such a messed up situation

[SighX99]

i fuckin hate my parents, i truly do. Nothing is ever good enough for them. their entire intention is to make me suffer. about to be homeless and jobless, and they dont give a fresia. i fuckin hate them. i pray for their deaths everyday. without them i can truly reach my potential, i can be truly happy. because of them i contemplate of killing myself everyday. i hate feeling this way but theres no way out at all. fuckin hate my parents, fuckin hate asian parents, fresia them, fresia their lies, fresia them. i hope they die, either they go or i go.

need a job fresia LIFE

 

[SophiaGrace]

The only thing I can tell you is look for a job like your life depends on it and slowly inch your way to becoming independant. You do not have any other choice. Let's face it, you're 23 and an adult, even if you do not feel like one. Under law, you are an adult and so you must do what is best for you, which is to get a job. I am not saying it won't be hard for you, it will, because, if you don't have any degrees beyond a high school diploma you will only be able to earn minimum wage, which means you'll have to work your butt off to get a salary that you can live off of.

Maybe your parents are uncompassionate towards you because, looking through your past threads, you do seem to have a recurring theme of being lonely running through them. It makes me wonder whether you are depressed or not. Depression can really be a ***** to work through so I empathize with you on this one. It makes everything 3x harder and a lot of people are uncompassionate about it.

Just make sure to keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward. If you hide from your problems, they'll only grow. You probably feel very insecure because you are a young adult without much experience with being independant.

Oh and, the feeling of wanting to kill yourself is just your brain's way of telling you I CANT HANDLE THIS EMOTION. I get them too and my psychologist said that it's a barometer test of my stress levels. Whatever is stressing you out, you either need to remove it or work through it. Have faith in yourself. You can do it. Even if it feels impossible, doesnt mean it is impossible. Human beings have a remarkable ability to adapt.

 

[Haz]

You seem to be externalising all of your hate and resentment towards your parents.

Are they truly the root of all your problems? I have no doubt they have a huge impact over you, it makes me wonder whether or not you are unwilling to accept any kind of blame on your part for your situation. Depression is not going to help you work through these cognitive issues if you are suffering it.

Either way, relax. You can't change people, but you can change your relationship with them. Just hang in there, and steer yourself where you want to be the best you can.

 

[dead]

i fuckin hate my parents, i truly do. Nothing is ever good enough for them. their entire intention is to make me suffer. about to be homeless and jobless, and they dont give a fresia. i fuckin hate them. i pray for their deaths everyday. without them i can truly reach my potential, i can be truly happy. because of them i contemplate of killing myself everyday. i hate feeling this way but theres no way out at all. fuckin hate my parents, fuckin hate asian parents, fresia them, fresia their lies, fresia them. i hope they die, either they go or i go.

need a job fresia LIFE

**** man, it sounds like the situation is bad
i wish i could do something to help.

 

[trZ]

When I grew up I had loads of problems with my father. Child protection forced me to move and live on my own (or in a institution, i chose the first). When I lived with my father I hated him, we fought on several occations and I often felt like seriously hurting him. Now, several years later living on my own, I blame my self for the problems. I still think my father is quite ridiculous at times, and he is always in opposition to me and my opinions, but I don't hate him in any way. I think the number 1 problem in your situation is that your parents does not understand you or what you feel.

That being said, I really think you should read through the post 'SophiaGrace' wrote, there is a lot of truth in it. Also, if you take some measures to get an education and somewhere to live, you will get a feeling of accomplishment, which is immensly strong and important for your mental state. If you do end up living on your own, just remember that its easy to feel lonely if you do not handle the situation correct, so think about that too.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I dont hate both of my parents...I guess I can use the word hate..it's just a word.
My step father is lunatic alcoholics. My mother however is very understanding.
it's weird growing up in a dysfuctional home...whatever beliefs or vaules my father
was raised with...it got totally twisted by his alcoholism. My mother sometimes spoil
to make up for the fucken torture imposed upon me by my father.

I know abusing drugs and alcohol didn't solved any of my living problems.
Not that I needed drugs or alcohol to check the fresia out to survive. I knew how
to numb myself of the pains as a child by emotionally shuting down. A messed up
habit I developed as a child...but got carried over into my adulthood.
My fucken OCD also comes from having to walk on fucken eggshells or rather broken
glass in our house...Cant fresia up..dont make any noise. Cant distrub dad..becuase
ya never know what ya gonna get. Children were ment to be seen not heard..so sit down
N shut the fresia up. Oh no...Mikie please dont fucken cry even if it hurts becuase he'll give
something to cry about even more...Nothing you do is ever good enough. it was never perfect enough. Don't make mistakes or spill fucken milk...God forbid you spill fucken milk.
So...if I did nothing I wont fresia up..honeysuckle I can't do that either.
It was more than a living hell...It was shear terror.
As messed up as it was...I became comfortiable in all that bullshit.

Oh ****..so I thought I'd get the fresia away from home..to get away from all that honeysuckle.
Moved as far away as i can. Figure
I'm not an animal.I'm fucken human...instead of going home of breeding ground...I fucken
bring home to me. ****.. my subconsious trying to resovle what ever the fresia it needed
to resolve. So I creat fucken insanities over and over again in order for me to open
a can a worns of pains...deep seeded pains I shoved inside of me for so..so..so long.
it hurts just as bad when the honeysuckle gets pulled out of me or when I let go.

SEX, money, drugs, material sucess, jobs, careers, educations and all the fucken praying
never took the pains and insanities away. God fucken help me...if there is a god.
If not..I guess sex N women (Oops i mean love) is just going to have to do.
I love crazy, hawt wild women...The crazier the better...That's becuase I feel more sane
than they do. At the very least we can connect at all levels. It's all messed up.
We can dance. we can fresia. we can talk. we can pretend. we can cry. we can hope
if only for a little while its ok...its ok nothing is wrong.

There's help if I want help...but I still have to do the foot work.
Fucken foot work??? that's totally retarded. I've been running all my fucken life
and your telling me about foot work.haha

I'm fucken bigger than all that honeysuckle...
I'm not my father. I'm not my pains
I'm not my thoughts
I'm not my feelings.
I'm not my behavior patterns....

I can un learn or let go of all that crazy bullshit.
it's easy if I wanna make it easy...its hard if i wanna make it hard.

I have a chioce...I don't have to live like that anymore.
I wanna live. I love my daughters..they mean more than the world to me....

My father is so far into his bullshit. He dosnt even know nor cares what beautiful grand duaghters he has.
What a fucken shame...Oh will...that's his fucken problems..I'm done with his fucken problems.

To hear all my children say they love me...yeah that took the pains away.
I know I wasnt a crazy son of a ***** like my father. My children loves me. I broke the chains of insanties.
If that's my purpose in life is to break that chain..I broke that chain. The insanities stops with me. The buck stops here.

 

[Dove]

I don't know how I can help because I'm in the same position, just know, you're not the only one, and I know exactly how you feel. <3

 

[SighX99]

thanks everyone....

feels good to be back,,, i guess

 

[RayRx]

"Nothing is ever good enough for them." Same with my parents. I don't love them as the way they are either. I have to thanks that they brought me up even though I don't like the way they did. Anyway, you can truly reach your potential, it doesn't matter you have them in your life or not.

 

[jales]

hugs it can feel like that with my mom at times as well.. my mom means good though.. but she doesnt realise that i am trying so she things she has to push me to try. all i can say is hugs.... they usually mean good .. even though it doesnt seem so.