DariusArgent
Well-known member
Hello everyone. This might be tl;dr for everyone and if it is such the case then I am sorry.
For those that don't know, I'm a 26 year old dude from Macedonia. My life is not much of a great fairytale (can't say that it is much of a great tragedy though), but more like a roller-coaster. But when you realize some things in life it somehow becomes a burden for you.
In my early childhood my life was fair. Didn't have much problems with my family and had great friends from the neighborhood. I lived with my grandmother (she was very strict, but since I was mild-mannered and obedient I had no problems with her). Then came the time to go to school. Since I was taught by my grandmother to follow the rules and do your best, I studied hard and had the greatest grade score for my class. For this, my classmates sort of hated me. I wasn't bullied much but rarely they talked to me and I was sort of alone. But back then I was really ignorant and focused on my studying to please my grandmother and parents so I wasn't asking myself "Why doesn't anyone like me?" or "Why am I alone?" and such things.
Then came a small war in the town that I lived. I had to leave town with my family and go to the capital city. That's when I had to start high school and I enrolled in a private high school where classes are taught in english. Of course the scholarship price was huge and in turn many of the classmates there were rich, spoiled brats. I couldn't fit in anywhere and I was simply alone. I made many mistakes there for which I was mocked, but hey, I thought that it was all fun and games which in truth they were treating me like a clown. Since I was ignored most of the time in middle school, I wasn't taught how to be sociable and wasn't hanging out at all. They even said that "I should die because I didn't smoke and drink". Thank god for the classes of the lower years were normal people and I could barely make some friends there.
Then there was this girl that I liked. She could draw exceptionally and I admired that. Of course I didn't tell that to anyone and I could hardly talk to her because I didn't have experience talking to people of the opposite gender. A good friend tried to hook me up with her but in the end they got really close and in the end they hooked up. He tried to call me in case if I wanted still to hook up with her but I didn't call back and left back for my hometown to stay alone for a while to calm down my frustrations. I know this is a wrong move by my but back then I was emotionally unstable and didn't know how to react. And they hooked up, not for long though. My contact with that friend diminished but we still see each other from time to time and I forgave him; after all it was he who brought me up some friends during the time in high school.
Then came college. In that time I was grim and forbidding due to my experiences in high school and I didn't bother to make friends at all. I thought that everyone was bad, that everyone will take advantage of you and if you make a tiny mistake everyone will scoff at you. But then came a colleague who was a girl and somehow we became good friends. How did that happen I still don't know and back then I wondered how could she stand me for almost every girl I met in my life treated me like air. She was kind and gentle, one of those girls who wants everything to be pink. We talked more through chatting though, we didn't see each other much when we were in college because I failed in one class which was crucial to move towards next year's classes and I had to relearn that class the next year while she moved on. We still kept contact though. She taught me many things, how to be kind towards people and all that jazz.
Then came her birthday. She invited me and I accepted. I was supposed to meet one of her colleagues but when I was at the meeting place in the right time he was there. I waited for half an hour and thought that he might be already at the party so I went. And when I arrived something happened that I didn't expect: she came to me furiously and asked me where her colleague was. I told her that I waited for him but as I started to talk she turned her back away. She didn't bother to look at my present even. I was kinda shocked and devastated. Why would she react this way for such a small misunderstanding, I thought we were friends. She smiled and hugged everyone, including the colleague which came later, but she ignored me. I talked with her colleague though and he was a nice guy, so I can't say that my stay there was terrible. Then she decided to move the party to another place, but I left home instead. The day after we got into an argument, I asked her why did she call me to her birthday at all if I was treated in such way, but she told me that if we weren't friends she wouldn't call me at all. After that event we rarely saw each other. I liked the girl and gathered some courage to ask her out but she told me that "those who were made for each other will always meet" and she declined. Didn't hear from her ever since. She graduated (thanks to me, she passed many classes because I helped her) while I didn't due to being depressed.
After some years, my brother introduced me to some people who he played League of Legends with. (Yes, I am a gamer and geek in general) They were a swell group at first glance, and we played the game alot and met in a coffeehouse. I noticed one thing though, everyone in that coffebar knew each other, including my brother (but then again I know my brother has a thing with people, he makes people instantly like him when he meets them). I was kind of alienated in this place but then again, my newfound friends didn't mind me staying around so I was kind of fine with it. This was my first social experience of sorts (in my 23 year at that. kind of embarrasing). The group increased and a friend from high school also joined this group. For three years we had time doing stuff, including watching moves in cinemas, playing video and tabletop games and such. Everything was fine and I thought that things will get better. I even opened up a facebook account (I have only around 30 in my friend list though, unlike the others in the group which had hundreds of contacts).
Fast forward to last month and then suddenly something wierd happened. Everyone in that group started to... I can't explain it, like started to treat me as air. They ignored everything I say, they didn't like my posts and pictures on facebook (only my brother was like acting that I am there at all, while they still kept talking to each other and liking each other's posts in facebook). I also was sick at the time so I wasn't going out much. No one asked how I was feeling and whether I would get better (even though my brother tells me that such is not the case and that people do indeed ask me if I will return, but I do not trust him because he knows that I have difficulty making friends and I think that he lies just to cheer me up. After all if they would ask such things they would contact me and not ask my brother). I also made an experiment, I continued to be "sick" and not visit the coffehouse much. No one called. No one asked how am I. No one told me to get better. It's like I am forgotten.
And yeah, now I am sitting here and type this. During my lifetime I brought up to some conclusions. To have good social life is to be around many places and to meet different people from the beginning (as in from being in middle school). But since most of the time I spent studying and wasting my time in front of gaming consoles and computer screens, my social life degraded. And in such way, I developed my own culture and my own way of interaction in people which is kind of incompatible with the common social interaction in the place I live in. Everyone knows each other in the city (as well as forming cliques, so you will have much difficulty finding a compatible group, even with your same tastes in things, in the let's say 20s). Hell, I didn't even had any romantic relationships because of the way I lived my life.
So yeah... I don't know what to do. I don't know where and how to meet people to be friends with. Most of the people in my age are formed in cliques now and it is difficult for those cliques to accept outsiders. Such is the rule here.
If you read all of this then I thank you.
For those that don't know, I'm a 26 year old dude from Macedonia. My life is not much of a great fairytale (can't say that it is much of a great tragedy though), but more like a roller-coaster. But when you realize some things in life it somehow becomes a burden for you.
In my early childhood my life was fair. Didn't have much problems with my family and had great friends from the neighborhood. I lived with my grandmother (she was very strict, but since I was mild-mannered and obedient I had no problems with her). Then came the time to go to school. Since I was taught by my grandmother to follow the rules and do your best, I studied hard and had the greatest grade score for my class. For this, my classmates sort of hated me. I wasn't bullied much but rarely they talked to me and I was sort of alone. But back then I was really ignorant and focused on my studying to please my grandmother and parents so I wasn't asking myself "Why doesn't anyone like me?" or "Why am I alone?" and such things.
Then came a small war in the town that I lived. I had to leave town with my family and go to the capital city. That's when I had to start high school and I enrolled in a private high school where classes are taught in english. Of course the scholarship price was huge and in turn many of the classmates there were rich, spoiled brats. I couldn't fit in anywhere and I was simply alone. I made many mistakes there for which I was mocked, but hey, I thought that it was all fun and games which in truth they were treating me like a clown. Since I was ignored most of the time in middle school, I wasn't taught how to be sociable and wasn't hanging out at all. They even said that "I should die because I didn't smoke and drink". Thank god for the classes of the lower years were normal people and I could barely make some friends there.
Then there was this girl that I liked. She could draw exceptionally and I admired that. Of course I didn't tell that to anyone and I could hardly talk to her because I didn't have experience talking to people of the opposite gender. A good friend tried to hook me up with her but in the end they got really close and in the end they hooked up. He tried to call me in case if I wanted still to hook up with her but I didn't call back and left back for my hometown to stay alone for a while to calm down my frustrations. I know this is a wrong move by my but back then I was emotionally unstable and didn't know how to react. And they hooked up, not for long though. My contact with that friend diminished but we still see each other from time to time and I forgave him; after all it was he who brought me up some friends during the time in high school.
Then came college. In that time I was grim and forbidding due to my experiences in high school and I didn't bother to make friends at all. I thought that everyone was bad, that everyone will take advantage of you and if you make a tiny mistake everyone will scoff at you. But then came a colleague who was a girl and somehow we became good friends. How did that happen I still don't know and back then I wondered how could she stand me for almost every girl I met in my life treated me like air. She was kind and gentle, one of those girls who wants everything to be pink. We talked more through chatting though, we didn't see each other much when we were in college because I failed in one class which was crucial to move towards next year's classes and I had to relearn that class the next year while she moved on. We still kept contact though. She taught me many things, how to be kind towards people and all that jazz.
Then came her birthday. She invited me and I accepted. I was supposed to meet one of her colleagues but when I was at the meeting place in the right time he was there. I waited for half an hour and thought that he might be already at the party so I went. And when I arrived something happened that I didn't expect: she came to me furiously and asked me where her colleague was. I told her that I waited for him but as I started to talk she turned her back away. She didn't bother to look at my present even. I was kinda shocked and devastated. Why would she react this way for such a small misunderstanding, I thought we were friends. She smiled and hugged everyone, including the colleague which came later, but she ignored me. I talked with her colleague though and he was a nice guy, so I can't say that my stay there was terrible. Then she decided to move the party to another place, but I left home instead. The day after we got into an argument, I asked her why did she call me to her birthday at all if I was treated in such way, but she told me that if we weren't friends she wouldn't call me at all. After that event we rarely saw each other. I liked the girl and gathered some courage to ask her out but she told me that "those who were made for each other will always meet" and she declined. Didn't hear from her ever since. She graduated (thanks to me, she passed many classes because I helped her) while I didn't due to being depressed.
After some years, my brother introduced me to some people who he played League of Legends with. (Yes, I am a gamer and geek in general) They were a swell group at first glance, and we played the game alot and met in a coffeehouse. I noticed one thing though, everyone in that coffebar knew each other, including my brother (but then again I know my brother has a thing with people, he makes people instantly like him when he meets them). I was kind of alienated in this place but then again, my newfound friends didn't mind me staying around so I was kind of fine with it. This was my first social experience of sorts (in my 23 year at that. kind of embarrasing). The group increased and a friend from high school also joined this group. For three years we had time doing stuff, including watching moves in cinemas, playing video and tabletop games and such. Everything was fine and I thought that things will get better. I even opened up a facebook account (I have only around 30 in my friend list though, unlike the others in the group which had hundreds of contacts).
Fast forward to last month and then suddenly something wierd happened. Everyone in that group started to... I can't explain it, like started to treat me as air. They ignored everything I say, they didn't like my posts and pictures on facebook (only my brother was like acting that I am there at all, while they still kept talking to each other and liking each other's posts in facebook). I also was sick at the time so I wasn't going out much. No one asked how I was feeling and whether I would get better (even though my brother tells me that such is not the case and that people do indeed ask me if I will return, but I do not trust him because he knows that I have difficulty making friends and I think that he lies just to cheer me up. After all if they would ask such things they would contact me and not ask my brother). I also made an experiment, I continued to be "sick" and not visit the coffehouse much. No one called. No one asked how am I. No one told me to get better. It's like I am forgotten.
And yeah, now I am sitting here and type this. During my lifetime I brought up to some conclusions. To have good social life is to be around many places and to meet different people from the beginning (as in from being in middle school). But since most of the time I spent studying and wasting my time in front of gaming consoles and computer screens, my social life degraded. And in such way, I developed my own culture and my own way of interaction in people which is kind of incompatible with the common social interaction in the place I live in. Everyone knows each other in the city (as well as forming cliques, so you will have much difficulty finding a compatible group, even with your same tastes in things, in the let's say 20s). Hell, I didn't even had any romantic relationships because of the way I lived my life.
So yeah... I don't know what to do. I don't know where and how to meet people to be friends with. Most of the people in my age are formed in cliques now and it is difficult for those cliques to accept outsiders. Such is the rule here.
If you read all of this then I thank you.
