No One Beats The Beast, Do They??

[Niantiel]

I've fought it for years.
It's really only gotten worse over time.
About the only thing I haven't tried is proper recommended help.
I had a bad experience on medications when I was younger. It left my memory of that time in my life sort of blotchy. Eventually my parents consulted my grandparents whom told them to have me taken off of whatever I was put on. They switched around different medicines for a while, and eventually I came to coherency enough to tell them to stop and I totally withdrew from seeking help. That was 13 years ago....

It really is like a cancer, or something that keeps on growing. It'll take everything from you if you let it. With some people it even takes them too in the end.

I want to be able to feel better. I want to be able to control myself better. and I want to know what the fresia is actually wrong with me.

It's quite maddening. You lose interest in things that used to make you happy, and all of your emotions just flip off like someone cut the power off from your circuit box.

But you want to be able to feel something, anything, to reassure yourself that you're still alive and this isn't some sort of a crazy dream you're having. So you run around like a maniac trying different things to jolt some sort of a feeling again.

Finally you flip the right switch, and the first things back that you feel are pain and sadness. and you suddenly remember why you ran away. So you run away again, back into the darkness where even though you don't understand what's going on you feel safer there.

and it goes back and forth like that for years, and years and years.
It's kind of like a game of which thing is scarier than which.

No one can really beat something like depression by themselves, I don't think.

 

[Mr Seal The Albatros]

It's certainly much tougher to beat it alone, however, it's still possible.
On a brighter note, you know there's something that's not right going on and you want to stop it. That's the first step to getting better from it.
Hang in there dear. *hugs*

 

[Erevetot]

sadly, you couldnt have described it better, im sorry you too are going through this.

I want to believe that we can get through this, that everyone that wishes to feel better, can make it, some quicker than others, but everyone makes it in the end. While I don't think that i can do it alone, hence why Im in these forums, i know people that can, so making it alone is not impossible but it's still hard. Since you realized there is an "issue", and wanting to change it, you're in the right path!!

 

[Tealeaf]

Truly beating it... I have no idea. I still remember the startling realization when, for the first time in my life, I had actually had multiple good moods in a week. It felt like a miracle. And yet, I'm still not "cured". I tried medication when I was younger, too, and it never "cured" me. It just made things slightly less extreme for awhile.

I don't think I can make it through any way other than my own, though. I was feeling stronger before I started letting people back in, and feeling stronger before the one potential friend I had offline fled after meeting me. Now I have to quell the thoughts of how horrible my voice must be and how different my mannerisms must be every time I interact with others, and fight to enjoy the scant company I have by trying to reassure myself that everyone I speak to online isn't only speaking to me because they've never had the displeasure of meeting me. What little human warmth I have cannot be enjoyed by me, and that just makes it harder.

That said, winning any battle is a matter of knowing your opponent so that you can know the moves required to get ahead. If you don't know what you're fighting, you can't possibly win - especially if it's deeply ingrained.

 

[user 115627]

I'd really like to believe that I defeated it. But even if so - at what cost? That's the question that still lingers...I think I had to leave something good behind just to move forward again.

 

[SophiaGrace]

fight to enjoy the scant company I have by trying to reassure myself that everyone I speak to online isn't only speaking to me because they've never had the displeasure of meeting me.

Oh gosh, I fight with this too.

Most people offline just don't seem to like me. Then I come on here and people seem to like me. It's like night and day… :/

 

[SophiaGrace]

It really is like a cancer, or something that keeps on growing. It'll take everything from you if you let it. With some people it even takes them too in the end.

Totally agree. You really do have to fight with it and not just impulsively go along with its desires and whims, so you don't end up dead.

It's a battle.

 

[lonelyfairy]

I'm so sorry. *hugs* Depression is such a complex and hard journey in life... It seems never ending. When one has thought that the illness is beaten, then it comes again. :/ I had 2 very good and ''normal'' years but it came back. All I can say is hang on... You will get through it, but you need to believe in it. I don't have much of advices to give since I'm battling with depression too.

 

[Nuzzy Nuz]

Beast?? You recognized it didn't you? Then definitely the answer to defeat it also lies within you.. All you gotta do is flip your pages and u are gonna find that way to get rid of the beast.. Some tend to befriend it that is when you give up.. Some tend to run and hide.. But you never know it is still watching you... What you got to do is run after the beast, find it and tame it... NEVER SURRENDER..
<-- Hope you get what i meant...

 

[ladyforsaken]

As what Seal said, it definitely is tougher to beat on your own. But it's not impossible, you'd require great amounts of self-awareness and strength and a positive mentality - which is often difficult to summon when depressed.

It's why people always encourage the depressed to seek help so that they can get out of that situation. It helps to have someone else there with you along the way.

 

[PenDragon]

Beating it alone is **** near impossible I have tried and failed many times but there is slight possibility of it. But It will take longer if you are fighting it alone. Glad I had some help when I was about it lose it all and I'm thankful to them, without them I wouldn't be here.

We are always here to help you Niantiel always remember. Even though it will be only words but don't underestimate it's power. I have felt it and I'm sure you will too someday