a club, discover you absolutely HATE the activity and THEN decide to keep going just for the people, I wouldn't see it as false pretenses.

 

[Forgottendanfan]

Have you actually tried all these activities that you know you wouldn't be interested? You never know what you might like if you don't at least try it. So, unless you join a club, discover you absolutely HATE the activity and THEN decide to keep going just for the people, I wouldn't see it as false pretenses.

I haven't tried the activities on offer, no. But I have a pretty good idea of what I'd enjoy and what I wouldn't enjoy. Plus I'm very avoidant when it comes to "putting myself out there".

 

[Finished]

I picked up a library and community service programs book. They literally have 30 - 40 pages of different activities and games, including shooting pool. I started to get excited and think I should take a class or two. But, then I remember I do not like being around people especially in a formal group setting. So, I put the book back in the holder and left.

 

[Adamridge79]

This was an 'assignment' from my therapist. So, I signed up for a fly fishing course. Totally freaking out before the first class. Ends up with 4 instructors and 6 of us students. And I was the youngest by at least a decade. Which was perfect, I've always gotten along with people that were older than me, and I didn't have the fear they would try to kill me. Or, if they did, I'd at least stand a chance. That was last spring. And I don't feel like doing anything like ever again. Fun class though.

 

[Wayfarer]

A while back I saw a counsellor who suggested that I joined a club or take classes to meet people. I was very hesitant at first and it took me over a year to pluck up the courage to do it.

I finally started art classes and although I didn't make any real friends it did give me a sense of belonging / companionship and I learnt to paint (although my skill is a matter of debate).

Later I decided to learn French and took evening classes. I met the most incredible people there and even managed to make a few friends and we still meet up on occasion. I've stopped the French classes for now but still think it was worth the effort.

I was just wondering if anyone else joined clubs or took classes to get out and what your experiences were.

You've had more luck than I have. I started taking language classes some six months ago or so, but I still don't have anyone I really talk to.
To be fair, I think that's great advice, but of course it's not enough to simply be there... unfortunately (for the introverted or shy among us) we have to make an effort to reach out and start conversations if others don't do so first. Thus, I'm also aware the current situation is totally on me.

I do a lot of volunteer work and also am part of a community service group for over 15 years.
Still can't figure out how to find a date or friends though.

I have been considering volunteering, as that would be more likely to result in meeting people with similar values. Alas, for one reason or another I've been putting it off for ages.

This is something I am trying, I've tried some different things. The Meetup website is a good place to perhaps look for suitable events or groups, but has been hit and miss for me. The first time I went to a meetup it was a gig and the organiser didn't even turn up and I didn't meet anyone, it took quite a while to find the motivation to try again.

Yes, I've considered that too... unfortunately, except some two-three groups that meet at the local pub to drink (actually went there once for a meetup, and that was a trauma I kept for quite some time lol), the rest are pretty much dead, in my area, especially after pandemic. There are some groups that meet online but I haven't been able to actually enjoy those either.


Now I'll stop with the necroposting : p

I've nothing particularly against this method of meeting people, but I think it can come across as a bit disingenuous if you're more interested in the idea of meeting people in the class than the subject of the actual class itself. There aren't really any groups or classes local to me that pique my interest, so I'd feel like a fraud, joining one under false pretenses, to try and meet potential friends or a partner. It might work for other people though.

To be fair, I think one should choose classes for a skill they do want to learn, and in that case finding friends or whatever could be a bonus, if it happens. At least you would have similar interests with the other people, if anything. I've seen it work for many other people, so who knows...

This was an 'assignment' from my therapist. So, I signed up for a fly fishing course. Totally freaking out before the first class. Ends up with 4 instructors and 6 of us students. And I was the youngest by at least a decade. Which was perfect, I've always gotten along with people that were older than me, and I didn't have the fear they would try to kill me. Or, if they did, I'd at least stand a chance. That was last spring. And I don't feel like doing anything like ever again. Fun class though.

Oh? Care to elaborate what the 'assignment' was exactly, if it's ok with you? I'm curious. Hehe I can imagine it'd feel like that but I'm glad you had fun.

 

[Adamridge79]

You've had more luck than I have. I started taking language classes some six months ago or so, but I still don't have anyone I really talk to.
To be fair, I think that's great advice, but of course it's not enough to simply be there... unfortunately (for the introverted or shy among us) we have to make an effort to reach out and start conversations if others don't do so first. Thus, I'm also aware the current situation is totally on me.

I have been considering volunteering, as that would be more likely to result in meeting people with similar values. Alas, for one reason or another I've been putting it off for ages.

Yes, I've considered that too... unfortunately, except some two-three groups that meet at the local pub to drink (actually went there once for a meetup, and that was a trauma I kept for quite some time lol), the rest are pretty much dead, in my area, especially after pandemic. There are some groups that meet online but I haven't been able to actually enjoy those either.


Now I'll stop with the necroposting : p



To be fair, I think one should choose classes for a skill they do want to learn, and in that case finding friends or whatever could be a bonus, if it happens. At least you would have similar interests with the other people, if anything. I've seen it work for many other people, so who knows...

Oh? Care to elaborate what the 'assignment' was exactly, if it's ok with you? I'm curious. Hehe I can imagine it'd feel like that but I'm glad you had fun.

Oh. We have these community classes that are in mail out booklets, or online. Spring, summer, stuff like that. And I was to find a class a season. My life went sideways in July, so I was given a pass. But some of these classes are ridiculous with price, or content. I really wanted to join a bird watcher class thingie, for free, but WAY too many people showed up, and I couldn't deal with that many people in one room. I know I should put any effort in, but that is hard.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I couldn't deal with that many people in one room.

Why exactly was a bird watcher club in a room? The birds are outside.....

 

[charlotte craig]

Hi Greenish,

Good that you, at the very least, felt a sense of belonging and companionship. I've tried many, many classes and clubs over the years, and never found that feeling of belonging in any of them. If anything, they tended to make my loneliness (and therefore depression as well) feel worse. The more I tried to talk to people there, engage anyone in conversation, the more I would be avoided and ignored. And it's happened in any class or club that I've joined. I just don't seem to fit in anywhere .... huh, not even on here really, so it seems most of the time.

But good for you anyway.

I get you. I found that most groups or clubs were full of people who did not work and had masses of free time and got annoyed if you were not always available to meet up with at five minutes notice when they were bored. They did not really want proper friends they just wanted to be able to turn up on my doorstep when they had an empty day and were bored. I was busier and working full time and would not want that anyway, and when I did want to meet up with people I wanted to go out and about not just have them come round to mine to tell me all their problems for hours, so it does not work for me. We had nothing much in common anyway.

 

[charlotte craig]

Why exactly was a bird watcher club in a room? The birds are outside.....

I know someone who is a keen bird watcher. They often get together to talk about the birds they like or have seen.

 

[ManDss]

I took a course on PC repairing. I met good people there. I didnt finish it because I was dealing with other stuff, but all were potential friends. And at least was good to be social. Before that I was mega reclusive due a big insomnia that stopped me for doing anything, so it was my first "oh, so this is how to be awake at morning, talk with people, and have a rutine feels".

 

[Adamridge79]

Why exactly was a bird watcher club in a room? The birds are outside.....

The society for birds in the area meet in a nature center to probably talk about birds, bird sightings, bird places to go. I don't fuc king know, I couldn't make myself go in. Audubon was part of the name. The reply/answer was just me adding to the other replies about this thread. Also, the meeting was at night. So maybe that too

 

[NoxApex(N/A)]

I only ever used to hang out at one club.
There's a long story to that I won't bother people with, but basically they're not my thing, that place being the exception.

Long story short, it's because I knew about half of the staff.
And I knew about half of the staff, because I met the DJ at a concert when I was new to that town. By the end of the night of that show he told me he was a DJ at the local goth club.

Were it not for my ex, I probably would have never gone.
Clubs really aren't my thing.

But because I knew the staff, occasionally I'd drink for free there.
Plus, knowing the DJ is a great incentive. I could toss in a song request and he'd actually throw it on for me just so we could experience it through the club's stereo system. Which very much came in handy during that time in my life because I was tripping a lot back then and when you're tripping, music is a totally different kind of an experience, the same way it is when you're stoned or drunk.