Questions for the Men
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TheRealCallie
Princess Pink Love
A "traditional" relationship like you seem to be describing would have the woman in the kitchen barefoot and pregnant.
I"m not saying you can't have it how you want it, but it really sounds to me like you want it both ways. Doing what you want, when you want and the man taking care of you. That screams sugar daddy. Sorry, but it does.
I"m not saying you can't have it how you want it, but it really sounds to me like you want it both ways. Doing what you want, when you want and the man taking care of you. That screams sugar daddy. Sorry, but it does.
CenotaphGirl
Under the dirt, that’s my home ⚰️
I'd be in the kitchen pregnant, thats my dream
, not sure about the barefoot bit though sounds a bit... cave girl style, but never been pregnant so maybe barefoot would be ideal.So the definition I found on sugar daddy is...
- a rich older man who lavishes gifts on a young woman in return for her company or sexual favours.
A strong, not over emotional, provider, protector, husband who wants to get married and make a million babies with me.
ringwood
Well-known member
Thanks CenotaphGirl. This description of your parent's relationship makes it totally clear in my head what you ultimately want: a marriage reminiscent of what you might find back in the 50's with clearly defined roles for the husband and wife. The man is the breadwinner, goes to work, pays the bills, takes the garbage out and takes pride in that role - he's the protector. The woman stays home, takes care of household stuff, cleaning, cooking, child-care and she takes pride in that role - she's the nurturer. . . and arm-candy, if that's what's desired too, haha.
I completely get it. I don't think what you want is so strange or unreasonable. I hope one day you find it.
CenotaphGirl
Under the dirt, that’s my home ⚰️
Omg yes yes yes, thats it completely. Honestly, what I wouldn't like about moving back to the 50's is simply that everyone would be expected to be that way, I cant stand the one size fits all societal mindset. I think there's space in this world for different types of relationships. I do have a romantic view of the 50's and 60's, I just imagine family being the focus. That relates to me as I really want a family, so thank youThanks CenotaphGirl. This description of your parent's relationship makes it totally clear in my head what you ultimately want: a marriage reminiscent of what you might find back in the 50's with clearly defined roles for the husband and wife. The man is the breadwinner, goes to work, pays the bills, takes the garbage out and takes pride in that role - he's the protector. The woman stays home, takes care of household stuff, cleaning, cooking, child-care and she takes pride in that role - she's the nurturer. . . and arm-candy, if that's what's desired too, haha.
I completely get it. I don't think what you want is so strange or unreasonable. I hope one day you find it.
If I find it I'll grab on with both hands.
Plastic surgery is a very subjective thing. Some folks benefit from a nip and tweak. It's where it becomes an obsession. The need for more surgery, greater procedures, a desire to change the whole self. Yet, if you have an issue, something personal to you, then why not change it.mhmm its my way or the highway
So come on Colster...humour meee Do you think of plastic surgery as a deal breaker?
I have dated three ladies whom have had surgery. One through medical necessity. Another through desire to have a very specific change. And the third, who went back multiple times, bigger and more. When I dated her, certain activities needed careful choreographing, like a military operation. If you want a passion killer, get huge great game boobs!
Although One often overlooked necessity of surgery, is certain procedures will require regular maintenance, assuming that you don't want the L.A. look. And that, I'm afraid, is where the slippery slope begins. I also think that too many people place such emphasis on their life changing on account of some minor detail change. People have been filled by placebos, non-surgery, yet insisted that the work has changed them. Much of it is psychological.
Anyhow, in principle, I have no great disagreement with any surgery.
ewomack
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Okay, that makes sense. I may have been misreading your previous posts. Again, I have no problem with you, or anyone, wanting to be in a traditional relationship and I wasn't arguing that you, or anyone, shouldn't want to be in one.There's no value in it to me personally, I'd rather be alone lol But doesn't mean I don't respect others wishes to be in such unions.It just wouldn't work for me, I'm raised different.
TheSkaFish
Jedi Guardian
Alas... the man I want and dream of, is the man of yesterday, all thats left are the "men" of today....I think the men of today suit the gender blurring people of today for sure, men have been asked to adapt and with all honesty they have done a good job adapting. I just cant get on board with it... turns me off completely. I need what I consider as a real man, a provider, a protector. I'd be for him what he needs, a wife, a mother, and ultimately a provider in a different way. I have one question though... If I wanted to provide for myself, why would I enter a partnership? This is the question that has to be answered to save the dating world from it's current confusion in my opinion. It made sense men and women being together in the past, she provides him with family, he protects and feeds it. If he just protects and feeds himself... and I protect and feed myself... whats the actual point? We can both do that separately with a lot less stress and cheating
I think the reason that the kind of man you want and dream of, is a man from "yesterday", is because the world changed (and by "changed" I mean "got worse" if you ask me). Men like that are from yesterday, because that is the world of yesterday. Everything has gotten way more expensive between the '50s and '60s and today. It's insanely harder to be a single-income family these days, unless the dad is a professional athlete, A-list entertainer, CEO, or is just from old money. But a regular guy can't just graduate high school and get a job and provide for a wife and kids and a house, cars, white picket fence etc. anymore.
Personally I think we can blame trickle-down economics, the decline of unions, the increase the price of higher education as well as the increase in needing higher education to do the decent-paying jobs of today, and a bunch of other things for the current situation. And unfortunately the only people who can solve it, don't care to, because they're in on it. They're helping to make it this way in the first place.
I think that's more of the reason, rather than men wanting to act like women, or anything like that. The fact is, things are going badly for most people in the world right now. And when things are going badly, and you can't see things getting better, someone giving you the space to open up emotionally would really be helpful. I understand how a woman would want a strong man in times like these, much like times of war. But these times are bad for the men, too. We're dealing with the same anger, fear, uncertainty, everything else. I for one would appreciate a woman understanding that, and letting me feel what I feel.
As for the point of partnership - that's where you'll get different answers for different people. You seem to be looking for a different type of arrangement than a lot of people on here, so a lot of us don't relate. Like a lot of people here, I feel like the point of it is close companionship, in a way that's different from your family and friends. Sure, sex is a part of that. But also emotional intimacy and warmth. Understanding. Someone to open up to, and they can open up to me as well. Relief from the cold, lousy world that's trying to break everyone down like sandpaper to our sanity. Just sharing in the experience of life, and making it something more than just existing alone. That's what I'm after anyway.
Hmm...hearing you explain it this way, helps me understand this a little more. I've met people who thought this way before, but they didn't articulate it like you did and it confused me. Now I see what you mean and why. I still don't think I agree, but it's because I see things differently - like you said it's a matter of personal preference. I get where you're coming from, and it at least makes sense.
If it's not too personal, and if you don't mind sharing - what did your dad do for a living? I'm not trying to be sarcastic or use it against you in any way. I'm honestly curious, seeing as how most things, that most people do, don't get them anywhere. They just don't do the right activities to make enough money at a fast enough rate, to meaningfully advance. So when something actually does work for someone, actually does get them somewhere, it always makes me wonder - is it something that anyone could learn to do? Or something that depends on being born with the right body, brain/mind, bloodline, or something similar.
That's why I've had such a hard time finding a career direction, myself. All my life I've been asking, what job/career path actually gets you somewhere in life? What's not a dead end? But I haven't found too many answers.
It sounds like whatever it was, provided a good life for you and your family. But your experience is well outside the norm.
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ardour
Well known loser
...so you can be human, but he can't.
ardour
Well known loser
I'm also getting a strong 'former party princess' impression here of quite a wealthy or upper-middle class background.
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Absolutely 100% all of this statement.
Actually I think what she wants goes further back then that: Except in Beverly Hills.Omg yes yes yes, thats it completely. Honestly, what I wouldn't like about moving back to the 50's is simply that everyone would be expected to be that way, I cant stand the one size fits all societal mindset. I think there's space in this world for different types of relationships. I do have a romantic view of the 50's and 60's, I just imagine family being the focus. That relates to me as I really want a family, so thank you
Would you be willing to churn butter for the family?
TheSkaFish
Jedi Guardian
You couldn't live like that any other way.
And it's not a crime in and of itself. But it can make you kind of out of touch with how the world works, and with most people's reality, thought process, feelings, and experiences.
TheSkaFish
Jedi Guardian
NoxApex(N/A)
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Because you're cheating yourself out of life experiences that are key to learning to survive.
There are two different types of people in the world:
1.) The people who collect resources.
2.) The people who collect the people, who collect resources.
#2 requires you to have people to collect in the first place...but what if there are no people? Then what do you do? You have to do it yourself.
#2 is the easier, and more commonly chose option, and it's a shame, because there's less structural security in the plan when the foundations of that structural security are other sentient beings, each with a mind of their own that at any given moment can suddenly just for whatever unknown reason decide that they're walking out on you.
So if you want a more consistent, better life structure, you build the foundations of your security by yourself through gathering resources, saving them, and rationing them.
M_also_lonely
Well-known member
TheSkaFish
Jedi Guardian
Actually I think what she wants goes further back then that: Except in Beverly Hills.
Would you be willing to churn butter for the family?
I churned butter once or twice, livin' in an Amish paradise...
ewomack
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Another factor in what happened since the 1960s is that a lot of women, not all of them, demanded a way out of what many at the time considered domestic servitude. The women's movement of the 1970s, at least in the US, was an all out rebellion against the "old-fashioned" way where the man dominated over the family and in some ways was really more of a master than a husband. Many women wanted their own lives, their own careers, their own money, some level of independence and a higher status in society than just being a housewife. Husbands had real power over their families and in many cases abused them with impunity. Divorce was rare and scandalous, so many women found themselves trapped for life with men who treated them like servants.
Both of my grandmothers were in that situation, and both of my parents said that their fathers used to beat their mothers more often than they care to talk about, especially after trips to the bar. Women also had few job opportunities because they were supposed to really only have babies and raise families. So women who didn't marry found themselves in low paying jobs with little hope of advancement. Often a convent provided the only escape for some. I don't look back on that era as a particularly romantic one, though I'm sure the situation worked out for some people. If you were a domineering, controlling man it was probably a paradise. The women's movement tried to put a stop to all of that and men had to react, especially when women entered the workforce and began competing directly with men. A lot of the mechanisms that kept women down began to erode and, since women began to unquestionably excel, men could no longer dismiss them as intellectually inferior and only suited to low-paying jobs and child-bearing.
Advertisements at the time blatantly reflected these attitudes. A search for "sexist ads" will result in too many to count. Here are only a few.
The tradition of men arguing that women are intellectually inferior goes a long way back. For one, Thomas Jefferson taught his own daughters that women were created for the pleasure of men. The tradition still survives. Just a few years ago, a co-worker of mine, a blonde woman, said her boss kept dropping hints that she was "stupid." So she went out and passed a dozen certifications and would bring each one into him personally. A lot of women still deal with that crap today.
Though not entirely successful, the woman's movement changed a lot of attitudes towards marriage and gender roles. Things have slowly evolved since then and plenty of traditionalism still exists, but it now exists within a larger consciousness with infinitely more variety and possibilities than the comparatively homogeneous 1950s and 1960s offered for women. Like most things, it came with good and bad, but women now have far more life options than housewife, secretary, teacher, nurse or nun. That was the good part. Then as the economy worsened in the late 1970s and throughout the 1980s, women entering the workforce became almost a necessity for many families. That, arguably, was the bad part.
Both of my grandmothers were in that situation, and both of my parents said that their fathers used to beat their mothers more often than they care to talk about, especially after trips to the bar. Women also had few job opportunities because they were supposed to really only have babies and raise families. So women who didn't marry found themselves in low paying jobs with little hope of advancement. Often a convent provided the only escape for some. I don't look back on that era as a particularly romantic one, though I'm sure the situation worked out for some people. If you were a domineering, controlling man it was probably a paradise. The women's movement tried to put a stop to all of that and men had to react, especially when women entered the workforce and began competing directly with men. A lot of the mechanisms that kept women down began to erode and, since women began to unquestionably excel, men could no longer dismiss them as intellectually inferior and only suited to low-paying jobs and child-bearing.
Advertisements at the time blatantly reflected these attitudes. A search for "sexist ads" will result in too many to count. Here are only a few.
The tradition of men arguing that women are intellectually inferior goes a long way back. For one, Thomas Jefferson taught his own daughters that women were created for the pleasure of men. The tradition still survives. Just a few years ago, a co-worker of mine, a blonde woman, said her boss kept dropping hints that she was "stupid." So she went out and passed a dozen certifications and would bring each one into him personally. A lot of women still deal with that crap today.
Though not entirely successful, the woman's movement changed a lot of attitudes towards marriage and gender roles. Things have slowly evolved since then and plenty of traditionalism still exists, but it now exists within a larger consciousness with infinitely more variety and possibilities than the comparatively homogeneous 1950s and 1960s offered for women. Like most things, it came with good and bad, but women now have far more life options than housewife, secretary, teacher, nurse or nun. That was the good part. Then as the economy worsened in the late 1970s and throughout the 1980s, women entering the workforce became almost a necessity for many families. That, arguably, was the bad part.
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CenotaphGirl
Under the dirt, that’s my home ⚰️
Hey Mr SkaFish, this is so well written that i'm almost embarrassed lol (stop showing me up!) I'm only playing. I completely agree, if anything I think men have adapted to societal pressures really well, it's just not every woman wants these societal pressures and the ones that don't aren't allowed to say (as you can see), so alas... feel a strong yearning for the man that once was.
Jesus I don't know, I know the average day accountant who is a successful single income provider but I do live in the UK things are a little easier here. I mean I have lived/interned in the states for 6 weeks and spent so much money that my dad was like... "I must be a joke to you" when he had to keep going to the bank to send me more loool. Those were the days loolz
I think there is an agenda personally, I think the working class was becoming too successful with property purchases, so they dismantled the idea of marriage and family.
I agree a man has a right to experience emotions, I just know that I cant deal with it, even the man I loved started with all of this, and it made saying goodbye easier for me. It's like I cant deal with friends that take rec drugs, I cant deal with a man thats all over the shop with his emotions, because im all over the shop myself, not because I think im perfect, you know?
I feel like it would be more socially acceptable for me to say I want a relationship where I treat my husband like a adult baby than saying I would prefer a traditional relationship, that has to be an issue...
It's my bloody relationship and I like what I like. I feel like people are pressuring me to be... dare I say it.. no...I won't. You can all use your imagination. So glad that taking my time to really look at my wording paid off lol I should really be consistent with that, but i'm so bad with English, it's unreal. Blame my hot English teacher.... couldn't learn anything but... deep blue eyes.... eyes so blue... he's so dreamyyyy.
My dad was an engineer for the majority of my life knowing him anyway, he was a nerd, like I never needed a calculator, his mental maths was so quick. Simply a genius in my eyes lol. However, it doesn't start with you, his parents and parents before that invested into their children and that is how the success was easier. I would sit with my dad and he would draw these intricate designs for aeroplanes and trains, if I was on the train with him, he'd say... "did you feel that?!?, Thats what your dad designed!! it was a huge problem getting the train to something something something and I had to design a part that goes right there, any miscalulation and the train wouldn't run" I felt nothing, but lol I was impressed anyway. Way out of my brains level of understanding lol
I will say he gave me a good life, still giving even now he's gone, bless him.
