Seeking Female Advice

[MovingForward]

Hi, this is a post regarding the perception of the part of many of the men/boys on the website that male sexual/relationship inexperience will preclude any sort of a relationship from forming. A sense that, "Since it hasn't happened already, it can't ever happen because no one will want to be with someone who is still figuring it out at my age(Be it 19 to 49 or whatthefuckever)" I went through and counted this out: in May alone, there were 5 such posts with something like this just in the TITLE, some launching multi-page threads, but in those threads there were few answers that directly responded to this specific part of the post.
So, I want to know, if a man has gotten himself toghether to the point where he no longer has whatever psychological/emotional difficulties that caused his isolation; is the very fact that he was formerly isolated truly going to scare you away from an otherwise suitable guy? Any response on this matter is appreciated, Thanks

 

[RebeccaSarah33]

it wouldn't scare me away lol. I don't really care about someones past unless they murdered someone or something scary like that, but however they are currently is what I look at.

but thats just my opinion and I'm only 1 female

Ive kinda noticed with my friends.. it seems like the more popular a girl is... the more she cares about this sort of thing like reputation, and maybe the more shallow and judegemental she might be ... lol, sometimes my friends can be downright mean/rude about this sorta thing and tease me for not agreeing with them...

look for a girl with a good heart if she cares about 'status' too much, then shes probably not all that loving because its all about what can you do for her.. lol <.<

just some insight from my experiences

 

[Badjedidude]

So, I want to know, if a man has gotten himself toghether to the point where he no longer has whatever psychological/emotional difficulties that caused his isolation; is the very fact that he was formerly isolated truly going to scare you away from an otherwise suitable guy? Any response on this matter is appreciated, Thanks

I know I'm not a female, but I do have something to add:

You don't have to TELL any women that you were formerly isolated. In fact, it might be best to just go ahead and act like you've always been without those emotional difficulties.

By the time you and a woman know each other well enough to share more intimate details with each other like that, she most likely won't be scared away by it.

Well, those're my 2 pence.

 

[Mysis]

I'm a guy as well, sorry...

Anyways...

In my experience, if anything, women are just relieved to know that they aren't just another girl to you.

You know, there used to be a time when society felt that inexperience added to the level of intimacy and romance.

But in all honesty, if you're real uneasy about it or doubtful, just don't say anything... If you really feel you gotta tell her, tell her after you've been together for awhile and you've gained a bit of experience with her, that way it would be pretty redundant of her to leave you over it.

But y'know... There's nothing shameful about it unless you think it's shameful. It's all about your point of view, and people will pick up on that when you tell them.

 

[encounter]

It wouldn't scare me away. I would actually like it. I'm a female.

 

[nerdygirl]

Sexual inexperience doesn't worry me. Relationship inexperience does. The last thing I need is to be involved with somebody who doesn't know what he wants and needs, and without experience, it's harder to know these things.

 

[VanillaCreme]

So, I want to know, if a man has gotten himself toghether to the point where he no longer has whatever psychological/emotional difficulties that caused his isolation; is the very fact that he was formerly isolated truly going to scare you away from an otherwise suitable guy? Any response on this matter is appreciated, Thanks

I know I'm not a female, but I do have something to add:

You don't have to TELL any women that you were formerly isolated. In fact, it might be best to just go ahead and act like you've always been without those emotional difficulties.

By the time you and a woman know each other well enough to share more intimate details with each other like that, she most likely won't be scared away by it.

Well, those're my 2 pence.

Well, I'd want to know about a guy's past and history. Simply because if I'm interested in him, I'd just like to know about him. But I don;t dig. I'm more appreciative of it if he willingly tells me about himself.

 

[Brian]

I think threads like this will consistently generate an inaccurate result, because the females who frequent this site have issues of their own. Therefor they're more likely to be accepting of men with similar problems.

I maintain that the vast majority of women who date men have their pick of partners and don't want to have to put up with inexperience, and I maintain that they have a sense for it based on unintentional behaviors, mannerisms, and if all else fails, one's 'technique'. The cat has to come out of the bag eventually.

The ones that would appreciate or be OK with it are already taken anyways, and have even more guys lined up to be with 'em because they tend to be higher quality people.

look for a girl with a good heart

I see what you did there.

 

[Mysis]

Y'know, I did have a similar discussion with my psychologist once.

It wasn't directly about relationships, but it was about how people view and react to others who have no relationships with friends, family, or otherwise.

She said that basically, yes, people are going to think it's strange. But that generally, people who are actually going to be good friends, partners, etc, aren't likely to give it so much thought that it completely pushes them away,

According to her, people who hold high potential as friends, partners, etc will tend to be more interested in understanding your experience, why it happened, how it happened, how it affected you, how you feel about it now, etc. Rather than just judging you or jumping to conclusions.

As she says, people aren't crazy, and jumping to conclusions is pretty crazy.

 

[lomojojo]

My immeadiate reaction as I read the post was "I wouldn't mind at all, in fact this might attract me more to the guy" but I absolutely agree with Brian, girls who visit this site might be more sympathetic because we have similar issues.

 

[Brian]

She said that basically, yes, people are going to think it's strange. But that generally, people who are actually going to be good friends, partners, etc, aren't likely to give it so much thought that it completely pushes them away,

According to her, people who hold high potential as friends, partners, etc will tend to be more interested in understanding your experience, why it happened, how it happened, how it affected you, how you feel about it now, etc. Rather than just judging you or jumping to conclusions.

I wish I could meet just one (single) female who I could get to know and who wouldn't judge. And instead of trying to figure out a quick way to not be seen with me, she'd scoot closer and ask 'why', and stay and listen and not think I'm some kind of freak. And maybe she'd be ok with it and at least give me a chance beyond one lunch or one cup of coffee.

fresia... I'm all choked up just thinking about it :\

 

[Badjedidude]

*brotherly shoulder pat for Brian*

Not a lot of people (male or female) are into listening (rather than judging) these days, unfortunately. Makes it very hard indeed. The only simple consolation I can offer is that you're not alone in it, man.

Here's to brighter days!

 

[Belzazace]

Everyone has some kind if baggage, whether they will admit it or not is a different story.

Yes I have issues of my own. And when i've found a guy im interested in I ask more about what his interests are and whether or not we can hold down and interesting conversation. I reckon if you can get that part down pat then you've got a good chance wit the girl and what ever you wanna bring up you can, it wouldnt matter.

Unless you said something like you enjoy smelling feet or drinking blood or something wack like that I accept people for who they are. I would accept those wack people above mentioned too I just wouldnt have anything to do with them!

 

[cheaptrickfan]

According to her, people who hold high potential as friends, partners, etc will tend to be more interested in understanding your experience, why it happened, how it happened, how it affected you, how you feel about it now, etc. Rather than just judging you or jumping to conclusions.

This is a really good point. If you put it in contrast to the type of person who can do nothing but talk nonstop about himself/herself, you can see a real difference.

fresia... I'm all choked up just thinking about it :\

Now to answer the OP's post:

So, I want to know, if a man has gotten himself toghether to the point where he no longer has whatever psychological/emotional difficulties that caused his isolation; is the very fact that he was formerly isolated truly going to scare you away from an otherwise suitable guy? Any response on this matter is appreciated, Thanks

No.

But as Brian, I think it was, pointed out, the population here is not necessarily representative of the general public, because lots of us here might have a quite different set of experiences which have set us aside from the norm.

That's not to say that everyone here is a loner, but many of us have dealt with whatever it is that has given us this feeling of loneliness whether it is a chronic illness, being locked in an unhappy marriage, extreme shyness etc.

So yeah, we might be more open to considering other people's experiences without automatically recoiling in shock and horror.