Not knowing what people think of you

[Obsidian]

I have a dilemma. It's goes like this:

When I think about myself, I'm fairly content with who I am. I wouldn't want to be all that different and I can appreciate certain things about the person that I am. So in a sense, I do have some semblence of confidence and self-worth / self-respect. But then I start thinking about what other people think of me, and it makes me feel very unsure and even threatened, because I just don't know and I tend to expect the worst, or at least nothing very positive.

I've been pretty much friendless for the past 7 or 8 years. I have been very isolated and it has altered the way I see things. I might have become a bit delusional, or something like that.

My point is - is it possible to feel confident and not feel threatened by people you don't know if you haven't experienced much acceptance or gotten any real affirmation for your self-percieved qualities?

Thanks for reading. Hopefully this makes some kind of sense.

/Obsidian

 

[VanillaCreme]

"What other people think of you is none of your business."

I think Sophia had this in her signature before, and it made me laugh. True though when you think about it.

 

[evanescencefan91]

I've had the same problem for a very long time

not knowing whether or not people wanted you to go away

I did a little bit of something similar in the what are you thinking thread a while back

I use to always assume people didn't like me, and they wanted me to go away thinking i was doing them a favor

my psyche teacher pointed out that some people might misinterpret this as being standoffish

also there's the self fullfilling prophecy in socail psyche, so if you act like people don't like you then people will not like you

this messed my social life rreally bad in middle school and highschool

I was sure my friends didn't like me, and I acted all smug and standoffish, and then after that they didn't like me anymore


of course I'm going to need more time and maybe some test subjects to see if this theory can hold any water,

maybe somewhat, It's not full proof

but instead of always assuming people don't like you assume the opposite people like you and think your cool

be calm and confident, it's hard, but fake it till you make it

you're ******* awesome now tell yourself everyday whether you believe it or not ( you should believe it though)


sometimes you may have doubts sometimes people may cancel and you may worry, but this will happens and it's out of your hands, so don't worry about, unless they specifically tell you they don't want to be friends, be their friend ( if they don't like you and too much of a dick to tell you, just consider annoying the fresia out of them a bonus)

anyways i hope that helps some

*hugs*

and good luck

 

[Danielle]

I don't really care what people think of me... so that makes things much easier. I just act as myself where ever I am...and if people chose to like me... great... if not, then its no sweat off my back.

Maybe that sounds selfish, or snotty... but i really can't be bothered worrying about what others think of me. It's a big bunch of wasted time and energy.

 

[Obsidian]

Maybe that sounds selfish, or snotty... but i really can't be bothered worrying about what others think of me. It's a big bunch of wasted time and energy.

Not at all. I admire your attitude and I wish I could make it work for myself.

It's just that, for some reason, what other people think about me does matters. Maybe it's out of respect, or humility... or maybe it's just based on fear and weakness.

I really don't know at this point, but I'll find out sooner or later. It just sucks being so apprehensive when it comes to talking to people, even when it's just online. I tend to end up feeling like I'm intruding, like I have no right to be someplace, express my opinions or even approach people.

It's a difficult situation but I will come to terms with it eventually. Thanks for the replies everyone.

 

[Danielle]

Obsidian, you have the right to be anywhere you choose to be, and anyone who thinks differently can suck an egg! You aren't intruding... be yourself, enjoy where you are and what you may be doing.. whether it be online or in person and if there are people that actually give you a hard time about it (which there won't be) then they aren't worth it!

There is a great Dr. Seuss quote that I love... and I think it fall true in every situation:

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."
— Dr. Seuss

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I don't really give a fresia what people think about me...I'm done with that. It's a waste of my time and it's unhealthy as fresia,
Those are nuratic behaviors. When I do that...I'm actaully giving other people control of my life.
If i worry so much...especailly when I inneract with the people closest to me...like my ex-wf, gf, friends, bosses.
I'll actaully trun into a fucken doormate, people pleasing, get used , get abused and all kinds of unhealthy situations.

And the truth is..some people will simply hate me..no matter what I do..simply just becuase of who i am.
Well..you know whaT??? That's thier god **** problem. F -it , i don't need those people in my life anyway.

yes..I want to belong and be accepted by people...but at what cost???
There's certain things that I'm not willing to pay for today. it's not worth it.
Even if it's someone I hold dear to my heart. It's hitting me right at the core of my being.
Maybe there's a reason why things happened recently..so thaT I may know and live it.
I love me. I care about me. I'm self supporting mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
I can stand on my own two feet and hold my head high. I'm humbling myself.
I can carry my own wieght. It's my responsiblities.

Yes I've done a lot of bad stuff and not so healthy things in my life.
Yes..I've done a lot of good stuff and healthy things in my life.
I know what i did, i paid and suffered the consequneces of my actions. And I paid a very high price for some of my mistakes.
I cleaned my side of the street. And I'm still willing to set things right if permitted.
Once i do this...take an inventory of myself...Look at myself. Accept myself...my goods, my bads. All of me.
I don't have to live in denial or lie to myself, put up a front or pretend to be someone I'm not. I can live under my own skin.
I sleep at night like a baby. I don't feel bad about myself.
I have flaws...i work on them. i have assets. I captilize on them.
I love me ALOT

 

[VanillaCreme]

I don't really care what people think of me... so that makes things much easier. I just act as myself where ever I am...and if people chose to like me... great... if not, then its no sweat off my back.

Maybe that sounds selfish, or snotty... but i really can't be bothered worrying about what others think of me. It's a big bunch of wasted time and energy.

Agreed.

 

[Obsidian]

"What other people think of you is none of your business."

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."

Those are both excellent quotes, thanks for sharing.

When I do that... I'm actually giving other people control of my life.

I've never really thought about it like that, but it's very true. Thank you for the insight.

 

[AFrozenSoul]

Yes it is possible to feel confient at what you think of yourself. It is actually a very important when it comes to making new friends... from what I have been told.

It is much better then what I do which is assume the worst.

 

[edgecrusher]

I don't really care what people think of me... so that makes things much easier. I just act as myself where ever I am...and if people chose to like me... great... if not, then its no sweat off my back.

Maybe that sounds selfish, or snotty... but i really can't be bothered worrying about what others think of me. It's a big bunch of wasted time and energy.

also agreed. i learned a while ago to not care about it. it will evenetually drive you crazy if you let yourself worry about it too much. i just be myself and if they dont like it... oh well.

 

[arkitek4]

Subjecting yourself 7 to 8 years without friends is one deep hell of a life. Unless you are a catholic monk that is expected if not its a paradox to me. 7 to 8 years? Wow and i thought I was into some deep problem where I stand.

Some people might suggest group clubs or volunteering to some organization thing. But back in college whenever I feel like an outcast I only go to one place. "A Roman Catholic Church." I would pray in my silence.

- God is always around, keeping a close watch to us all. So I guess you never had friends, but God has always been there guiding you.

 

[Twitchy]

My point is - is it possible to feel confident and not feel threatened by people you don't know if you haven't experienced much acceptance or gotten any real affirmation for your self-percieved qualities?

I know you're unregistered now, but on the off chance you're still reading this thread I'll chime in.

I've talked to you quite a bit over the past year. Based on what I've seen, you have plenty of good qualities. I'll go out on a limb and state that you have more than most people I've met.

I definitely know what it's like to lack feedback or anything remotely resembling acceptance. I think the thing to remember here is that good qualities don't immediately vanish just because people are too distracted or dumb to notice.

You are who you are...not what some stranger perceives or doesn't perceive you to be.

 

[EveWasFramed]

Agreed.

 

[acommoner]

Trying not to care about what others think about you is rubbish, everyone cares, my solution to this problem is simple.

People that really care about you, you know what they think, thats important, if that changes into something negative work on that, since they are the people you care about. if you dont know for sure, just ask them, how weird this may sound, smile and ask them, now what do you really think about me? people will respond because they like to give their opinion. When they do, just ask, so im perfect? nothing wrong about me? then they might give you your more negative aspects, which you can either work on or accept as being a part of you.

People at work you dont really care about they will feel the same about you, which makes your fear practically obselete since you are not on their mind and vice versa.

If you can get this into your mind set, things will go easier from there on.

 

[Aksy]

"What other people think of you is none of your business."

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."

Ralph Waldo Emerson my favorite philosopher ^^

Back on the subject nobody should really care what others think of them, what good does it do to know what anyone thinks about you ? From my point of view everybody can think I'm the lowest type of crap on the planet, who cares thats their opinion. The most important things is for you to actually have a good opinion about yourself.

 

[Badjedidude]

From my point of view everybody can think I'm the lowest type of crap on the planet, who cares thats their opinion.

Yeah, but if you NEVER take input from others, then you could be the most arrogant, bitter, snotty person on the planet and never know it because you personally think you're awesome.

 

[Aksy]

To be awesome or cool are two of the most stupidest things human invented if you ask me. When I say that I don't care what others think of me I'm not saying I never listen to their opinion , to get an advice is most welcome if it changes me in better. But if you just come to me and say " I don't like you , you are the most arrogant, bitter, snotty person on the planet " I don't care , good for you if thats what you think but keep it to yourself ( I'm not setting you as an example only your words ).