Somebody likes me

[Triple Bogey]

At work this woman, a new starter.
This other woman at work told me. She said I should go out with her.
I don't like this woman who likes me. In fact there isn't anything I like about her. I won't list her faults but she has a lot.

A few things to think about -

I knew she liked me. I never wondered. It was obvious. Other colleagues ribbed me from the day she started. It was like they knew already. People talked about us. People made fun. This woman talked to me, always asked how I was. Always asked if I was going out. She fished for information. She dropped hints. It was quite blatant.

The opinion of the woman who told me was I should give her a chance. Funny none of the women I have asked out in the past were willing to give me a chance.

She got somebody to ask me out on her behalf and she acted quickly, a few weeks. We added each other on facebook but she hasn't 'liked' anything I have put on there. The only thing she did was delete her photo. Yet me adding her on facebook seemed a big deal, she asked me a few times to do it.

It's all around the shop. Other staff have said I shouldn't have anything to do with her. One literally begged me not to. One said if she liked somebody she wouldn't have the courage to do anything about it. (I wonder if she was a bit jealous because she acted really funny on Wednesday. She was back to normal today)

The woman who likes me has nothing going for her. Looks or personality. She doesn't seem to make much of an effort. Always moaning, always upset about something. Always unhappy or depressed. It's not the first time a woman like this has asked me out. What does that say about me ?

It's a drag and I can do without it.

 

[TheRealCallie]

No offense, but this post is extremely judgmental.
For all that you go on about how no one will go out with you and whatever else you've said, you are going to turn around and judge someone that you don't really know that DOES want to go out with you?
I don't think you are being fair to her at all. Do you even really know her? Does anyone that works there really know her?

 

[LonesomeLoner]

Maybe you should just tell her in a polite way, that you are not interested in her. Sounds like a bit of a situation though. Hope you work something out.

 

[Triple Bogey]

No offense, but this post is extremely judgmental.
For all that you go on about how no one will go out with you and whatever else you've said, you are going to turn around and judge someone that you don't really know that DOES want to go out with you?
I don't think you are being fair to her at all. Do you even really know her? Does anyone that works there really know her?

I know her enough. Worked with her for 6 weeks or so.
I have always been nice to her. I will be nice to her in the future.

---

Maybe you should just tell her in a polite way, that you are not interested in her. Sounds like a bit of a situation though. Hope you work something out.

I think she knows. I think the other woman told her. I said I think she is nice but only to work with. I am not looking at going out with anybody from work. Causes problems. In fact I am so happy at the moment - I am not even looking for a girlfriend. I think they can be a pain in the arse. (please not the word 'can')

I do care about her feelings. I haven't been going around laughing at her or saying horrible things. The woman who was talking to me today about it. I said I like 'happy people' and she isn't happy.

 

[LonesomeLoner]

Well, if she knows then try not to worry about it. Personally I'd take the positive that somebody was interested in the first place

 

[Tiina63]

It must be hard for the lady in question dealing with the situation. Liking someone she sees every day but who doesn't feel the same way will be painful for her. And she sounds very unhappy generally as well. And although the teasing and bantering from your colleagues is very hard for you, it must be so mortifying for her. They sound a horrible bunch, to be honest. I really want to come to your workplace to give this lady a big hug.
When it comes to looks and personality-do looks even matter? Looks, even for the most attractive, fade over the years.
And the fact that she is in so much emotional pain means that you won't be seeing what her personality is like when she feels ok, so you can't really go solely on what she is like now.

 

[Triple Bogey]

It must be hard for the lady in question dealing with the situation. Liking someone she sees every day but who doesn't feel the same way will be painful for her. And she sounds very unhappy generally as well. And although the teasing and bantering from your colleagues is very hard for you, it must be so mortifying for her. They sound a horrible bunch, to be honest. I really want to come to your workplace to give this lady a big hug.
When it comes to looks and personality-do looks even matter? Looks, even for the most attractive, fade over the years.
And the fact that she is in so much emotional pain means that you won't be seeing what her personality is like when she feels ok, so you can't really go solely on what she is like now.

One thing - I don't think the other staff are teasing her. It's just me. And when she started work people were calling her 'J LO' and smirking when she walked in. I never joined in these insults and defended her saying it wasn't a nice nickname.

The last 2 shifts she has looked even more unhappy, almost teary eyed. I haven't mentioned it, just talked to her as normal.

Yes looks matter to me. Not just a pretty face but little things such as smile, hair or figure. I think there has to be something. I know a sparkling personality is mostly what I look for.

There is this customer who comes in. She always gives me such a lovely smile. She looks 60, maybe 55, something like that. Obviously a lot older than me. I would be interested in her. She isn't beautiful but it's the smile that I find attractive. So some women I like, some I don't. Looks come into it but it's not as straight forward as only liking beautiful women.

I would reckon I would say 'no' to a very small percentage of women. Unfortunately this woman falls into that category. There have been 3 similar women over the years. I can't go thru the motions. There has to be something appealing.

It sounds harsh but dozens of women have done the same to me.

 

[Solivagant]

It's not the first time a woman like this has asked me out. What does that say about me ?

I don't think it says anything about you, other than that someone found you attractive. A lot of people are drawn to "light" in others (e.g. innocence attracts evil people, happiness attracts sad people, etc.).

I never joined in these insults and defended her saying it wasn't a nice nickname.

Maybe that's why she likes you. =]

And the fact that she is in so much emotional pain means that you won't be seeing what her personality is like when she feels ok, so you can't really go solely on what she is like now.

^ I agree.

If her worst fault is that she seems down all the time or lacks a "sparkling" personality then I think you're maybe being a bit hard on her, but if you don't like her, you don't like her. *Shrug*.

 

[Triple Bogey]

It's not the first time a woman like this has asked me out. What does that say about me ?

I don't think it says anything about you, other than that someone found you attractive. A lot of people are drawn to "light" in others (e.g. innocence attracts evil people, happiness attracts sad people, etc.).

I never joined in these insults and defended her saying it wasn't a nice nickname.

Maybe that's why she likes you. =]

And the fact that she is in so much emotional pain means that you won't be seeing what her personality is like when she feels ok, so you can't really go solely on what she is like now.

^ I agree.

If her worst fault is that she seems down all the time or lacks a "sparkling" personality then I think you're maybe being a bit hard on her, but if you don't like her, you don't like her. *Shrug*.

I think she likes me because I talk to her and show an interest. That's what she said to the other woman. 'She can talk to me'

I imagine she has gone thru a bit of bullying in her life. I am probably the first man in ages to be nice to her.

Her worst fault (to me) is I find her physically repulsive. That does sound harsh. I am not proud of it but I am been honest. I don't like tall, big women.

I am sure some women find me repulsive or ugly. It's their choice. I shouldn't complain about it.

 

[Solivagant]

I think she likes me because I talk to her and show an interest. That's what she said to the other woman. 'She can talk to me'

I imagine she has gone thru a bit of bullying in her life. I am probably the first man in ages to be nice to her.

Yeah, she probably feels like she can talk to you because you were nice to her and didn't join in on the name-calling.

Her worst fault (to me) is I find her physically repulsive. That does sound harsh. I am not proud of it but I am been honest. I don't like tall, big women.

Oh...

 

[TheRealCallie]

I don't mean any offense when I say this, but did you make this thread to get validation about turning the woman down? I mean, if you don't want to go out with someone, that's fine, but if your mind is made up, what exactly do you want from us?

 

[Solivagant]

^ I was wondering the same thing...?

 

[Lowlander]

This topic is weird. It reminds me of other topics as well.

 

[Triple Bogey]

I don't mean any offense when I say this, but did you make this thread to get validation about turning the woman down? I mean, if you don't want to go out with someone, that's fine, but if your mind is made up, what exactly do you want from us?

just thought it would be interesting to talk about. It's usually me liking someone else not the other way round.

If you don't find it interesting then don't read. Why are your replying anyway ?

 

[Rainbows]

As I advise against dating someone you don't find attractive - has it occured to you that maybe she's just trying to make friends because the others tease her?

 

[Triple Bogey]

As I advise dating someone you don't find attractive - has it occured to you that maybe she's just trying to make friends because the others tease her?

the others tease her behind her back, not to her face.

Everything at my work is 'behind your back'

Not nice

 

[TheRealCallie]

I don't mean any offense when I say this, but did you make this thread to get validation about turning the woman down? I mean, if you don't want to go out with someone, that's fine, but if your mind is made up, what exactly do you want from us?

just thought it would be interesting to talk about. It's usually me liking someone else not the other way round.

If you don't find it interesting then don't read. Why are your replying anyway ?

Because I can reply to whatever I want?

As I advise dating someone you don't find attractive - has it occured to you that maybe she's just trying to make friends because the others tease her?

the others tease her behind her back, not to her face.

Everything at my work is 'behind your back'

Not nice

And you think she doesn't know?

 

[MentalDiscomfort]

Rather than spitting out how much you really do dislike her, try to help her. If she got depression and anger issues you could always send her our way.

 

[WildernessWildChild]

This topic is weird. It reminds me of other topics as well.

No honeysuckle- living life without taking a chance seems monotonous to me.

 

[ladyforsaken]

This topic is weird. It reminds me of other topics as well.

Lowly, is that your troll face?

Rather than spitting out how much you really do dislike her, try to help her. If she got depression and anger issues you could always send her our way.

I gotta say I'm with MD here. I mean you can't force your feelings on someone, and if you don't like her that's fine, for whatever your reason is, but I would suggest being her friend at least. It might help her .. a lot, for all you know. Doing good things to others, bring good things back to you. At least that's my belief in life.