On the bad boy and the nice guy.

[Naleena]

Most women like men and most men like women who don't have too many issues and don't second guess themselves all the time.

Additionally, one can be single without being un-dateable. You don't need to beat yourself up (or women) for being single.

Very well said.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I guess I need to be more optimistic.

I generally am a very optimistic person, in every other aspect of my life. My relationship status is a mystery to everyone. Everyone assumes I'm gay or asexual. I just don't discuss it, except on anonymous message forums.

The only other person I've discussed it with has been my therapist, and she doesn't know the answer, either.

 

[ghbarnaby2]

There's a difference between optimism and hope. You seem to be a hopeful person, not an optimistic one. Hope is not always a positive emotion and does not always lead to a positive outcome. And who cares what people "assume" it is not fair to you or them what they do not know or understand and place upon you (or what you place upon them, judgement can be a two-way street). You need to learn how to stop looking to others for answers about yourself, they can only aid you on your journey - only YOU can give you those answers.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

How can I find the answers within myself, if I don't know the answers?

I believe in free will. I don't believe that every good actions gives you back a good result. Some of the worst things seem to happen to good people; I don't understand it, but it does seem to happen that way.

I do believe in kindness, and love, and good people, but that doesn't necessarily mean that I will end up with a good person, just because I am good. And because of that, I am either doomed to forever loneliness, or the random "accident" of meeting someone who is compatible (and after 30 years of loneliness, I don't see that happening very easily, if at all.)

I am hopeful, but not optimistic. You are right. Optimism is madness, I am a realist.

 

[ghbarnaby2]

Well...firstly answers can only come from within. And you have to realize you might not EVER find them. But it is the journey itself that causes you to grow, change, and BECOME a good person that allows you to live freely within yourself. There are precious few people born with inner peace and very many born with inner turmoil, you sir, need to start understanding that free will and intentions come at a cost - especially in relationships. That may be why you are having an issue, you feel wholly entitled to someone, you are not. Before you judge that someone is a "good" or "bad" person examine your own behavior.

And optimism is not madness. Don't say that - it is rude.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I don't assume that people are bad people. That's where I think the confusion came in.

A bad person to me is someone who lies, steals, uses drugs, and is violent and abusive. I wasn't referring to bad people in the references to soldiers and policemen...only that it's a type of danger that is somewhat exciting, to some women. Not all. Some.

A soldier can be violent or abusive, or a criminal, but so can a computer geek. I wasn't referring to badness, or "bad boys", in my answer, but dangerous behavior that can be somewhat exciting to some.

 

[VanillaCreme]

*sigh* I can never win around here.

It's not that you can never win. I've actually agreed with you on a few things. And I'm sure others have agreed with you on several things as well. But you have this attitude and these judgments on something based off of JUST your experience. There's more to the world than just what you see and know. Can I say I feel sorry for you without being condescending, because that's not my intent when I really do feel sorry. You would be an awesome guy if I didn't read senseless things from you on many of your posts.

Also, my cousin is an ex-Navy and a computer geek, and from what I know, he hasn't had much success in relationships. He's had several though, but they've all ended for one reason or another.

 

[ghbarnaby2]

Hold on a second. All people lie. Some people cheat, steal, and are violent and/or abusive (intentionally or not). That's a very "black and white" way of looking at the world especially when it is really many many different shades of gray.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Can anybody give me some self help books for me to read? Or something to watch, that would improve my outlook?

I'm all for improving, but I don't know where to start?