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I don't drive, nor work because I am disabled, live in a basement apartment with my Mom in my Sister's Family's house because I can't afford my own place. There is no place within walking distance nor is there even public transportation in walking distance in this area.

I have NO friends, my Sister and Brother have their own lives, and I am terrified of the day my Mom passes, unless she outlives me. I go to a social group on Thursday nights, which is 1/2 hour away and someone drives me there and picks me up when they have time or it's convenient.

I am getting too comfortable with being alone. I am getting to the point that when I have to go out, I am beginning to dread it. I dont' know if I am becoming a hermit, or if my agoraphobia is coming back in full force.

I tried dating sites and dated quite a few men, but they either ran because of my disability or wanted sex on the first date.

I have 2 phone friends, and one is someone from my past that I can't talk to most of the time because he is usually drunk.

People say to me things will change. I am losing hope about that. My psychiatrist says if I don't reach out, things naturally won't change, and it is not healthy for me to be alone all the time. Going to the social club is putting out my family already, so even if I could find a another social group or self-help support group, I couldn't get there. AND, I HAVE SEARCHED AND SEARCHED AND RAN INTO BRICK WALLS WITH EVERY WEBSITE I COULD FIND.

This is ridiculous. I feel like deleting this whole thing, but just MAYBE someone will have a suggestion.
 
Yesterday was my Birthday and just like the my last birthday there was no party just a bunch of happy bdays on facebook. Today Is Jewish valentines day, and once again I'm sitting alone in my room after work trying to figure out where to get a life.

I live in a village at the fringe of society. I go to the big city and people give me looks because I'm Religeous. They think I didn't do the army and that I don't work or pay my taxes. I guess I'm just pissed off I'm pissed off because I buy a phone card to call my family and everytime I stay up past my bedtime to call them, they can't seem to find the time.

My mom fogetting to holler at me on my birthday, and my bank screwing with my money, All the times I could have made a move with a girl but I didn't, The people in the village who don't talk to me or look me in the eyes because I'm a wickid person, My Family freaking out because I don't count people who glorify sameer kuntar as part of the human kind, yup all that and then some, I guess until I rise up and do somthing with my life, untill I stop feeling that what other people think about me is more important than How I feel, untill than I guess I will just be a pissed off *******
 
Well you talk and you talk like your trying to shock me.

Just saying, And oh so many other things could be said but someone such as me ain't got the time or the money to say it all

I don't really care anymore though, I'll just lose myself in the equations, Never adding or subtracting, always dividing by 0.

Theres no problem though, just gotta show the right fraction of my personality, might find the right one soon.

Well, I suppose in a way I already know it, more a matter of remembering it.

And halfway through writing the above I remembered someone, this could start to get interesting.

I'll probably need a lot of energy drinks and sugar, for the energy.

This might be my way, gonna beat the honeysuckle out of my fantasy life, and lay the foundations for my new life on it's ashes.

It'll still be there, you gotta keep on dreaming, just won't be the same as before.

Now imma lay back and let the possible scenarios unfold in my mind.

Too bad about those two though, woulda loved even a minute.
*sighs*
 
I'm so upset. I always do whatever my ma tells me to do, i obey her rules whatever. But whenever i just want to go out by myself i cant because she does not want me to . I'm SO FREAKI'N OVER IT !!!! I don't want trouble I'm not going to look for trouble. I don't have any friends. all i want to do is take a nice little stroll around the city by myself but i cant. I don't know what to do . My house is like a jail cell and she is the warden.
I know how to take care of myself . I'm 19 years old, i know what to and what not to do.
This happens all the **** time I'm tired of it .
 
When I read the posts in ALLf (A Lonely Life Forum), I feel others pain and wish there was a way I could help. (((HUGS to Everyone)))
 
It's all good. One gets used to it (somewhat). I live alone. I guess by choice. I've had times when I wasn't alone, but I've lived alone for probably 15 years of the past 20. I suppose I would rather live alone than live with someone I don't love. There are many out there that do just that. My last (of 3) wife left about 5 years ago. She also left in my care 3 cats. So I guess I'm not completely alone. I have 3 cats. I can cook, clean, and do pretty much everything "as if" there were someone else here. My house is presentable for the most part. Living alone has it's advantages, but sometimes it can has it's moments of loneliness. I do have a full-time job with many people around, so I am not a recluse. My first post here.
 
gnome3 said:
It's all good. One gets used to it (somewhat). I live alone. I guess by choice. I've had times when I wasn't alone, but I've lived alone for probably 15 years of the past 20. I suppose I would rather live alone than live with someone I don't love. There are many out there that do just that. My last (of 3) wife left about 5 years ago. She also left in my care 3 cats. So I guess I'm not completely alone. I have 3 cats. I can cook, clean, and do pretty much everything "as if" there were someone else here. My house is presentable for the most part. Living alone has it's advantages, but sometimes it can has it's moments of loneliness. I do have a full-time job with many people around, so I am not a recluse. My first post here.
Click to expand...

You sound like me,except I've got two cats,and ex wives less! :cool:

 
I dont know why but for the first time in a very long time I decided I'm not getting high anymore. Coincidentally, I feel like honeysuckle and I hate everything. I'm starving but there isn't a crumb of food in my place and I dont wanna go get fast food, again. I know I cant sleep but i need to try because I didnt last night and three days straight awake is bad when i need to go to work.

I wish I had someone I could vent to, or fight with. or hug. or shoot in the face.

I'm out of razors. Been shaving with the same single-blade disposal for almost a week! It's probably going to start rusting soon. Thats probably not safe

I hate this forum and I hate you all.

Not really. well idk, maybe
 
I thought getting to see my high school friends again would make me feel better, but now I just feel like crap. It's like staying a five star hotel for a day and then going back to the broken-down motel with cockroaches in the crevices of the floor. I haven't cried in bed for a long time, and there isn't even a real concrete reason.... I feel so suffocated and isolated.. Even my family seems so distant and unfamiliar. And just when I think I'm done crying, the cycle starts over again. I'm sick of this... But this is simply a rant and in reality, I'm just going to have to deal with it.
 
meekthoughts said:
I thought getting to see my high school friends again would make me feel better, but now I just feel like crap. It's like staying a five star hotel for a day and then going back to the broken-down motel with cockroaches in the crevices of the floor. I haven't cried in bed for a long time, and there isn't even a real concrete reason.... I feel so suffocated and isolated.. Even my family seems so distant and unfamiliar. And just when I think I'm done crying, the cycle starts over again. I'm sick of this... But this is simply a rant and in reality, I'm just going to have to deal with it.
Click to expand...

...

 
I am so full of anxiety and it's probably covering up depression, since I found out that my Mom has Stage 4 Kidney Failure. I am running around like the Road Runner, doing things, not only for her and me, but trying to help my Sister with things my Mom used to do. My Sister has Fibromialgia and is guardian for an 86 year old woman who fell and broke many bones and ribs and won't be able to return to her house. She also is running back and forth 5 days a week taking her
Father-in-Law for radiation treatments, while trying to keep her home clean, her bills paid, meals cooked, and have some attention left for her husband. I am disabled for mental illness, and am supposed to rest everyday for a while to keep myself from breaking again. I started Therapy and went twice so far, so, hopefully, I can sort things out. I know there are so many people worse off than I am, so I feel bad for complaining...so may I call this venting?
 

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