So, I'm thinking about meeting a guy.

[SophiaGrace]

I'm considering meeting him offline. (met him via okcupid) He seems sweet, going to get his BA in Web Design.

However, I'm going to D.C. soon (in the fall) and would really prefer someone to be around more in person. I really don't want another long-distance relationship.

Good news is that he accepts me for who I am. Bad news is that he is acting like he is already my boyfriend and we haven't even met yet. That's putting me off.

He says he's never had a girlfriend before so perhaps I can understand a bit of awkwardness on his part. I feel waaaay more experience than he is in terms of relationships and more mature emotionally than him. I think he hasn't gone through as many thing as I have.

I'm sort of afraid, due to his inexperience, that he'll see me as a learning-curve gf, rather than take us seriously. (I should talk with him about this) Also, since he's so inexperienced, be really into the sexual aspect of things right away, when I'd prefer to take things slow and build trust.

*thinking*

 

[Sci-Fi]

Hmm...won't deny that yeah he'll probably see you as a learning curve girlfriend BUT he might not. And you should know by now that when it comes to relationships you women are much more mature emotionally than us men. So, yes talk to him about it, but seeing as you are already thinking of doing that you don't need to hear it from anyone else.

 

[Callie]

(((((soph))))))

You never know what can come out of any relationship. It may be his first, but that doesn't necessarily mean he won't take it seriously. Do whatever it is you think is right. You're an awesome person and you'll make the best decision.

 

[jales]

I actually guys I know tend to really love their first girls (it's true that sometimes they may not appreciate them as much as they would if they fully knew what else was out there...) But well just what I see in the guy I have met.

I would not tell him that you think due to his inexperience blah blah.. I would just say 'I am worried that you will see me as a learning curve girlfriend if we end up being a couple, and that you may want to rush into sex.. those are my fears.'

And then discuss them. Good luck meeting him. And it is great that he likes you too much, trust me the flip-side to that can really suck

 

[brittany_x0]

Well since you'll be going away soon, explain that to him. Maybe it's best you guys stay friends. You have to think about if it's really worth having to figure out and worry all the time how you guys are going to see each other. It makes things a bit too difficult when two people become attached, and then one has to move away.... so maybe just think about that itself.

You said he already acts like he's your boyfriend, so it sounds like he's already attached. That's not always good. Maybe he feels like he's gotta hold onto you, otherwise he won't have anybody at all.

 

[SkuzzieMuff]

The first girl seems to be the most important, somehow... A boy's first girlfriend can break him, and change his life forever.... But, that's only if things go wrong, and in this fast paced society, I think men push women to move too fast. Taking it slow is definitely a good idea, not just in this situation, but always I think. And maybe It's our responsibility to keep the chase going, instead of giving in and letting them catch you too early. ^-^

I can only imagine how awkward it might be to meet someone that you feel like you know so well, but yet again not at all, in person for the first time... And, if he's already treating you like a girlfriend, that might be tough too, but I understand why as well. Maybe, shortly before you leave for your trip, the two of you should talk about what things will be ok or not? But, yet again, most people don't like brutal honesty as much as I do, and it might weird him out... Though, I think it should be totally fair for a woman to set her boundaries... He's going to want to push (because men are like that) but you've gotta be firmly planted in your position, and not bend or break...

How long will you be visiting, where are you staying (like in his place, or a hotel) and what plans do you have already? If you keep your days filled with fun and excitement, it hopefully will keep it from going the wrong direction too fast... But if you're just chillin' out at his place all day, that's when the trouble starts...

 

[AFrozenSoul]

My first reaction was to say have a quick and intense fling and then end it before you leave. However, since you want to build trust then I say just keep him at a distance and start looking for guys in the area you are going to be moving too. Otherwise I think you would just be taking advantage of the guy.

I will say that I am very accepting of females if I think it will increase my chances of having sex.

 

[Kenny]

But, yet again, most people don't like brutal honesty as much as I do.

Marry me. I love you.

He's going to want to push (because men are like that) but you've gotta be firmly planted in your position, and not bend or break...

She also needs to make sure that people know where she is going, where she is going to be, whom she is going to be with, and most importantly, that this boy/guy (man) knows that others know this. For her safety. Trust me.

 

[SophiaGrace]

My first reaction was to say have a quick and intense fling and then end it before you leave. However, since you want to build trust then I say just keep him at a distance and start looking for guys in the area you are going to be moving too. Otherwise I think you would just be taking advantage of the guy.

AFS, I think we function differently in terms of why we might want sex and when. It's kind of interesting how people can differ on that.

Anyways, I think right now I"m trying to decide if I possibly want to put the emotional energy into this guy or not since I'm moving away. I am so sick of long distance relationships. =/ I also have other guys I'm talking to at the moment and this particular guy's behavior is making me feel like I shouldn't be talking to them. I mean, I did ask him for a date but a date doesn't automatically mean "hey you're my boyfriend!"

I REALLY don't want to hurt him because he seems so sweet and kind. =/

So, messing with his head is out of the question.

---

She also needs to make sure that people know where she is going, where she is going to be, whom she is going to be with, and most importantly, that this boy/guy (man) knows that others know this. For her safety. Trust me.

This is a good idea Kenny. I'll be sure to implement this. Thanks.

---

The first girl seems to be the most important, somehow... A boy's first girlfriend can break him, and change his life forever.... But, that's only if things go wrong, and in this fast paced society, I think men push women to move too fast. Taking it slow is definitely a good idea, not just in this situation, but always I think. And maybe It's our responsibility to keep the chase going, instead of giving in and letting them catch you too early. ^-^

I can only imagine how awkward it might be to meet someone that you feel like you know so well, but yet again not at all, in person for the first time... And, if he's already treating you like a girlfriend, that might be tough too, but I understand why as well. Maybe, shortly before you leave for your trip, the two of you should talk about what things will be ok or not? But, yet again, most people don't like brutal honesty as much as I do, and it might weird him out... Though, I think it should be totally fair for a woman to set her boundaries... He's going to want to push (because men are like that) but you've gotta be firmly planted in your position, and not bend or break...

How long will you be visiting, where are you staying (like in his place, or a hotel) and what plans do you have already? If you keep your days filled with fun and excitement, it hopefully will keep it from going the wrong direction too fast... But if you're just chillin' out at his place all day, that's when the trouble starts...

Well, I don't feel I know him THAT well, but I know him enough to get a "read" on his emotions and "read" how he treats me via his words when we speak.

We are located in the same town right now. You've got a good idea on not going to his place right away.

I also know that guys tend to respect you more if you aren't easy. It's just how it is. Sorry, a bit off topic, but I really do want to be respected by guys while dating them in general. Also, I do think holding out on doing sexual things, is like, to me, it's almost like holding a piece of myself away from them until I decide whether or not they're worth it to place that emotional trust in. I guess while sex, to other people is just something that feels good, it's a sign of trust for me and also a sign of me putting emotional value on the person. Make sense?

I think we both don't want a long-distance relationship because whenever I bring up having to go to D.C. he gets sad. =l

---

Another thing. My Social life is improving and it's partially thanks to facebook event invitations!

I'm going to go to one of my classmate's senior music recitals on saturday. She's a music major. So I"m going to go and buy her flowers beforehand and then give them to her after her performance.

Also, I went to a retreat this past weekend and talked to people even though I felt horrible inside that I had no social life. I tried talking and they seemed to like me.

Also, wow. There is this girl that's graduating in May. I want to go to her graduation. WE were friends at Temple. (wow am I actually saying the word friend?) and there's a girl that wants to meet up again from high school. =o

Things are improving!

 

[AFrozenSoul]

AFS, I think we function differently in terms of why we might want sex and when. It's kind of interesting how people can differ on that.

Anyways, I think right now I"m trying to decide if I possibly want to put the emotional energy into this guy or not since I'm moving away. I am so sick of long distance relationships. =/ I also have other guys I'm talking to at the moment and this particular guy's behavior is making me feel like I shouldn't be talking to them. I mean, I did ask him for a date but a date doesn't automatically mean "hey you're my boyfriend!"

I REALLY don't want to hurt him because he seems so sweet and kind. =/

So, messing with his head is out of the question.

I think you answered your own question. You are moving away. Sex aside, I feel long distance relationships are lies in general. If you do not feel strongly enough about someone to change your life for them, then it is not meant to be. Hence why I said just look for guys in the area you are moving too.

As for hurting him... the longer you take to decide the greater the pain will be. :S the only thing you have listed that you like about him is he is nice. You do not like his interest in sex and you do not like how possessive he is. Not to mention you have other options. You need to start thinking about yourself a little. If you do not start doing that, then you will likely just cause yourself more pain.

 

[HermesReborn]

Honestly...

It doesn't seem like you're very interested in this guy. You sound like you're intrigued by his innocence, and inexperience.
But if he's already acting like your boyfriend, then it's most likely he's going to be a clinger.
And first timers are always clingers.
My guess is that as much as you like him, you're going to get bored and put off with him in the long run.
I'd stay away from it.
Women don't know, but guys are really fragile at that state in their lives.
What you do to him will make/or break him.
I firmly believe that women are a bit stronger emotionally than guys.
So tread carefully.
Look for guys closer to you.
And wait...
Maybe he'll get some experience and seek you out later....