no friends better than "loser" friends?

[Innerpeace]

I hate to judge other people as I'm definately not perfect and many would probably consider me a loser as I have no real people I call friends, never had a girlfriend and I'm 23.

anyways I do have some good qualities, I'm working hard in school and graduating with a B.A this summer and might go to lawschool afterwards if my grades are good enough if not I'm going to work for while in a related field.

anyways I work part time at a retail kind of job right now and I met some guys at work that want to hang out sometimes and invite me out. They are all nice people but lately I don't really feel like hanging out with them because they just seem like losers. i'm in my early 20s and these guys are all in their late 20s and live at home get paid min wage, talk about girls all day and non of them have girlfriends and all they do for "fun" is hang around drink and talk about girls.

am I bad for judging these people? I think they are all good guys as in good hearted people but I don't really feel a connection with these people.

so it's weird I have no friends and I really want to have friends and go out and have fun but here these people are inviting me out and I have gone out with them in the past but I don't really feel like it anymore.

what do you guys think? to me it seems like these guys are all wasting their lives away, maybe I just have higher standards for success.

 

[SilentThinker]

Friends need to have the same common interest so they can interact around that.

I prefer not to judge than not to judge.When I judge,I see more bad than good in a person.What is your definition of success?

 

[Silvernight]

If you don't feel like you belong with that group and don't enjoy their company, then, absolutely, don't hang out with them. Maybe they just aren't right for you. Look for people being around whom gives you the sense of warmth and belonging.

 

[Brian]

You can't really have friends you can't enjoy being around.

Of all the people I associate with at my current job, my boss is the only other one who doesn't smoke or do drugs. Same goes for the entire area out where he is; he's almost the only person out there in hick land who I consider to be half decent. 98% of everyone else is either a complete alcoholic or does some sort of drug (mostly weed or tweak). Not the OK kind of weed smokers, either; the unmotivated, keep-my-property-shitty, lazy kind.

Anyway, back on track. Through the course of working for this guy, a lot of the drunks and a couple of the potheads out there have invited me to come hang out with them. I turn them down every time. Some of them are fine to be around during the day because they have to be sober at work, but I'm not going to hang out with a bunch of loser drunks and stoners. It's just not my scene; I find it all repulsive, and so does my boss...and that's our right. Due to the fact he's married in to one of the families out there, he gets dragged to a good number of the parties and he absolutely ******* hates 90% of them. So it sounds like I've made a good judgment. My boss on the other hand, aside from the days when he is a raging *******, is an alright guy to be around. So we go do something from time to time.

It's worth noting that everyone out there who drinks/smokes, it's pretty easy to see they're never really going to go anywhere. Instead I choose to hang out with decent people from my other social circle. Even though some of them are poor or 'blue collar', they're still more successful in life than the other people are. And so by hanging out with them, I am not only happier with my choice of company, but I'm also more likely to be successful in my own endeavors. My networking is already paying off, and it can be the same for you too. We just have to stay on the right path in life.

 

[Van Hooligan X]

nothing is worser then no friends, took me 12 year too make just 1, luckily i then got the internet and amazingly i got A LOT more in RL.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

yeah..what is your definition of sucess ?

Nothing wrong with avioding negative people, places, things and habits.
Not to the piont that you think your honeysuckle don't stink though.

mmm maybe use a differnt word to define what you're feel...such as evaluation.
I dunno what the hell it is...somtimes we get hung up on words and all kinds of crazy honeysuckle.

I don't hang out in bars or clubs anymore. Nor i use drugs...
I try to keep my contacts with poaple with that type of life style to a minimum.
Yeah...I felt there was more to life than that...or I out grew that life style.
I'm grateful I party hard and experince it for what it was...so that i don't miss it.
yeah...when i started hanging out in a bars with a bunch of dude (sausage fest)..it was time to stop...lmao
I got clean and sober at a young age...@ 22.

It was cool...I met a very nice girl 6 months later.
We got into rasing a family and both attending school..stuff like that.
I loved it...Being a family man and rasing 2 step daughter brought me much love and happiness.
I'm grateful I experince that to the fullest and what it was worth...so that i don't miss it..lol

I'm single again..lol
Life changes or mine dose.
Trying to go with the flow or adjust my sails to the wind of change.
I still don't drink or use drugs...that's consitent.
I'm still trying to improve myself, better myself to the best of my abilities.

 

[alonerly]

If you feel like these guys aren't the kind of friends you're looking for, then I think it's ok to not desire friendships with them. Who knows, they might feel the same way about you.

 

[Unacceptance]

People have to walk different paths in life.

You should already know if you are wrong for judging them because you refer to them as losers. That speaks volumes for itself.

In all honesty if they aren't the type of people you want to hang around with, just don't.

Not having friends sucks, but better no company than "bad" company.

nothing guarantees you won't make other friends either.

 

[leviathan]

I've been in the same situation as you and I have to say...better to stop hanging out with these people now rather than getting to the point where you feel the need to force them out of your life.

I know how lonely it can get to have no friends...but its better in the long run to have no friends than ones that you can't get along with or relate to.

 

[Naleena]

Friends need to have the same common interest so they can interact around that.

I prefer not to judge than not to judge.When I judge,I see more bad than good in a person.What is your definition of success?

I agree with Silent Thinker in that friends need to share some common goals or interests. You place value on something different than they do. You value your education, etc. and they value hanging out and girls. Just because the things they value are different from what you value does not make them "losers." Loser is a qualifier, a judgement. Someone could easily say your a "loser" because you don't drive a beamer and don't have an 8 digit income. Silly, huh? I think you would feel better if you viewed them as being different and what you may be needing at this point in your life is someone more inline with your values. There is nothing wrong with that. By wanting that (friendships/deeper connections with people who value the same things) you are not saying you are better or your happy go lucky friends are worse, you are merely different from them and being different is ok
Ofcourse you like them and they are nice but, you are in a different emotional/mental place than they are right now. You shouldn't feel guilty about that or about not hanging out if the connection isn't there. Good luck in school, BTW. When you graduate law school will you give ALL members a discount on legal services?...lol

 

[Four_in_the_morning]

When I lost all my friends I basically tried to do something different by finding 'losers' in hope that I would never have to feel rejection. As a result, we had nothing in common, some of them would be downright smothering, I am university educated and some of them were like total bums, not only that we had no common goal and I found myself just drinking and taking in all their second hand smoke.

I find online forums, blogs a lot better, although i'm physically alone at least we're all here for the same reason.

I'm sure there must be middle ground.

I've come to terms that I'd rather be alone than with people i can't connect with.

 

[Minus]

I would imagine that if you look for friends that you consider to be 'losers' and 'bums' that the relationships wouldn't be to rewarding to begin with.

 

[wolfshadow]

When I lost all my friends I basically tried to do something different by finding 'losers' in hope that I would never have to feel rejection. As a result, we had nothing in common, some of them would be downright smothering, I am university educated and some of them were like total bums, not only that we had no common goal and I found myself just drinking and taking in all their second hand smoke.

I find online forums, blogs a lot better, although i'm physically alone at least we're all here for the same reason.

I'm sure there must be middle ground.

I've come to terms that I'd rather be alone than with people i can't connect with.

Something is missing from your strain of logic and that is the simple truth that rejection can be found in all walks of life. Many bums and losers suffer with hopelessly low self esteem, depending on character type this can have one of two effects on how they receive the possibilty of companionship.
As I think you assumed, the majority often appreciate the attention on the grounds that they are generally avoided. Exploiting this a a means to alleviate your own loneliness is a little bit cynical it must be said.
The second group of "losers" which I believe form a rather large minority, will only embrace company in short snatches, if at all. The hand of freindship is just another possibility, in their eyes, to feel bad about themselves. It sometimes even gets to the point where rejection is the only tool in their arsenal with which they are capable of reaching out to others with tangible results. A little stab in the heart so that they can share their pain and bitterness.

I realize that none of the above is particularly useful as it is just my opinion on the subject rather than a progressive comment. All I can really add is good luck finding the middle ground and I agree that it is better to aquire comfort with your own company rather than allowing any old Tom Dick or Harry into your life just for the sake of escaping solitude.

 

[ScorpioIris]

Yes. No friends are better than loser friends. I kinda have the same problem you do. The reason why I'm friendless is because all the people I used to hang out with are losers. All they want to do is mooch off there parents, do drugs, get drunk, and talk about stupid meaningless honeysuckle. Out of the entire group of people I used to hang out with, I'm the only one who graduated from college and has a job. I chose to walk away, and now I'm alone. I try to have faith that one day I will meet people who want more in life.

 

[Jack Kerouac]

They are all nice people but lately I don't really feel like hanging out with them because they just seem like losers. i'm in my early 20s and these guys are all in their late 20s and live at home get paid min wage, talk about girls all day and non of them have girlfriends and all they do for "fun" is hang around drink and talk about girls.

am I bad for judging these people? I think they are all good guys as in good hearted people but I don't really feel a connection with these people.

so it's weird I have no friends and I really want to have friends and go out and have fun but here these people are inviting me out and I have gone out with them in the past but I don't really feel like it anymore.

what do you guys think? to me it seems like these guys are all wasting their lives away, maybe I just have higher standards for success.

I think you're wrong for judging them for having crappy jobs or living at home. But you're probably not wrong for judging what they do when they hang out.

I had to stop hanging out with a lot of my close friends lately because they would do things that in no way benefitted my life- like sitting around just at people's houses watching TV, drinking, and maybe having bonfires. Some of my other friends will only go to certain dive bars with mainly people in their 40s and 50s. Now any of this is OK occasionally, but if these are the only people I hang out with, I'm never going to get a girlfriend again.

It was hard to ditch them but I have made some new friends who will at least go out to bars where girls are, and that really is very important.

If you have NO friends though, you probably should at least try hanging out with them a little. Maybe they have a couple friends who actually do things in the real world and you can meet them.

But yeah if they just sit around at eachother's places with no girls then they aren't worth a whole lot of your time.

 

[Luke_S]

I totally agree with you when you say it's better to be by yourself, doing your own thing that makes you feel good, than to spend time with people you don't really relate to, or don't really make you too happy. I know a few people that I used to get along with really well, but over the years they started to get into drugs and a lot of them are addicted to weed, and to be honest the conversations I have with them now don't really go anywhere because our lifestyles have changed so much and I have matured as a person.

There also the type of people that don't really want you to succeed at things, almost like they always want you to be down at there level (since the majority of them are now i there mid to late 20's and don't work or have any real commitments or future plans).

Now if I do see them on the rare occasion, I feel as though I'm somebody I'm not because they still treat me as the person I used to be when I was 17 (I'm 20 now). And they always tend to talk down to me like I'm the kid within the group, I let it go over my head but one day I can see myself snapping. It's a habit of complete lack of respect but its hard to escape these people since some of there friends are also my friends, I can see the look in peoples eyes when they talk to me like this and they realise how its 'unnatural'.

Recently however they have begun to realise I'm not putting up with it anymore because I simply don't even react to what they say, and I know I could easily win in a shouting match because I'm a lot bigger than I used to be, but I'm not the type of person to start fights over such petty things.

 

[Naval_Fluff]

Losers will only drag you down..It's better to have one true friend than a buttload of "friends"