My theory on why smart guys struggle with women

[reloadlife23]

If it is to be judged on this forum, and especially in geeky and nerdy circles, the smart intellectuals tend to struggle with women. I think I've come to a conclusion on why this is (and I'm discovering this in myself, so it's an eye opener.)

There are many reasons why smart guys struggle with women. Here are a few of them.

1. Smart guys tend to be socially awkward. This is a biggie. Social awkwardness tends to lead to poor jobs, poor conversations, and women in general like to have good conversations. If you struggle making conversation and holding down a job, how could you possibly care for her and provide financial stability?

2. Smart guys tend to aim for the top attractive women, instead of looking at the nice girls around them. This is another biggie. It's great to have standards, but when you aim for the women who are incredibly attractive, here's a hint: they are also looking at members of the opposite sex who are also incredibly attractive. Aim lower.

3. Smart guys tend to have shallow interests. This is falling into number 1 as well. If all you can talk about is Star Wars and coding, you're going to struggle making friends, and you're going to struggle showing a girl that you're worth chasing.

4. Smart guys complain about how smart they are, and how nobody else likes them. It doesn't matter if you're Einstein, nobody likes someone who whines all the time. You could be a genius, and have everything else going for you, but if you don't believe in yourself, how will anybody else believe in you?

There, those are 4 good reasons why someone who is male would struggle with the opposite sex.

.......................................................................................................
Men struggle with women because they have been controlled by their mothers and don't trust women because of it. THese are smart guys, believe it or not.

 

[Badjedidude]

Men struggle with women because they have been controlled by their mothers and don't trust women because of it.

Yeah.... no.

It's quite a bit more complicated than that.

 

[WildernessWildChild]

Is this for real?

Maybe I should start the thread "My theory on why dumb guys struggle with women.", I've had some experience there.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

^ Is the only problem you have with it, that I called it "smart guys"?

What about everything else I listed in the OP? Do you disagree with the four points?

 

[Dissident]

I think the point of contention is that "smart guy" isn't qualified in the OP and that the given attributes may not necessarily apply to smart people or be exclusively applicable to smart people. Personally though I think debates centering around pointing out exceptions to generalized statements are superfluous.

 

[WildernessWildChild]

^ Is the only problem you have with it, that I called it "smart guys"?

What about everything else I listed in the OP? Do you disagree with the four points?

I'm a dumb guy, no way I can decipher smart guy thinking.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Vanilla, it matters because smart guys tend to worry more about how they appear. Dumb guys don't care much about how they appear to others.

My therapist told me that it's mostly the intellectuals who end up getting social anxiety, because we tend to analyze and ruminate about every little thing. It's no surprise that mostly smart guys have social anxiety, and most social anxiety sufferers don't have girlfriends.

 

[Badjedidude]

Vanilla, it matters because smart guys tend to worry more about how they appear. Dumb guys don't care much about how they appear to others.

I entirely disagree.

In my experience, the smarter guys tend to care about reading and researching and intelligent discourse... sometimes to the point of completely disregarding their appearance.

It's the dumb guys who are wholly focused on their looks, their hair, their clothing, their presentation, etc.

 

[WildernessWildChild]

Oh heck, since you asked if I'd read your four points in regards to your theory I might as well give you an honest answer.

First off, as soon as I read your op I dismissed it as what I see is some guy making generalizations in regards to struggling with women due to some self-perceived sense of higher intelligence. I'm not sure by what standard you claim to be a "smart guy" but personally, I'd reevaluate that standard. What I see is a guy putting himself on a pedestal and saying "My smartness is too much for women"- correct me if I'm wrong....

Anyhow....

1. Smart guys tend to be socially awkward. Really? I'm pretty sure social awkwardness is more of a self-esteem issue rather than an "intelligence" issue. I've met all types in my life- it appeared to me that most of the more educated, worldly guys had no lack of social skills.

2. Smart guys tend to aim for the top attractive women, instead of looking at the nice girls around them. Dare I ask what, in your mind, quantifies a "top attractive woman"? On second thought though, please don't respond to that- its been done to death here and always degenerates quickly. (Warily looking around for Eves favourite hammer heading my direction).

3. Smart guys tend to have shallow interests. Say what? If a "smart guy" is interested in something it's shallow? Gotta say, I've seen a lot of passion in the interests of some pretty bright people. Maybe its just you who's shallow?

4. Smart guys complain about how smart they are, and how nobody else likes them. Can't say I've noticed that. Maybe if you started showing some intellect instead of telling people about it (I believe you said whining- whining about anything drives most of us crazy!)- just sayin....

Maybe it's something else that creates the "struggle" you mention. Superior attitude? Messiah complex? Severe Halitosis? Whatever it is, good luck figuring it out, lucky for you you're a smart guy.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Vanilla, it matters because smart guys tend to worry more about how they appear. Dumb guys don't care much about how they appear to others.

My therapist told me that it's mostly the intellectuals who end up getting social anxiety, because we tend to analyze and ruminate about every little thing. It's no surprise that mostly smart guys have social anxiety, and most social anxiety sufferers don't have girlfriends.

Anyone can have social anxiety. I consider myself intellectual, and I don't have social anxiety. And how anyone would if someone were "dumb" as opposed to "smart" without really knowing them... I don't even know. Then you have to remember there are different kinds of intelligence. Street smart? Book smart? People smart? What?

I'm sorry, but what your therapist told you just doesn't make sense to me. I think they're just a little bitter about their own life, because people wouldn't normally - usually - think that.

 

[ghbarnaby2]

what is "dumb" and "smart" anyway? What are you defining that as? People are gifted in all types of different areas...it is not fair, nor warranted, to label them simply because you have labeled yourself.

 

[VanillaCreme]

what is "dumb" and "smart" anyway? What are you defining that as? People are gifted in all types of different areas...it is not fair, nor warranted, to label them simply because you have labeled yourself.

That's also what I was thinking. I'm doing about 10 different things at the moment, so not all of my thoughts are going through.

 

[ghbarnaby2]

Don't worry nilla! I got you (hug) lol.

 

[duff]

If it is to be judged on this forum, and especially in geeky and nerdy circles, the smart intellectuals tend to struggle with women. I think I've come to a conclusion on why this is (and I'm discovering this in myself, so it's an eye opener.)

There are many reasons why smart guys struggle with women. Here are a few of them.

1. Smart guys tend to be socially awkward. This is a biggie. Social awkwardness tends to lead to poor jobs, poor conversations, and women in general like to have good conversations. If you struggle making conversation and holding down a job, how could you possibly care for her and provide financial stability?

2. Smart guys tend to aim for the top attractive women, instead of looking at the nice girls around them. This is another biggie. It's great to have standards, but when you aim for the women who are incredibly attractive, here's a hint: they are also looking at members of the opposite sex who are also incredibly attractive. Aim lower.

3. Smart guys tend to have shallow interests. This is falling into number 1 as well. If all you can talk about is Star Wars and coding, you're going to struggle making friends, and you're going to struggle showing a girl that you're worth chasing.

4. Smart guys complain about how smart they are, and how nobody else likes them. It doesn't matter if you're Einstein, nobody likes someone who whines all the time. You could be a genius, and have everything else going for you, but if you don't believe in yourself, how will anybody else believe in you?

There, those are 4 good reasons why someone who is male would struggle with the opposite sex.

none of that applies to me

 

[theraab]

Get your clubs ready - I'm going to defend Muse a little bit.

I think a lot of "smart" guys (especially those who are highly analytical) tend to struggle with socialization in general (not just with women). Having a conversation with a "smart" person can be dry and boring; not just because it is boring in subject matter (which is a matter of opinion), but have you ever noticed how "smart" people talk - highly analytical people use language to convey facts an little more; there is much less conveyance of feelings.

I think "smart" people tend to be more socially awkward/anxious because smart people tend to think through situations any imagine dozens of possible outcomes (and that includes many possible bad results), whereas less analytical people just respond to situations without thinking about what can go wrong. And this makes it harder for smart people to act in some situations.

I don't know. I'm not a doctor, and I have 0 evidence to back any of this up, but it is something I've notice.

Let the clubbing begin.

 

[9006]

So are you basing this on yourself? Or a generalization?

Smart guys tend to be socially awkward. I agree with you about this... if I was watching a film, since this is where they're portrayed as the useless, jibbering and shy wrecks, once a hot lass comes on the scene.

Smart guys tend to aim for the top attractive women, instead of looking at the nice girls around them. I think it's entirely the opposite. Sure, people find beautiful women attractive, but if you were smart - if I'm right in assuming you mean intelligent - then you'd find women attractive on alternate levels, other than just looks.

Smart guys tend to have shallow interests. Again, I think smart people can appreciate things on different levels, especially if it's something you're interested in, I wouldn't call this shallow.

Smart guys complain about how smart they are, and how nobody else likes them. This is another stereotypical view, like you'd see on The Big Bang Theory or something.

Are you mixing smart up with geek?

---

Get your clubs ready - I'm going to defend Muse a little bit.

I think a lot of "smart" guys (especially those who are highly analytical) tend to struggle with socialization in general (not just with women). Having a conversation with a "smart" person can be dry and boring; not just because it is boring in subject matter (which is a matter of opinion), but have you ever noticed how "smart" people talk - highly analytical people use language to convey facts an little more; there is much less conveyance of feelings.

I think "smart" people tend to be more socially awkward/anxious because smart people tend to think through situations any imagine dozens of possible outcomes (and that includes many possible bad results), whereas less analytical people just respond to situations without thinking about what can go wrong. And this makes it harder for smart people to act in some situations.

I don't know. I'm not a doctor, and I have 0 evidence to back any of this up, but it is something I've notice.

Let the clubbing begin.

Again, isn't this describing a geek?

As I understand this, smart people would comprehend social interaction more than a "normal" person.

 

[Dissident]

If he was he wouldn't use "shallow" to describe a geek's interests. Stereotypically geeks go way overboard on their interests.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Get your clubs ready - I'm going to defend Muse a little bit.

I'll have my club ready, and I'll have my saber-tooth ready to ride too.

. . . And this makes it harder for smart people to act in some situations.

So, what you guys is saying... Is that... Dumb people... find it easier to react? Or they just don't care about their reactions? Is that what makes them dumb, or are they dumb before that?

Raab, you're leaving me with more questions than answers here. :club:

 

[ghbarnaby2]

yes....what is dumb and what is smart? I am not understanding what we are referring to here.

 

[defenestrate]

You know what LeaningIntoTheMuse? You have a lot of insight into yourself. Especially since you've been describing yourself. I think that's really awesome. There's a few things I'd like to add if that's okay!

First of all I know what you mean here. People with a high IQ do ruminate more often than others. Research has also shown healthy distractions helpful in dealing with tendencies to ruminate. Before we proceed let me ask something; What's the point of this thread? Seriously? What's the objective?

I ask because I don't see this as a debate. I also ask because I want to help you out here. I'm very goal orientated so hopefully I won't offend you by going off topic.


Overanalysis, both self and academic
Seeking justifications from others for making weak choices
Exploring one coping mechanism after another instead of dealing with the problem

It isn't helping anyone, guys. It isn't helping the original poster that we give them a forum to reinforce their own thoughts like those. It certainly doesn't help anyone reading that sort of stuff. It certainly doesn't help -you- LeaningIntoTheMuse. Much less me.


This is my advice, take it or leave it;
1)The man who invented the artificial heart is an idiot. His IQ is low. What can you learn from this? I've learned that each person does have their own strengths and weaknesses and everyone should value themselves and their own individually unique, and subjective strengths. You should also know that just like IQ, EQ can also be raised. IQ levels change by training people to perform better in IQ tests. EQ results change through practice. You can improve social awkwardness through practice. Even people with aspergers may show themselves off as being neurotypical.

2)It doesn't matter how smart a person is. Being smart doesn't dictate possible partners. When looking for a long term partner, we're all equally selective in who we choose. Maybe gaining friendships, not partners, will be a possibility the moment you stop and identity people as people. Stop identifying people by labels. It's dehumanizing and offensive.

3)Any interest is a good interest. It doesn't matter whether or not other people enjoy the same interests you do. If a person is a good person, they'll value the fact you enjoy yourself in these hobbies. Period.

4)Let me suggest what I do here; People used to call me a know-it-all. So I quickly put a stop to that. I will not type not grammatically correct. With words including I'd instead of I'll. (See above.) I'm more concerned with other people's emotions than winning an argument. I always try to joke, seem on the level, and put other people at ease by choosing to make a fool out of myself. Especially if I pick up on the fact the other person is clearly awkward. I do not see other people as inferior to myself no matter what drivel they spew out of their mouths. (I've heard my share of hateful, and violent rhetoric.) And I also don't brag. I won't brag. Not about listening to Volker David Kirchner, reading the works of various French Philosophers, or how I enjoy reading the American Psychological Associations Journals.

In other words, I stopped being a snob.