My enemy is myself

[TheSkaFish]

Hey there BeyondShy, just wanted to say you seem like you're in a lot better spirits these days. Keep up the good work!

 

[BeyondShy]

Hey there BeyondShy, just wanted to say you seem like you're in a lot better spirits these days. Keep up the good work!

Thank you, it's much appreciated.

 

[Serenia]

Have you been back since?

 

[BeyondShy]

Have you been back since?

No. Too much time has gone by and to tell you the truth I am not too fond of setting myself up to be rejected by some girl who is probably full of herself and will laugh at me when I try to talk to her. **** straight is has happened before. Life goes on.


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I went to another meetup on the 1st of September that did not go over so well. I was there with a bunch of unwelcoming, cliquey people. I stayed for awhile but it was not a successful night. To top it off the meetup was held at a place called the Cheesecake factory and in case anyone asks I did not have any cheesecake because I don't like it. At least that was a nice place to hang out.

The next one is on the 17th. I don't know where it will be because I can't attend. I am having carpal tunnel surgery on my good hand (left) on the 13th, so I can't drive.

 

[VanillaCreme]

No. Too much time has gone by and to tell you the truth I am not too fond of setting myself up to be rejected by some girl who is probably full of herself and will laugh at me when I try to talk to her. **** straight is has happened before. Life goes on.

I think that's a little sad that you are applying what someone did to you to everyone. Assuming or judging someone without even know what they would do isn't exactly the best thing. I wouldn't put blame on everyone how some folks in the past have treated you.

 

[BeyondShy]

I think that's a little sad that you are applying what someone did to you to everyone. Assuming or judging someone without even know what they would do isn't exactly the best thing. I wouldn't put blame on everyone how some folks in the past have treated you.

Truthfully so do I. But when you are hurt and burned so many times that is how someone may react. In no way am I saying it is the right thing to do. I get this and there is going to be one time when I again make an attempt to reach out. I'll be terrified when that happens.

This is why when I see others in the same situation that I am in and I offer words of encouragement a part of me wonders why I am doing that when I can't even follow it myself.

 

[BeyondShy]

I feel like I have come full circle here. In January, my knee was operated on. I know I am facing a knee replacement in the future but not now. I want to avoid that but it may be inevitable. The knee was hurt pretty bad.

Now tomorrow I face a new surgery. Carpal tunnel surgery on my left hand, which is my good hand. It's not serious and I am just looking forward to getting it out of my way. I picked a good week for it because we are supposed to have a lot of rain for the remainder of the week.

After my left hand gets done they are going to do the right. Three surgeries in one year. I didn't plan it that way. I'd of been happy with none.

When these surgeries are done I can continue my quest for the girl who will say 'yes, I'll have coffee with you.' Naturally the girl will be blind.

There have been some meetups I have attended but I don't need to describe them here. Let me sum it up and say that it did not go well for me at all and we will leave it at that.

 

[AmytheTemperamental]

When these surgeries are done I can continue my quest for the girl who will say 'yes, I'll have coffee with you.' Naturally the girl will be blind.

Is that why you keep asking me? You have a fetish for glasses :club:

 

[BeyondShy]

When these surgeries are done I can continue my quest for the girl who will say 'yes, I'll have coffee with you.' Naturally the girl will be blind.

Is that why you keep asking me? You have a fetish for glasses :club:

Not at all. I wear glasses myself. I asked you because I wanted to make everyone in the place jealous 'cause I was with you. They'd also say '****, she can do better.'

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Hand surgery yesterday. Can not type so well now. Left hand wrapped up very tight.

 

[BeyondShy]

Little update here. I was given hydrocodon pills to help with the pain and I had to take them every six hours. Things are getting a little better now and I only have to take one every twelve hours. I've been sleeping too much this past week.

This was in-and-out surgery but I underestimated how tough it would be.

 

[BeyondShy]

Welcome back beyondshy. Ignore the ********. Plenty of people are glad to have you back.

Oh and ive been eating those mauna loa macadamia nuts every day for the past 3 weeks now. Thanks for turning me onto that stuff!

I wanted to respond to this here in my thread Kamya even though I am not sure you will see this. Thank you for your kind words and I am glad you are enjoying those macadamia nuts. And that website that I gave you has so many varieties that you'll always see something new.

 

[BeyondShy]

Not many people come and comment in this thread although everyone is welcome to. I started this when I first joined and I have to say that the ones that have come in have been very supportive and positive and I really was thankful that they came in and posted.

Lately, no. People don't come in anymore and I don't know if it is intentional or not on everyone's part. And if it is I am really suffering for it because I feel the worst I have been since I joined here. I have never felt more alone than I have been as I am feeling now. I am not doing that well emotionally and physically and it has been very hard for me. ****, what is the use? No one will read this anyway.

 

[Xpendable]

We also have uncalled enemies. I think I said before that it's a mistake to seek shelter with people who suffer the same desease. Understanding loneliness is a good start among the fellow people who go through the same, but on the long run we have to look for other options. Being what you say, your own inner faults, or simply exposing yourself to people who are doing much better in life; to see if they can reach some help to you. I think I also on my lowest since I joined here, I've cried a lot lately and every new bridge I build this year has been slowly going on decay. My challenges have become routines and my goals less relevant. I wish I had a clear answer for what to do now but I'm also lost, searching for some small oportunities to break the cycle. I hope you can find some hope soon.

 

[Paraiyar]

Not many people come and comment in this thread although everyone is welcome to. I started this when I first joined and I have to say that the ones that have come in have been very supportive and positive and I really was thankful that they came in and posted.

Lately, no. People don't come in anymore and I don't know if it is intentional or not on everyone's part. And if it is I am really suffering for it because I feel the worst I have been since I joined here. I have never felt more alone than I have been as I am feeling now. I am not doing that well emotionally and physically and it has been very hard for me. ****, what is the use? No one will read this anyway.

No, it isn't intentional. You need to stop thinking that everyone is out to get you.

 

[TheRealCallie]

People don't generally post on, what is basically, an inactive thread. Should they comment on honeysuckle that's already happened? Post something and maybe then others will post. What the thread is about isn't really something that can be posted in without updates from you. So if you want people posting, lay off the pity party and post an update instead.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Not many people come and comment in this thread although everyone is welcome to. I started this when I first joined and I have to say that the ones that have come in have been very supportive and positive and I really was thankful that they came in and posted.

Lately, no. People don't come in anymore and I don't know if it is intentional or not on everyone's part. And if it is I am really suffering for it because I feel the worst I have been since I joined here. I have never felt more alone than I have been as I am feeling now. I am not doing that well emotionally and physically and it has been very hard for me. ****, what is the use? No one will read this anyway.

No one has to comment. On any thread, if they choose not to. People aren't supposed to give you the utmost attention. If you're going through something, don't take that out on everyone else because they're not doing what you want them to do.

 

[BeyondShy]

 I wish I had a clear answer for what to do now but I'm also lost, searching for some small oportunities to break the cycle. I hope you can find some hope soon.

I wish you all the luck too Xpendable.

 

[BeyondShy]

No, it isn't intentional. You need to stop thinking that everyone is out to get you.

It may not be but sometimes if I look at it a certain way it seems so. But on the positive side I don't believe the majority of people in here feel like that.

 

[BeyondShy]

People don't generally post on, what is basically, an inactive thread.  Should they comment on honeysuckle that's already happened?  Post something and maybe then others will post.  What the thread is about isn't really something that can be posted in without updates from you.  So if you want people posting, lay off the pity party and post an update instead.

Well ok, I do have some updates I can post. Maybe I can do that.

No one has to comment. On any thread, if they choose not to. People aren't supposed to give you the utmost attention. If you're going through something, don't take that out on everyone else because they're not doing what you want them to do.

I didn't think I was, but ok.

 

[BeyondShy]

I don't want to be accused of writing an essay so I will keep this as brief as possible.

Thursday I had a nice ninety-minute coffee/talk with a co-worker of mine. It was unexpected on my part because about a month ago I did something for her on her computer to make it run a bit more efficiently and she wanted to buy me a coffee as a way of thanks.

It was very nice and I believe I held up my end of the conversation pretty good because she wasn't looking for an excuse to bolt out of there. It was really enjoyable and I must confess it is something I do not do every day.

What I took out of this was I think too much and psyche myself out of social situations. I have it in my head that it is going to be terrible and I am going to be a total failure and these thoughts build up and build up until I convince myself that I am going to mess up badly. What I expect and what actually happens is two different things.

Maybe by me writing this and sharing it someone here may realize that they too could be thinking too much in social situations.

That's it. I hope this wasn't too long.