My enemy is myself

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BeyondShy,

I have gone through the same things... And I think because all that I went through, I became more shy. I never went to prom, I never did half of the things I wanted too because I was not the outgoing type myself. I always loved me time. And I still to this day have little friends.. But they are dang good ones. But anyhow, the more I was in the I wish this, I wish that state, it drew me into denial of myself. And it made me even more shy than ever. I was beginning to not involve myself with people worried about what they might think of me.. I was beginning to think I can't do that in my life because I am not capable of any of that.. How could I? I was also looking at other people telling myself, when is my turn going to be? why am I still in the state that I am in, and people are getting married, people are moving up in life.. But over the years, through learning and growing I knew Everyone is different. A lot of people are outgoing... A lot of people are shy. A lot of people deal with illnesses. The list goes on. We are all different. But it does not mean you have to feel you are your own enemy. It does not mean you do not have a purpose. We all do. It does not mean that because you cannot do something right, you fail at everything. And it was hard for me to go up and talk to a group of people because I have been shy and guarded most of my life for reasons. And our society can be judgmental, and hurtful towards people they feel are in "low estate" or just not talkative, and vibrant! But I still knew I was a good person and I showed it. I made friends with people who came up to me and asked if they wanted to hang. I started to walk up to people and talk to them also. They wanted to be my friend, and they were good people. That's when I started to get out more and realize this is not so bad. I decided to mind train myself, removing any doubt or fear that came up, have courage, and faith. And because of it, I get out more and I know for the first time what I want to do with my life and its awesome. And this world cannot take that away from you. It's all about looking outside your uncomfortable zone.. And I can say honestly I don't care if people think meanly of me. It does not compare to what God knows about me. Please feel better, not just you goes through this.. Be encouraged!
 
25 people going now. Ten of them (including me) are men. Screw this.
 
AmytheTemperamental said:
It's a regular meet up right? Not a sex party?

Um, no, not a sex party. Just a regular meet-up. I'm just saying with so many people there I am going to get lost in the crowd.
 
TheRealCallie said:
You will only get lost in the crowd if YOU let yourself get lost in the crowd. Stop making excuses and GO!!!!!

Yes Ma'am, whatever you say. :rolleyes:
 
BeyondShy said:
TheRealCallie said:
You will only get lost in the crowd if YOU let yourself get lost in the crowd. Stop making excuses and GO!!!!!

Yes Ma'am, whatever you say. :rolleyes:

I would say go and see what it's like.
And try and have a positive attitude.
Good Luck !
 
Triple Bogey said:
I would say go and see what it's like.
And try and have a positive attitude.
Good Luck !

I got to go. Callie will beat me up if I don't. And thanks, I need all the luck I can get.
 
The final tally for tonight is 27 people are going and of those 27, 8 of them are men. Oh well.
 
BeyondShy said:
25 people going now. Ten of them (including me) are men. Screw this.

You're already talking yourself down bro. Save yourself the misery and don't worry about how it will go.
 
With the fear of Callie looming around me I went to the meetup last night. :)

It went ok. I said hi to a few people and they said hi back and we sat and talked for awhile. This was a brand-new meetup group that just started a few weeks ago and I was one of the first ten people to join it. Twenty-seven people said they were going but by my count more showed up.

The odd thing was that these people all seemed to know each other and I wondered to myself how did this happen until one girl told me that this group of people are members of about twenty different meetups. She asked how many I was a member of and I said just one.

Everyone seemed nice. I don't know if I would do this again but it was ok. I have never seen a group of people drink so much or so fast. It was like Prohibition was going back into effect the next day. That's how fast they were putting them away.

I overheard one girl say her requirements for a perfect man and I wasn't close at all. The guy had to be blond, blue eyes and at least six foot one. I have dark brown hair, brown eyes and am only five feet six. This did not bother me at all. In fact thinking about it now is humorous. She's limiting herself.

There was one girl there and I think she was a shy as I was. I even asked her if she wanted a drink but she said no. She did not stay long and was the first to leave. I never knew her name.

I stayed for about two hours. I drank a couple of sodas (I don't drink) and I left. I was not disappointed since I went in with no expectations.
 
TheRealCallie said:
Sounds like it went well. I'm proud of you for going :) (See, people aren't so horrible, after all, huh? :p )

No they are not. Although I would not mind if I didn't see these people anymore. I really didn't have anything in common with them.



TheRealCallie said:
So, have you found any other meetups???? lol


Oh yeah, here is one right here that has my name all over it. :p
 
TheRealCallie said:
Naked wine tasting sounds exciting. lol

I didn't know what you were talking about until I went back there and scrolled down.
 
TheRealCallie said:
Sounds like it went well. I'm proud of you for going :) (See, people aren't so horrible, after all, huh? :p )

Don't know about you, but generally sitting in the corner while a bunch of people who all know each other jabber on and on, and getting none of the attention--well it's not horrible, but it's certainly far from great. What's the use?

:club:
 
Batman55 said:
TheRealCallie said:
Sounds like it went well. I'm proud of you for going :) (See, people aren't so horrible, after all, huh? :p )

Don't know about you, but generally sitting in the corner while a bunch of people who all know each other jabber on and on, and getting none of the attention--well it's not horrible, but it's certainly far from great. What's the use?

:club:

That is exactly what happened. But at least I went. That's the only thing I can take out of this.
 
Batman55 said:
TheRealCallie said:
Sounds like it went well. I'm proud of you for going :) (See, people aren't so horrible, after all, huh? :p )

Don't know about you, but generally sitting in the corner while a bunch of people who all know each other jabber on and on, and getting none of the attention--well it's not horrible, but it's certainly far from great. What's the use?

:club:

Because it put him in the mix. Because, whether he talked to a lot of people or not, he still talked to people, which is more than he usually does. Because he went despite not wanting to go out of his comfort zone. Because the more he does it, the easier it will be for him. Because this meetup was met with less excuses and less not wanting to go.

It doesn't matter if people know each other or not, if you choose to sit in the corner, that's on you. It sounds to me like he at least TRIED, which IS great. Next time, it will be better for him.

So what's the use? Well, that's easy enough. If one does not TRY, one doesn't get a **** thing.
 
I see you as myself some years ago. Would not you believe that I felt the same way since my 15 till about 35 (even more). 20 years of low self-confidence? Yes. With all symtoms for this state. Like deep depression during runnign few days/weeks, didn't attending parties, be "best friend" of girls I want to date and s.o.

Finally I have found a way from this low-esteem hell.

My biggest mistake was compare myself with others and specially always think what others say about me. How should I behave to be noticed by girl I want? What I have to say to not look stupid?

After 20 years of my personal hell I started to change my mind. It taken another 3-4 years because I just refused to accept some facts.

I believed I would be happy only some girl wants me. When I dated some girl/woman I was one of the most happy people in the Universe. And when I was alone I dealed with long term depressions.

For me to put girls/women above myself was natural way how gentleman should behave.
That was the biggest mistake of my life [to not buy Apple stock in 90' was probably the second one :) ].

Because every of us are the most important person in the Universe in our lives.

In my life I am the most important person.

It looks probably too arrogant but it's a true.

I have to love myself. I have to be proud of myself. Why would any woman love me if I don't love myself?

My biggest mind-trick can be shortened to the following points:
  • love yourself
  • be proud of yourself (find anything you are - at least - slightly better than others)
  • you don't need anybody to be happy
  • nobody - except you - can make you unhappy

Specially with the last point I just decided that no woman has a right to make me unhappy.

If she refused to come to date, it's a pity for her not for me. I'm pretty good guy and if she doesn't share a time with me I don't care. I will spend time better alone walking in town than on dinner with somebody who doesn't appreciate me.

It's not really easy - it takes about 3 years to accept it.
To accept that I'm valuable man.
To accept that I have my way of life and if some woman wants she can join me. But I will not change my "way of life" for others.

Such changing of mind had one important result - I stop to worry what other woman think about me.
Doesn't she like my sense of humor? It's MY sense of humor, I love it. We cannot live together if she doesn't like it.
Doesn't she like my favorite music? Movies? Go away. I don't want to go to cinema to watch movie I don't like just because she likes it.

Probably it sounds too selfish. But it's mark of self-confidence.

And do you know what's the best?
Women love it! Women love self-confident men. They accept you tell what you think.
They accept you tell "I don't like this movie. Watch it with your friend I'm going to play pool with my friends". They accept it and - surprisingly - they can respond "can I call you after the movie?"

Note: It doesn't mean you wil stop to behave as gentleman.
 

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