Questions for the Women

[TheSolitaryMan]

Solitary, those things sound awesome!! They aren't ridiculous or dull at all. What you do for the person you love probably differs from lady to lady, but I think what you've listed should tug a string in any woman's heart.

You want ridiculous? Personally, I'd really love it if my (non-existent) boyfriend would party up with me in an MMO, and randomly during some quest with other players around he'd say something along the lines of "[Insert username here] is my girlfriend, and I love her!" followed by a heart emote if applicable in the game. Don't use that idea, it won't get you anywhere.

Thanks for the feedback Meek (and everyone on my last question too! ^^).

Lol, that's sweet in the MMO. I'd never have thought of that on my own :s

 

[annik]

Do girls like unusual/playful ideas when it comes to intimate stuff? I don't neccessarily mean rude things, just cuddling, spending time together, things like that?

I'm kind of a romantic I think (a bad trait when you never ask girls out!) and I've spent ages mulling over all kinds of fancy things I could do.

I'm trying to build up a little knowledge so that I can be confident that I'll be a decent boyfriend one day! I figured I'd ask here.

So how do these things sound? Any suggestions for what you'd really like yourself?

- Cooking her a nice breakfast/dinner at random.

- Giving her an intense back/neck/foot massage.

- Showing her a fancy card trick that leads into a really passionate snog (and other magic-related flirting!)

- Chocolates, flowers (okay, more mundane...but... )

- Baking her a cake

- Juggling for her amusement

- Playing something on the guitar (I can only play like 2 songs, but whatever)

Are they okay ideas? Or slightly ridiculous/dull?

I'd say all of those are pretty solid ideas. The guitar one may be good. Last guy I was with recorded a few minutes of him singing / playing the guitar on his phone and sent it to me. I lay listening to it till the sun came up so yeah big winner.

I would be wary of thinking up too many ideas before though. You need to make then relevant to the girl in question. Making her feel special. No one likes to feel like they are being blanket bombed into liking someone. You need to be careful too about doing too much to woo a girl because as soon as you start to do less she may end up feeling taken for granted a little.

I can understand wanting to have memories with the person you are with but those things will just happen the best little intimate moments are always the purely spontaneous ones. For instance myself and my ex humming the theme tune to Beverly Hills cop in COMPLETE synchronicity was amazing. It felt like such a moment between us and there's no way you can plan that.

Personally when I'm in a relationship with someone all I want is love, time and a bit of understanding. I'm sure thats the same with most girls.

Also remember being a "decent boyfriend" has a lot more to do with things you shouldn't or don't do more than things you do.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

I'd say all of those are pretty solid ideas. The guitar one may be good. Last guy I was with recorded a few minutes of him singing / playing the guitar on his phone and sent it to me. I lay listening to it till the sun came up so yeah big winner.

I would be wary of thinking up too many ideas before though. You need to make then relevant to the girl in question. Making her feel special. No one likes to feel like they are being blanket bombed into liking someone. You need to be careful too about doing too much to woo a girl because as soon as you start to do less she may end up feeling taken for granted a little.

I can understand wanting to have memories with the person you are with but those things will just happen the best little intimate moments are always the purely spontaneous ones. For instance myself and my ex humming the theme tune to Beverly Hills cop in COMPLETE synchronicity was amazing. It felt like such a moment between us and there's no way you can plan that.

Personally when I'm in a relationship with someone all I want is love, time and a bit of understanding. I'm sure thats the same with most girls.

Also remember being a "decent boyfriend" has a lot more to do with things you shouldn't or don't do more than things you do.

Thanks Annik, that was some really interesting insight into how these things work

To be honest, I know people'll say you can't predict these things, but I'm certain I'm going to be single for a long while yet.

It's going to be at least 3 more years (until I finish my course), since there are no girls that are interested in me around my immediate workplace and the work doesn't give me adequate time to devote to a girl or an active social life. Chances of meeting anyone outside my immediate circle are slim.

So these ideas are ultimately just things I try to come up with to reassure myself that one day I will be able to do something interesting and sincere with my personal life I suppose. Or even reassure myself that relationships do exist and I have some kind of knowledge of them!

It helps to stave off the hollow reality that I'll be 24-25 by the time I can even think of dating someone

For the things I shouldn't do...my feelings about casual sex, affairs and so on are so strong that I have no doubt I'd never do any of that stuff

So that's good I guess? But really it's all a bit of a moot point right now.

Kind of like when I visited a free contraceptives drive on my Uni campus because they continually pestered me about it on my mail account.

I didn't have the heart to tell the enthusiastic woman telling me all about safe love-making that really I was there out of bewildered curiosity, I was a virgin, and I wouldn't be doing all that stuff for years yet! Rather embarrassing, but at least they've stopped mailing me...heh.

So yes, my questions here are just idle speculations on what I believe romance to be like I guess. Thanks for the reply regardless!

 

[IgnoredOne]

Solitary, those things sound awesome!! They aren't ridiculous or dull at all. What you do for the person you love probably differs from lady to lady, but I think what you've listed should tug a string in any woman's heart.

You want ridiculous? Personally, I'd really love it if my (non-existent) boyfriend would party up with me in an MMO, and randomly during some quest with other players around he'd say something along the lines of "[Insert username here] is my girlfriend, and I love her!" followed by a heart emote if applicable in the game. Don't use that idea, it won't get you anywhere.

One of the things I made sure to do with my g/f before I met her was to get us into an MMO so we could spend time virtually together, lol

 

[jjam]

Ooooooooo! GOT ONE!

Okay, ladies!

We all know that it is MEN who typically do the approaching. That's the expectation and usually how it goes, right? What I'd like to know is have you rejected one or more men who approached you and had you ever wondered at some point after the fact (maybe even years later) what could have been? Do you ever say to yourself, "gosh! maybe he was a good guy and had I given him a chance to dance with me, I might be happy with a good man right now"?

 

[kamya]

No. They don't :/ Not unless you suddenly become rich/famous/successful. Even then only if they were shallow to begin with.

=P Prove me wrong and answer away ladies.

 

[Chasm]

No. They don't :/ Not unless you suddenly become rich/famous/successful. Even then only if they were shallow to begin with.

=P Prove me wrong and answer away ladies.

LoL

 

[Okiedokes]

Ooooooooo! GOT ONE!

Okay, ladies!

We all know that it is MEN who typically do the approaching. That's the expectation and usually how it goes, right? What I'd like to know is have you rejected one or more men who approached you and had you ever wondered at some point after the fact (maybe even years later) what could have been? Do you ever say to yourself, "gosh! maybe he was a good guy and had I given him a chance to dance with me, I might be happy with a good man right now"?

I keep trying to think of a good answer for this. It has been awhile, because I haven't been asked since I was 17. However... the guys (a few I can think of) that I turned down... no I have not wondered what it would have been like with them but I did wonder how they were years later. A couple I did become sorta friends with.. so.. it wasn't more than that. Back in HS.. I was very naive when it came to relationships.. so I don't think it would have lasted with anyone.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Ooooooooo! GOT ONE!

Okay, ladies!

We all know that it is MEN who typically do the approaching. That's the expectation and usually how it goes, right? What I'd like to know is have you rejected one or more men who approached you and had you ever wondered at some point after the fact (maybe even years later) what could have been? Do you ever say to yourself, "gosh! maybe he was a good guy and had I given him a chance to dance with me, I might be happy with a good man right now"?

Not many guys have approached me, but I did turn one guy down, simply because we just weren't compatible. It was like mixing black and white together... You get this dull gray color, and I just knew I couldn't do that to not to myself, but to him. It just wouldn't have been fair to him to be with someone who just shared none of his interests with him. He was nice and said he'd do anything for me, but I knew eventually I'd only end up using him for what I wanted, and that I'd never like him for him.

So rejection isn't always bad, and it's not always negative. I honestly think I save both of us from wasting time. There's always a reason.

 

[5pt7art]

ok ladies heres one mauybe a stupid one but i touwld help me....so spare all your negative remarks.

what can i do to even get a female to notice me?...appearance?

 

[annik]

ok ladies heres one mauybe a stupid one but i touwld help me....so spare all your negative remarks.

what can i do to even get a female to notice me?...appearance?

Unfortunately thats a bit too broad. One girl could spend ages telling you a load of stuff thats going to be a total turn off or not something another girl would even notice.

I'd say something that crosses a wide range though is the whole being tidy and clean thing.

Personally my advice is dress and appear a way that makes you happy, that you feel comfortable with. That will show you off in the best light in my opinion and girls will notice that.

 

[5pt7art]

ok ladies heres one mauybe a stupid one but i touwld help me....so spare all your negative remarks.

what can i do to even get a female to notice me?...appearance?

Unfortunately thats a bit too broad. One girl could spend ages telling you a load of stuff thats going to be a total turn off or not something another girl would even notice.

I'd say something that crosses a wide range though is the whole being tidy and clean thing.

Personally my advice is dress and appear a way that makes you happy, that you feel comfortable with. That will show you off in the best light in my opinion and girls will notice that.

yea i fiugred it was too broad but couldt think of another way to word it....u say dresss how u like...exaple what if the way i dressed wasnt appealing to females?

 

[kamya]

Get in shape. If big, lose weight. If skinny, get muscles. Wear nice clothes. Have really good hygiene. That's the gist of what you need to attract women with your appearance.

For help with dressing nice check out http://www.reddit.com/r/malefashionadvice

[Edit- Oh and work on your posture. It makes a difference.]

 

[jjam]

And smile too. This doesn't mean look a woman in the eyes and smile all the time. You could be looking in another direction and be smiling. Smile just because you want to smile. Make it a feature of one of your typical countenances.

 

[annik]

yea i fiugred it was too broad but couldt think of another way to word it....u say dresss how u like...exaple what if the way i dressed wasnt appealing to females?

Well maybe it wouldn't be appealing to all but to be honest men don't really that as many options wardrobe wise and I can't really think of anything they could wear that would put all girls off.

Like I said the state of the clothes could make a difference. Like not stained.

Being comfortable yourself is what I'm getting at. A man who looks comfortable in his own skin is a very good feature.

 

[Lost Drifter]

Being comfortable yourself is what I'm getting at. A man who looks comfortable in his own skin is a very good feature.[/font]

HINT: not this

 

[annik]

Funny.

I'm pretty sure most men don't think that a viable everyday option. This is pretty much why I keep my thoughts to myself most of the time.

 

[Lost Drifter]

This is pretty much why I keep my thoughts to myself most of the time.

Don't do that. I happen to like them.

 

[kamya]

Yeah your thoughts are cool dood. Plus this is questions for the women. We just like to come in here and steal the spotlight.

 

[Okiedokes]

Yes...smiling is nice, makes me think they are laid back or happy with my company.