darkwall
Well-known member
One of the cliches that are true about English people is their obsession with the weather. I was at the allotment today, waiting to use the communal tap, and there's a guy waiting next to me with a jovial sort of spark in his eye. Oh no, I think. He's going to say something about the weather.
"Sunny, isn't it?"
This carries all the significance of me turning to him and saying "Look! There's grass over there", but of course despite it being the single most obvious thing he could say, this is England, so I go "Oh, yes," and do a lot of nodding.
Sometimes, though, I like to be subversive in my small talk. I'll be standing next to someone and I'll click my tongue and go "Football, eh?" and they'll go "Isn't it just?" and then look puzzled.
I give people credit - I know that they don't want to begin a conversation about Labour while waiting to use a pump. That's why I think that everyone should have certain facts memorised. You're waiting in a long queue:
"Did you know that all clams start out as males, and about half decide to become a female at some point in their lives?"
"No, but did you know that Shakespeare was 46 when the King James Bible came out ... The 46th letter from the first word of the 46th psalm is "Shake", and the 46th word from the last word of the same psalm is "Spear"?"
That way, we'll not only be able to get through a three-minute wait without wanting to bash our heads against the wall at man's inanity to man: we may also profit by the experience.
"Sunny, isn't it?"
This carries all the significance of me turning to him and saying "Look! There's grass over there", but of course despite it being the single most obvious thing he could say, this is England, so I go "Oh, yes," and do a lot of nodding.
Sometimes, though, I like to be subversive in my small talk. I'll be standing next to someone and I'll click my tongue and go "Football, eh?" and they'll go "Isn't it just?" and then look puzzled.
I give people credit - I know that they don't want to begin a conversation about Labour while waiting to use a pump. That's why I think that everyone should have certain facts memorised. You're waiting in a long queue:
"Did you know that all clams start out as males, and about half decide to become a female at some point in their lives?"
"No, but did you know that Shakespeare was 46 when the King James Bible came out ... The 46th letter from the first word of the 46th psalm is "Shake", and the 46th word from the last word of the same psalm is "Spear"?"
That way, we'll not only be able to get through a three-minute wait without wanting to bash our heads against the wall at man's inanity to man: we may also profit by the experience.
