Rejected for my looks...(or lack of)

[Luna]

Just feel down today...
I go to the gym...eat healthy...take care of myself...trying to live a healthier lifestyle...
Sometimes I think to myself...that I am not so terrible looking...
Though I admit...my nose is a bit distracting, but I will have surgery next year...
But still...hurts to be rejected and unwanted by so many... ;_;

 

[*Sigh*]

Man I've been there many many times... Sometimes I wish the people of this world had no eyes.

 

[Luna]

Man I've been there many many times... Sometimes I wish the people of this world had no eyes.

*Sigh* is exactly how I am feeling right now...
I understand that physical attraction...cannot be controlled or changed.
We like what we like.
But I just wished I was what most people like.
While beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, there is are some men and women who majority of people will find attractive, and others who the majority of people will not.
I feel as if I am in the latter...despite my relentless efforts...

It hurts sometimes...when people tell me I am beautiful on the inside...
I have had quite a few people (Typically older men and women) tell me that to my face...
And what good is it? Who wants to live the way I have?
There's this constant gnawing pain inside my chest...
And it hurts because...I don't believe I am beautiful...

/end of miserable rant for tonight

 

[darkwall]

By all means have surgery if it will make you feel better about yourself - although I don't recommend it - but please don't think of it as a sort of automatic fixer. Personally I think that people "act" ugly, and that is possibly your problem.

You know that loud frat-boy with the face like a wildebeest's behind? He doesn't "act" ugly, so people don't pick up on it. He doesn't hide, or whisper, and in fact he will probably go through the whole of his life thinking he's a Casanova. I'm not saying you should be EXACTLY like him, but looks are also about confidence.

Most of all I think that you're projecting your issues into a single thing - your looks. If Ugly Betty has taught us anything, and I'm not saying it has, it's that someone can be completely unattractive and be well-loved. Now you're probably completely normal-looking, but even if you weren't there's a lot more to popularity than a perfect nose (I'm Jewish, and I should know).

The problem isn't your looks but your loneliness. People are prone to looking at lonely people as if they have something wrong with them. I can promise you that that incident at the bus-stop when the girl yelled at you wouldn't have happened if you were in a group of friends.

The good news is that as this site attests to, there are bloody loads of lonely people. You just have to look for them. And they're probably very nice and would like a friend. Before you do something irreversible like surgery, why not try going up to someone and asking them what they're reading? If you get embarrassed, it lasts a moment - surgery lasts a lifetime.

 

[DrawingCircleCircles]

The question really is... do you really want people to like you just because of your looks?
and do you really want to base your happiness based on what others think of your appearance? That just seems too stressful of a job. Trends change.

People get rejected and judged all the time. Even the pretty ones. But it sounds like you ARE a beautiful person not based only on what you look like, but because of who you are. Who wouldn't want a person that can take care of himself/herself. I bet there's plenty of more positives about you that all you had to do was think about them, if you could think you aren't so terrible as you said. So cheer up mate, you'll be alright! :]

 

[*Sigh*]

By all means have surgery if it will make you feel better about yourself - although I don't recommend it - but please don't think of it as a sort of automatic fixer. Personally I think that people "act" ugly, and that is possibly your problem.

You know that loud frat-boy with the face like a wildebeest's behind? He doesn't "act" ugly, so people don't pick up on it. He doesn't hide, or whisper, and in fact he will probably go through the whole of his life thinking he's a Casanova. I'm not saying you should be EXACTLY like him, but looks are also about confidence.

Most of all I think that you're projecting your issues into a single thing - your looks. If Ugly Betty has taught us anything, and I'm not saying it has, it's that someone can be completely unattractive and be well-loved. Now you're probably completely normal-looking, but even if you weren't there's a lot more to popularity than a perfect nose (I'm Jewish, and I should know).

The problem isn't your looks but your loneliness. People are prone to looking at lonely people as if they have something wrong with them. I can promise you that that incident at the bus-stop when the girl yelled at you wouldn't have happened if you were in a group of friends. Well, actually, I don't consider my self like horrendously ugly, but I have some things here and there I want to change.

The good news is that as this site attests to, there are bloody loads of lonely people. You just have to look for them. And they're probably very nice and would like a friend. Before you do something irreversible like surgery, why not try going up to someone and asking them what they're reading? If you get embarrassed, it lasts a moment - surgery lasts a lifetime.

The question really is... do you really want people to like you just because of your looks?
and do you really want to base your happiness based on what others think of your appearance? That just seems too stressful of a job. Trends change.

People get rejected and judged all the time. Even the pretty ones. But it sounds like you ARE a beautiful person not based only on what you look like, but because of who you are. Who wouldn't want a person that can take care of himself/herself. I bet there's plenty of more positives about you that all you had to do was think about them, if you could think you aren't so terrible as you said. So cheer up mate, you'll be alright! :]

It is really easy for people say "Oh, your beautiful the way you are.", "Its inner beauty that truly matters.", etc. And of course, in a sense that has some truth to it, but that truth isn't discover until people actually get to know the true person. In reality, appearances do matter. For example, a company executive is planning to hire an assistant, in this case a female, there are two possible candidates, a really obese woman that smells like barbeque pork or a very sexy girl, I can assume with 99% accuracy that he will choose the very sexy girl. That was a broad example, but this is how the world works, and looks do count. Do people really think that personality completely compromises for looks? If you do, than find the ugliest person you know and ask him or her on a date. Would you do it? I can almost guarantee he or she is nicer than most people. Of course, if you have a fetish for obese, old, and ugly than these questions don't apply to you. If you can love that person for who they are, then you deserve the right to say "You are beautiful the way you are." If not, you should get the fresia outta here ( I'm just kidding). But seriously, I hear people tell me all the time "you a great the way you are", but they are just trying to be nice. These words really do cheer a person up (at least at the moment it did for me), but they are just media branded cliches that people have mistaken for reality.

I am not trying to discourage the ugly folks out there, rather I am trying to let people know what is like to be, well, ugly. And by the way, I wrote this from the experience of 18 years of living, so I know how it feels to be ugly.

 

[Wyrm]

Yep, as the other members said, your attitude has a lot to do with how well-liked you are, and even has a lot of influence on how attractive you are (yes, for females too).

If you feel that you are ugly and unattractive, then it will show in ways you probably didn't expect or were aware of, but it definitely registers when other people see you. Just thinking about some random girls who I know from work and school, I can tell you that there are some who I don't find attractive, and a big part of it is because of how they behave and present themselves.

It's great that your trying to take care of how you look physically, but a big part of it is how you present and carry yourself and how you interact with others.

 

[Luna]

*Sigh*//

It is really easy for people say "Oh, your beautiful the way you are.", "Its inner beauty that truly matters.", etc. And of course, in a sense that has some truth to it, but that truth isn't discover until people actually get to know the true person.

Yes...funny how these people who tell me I am beautiful...are people who know me. I feel the same way about a lot of things you said in your post. I didn't and don't want to believe it, but the real truth always hurts.
I hope that we both will be proven wrong though soon enough...life's a *****!

Little_buddha/Hadrurus/DrawingCircles// Thank you for your replies. It is difficult for me to break away this feeling of "ugly" as my appearance has always been targeted by my classmates, and even my family for so many years which has left my self-image damaged.

Sad but true, my self-image is 1000x better than what it was 3 years ago back in school. Back in school, I used to walk with my head hung low, hid in the bathrooms/ empty classrooms, and would never make eye contact or smile. In that respect, you could say that I acted "ugly".

Since then, I am more comfortable going out in public, smiling, holding my head up etc. I don't intentionally act "ugly" like I did in the past...however, I won't rule out that perhaps I am sending these signals unknowingly. I wish...I wish I could see how others see me.
I joke often, smile (though sometimes forced), and will always accept an opportunity to meet people. You can believe my surprise when my supervisor told me that I am the happiest person she's ever met during my performance review lol. Perhaps I should go into acting hahaha.

But it hurts...in subtle everyday life events, when I see myself being treated differently/ poorly than an "attractive" person. By...pretty much...everyone...my family included.

I hope I do not sound as if I am discrediting your guys' advice/ opinion - I truly do appreciate your guys' insight.
I will take a deeper look into my actions and behaviour and try to see the type of "vibes" that I am sending out to others...
I will try to speak to more of the people on these forums...
I will try to improve myself; better how I present myself..

Up and til now, I thought I was doing an excellent job at hiding my loneliness and sadness.
I highly doubt that my co-workers would even suspect me of being such a lonely person; when I am quiet, they always question me why since they're used to me joking around lol.
These forums are the only place that I pour my heart out about my true feelings that I hide in public. However, like I said earlier in my post, I won't rule out that I am doing it unknowingly.

If it is my attitude causing my loneliness, then I will change it.
If it is my personality causing my loneliness, then I will change it.
If it is my appearance causing my loneliness, then I will change it.

I just feel like I am running out of options...I have tried hard to change all of the above, and am still trying. I just want quit trying to be happy, and be happy for once. If I do succeed in changing all of the above-listed and it doesn't work out...what is left for me to do?

 

[Wyrm]

Yeah it's hard to look like you're feeling good about yourself when you're actually hurting on the inside. It takes time and effort to actually change how you feel about yourself and your situation in general.

It took a while for me, but the most important thing that I learned was self-love, as well as self-respect. It's the protective, guiding energy which allows people to succeed by making them strive for what they want, as well as to stand up for themselves. Sounds cheesy I know, but learning this has changed my life.

You have to put more respect for yourself than for other people. Though it's important to help out others, there are those of us who must definitely think about and focus on ourselves (many other people are a little to good at doing this :/ ). Being happy is one thing, but feeling secure and loving yourself are essential. That, to me, is an odd, new, and very empowering feeling and is the real key to happiness if you ask me. It's not something that happens overnight, but it's definitely what those of us who are feeling down, frustrated, or weak should strive for.

 

[PoWer2tHePeOpLE]

well, yep, unfortunatley when you take a peak at some of the psych surveys out there you will notice the correlation between physical characteristics and career advancement/success and it would be ignorant to say that an individuals perceived attractiveness has no effect on some people and some events. Sure, maybe the taller guy with the strong jaw might get the job over the squat balding man if they are perfectly equal on all other attributes, but when would something like that happen? In some sort of psychological vacuum maybe? And if the less qualified person were to be selected because he/she has deep blue eyes you can lose yourself in then the company wont survive very long eh?

Attractiveness is a shallow veil that can cover deficiencies in personality and character, but not for very long and eventually the illusion is shattered if one has any depth. Looks fade for everyone, they are transient. Some people get addicted to physical attractiveness for it is a powerful aphrodisiac based on powerful biological instinct. The 'rip-off' is that the media machine keeps defining what is the ideal physical image and continues to flood the public consciousness, keeping the illusion alive and strong. The youth-obsessed culture has terrible side effects. It is sad, but all an illusion nonetheless.

Its pretty shitty, I agree.

You say that people who have known you have said that you are beautiful on the inside. That is to be cherished more than you know. If your heart and character are strong then you will run the distance in better stead then a pretty person who loses their looks later in life and is confronted with themselves only to realise (if they realise) that now they have to actually begin the real work of 'building character'.

Okay, I was once (when I was your age), considered pretty spunky..er..with all modesty hopefully I once discovered (accidently) that this girl that I thought liked me, actually thought I was UGLY.. on the INSIDE. Now, there were plenty of girls that didn't think I was attractive on the outside, but guess which memory sticks with me now?

Attraciveness is overrated. We all end up ugly in the end. Some people just discover this later than others, or never at all.

 

[Rogue]

*Sigh*//

It is really easy for people say "Oh, your beautiful the way you are.", "Its inner beauty that truly matters.", etc. And of course, in a sense that has some truth to it, but that truth isn't discover until people actually get to know the true person.

Yes...funny how these people who tell me I am beautiful...are people who know me. I feel the same way about a lot of things you said in your post. I didn't and don't want to believe it, but the real truth always hurts.
I hope that we both will be proven wrong though soon enough...life's a *****!

Little_buddha/Hadrurus/DrawingCircles// Thank you for your replies. It is difficult for me to break away this feeling of "ugly" as my appearance has always been targeted by my classmates, and even my family for so many years which has left my self-image damaged.

Sad but true, my self-image is 1000x better than what it was 3 years ago back in school. Back in school, I used to walk with my head hung low, hid in the bathrooms/ empty classrooms, and would never make eye contact or smile. In that respect, you could say that I acted "ugly".

Since then, I am more comfortable going out in public, smiling, holding my head up etc. I don't intentionally act "ugly" like I did in the past...however, I won't rule out that perhaps I am sending these signals unknowingly. I wish...I wish I could see how others see me.
I joke often, smile (though sometimes forced), and will always accept an opportunity to meet people. You can believe my surprise when my supervisor told me that I am the happiest person she's ever met during my performance review lol. Perhaps I should go into acting hahaha.

But it hurts...in subtle everyday life events, when I see myself being treated differently/ poorly than an "attractive" person. By...pretty much...everyone...my family included.

I hope I do not sound as if I am discrediting your guys' advice/ opinion - I truly do appreciate your guys' insight.
I will take a deeper look into my actions and behaviour and try to see the type of "vibes" that I am sending out to others...
I will try to speak to more of the people on these forums...
I will try to improve myself; better how I present myself..

Up and til now, I thought I was doing an excellent job at hiding my loneliness and sadness.
I highly doubt that my co-workers would even suspect me of being such a lonely person; when I am quiet, they always question me why since they're used to me joking around lol.
These forums are the only place that I pour my heart out about my true feelings that I hide in public. However, like I said earlier in my post, I won't rule out that I am doing it unknowingly.

If it is my attitude causing my loneliness, then I will change it.
If it is my personality causing my loneliness, then I will change it.
If it is my appearance causing my loneliness, then I will change it.

I just feel like I am running out of options...I have tried hard to change all of the above, and am still trying. I just want quit trying to be happy, and be happy for once. If I do succeed in changing all of the above-listed and it doesn't work out...what is left for me to do?

Luna, what do you look like?