Once a liar, always a liar?

[Phyxi]

Okay, well, this is sort of a long story but I'll try to make it as short as possible.

I have been with my boyfriend for ten months, now. We moved in together after four months because we both found ourselves in a situation where we needed to move out of our previous homes. We couldn't find anybody else who needed to move out so we just decided that we'd move in together.

At the beginning of our relationship my boyfriend would always talk about this other girl. Just because he talked about her so much I asked him a simple question - "were you guys together at one point?" and he said no. Over the next few months, people would come up to me and talk about this girl and my boyfriend and I would just ignore it. Eventually I asked him a second and a third time if they had been together and he still said no.

I had been lied to a lot in my previous relationship so I have always told my present boyfriend that lying is one thing that I just won't take in a relationship anymore. Since my boyfriend would always brag about how he'd "never ever ever have a facebook!" I started to get suspicious, and decided to make a facebook and look him up. I looked him up and found pictures of him and the other girl making out. The whole profile was dedicated to her and him.

I shut down my facebook and asked him about it. He just said "you made me lie to you."
I asked how and he said "because I didn't think you'd let me be friends with her or that you'd start to think you were uglier than her and your self esteem would go down."

So, instead of getting an apology, I got blamed for his lie. I'm not the type of person who would take his friends away from him, so I don't understand why he'd say that to me. Futhermore, I don't see why he'd think I'd look at her and think I was uglier or get jealous over her looks or something like that? I'm not happy about my looks, but it doesn't mean I'm jealous of others.

I just want to see what some people's thoughts are on this. Do I have a valid reason to be upset at him? I try to talk about it, but he doesn't let me because it's "now in the past."
Do you think that something is still going on between them because of his reaction, or do you think he just panicked at the time?

do you believe that once a liar, always a liar? Because right now I feel too afraid to trust him, which he's getting upset about, but since I've been lied to I feel like I can't believe anything he says anymore.
Am I doing the right thing by not trusting him?

I'm so confused!!!

 

[wolfshadow]

I think deep down you already know the answer to most of those questions.
As for the once a liar, always a liar proverb, I don't think that's nessacarily the case but...some people have to fall long and hard before they realize the damage that their lies have inflicted. Quite often decades can pass before they are able or inclined to make that transition.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

will...you can't bullshit a bullshiter.

lmao...my ex-gf use to pull that crap on me too..the stuff she messed up on
15 mins before...is like the past to her.

Anf have the nerves to say...I made her do it...that is was my fualt.
I made her messed someone else.

She still can't face me after all these years....

Fucken run...run as far away as you can.
Save yourself...save your life...
Don't be like me...I wasted 12 years of my life on someone like that...
You can't change him...I can't change her...
You can change yourself.....
fresia the house...fresia the money, fresia the car...fresia all that honeysuckle..
I found myself lost ,alone, and tired after all these years aways...
You think you're confuse now... ??? Stick around some more and watch what happens...
You'll lose yourself...it's like a fresia up one on one CULT...
It is the honeysuckle that's making you sick..It's mental and emotional abuse.
Can you feel the pain ???...it's fucken wrong all wrong.
It's sucking the life force out of you. Your spinning your wheels, life and energy
to try to make him see that it's wrong...
He already knows it's wrong the day he cheated on you....He got cuaght.
The lesson is not that it's a wrong act for him...it's not how to get fucken cuaght the next time.lol

Becuase it's you fault that's why...He's pissed off at you so he wants to get the fresia away from you.
That's he excuse to be with the other woman.
And blames you for his actions. He takes no responsiblities for his actions.
He's not panicking...he's spinning you.

I'll bet you...you're hear...." you can't find anyone else better then me" come out of his mouth real soon.
Or " no one can love you like the way I do".
Or " I'm the best you'll ever have"

He siad it was your fualt already and you're feeding into it.....

It's typical abusive relationship visous cycle.
I thought it was bunch of non-sence when I read it from a book or other resources.
But when I actaully heard those words come out of my ex-gf mouth....ERRRR !!!!...lol

He dosn't give a fresia about you or how you feel. It's all about him...him...him.
If for 8.sec. He thought about you, how you might feel or get hurt or love you...it wouldn't gotten that far.

RUN....pack your bags...

fresia the bags...Just get out. Your life depends on it.
Screw fucken guilt too...that's what feeding your confusion.

I remeber being so sick and tired....i remember not being able to pack my bags
years into the cycle....
I remember crying my heart out...telling myself to pack...fucken pack...but i couldn't.
That how sick i became...I was tired and worn out all the time from the insanity and chaos of it all.
I remember visiting my parents one year...
My father said..."What the fresia happened to you ? ...You look like you had just gone through war"

yes...you might have emotional attachments...but run even though it'll hurt like hell.
Run away...far far away....fresia that honeysuckle.
You don't need that honeysuckle...
You deserve better...

BTW...my ex-gf pretends like I'm dead today...
that's how messed up she is...Maybe your bf is different.

 

[samba101]

Yeah nah he deliberately lied to you after you asked him several times, why does he have a need to do this and then turn it around on you?

It's really up to you, I'm not really sure what to say. Have there been any other lies?

 

[LostBoy]

You're never at fault for being lied to. You should go into a relationship believing what you are told. Unfortunately, we never see what we're not looking for. And if we have feelings for someone we look for the best on them. If the facts point in another direction, ask them. If they lie about it check it out. If this guy was stupid enough to do his Facebook page I'd print it and put it on the fridge. If he tries to lie out of that, laugh, and make arrangements to cut him loose immediately. This guy is no man. Any guy who cheats on his girlfriend like this hasn't any sense of honor. Once a chump, always a chump. You deserve better. You're not a fool for being fooled, only if you accept it. Take care.

 

[Steel]

Liars will often turn defensive when they are challenged, hoping in some way that this will deflect the blame back. In this case, obviously, it's not your fault that he lied to you... he made that decision. I guess you will have to decide whether you have any trust for him left or not.

 

[Oceanmist23]

He doesn't deserve your trust!
He lied to you about the girl not being his ex.
He lied to you about not having a Facebook account.
He blames YOU for HIS lies.
He assumes you will feel less attractive and get less self esteem if he admits that a girl is his ex.

Do you HONESTLY want to continue that relationship?

He will lie to you again.
He will blame you again.

He's not worth it.
You deserve better.

I'm backing Lonesome Crow's reply on this, no doubt.

 

[jasmin]

I had been lied to a lot in my previous relationship so I have always told my present boyfriend that lying is one thing that I just won't take in a relationship anymore. Since my boyfriend would always brag about how he'd "never ever ever have a facebook!" I started to get suspicious, and decided to make a facebook and look him up. I looked him up and found pictures of him and the other girl making out. The whole profile was dedicated to her and him.

That happened to me!!! Facebook is evil!!
After it happened the trust was gone and you can not have a relationship without trust. I tried. It drove me mad. I know it hurts, but I promise you'll be so much happier in five months time. Do not put up with this!

 

[Luisa]

Jasmin is right, facebook is evil, the same thing happened to my sister. I'm so sorry that this dude thinks his actions are justified. They're not in anyway, and you reaction is i think, perfectly normal/heathly.

What is not, is his theory that you made his do this, what B.S! at the end of the day it's your choice, I could call him every name under the sun, but it's you that has to deal with what is going on. If you thing you can more on from this and trust him again, then i think you might be superhuman!

Honestly though, whatever you do, make sure its right for you

hope things go the way you want

 

[Katia]

I'm sorry this happened to you. Facebook really is evil. Hence, I try to avoid it but what your boyfriend did was unacceptable. You have every right to be upset!

I was in a similar relationship once with a boyfriend who lied. And by trusting him after he lied the first time, I got seriously hurt(emotional) in the end. Lying seems to become habit with some people. My advice would be to get out of the relationship before something major happens and you really do lose your self esteem.

My relationship with a habitual liar left me feeling ashamed, used, humiliated and worthless.

He really isn't worth your time. Find someone else who can treat you with respect because that is what you deserve.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Sweets, I wouldn't tell you what to do. But, in my opinion, yes. Once a liar, some people just can never get out of it. I mean, if down the road he genuinely changes, that's great. But, I would observe more before I jumped on it. You did catch him in a lie, so you have a heads up on his true colors. Like Samba said, has there been other lies? That's one thing that you have to settle within yourself; Whether or not you really want to deal with him now since he has lied to you.

 

[Zak]

Once a liar = Not necessarily always a liar but ur bf seems odd..

I say Kick his bollocks coz he needs some serious kicking to get back to his senses and if u ever plan on a breakup, make it sound like you are dumping him


P.S: Facebook is overrated (so true we call it facebutt or fuckbook)

 

[Phyxi]

P.S: Facebook is overrated (so true we call it facebutt or fuckbook)

Lol, @ "facebutt or fuckbook."

Thank you for your input, guys. I needed to post this thread to work through what had happened and try to understand why. I knew that I couldn't stay with a liar again because I just know what will end up happening down the track (I've seen it before). But, for some reason, I felt guilty about doing anything drastic, and so I came here to see if I was overreacting about the situation. After reading the responses, I feel a lot less confused about the situation. So, thanks again

(oh and I can't believe that so many others have experienced or know people who have experienced honeysuckle like this because of Facebook. It's insane!)

 

[Luisa]

Down with Facebutt!

 

[jasmin]

Yup down with facebutt!

 

[SophiaGrace]

He's playing with your head. He delibrately lied to you several times AND when you confronted him with the truth He didnt show an ounce of remorse (which is a bad sign in my opinion).

He's obviously cheating on you. And his excuse for lying was just pathetic (i'm sorry but it really was).

You deserve so much better. Dump his sorry ass. xD

 

[Papabear]

No, I don't believe in once a liar always a liar is true, though it is likely. I cheated, and lied to my fiancee about it. I came clean and obviously things ended with her. But I've been that person before and I WONT EVER be that person again.

With that said... you have every right to be upset with him. He sounds like a POS in my opinion.

 

[sherri]

Get away from that abusive situation. He is a manipulator through and through. First, he lied about knowing that girl. Second, he lied about facebook. Third, he even went OUT OF HIS WAY to tell you that he didn't have a facebook. Fourth, he BLAMED YOU for his lies!!! Believe me, I've been around, I'm an old-ish person, and I am telling you that this guy is NOT WORTH your pain or your time. I don't care if he's great in the sack, the cutest guy on the planet, the richest man on earth, God's gift to everyone else....HE IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU. What's more important is that YOU ARE TOO GOOD FOR HIM! There are some people in this world who value TRUTH: that's YOU, and that's why you wrote on this blog. You want to know the truth about him, life, yourself, etc. There are other people who don't care about truth: that's HIM. He doesn't give a **** about truth. He doesn't care ONE BIT about your feelings, no matter what he says. Why would he not only let you suffer and ask questions, but he tries to make you feel worse about yourself. I'm telling you, dump his conceited as#. If you can't afford it, make a plan and get the h out. Do you really want to have kids with him? No matter what he says, he is a manipulator. I have had the good life with a wonderful person who treated me like gold (sadly, he died), and I am telling you that that's what YOU deserve also. GOOD LUCK!!! Let us know what you do. RUN AWAY from that manipulator, and RUN to your beautiful destiny, which you deserve!!! TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS, WHICH HAVE BEEN RIGHT SO FAR!!!!!

 

[sherri]

P.S. And I don't always believe "once a liar, always a liar". But in his case, he's a tried and true manipulating liar and you can do so much better. He's not going to change. Even if he did change, why should you wait and wonder? Don't waste your time or your life with that sneak. There are so many decent people out there, even if it takes a while to find them. Don't settle for anyone who has lower standards and values than you do. Love yourself first and foremost. Oh, and for him to tell you that you would've been jealous of that girl. Well I'll bet you are now. He set it up that way. She won't be the last person he makes you feel uncomfortable about. Believe me, you deserve better. In an abusive relationship the A-hole puts you down, then you feel bad about yourself, so then you put up with more emotional or verbal abuse. He's like the devil (I'm not religious, but if the shoe fits....). RUN! He did not learn a darn thing, so, yes, he will continue on. What a BRAT!!!!!!!!! LOVE YOURSELF. Remember that little girl you were, who trusted and loved....why should you let her be abused by some LIAR!

 

[sherri]

In this case, facebook was not the problem. HE is the problem. Facebook just made it plain and clear. In your situation, be grateful that there was a facebook before you ended up finding out way down the line. In the olden days, people looked for lipstick on collars or phone numbers written in matchbooks, but the story was still the same: some people are not to be trusted because they don't deserve your trust. RUN!