So much to say , Don't know where to begin

[alphacompton]

Hi, I recently joined this forum. I think my current unhappiness with life is due to combination of many of the worst factors.
For starters I am west Indian with a 1/4 Chinese. since High School I have been typically confused for a Indian from India. As I do not look west Indian or Chinese. Even West Indian's sometimes do not see me as West Indian. Anyway I'm fairly overweight. Also I have a bit of a weird issue (that I've been seeing my doctor about) where some parts of my skin get very dry and ashy ( and my doctor doesn't know what to do) but at least they are covered with normal clothes except the neck area.

So my appearance is , Fat , probably Ugly and Indian.​

I don't see how it could be worse unless I had a deformation of some kind.
I used to have more confidence in myself back in highschool but that was just my senior year.
I've started to hate life. I've tried working out and exercising since high school but nothing seems to have any noticeable effect. I've always had bad or cautious reactions from classmates but I've thought nothing of it. I realize now how they see me. So I've given up on relationships and I don't take time to go up to meet new people because I just assume they wouldn't want to talk with someone of my qualities.

When I really think about how I feel so alone or emo I feel something different I feel some kind of chemical reaction or something with my heart. I try to be really logical and scientific ( as science fascinates me). I wonder if it's a problem or disorder I have. No idea. I spend too much time daydreaming about what life would be like if I was a different race or not fat. I know it's bad to spend too much time thinking about that stuff so I've been trying to stop so now I just spend a lot of time watching tv shows and anime. I guess that's my distraction from life.

I'm 27 , I only have an associates and I live with my parents. I should really have a 4 year college degree by now or higher and a decent job and moved out. I made terrible choices to mess up college and not take it serious when I first started, so I feel like a failure. I'm doing my best to make up for it but there is simply no way to make up for lost time.

I don't want to admit it but like everyone here I really feel lonely and I miss having a girlfriend. I dumped my ex after 5 years because she had become so different and her parents never accepted me and most of all she just saw me in such a different light ( bad way) than every single person I have ever known and that bothered me so much. I would never get back with that girl but I miss being in a relationship, I miss holding hands going somewhere, I miss being leaned on , I miss putting my arm around someone. I have a friend that does that with me sometimes but it's not the same because we don't like each other romantically. She's just being nice because she know's I'm lonely.

I feel like Life would be so much better for me and I would be so much happier if I had a girlfriend but I know that with my current attitude no girl would be interested , not to mention she won't just fall out of the sky. I guess what I want to say is I feel like I can get myself together just for a short time but I yearn for someone to help support me and I would support them.
Back in Highschool I fell in love with a girl at first sight and I spent most of my time getting to know her even though she wasn't in my class, I did lost a lot of weight exercising and starving myself because when asked why I was going so hard I said Christina wouldn't go out with a fat person. She was my motivation. Is it wrong for me to feel the need for motivation . Everyone says stuff like " you need to love yourself before others " or " you need to lose weight for yourself". I'm slowly starting to accept myself for who I am but I can't say I love myself because I don't want to love myself if a girl can't love me. This sounds pathetic to me but I think this is the place to share these feeling because I can't share them anywhere else.

 

[Sigma]

Well you don't lack for motivation if you'd go so far as to starve yourself on top of exercising, even if it's quite an unhealthy approach to take (says the heavy drinker).
Anyways, I've always thought that you shouldn't change yourself to match everyone's expectations, rather you should find someone that accepts you for everything you are.
That is of course not the easy way, and if you suck at everything social related like myself it's just fancy words that don't really work out so well in practice, but still I'd rather be alone, than be with somebody that wouldn't even give me a glance if I didn't work my ass off to achieve the looks that meet her standards.
Well that's the best I've got, hope it makes some kind of sense.

 

[hye345]

Well you don't lack for motivation if you'd go so far as to starve yourself on top of exercising, even if it's quite an unhealthy approach to take (says the heavy drinker).
Anyways, I've always thought that you shouldn't change yourself to match everyone's expectations, rather you should find someone that accepts you for everything you are.
That is of course not the easy way, and if you suck at everything social related like myself it's just fancy words that don't really work out so well in practice, but still I'd rather be alone, than be with somebody that wouldn't even give me a glance if I didn't work my ass off to achieve the looks that meet her standards.
Well that's the best I've got, hope it makes some kind of sense.

Well, let's be practical here, there is a viable middle ground.

I've noticed that a lot of people tend to confuse a social preference to a social weakness. For instance, if you have certain quirky interests like comic books, or if you like spending time alone every once in a while, then so long as you aren't consumed by either, you would be right to hold on to them. It's what makes a large part of your personality.

On the other hand (following from the above example), if you insert comic book stories and characters into every conversation you have, or if you are too shy/introverted to make occasional smalltalk with strangers, then that's a weakness. Of course, there is no law that says you have to work on it, but by the same token, there is no law of the universe that says it owes you a perfect mate without any effort on your part.

My point is, sometimes it does make sense to tweak certain areas of your outer personality, to make it more palatable for others.

 

[NoRain]

Im sorry but Im gonna have to be honest with you. Your attitute towards things is awful!

I spend too much time daydreaming about what life would be like if I was a different race or not fat.

I had a best friend who was white, american, slim, good looking, went to university, and yet he was socially awkward and couldnt find a girflfriend. So stop thinking that the whole problem lies on the fact that you were born the way you were. Everyone has problems, you just have to work on them to turn your life into what you want it to be. Nothing's gonna change if you just sit there and wish you were white and skinny.

Everyone says stuff like " you need to love yourself before others " or " you need to lose weight for yourself". I'm slowly starting to accept myself for who I am but I can't say I love myself because I don't want to love myself if a girl can't love me. This sounds pathetic to me but I think this is the place to share these feeling because I can't share them anywhere else.

People say that for a reason. When you like yourself, you grow confidence. Confidence is sexy. Ive seen a lot of not so good looking guys land beautiful girls because of their confidence, their charm. Youre supposed to like yourself because YOU have to live with yourself. And if YOU dont wanna live with yourself, who would want to?

Im sorry if Im being harsh, but it sounded to me like you basically did all this complaining and didnt try that hard to make a change. And youre not supposed to do things so someone will like you, thats not how motivation should work. It should be like you looking at this amazing person who used to be obese and think "oh hey, if this person did it, so can I. This person will be my inspiration" or whatever.
You seriously need to change the way you think.

 

[Rosebolt]

Im sorry but Im gonna have to be honest with you. Your attitute towards things is awful!

I spend too much time daydreaming about what life would be like if I was a different race or not fat.

I had a best friend who was white, american, slim, good looking, went to university, and yet he was socially awkward and couldnt find a girflfriend. So stop thinking that the whole problem lies on the fact that you were born the way you were. Everyone has problems, you just have to work on them to turn your life into what you want it to be. Nothing's gonna change if you just sit there and wish you were white and skinny.

Everyone says stuff like " you need to love yourself before others " or " you need to lose weight for yourself". I'm slowly starting to accept myself for who I am but I can't say I love myself because I don't want to love myself if a girl can't love me. This sounds pathetic to me but I think this is the place to share these feeling because I can't share them anywhere else.

People say that for a reason. When you like yourself, you grow confidence. Confidence is sexy. Ive seen a lot of not so good looking guys land beautiful girls because of their confidence, their charm. Youre supposed to like yourself because YOU have to live with yourself. And if YOU dont wanna live with yourself, who would want to?

Im sorry if Im being harsh, but it sounded to me like you basically did all this complaining and didnt try that hard to make a change. And youre not supposed to do things so someone will like you, thats not how motivation should work. It should be like you looking at this amazing person who used to be obese and think "oh hey, if this person did it, so can I. This person will be my inspiration" or whatever.
You seriously need to change the way you think.

There's not much i can add to this, it's something i would advice you as well.

Anyway, as you say, alot of people have already told you to love yourself first and such, people told me that for a long time as well, i know how it feels. As NoRain is saying, girls look for confidence in a guy, the alpha male principle, to put it primitively. To use all stereotypes, if i was some sort of transgendered korean gamer who weighs 1000 pounds, i could have a girlfriend if i was confident in who i am.

I know from experience that just simply telling you to start loving yourself all of a sudden won't work, you'd actually feel annoyed by me. What i'd suggest, is to try, once a day, to write down something nice you've done, doesn't have to be big, just something small, like, walked the dog for 10 minutes, or something. Just writing this thread is a big accomplishment already, try focussing on such things a bit more. Can you do that for me?