Much Lonelier then I thought...

[Phaedron]

I know I haven't been here for around a year now. I became involved with someone and somehow forums just lost all appeal to me.

Today she left to go and visit her family in Michigan via 2 day bus ride. She'll be with them for a month.

It's only the first day and I find I am so unbearably lonely and sad. I had thought this would be a good time to catch up on many of the things I just stopped doing, but its late at night, I have internet and lots of games, but I don't feel like doing anything.

I'm here all alone and trying not to panic. I was an only child with very few friends. I've always been alone and it's never bothered me like this, but after spending nearly every waking moment with someone for over a year I'm quite out of practice.

Between the sudden emptiness of being alone and missing her like crazy I'm not doing so well to say the least...

 

[*The Cursed One*]

Life does seem hard without your partner at first, but spending a bit of time apart from each other (as odd as it sounds) is supposed to be healthy for your relationship. Reason being that you'll have new things to share with your partner when she eventually comes back.

You could just try and force yourself to do all those things you said you've stopped doing (even if you don't feel like it), or discover something new to do; by spending time doing whatever you do it could make the time pass quicker, and before you realise it a month has passed and she'll be back with you.

 

[Alex]

I know its sounds corny but sometimes for me reverse psychology helps. Like concentrating and focussing on the feeling your trying to avoid makes it less bad. Concentrating on the dependent attachment to a person and fear of abandonment itself can make it less scary and free you more from it.

 

[kelbo]

It is hard when you spend so much time with someone and suddenly they're not there for a while and you just can't fathom what you're supposed to do with your time. I made this big mistake with my first boyfriend and learned the hard way that time apart is definitely a good thing for relationships.

Look at it this way - it gives you time to miss one another, to long for one another, to realise how fun the other person is & look at all their good qualities again. Keep busy, go out with friends, keep your mind occupied and soon the time will fly by. And when you do see one another again it will be fresh and new. You'll probably pounce on one another and it'll be brilliant and exciting because you'll have so much to talk about.

Don't look at this as a bad thing, think of it as a positive thing. Force yourself to play your games, see friends, spend with with family, read any books you've been meaning to read, sort your room/belongings out. Anything that you enjoy and keeps you busy.

 

[Phaedron]

Those are all sound ideas, and we anticipated some time apart would be good for us, but that first night can be hard and sometimes it doesn't matter what you know, the feelings just have to run their course. Kind of like getting in and out of a swimming pool.

This is the first time she's been away from home and hasn't seen any of the people she's known all her life for a whole year. It's harder for me because I'm all alone here for the most part, but it wouldn't be fair to tell her not to go.

Maybe next time I'll just go with her, or maybe I'll anticipate this longing and setup something ahead of time that I know I'll want to dive into.

Thank you everyone, I seem to be feeling better now.

 

[Phaedron]

Well we haven't broken up, but she is not coming back to me and our communication has basically ceased to exist. Basically we're fine for each when it comes to love, but now is a time when she doesn't need love, she is trying to do something else with her life. I am also not going to move to her; she seems less and less sure about being with me if I do so now Im not bringing it up unless its what she wants.

Frankly I don't know what shes thinking. I am certain it's not a breakup, but one could eventually come as a result of a relationship with no communication that is completely put on hold. Whatever shes going through, its more important then being happy together.

So basically we're moving on with our lives. A relationship brings with it a lot of issues to coordinate and work through. Many people would look for someone new at this point, but its more trouble then its worth, hopefully for both of us.

She was once the keeper of my heart... Now I have no heart, I seek a serene state without emotion. You can't depend on anything that isn't inside yourself, just expect and accept that it will betray you eventually. If we do spend time together again, I won't let her love reach me like it did before. She'll know she hurt me and that some wounds take forever or never fully heal. This is true even if the result of what we're doing now makes our situation better in the long run.

 

[Badjedidude]

I am certain it's not a breakup

Ummmm... you're not trying to ignore the obvious, are you? If you're far, far apart, and not even communicating...then YEAH, you are broken up. No "ifs" about it. This might be a bit of tough love, but no MATTER WHAT her personal problems were, if she truly loved you/wanted to be with you, she would make more of an effort to communicate with you.

I'm sorry, but use common sense, man. She says she's not coming back, she doesn't talk to you much...she doesn't "need love"...Come on. Seriously. Does it need to be written in big, glowing red letters on the wall? Like I said....common sense. -_-

I know it's hard to accept, and you may think that I don't know your situation or whatever...but just give me the benefit of the doubt and consider what I'm saying. At any rate, I definitely hope you get this whole thing sorted out so you can both figure out how to move on with life...with or without each other.

----Steve