Something is missing in my life and I'm not sure what it is.

[Nina]

It sounds funny even as I type it. How can you make it to 50 and discover you're lost? I have a nice life, with nice grown children all doing well. A nice husband, a nice home. I was a teacher for many years and left to persue some other...nice... interests. I have, nice, friends in my real world and hobbies and interests but everyday it strikes me at some point that something is missing.

Sometimes I think it's due to the fact that I lived in NYC for many years until we moved further north into a small town . I know everyone and they're ...nice....

But nothing shines or sparkles anymore. Nothing has taken my breath away and made my heart pound in years. My laughter has become shallow and almost forced, at times. Everything and everyone is predictable and...nice...

I'm afraid I am in "nice" overload.

Does anyone else feel this way? Sometimes I think it would be more interesting than, "nice" to exchange with someone outside of my real world where judgements and home town reputations weren't on the line. Just someone to kabitz with and let it all hang out.

Maybe letting lose with words will help me find my pulse again and put some sparkle back into a life becoming dull and wayyy too...nice.

I don't think I'm spoiled and I don't feel depressed. I appreciate all the...nice...around me, but something is missing.

If you find it could you let me know??

 

[Electric_Fusilier]

Hmmm. Perhaps it's a sense of adventure about things that you're missing?

 

[Minus]

Sounds nice

It reminds me of a number of years ago when i had everything i could want. House, car, family, friends, more money than i needed, interests, things to do and i really couldn't think of anything more that i could ask for. Still things didn't seem right, something was missing but i had no idea what it might be.

 

[eris]

Hi Nina

I can relate to your post. I moved to a small town, too, and while everyone is "nice" no one really wants more than a friendly hello.

What I want you to know, is that just because you don't "feel" depressed, you may still have depression. There are many symptoms and feeling hopeless or depressed is only one of them. Some more can be loss of interest, not enjoying what you used to enjoy, or just feeling that "nothing shines and sparkles anymore".

I hope you feel better

 

[Nina]

Electric fusilier, I agree, I just can't seem to figure out what sort of "adventure" I need!

Minus--Did you find what was missing?

eris--I actually went to see a therapist a few months back and after a few written tests and a couple of talk session it was decided I wasn't suffering depression. She recommended a vacation. I took the trip and felt it was....nice.... I am trapped in ..Nice....and can't seem to find my way out. It's like a maze, go left, go right and you're still going in circles.

I don't dare mention this to personal friends because they'll look at me like I'm crazy and say....Nice is what most people shoot for!! I hate to sound whiny and spoiled because I'm not at all. I just have this, "hole in the soul" thing going on and figured I'd reach out with longer, "internet arms" and seek some thoughts.

Thanks to everyone for the responses.

 

[cheaptrickfan]

Modern life is kind of numbing and desensitizing in a way. I think we get overloaded with fun gadgets and new ways to amuse ourselves and we lose that spark of living.

Half the time I have this urge to go off the grid and live in a commune, if only to curb my internet-addiction.

 

[Nina]

Cheaptrickfan--I've always thought commune living sounded interesting. Off the grid would probably scare the daylights out of me. Life without those gizzmozz would be very different. I do agree that they desensitize us to some extent though.

 

[SinfulVixen]

Perhaps doing something humbling (i.e volunteer at a soup kitchen or orphanage)may offer the spark you seek. Often doing these things if only 2x a month is enough to make us realize how lucky we truly are.Though living in a commune does sound interesting...

 

[Nina]

SinfulVixen--I did a lot of volunteer work when we lived in NYC but since moving to this quaint little town there really isn't any place to physically go and preform a humbling service, but maybe I can expand my area and see if there isn't something a little futher out. At the very least it will give me a fresh focus point to approach a solution from. Thanks...

 

[Electric_Fusilier]

Electric fusilier, I agree, I just can't seem to figure out what sort of "adventure" I need!

Yeah, it's a tricky one, isn't it? I guess ... maybe you should ask yourself if there is some ambition you always wanted to fulfil. I don't mean professionally - though if that's what you feel you might want, then there's no reason not to go for it - but something perhaps a bit more personal. Maybe there's something you always wanted to see, a country you always wanted to visit. Of course, there's always a distinct possibility that this ambition might never be fulfilled ... but I find it's quite nice to have something in your mind with which you can say to yourself, 'Yeah, one day, I'll go see/do that.'

For example, I hope one day to travel to northern Norway to see the aurora borealis again. Course, I've made no real plans for it - but it's there, in the back of my mind, and it helps to know that one day I could very well up sticks and venture there without apology. I guess the proper phrase for it would be 'chasing a dream' - lol, even maybe 'chasing a daydream'! But you see what I'm getting at, don't you?

Perhaps by making yourself feel ready for an adventure - to know that you could do it - you may feel a better about how things currently are.

 

[cheaptrickfan]

Cheaptrickfan--I've always thought commune living sounded interesting. Off the grid would probably scare the daylights out of me. Life without those gizzmozz would be very different. I do agree that they desensitize us to some extent though.

In a way, going off the grid simplifies things for us by limiting our choices. I think that when we have a glut of options to choose from, honestly, it confuses us. We don't know what to pick and as a result, we get bored or dissatisfied easily.

It's definitely paradoxical, but I have noticed that when my options are limited, it makes it easier for me to make a choice and be happy about it.
Of course that might just be me and my particular brand of weirdness.

 

[Nina]

Electric fulsilier--I LOVED your reply! It made me re-evaluate the need for a "Bucket List" I have always dreamed of going to Bangkok Thailand! Just thinking about being brave and maybe even crazy enough to hop a flight and do it on my own made me smile! Thanks. I have to say, a date with the aurora borealis isn't shabby either. I loved the fact you would go, "without apology" for some reason that struck a real chord with me.

I did indeed see what you were getting at. At least I hope I did. Something on line with: It's more about planning for the reach and being inspired by the fact you WANT to reach, than actually reaching. The concept of reaching is sometimes enough to make one feels as if they have "reached"

---

Cheaptrickfan--
One persons "brand of weird" defines anothers definition of genius!
I agree that the enormous variety we have of EVERYTHING overwhelms us. I do relate to the "simplicity" aspect though. I live near the ocean and when I start to feel like things are closing in on me, I head to the beach with a cup of joe, perch myself on a rock and just watch the tide move in or out. The ocean isn't, "nice" it's a raw force of nature that can be as gentle as a kitten or a raging, destructive beast. Just watching all that water and considering it's potential soothes me...
See, I have a streak of "the weird" going on myself.

 

[Electric_Fusilier]

Glad you liked the reply, Nina. Yeah, you've kind of encapsulated it there: 'The concept of reaching is sometimes enough to make one feel as if they have reached.' It's almost a kind of self-fulfilling ambition, lol - and not too dissimilar from the classic response to the question of constitutes the meaning of life: 'That one finds the meaning of life in the seeking of it.'

 

[Nina]

Electric_Fusilier.
'That one finds the meaning of life in the seeking of it.'
I read over your last reply and that last sentence made me pause and consider something.... I feel as if "something" is missing and so am looking for some tangible oject, action, reaction. etc...Maybe I've just stopped "looking" for life.
I'm not even sure that makes sense when read outside of my head. But it just made me stop and consider that perhaps I'm seeking some-THING...when in fact, I may just need to seek a re-emegence into the "seeking" itself....

If that read like someone who should be, "seeking meds"...forgive me....I can completely re-rail a logical path when trying to decipher my own meandering mind...

 

[Badjedidude]

But it just made me stop and consider that perhaps I'm seeking some-THING...when in fact, I may just need to seek a re-emegence into the "seeking" itself....

Yup. Life is about the journey/adventure, not the destination.

 

[rayousha]

I like this post and can relate to it especially that part about being judged by people we know. That is my exact sentiment in one of my posts here. I try to be satisfied with what I have and considered myself blessed in some ways however I hate routine but then everything eventually becomes one and I get restless. I used to depend on other people to get me out of this rut until I made a conscious effort to make things happen for myself.

I used to cringe at the thought of malling, watching movies, dining on my own and had to have someone go with me even if I have to pay for it. However, I was forced to do things on my own when I moved to Dubai because frankly if I am not going to do that then I'll be bored stiff. I have a lot of friends and a sibling here but then they have stuff in their lives too or I am not interested in their activities sometimes. I am a shy person though I am able to mask it now. I took a membership on my own in a healthclub which was pretty scary for a shy person like me. I also took a photography class where there were obvious cliques and most of the students were a lot younger than me so it was quite terrifying. Luckily I met some people who like me were on their own and when the time came for groupings we naturally gravitated towards each other. I clicked with a few people there which maybe I would have never connected with had I kept to my own circle of friends none of whom were interested in photography.

One of my dreams now (still far far away dream) is to travel solo and have been researching on solo female travelers a lot which is apparently the trend now for women who have gotten married & started family early. However, before I do this I am looking forward to running a half marathon 6 months from now which is something I have always thought of but didn't even considered doing in real life before (none of my friends are interested LOL)

What I am saying here Nina is maybe you could find something that you would never have thought of doing before because of so many excuses that we give to ourselves for not pursuing something. Find something creative to spark that passion again away from everything nice...

 

[Nina]

rayousha--
So true. I think sometimes we get so caught in the same, predictable routines with the same people that we don't even realize we've fallen in a rut. I think I may have only just stumbled on that realization. I need to build my own ladder and climb out.

 

[An archist]

Sounds like it's time to have an affair! In a small town though, where everybody knows everybody that is going to have some difficulties. I'm just teasing.

Where in NYC did you live? Did you like it here more than in the sticks? Cuz I'm getting pretty ******* sick of this place. Maybe you left back when it had some character?

 

[Nina]

An Archist--
I lived in the upper east side and Chelsea areas and yes the gentrification has crushed a good deal of the old NYC charm.
Small towns, like the one I am presently in, aren't even condusive to a married woman simpy having coffee with a strictly platonic male friend. Eyebrows raise....An out and out affair would see me stoned at the, Garden Rotary....
It's sometimes VERY frustrating and exhausting, adjusting to such limited mind sets and moralistic opinions.

 

[Electric_Fusilier]

'stoned at the Garden Rotary' - LMAO, I like that!

You've got a hell of a talent for humour, Nina. 'Stoned at the Garden Rotary' is straight out of Python!