so..

[it-is_what_it-is]

so.... i need some help...
my dad past away in my arms. i held him while he was suffering a massive heart attack it took minuets for it to take his life. idk what to do. it scared me for life. i feel as if its the hardest thing i will eever have to experiecne. on top of that i had a post couple months ago that i was depressed. and thisdont help. idk what to do. its like i was a snowglobe and everythingwas eh.. ok.. and now soome1 picked it up and shook that ***** and now idk.. its crazy. idk what to think waht to do. i think bout the whole experiecen all the time. 24/7 all i can see is his face from that moment in time. its f**ked me up hardcore mentaly. idk what to do... i go to bed thinkin bout it wake up puking cuz i think bout it to much. its crazy.

i was never a drinker but now i drink straight vodka to help cope with my problem. i dont think its a g ood solution but it helps..... lifes to short... everyone take pictures with your family often. thats something i wish i would of did.... and allways say i love you. another thing i wish i would of done. im a male so me and my father never said i love you alot. but we knew we loved eachother.... but i wish i would of said i love you alot more.... you never know when someones time to go is. life is a sad thing. it dont last forever.

 

[somber_radiance]

I'm so sorry. I don't know much about you and your story with your father...but time will heal you. I once watched a stranger drop down dead in front of me...of heart failure. I later found out he was the little brother of someone I knew. I know that's nothing compared to what you went through, but I too had that haunting memory of a person struggling to take his last breath. I was only 15 at the time...and I was so traumatized by what I saw I never dared talked about it until about 2 years later.

You should move on to think about the good times you and your father shared. Think on his good traits...and how he would have liked to be remembered. Life IS short. So you shouldn't throw away your own too. Your father would have wanted you to continue and become a better person. Be the man you know will make him proud. You represent him...you are literally a part of him. One of his greatest accomplishments was bringing you to this world. So, live your life for him...live for both him and yourself.

 

[AFrozenSoul]

You know this is one of those situations that it is hard to say whether or not what happened was a bad thing. I mean on one end of the spectrum you witnessed the end of the life. On the other end of the spectrum you were there to share his final moments. It could be worse he could have spent his last moments alone. In a situation like that. Those last moments probably lasted an eterninty... even if it was too short for you.

All life ends friend. There is nothing that you can do about it. Take the lesson you are giving us and live it from here on out. You may only get one father. However, you can have a lot of others to love in your life.

 

[it-is_what_it-is]

afrozensoul, i had some1 tell me similar to the same thng, and im blessed that i wass able to be with him. and i thank god for that each and evry second. but i still wana ask why so soon....

like somber radiance said, im only 19 and that honeysuckle was tramatizing. and i try to thnk of the good times andwhat he has tought me and try to move on. but that image allways lingers in the back of my head and replays itself over and over..

 

[Sci-Fi]

Oh wow...that's so sad...I don't know what to say. You had him in your life so that's a good thing, but he was taken so soon. Like Frozen said, at least you were there with him in his last moments. Just having you there...that had to give him some peace.

You need to stop the drinking though, live your life how you know your father would want you to. Honor his memory.

 

[Poguesy]

It's shite but you somehow get through it.

 

[it-is_what_it-is]

i agree scifi, and i agree with u to poguesy. i just wish the healing process of this was alot faster =/..

 

[Lonely in BC]

I envy you for having that kind of relationship with your father. I've been estranged from my "father" for several years as I couldn't accept his behaviors and condescending attitude any longer. I've been lucky enough to have found elderly friends in my small town that have sort of "adopted" me- I frequently check in on them and we've developed a relationship that goes beyond friends.

Getting back to you though. I think the greatest way to show your love and respect for your Father is to be the role model it sounds like he was to you- there could be no greater compliment or legacy. Even if you don't have children of your own (you didn't mention if you do) you can still be that inspiring person your father was to you. I'm not sure if it's remotely interesting to you (or even an option to you) but you could get involved in a "big brother" type of program- it won't fill the void left by your fathers absence but will allow you to place yourself in his shoes.

About the drinking-you already know that it's not the answer so I'll not bother telling you how it won't benefit you beyond this- my fathers drinking is a major contributer to my less than happy childhood and my lack of respect for him to this day.

Best of luck to you.

 

[it-is_what_it-is]

lonley in bc, i try to be like him everyday and take what he has tought me and move foward and share it with others like you have stated. and i totaly agree with what you have said.

sorry to hear about your son/father relationship. but from how you coped with it, tells me you are a strong person mentally. for finding a solution to your problem and a wise solution at that.

 

[HC22]

I'm really sorry you had to experience this
I just can't immagine how horrible it could be to witness such a thing.
I really don't know what to say it's a real tragedy and it's a pity that you had to suffer this much.

I feel like therapy would be a good solution for you now, I think they will know how to deal with you better than we could, let them help you to get better and find tour place back into life ... they could give you the key to get out of this state.
Drinking isntead is not what you need it's just adding a problem to another problem and your father would not want this for you. I don't know him of course but as a father I immagine that if he could he would tell you, to refrain from detroying yourself with sorrow and regret and just try to move on.
You knew him, so you would know better than I do, but this is what I believe parents would want for their sons after they're gone.

If I were to be a mother and I was told that I would have to die, I would want my son to carry on living happily, just as if I were with him like everyday.
I would be happier to see him lead a joyful life leaving this bad happening behind than I would be seeing him crying on my tomb.
I think this is just how parents are.

So live.

It will be hard in the beginning, very very hard, but as the months will pass, you'll naturally begin to heal, a lot of people you see everyday in the streets have lost their parents, but you can't even tell if you don't get to know them well.
Humans are like this, they are made to adapt and survive,... you are a human too.
Now it just hurts, so muck that is makes you feel sick, but I think it will get better, don't keep your pain inside share it with the people around you, let them support you, it will probably feel to you like nobody can really understand your pain though, in these situations it's a normal reaction, so I suggest you to try to find a comunity of people that have your same problems, search online, or ask to someone who could know about it, meeting people in your same dramatic situation could definitley help you understand that you're not alone, and not the only one who is forced to deal with something so horrible, the ones who have lived these kind of things will give you helpful advices on how to move on when there seems to be no way out.

This is a sermon Jesus preached
THE SERMON ON THE MOUNT



CHAPTER V

A ND seeing the multitudes, he went up into the mountain :
** and when he had sat down, his disciples came unto him :
2 And he opened his mouth and taught them, saying,

3 TI Blessed are the poor in spirit : for theirs is the kingdom
of heaven.

4 If Blessed are they that mourn : for they shall be comforted.

5 If Blessed are the meek : for they shall inherit the earth.

6 If Blessed are they that hunger and thirst after righteous-
ness : for they shall be filled.

7 If Blessed are the merciful : for they shall obtain mercy.

8 TJ Blessed are the pure in heart : for they shall see God.

9 If Blessed are the peacemakers : for they shall be called
sons of God.

10 f Blessed are they that have been persecuted for righteous-
ness' sake : for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

1 1 Blessed are ye when men shall reproach you, and persecute
you, and say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake.

12 Rejoice, and be exceeding glad : for great is your reward
in heaven : for so persecuted they the prophets which were
before you.

13 If Ye are the salt of the earth : but if the salt have lost
its savour, wherewith shall it be salted ? it is thenceforth good
for nothing, but to be cast out and trodden under foot of men.

14 Ye are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot
be hid.

15 Neither do men light a lamp, and put it under the bushel,
but on the stand ; and it shineth unto all that are in the house.

1 6 Even so let your light shine before men, that they may
see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.

1 7 U Think not that I came to destroy the law or the prophets
I came not to destroy, but to fulfil.

 

[it-is_what_it-is]

thanks alot hc22, i liked the sermon of the mount. gonna make my day start off good =].

 

[HC22]

I'm glad
Read the gospel, Jesus's message will help you