The Fear

[Alone in the dark]

Hi

I have read some post in here and find me in the same situation like most of the people in here. Some post even scares me because they so close or similar to my life and my fears.

Every time i must go out to buy food at the stores, then i feel like every people are looking at me and thinking bad stuff about me. I know that they are not doing that, but fear is the littel mind killer. So it feels like it.

I usualy start to sweat and feel pale in these situations..and then i can tell for sure people are looking at me.

Sometimes when i walk outside were i live, then it also feels like every people are looking down on me and thinking..HAHA there goes a lonley dude..alltho i know its emagination, but again...i cant get rid of that feeling and it makes me prisoner in my own home.

If i get invited to a party, then the fear strikes me again..i would love to have a fun time and i havent always been like this social fear monster.
When i deside to go to the party, then i must always drink alot to get rid of the fear..but alcohol isent any solution in the long run. And it ruins my chance to find any Girlfriend in town. I usualy end up being the dude they laugh at due to im to drunk. :/

 

[Get Down!]

aww man seems like you're your own worst enemy.
So i'm guessing you're not really overwhelmed with self-esteem.

Actually I wish I had some advice but I can't think of any.. I could tell you to chill, you're not that special to be looked at and the whole world doesnt stop when you walk by but that is not something that a guy with no confidence needs to hear.

So you're saying you haven't always been this way. Has something happened to cause that?

 

[Alone in the dark]

Yes that is true..my self esteem fails alot.

I took a education in saleassistent, and it was a hard education for me due to my weak self esteem. Then i failed that education at the examen and i dident graduate...then i was on the wellfare system again and i even tryed another education for some years also failing that ½ way. Luckely a day was shining on me and the wellfare system helped me with a new sales assistent education in agree with a new store manager.

Then i graduated that ecudation, and i found some proud in life along with my new girlfriend. Until she left me for another reason after 4 years and i got on the wellfare system again, due to the manager was moving to another store and then the old "agreement wellfare work" was off the hook but this time i still had some proud left and perhaps a littel bit more self esteem. Because i had reached my goal.

Then after a period i found work on a factory to try out new things. But the manager there wasent the kindly one..there was people getting treated different from others and most of us dident get any "Thank you" or "thats good work" comment but the money was always the reason why i dident quit. until i had enough after 2 years bossing around..then i explodet in the managers head from collected anger over years..Telling him how lausy he was and how much he sucked at leading this poorhouse of a factory. Sorry beside low self esteem i also have temper.

That is now 3 mounth ago..so i have been out of job for that period of time and then i sit here with my own worse enemy my self and the fear due to low self esteem.

I tryed to speak with a shrink and he says i lag succes chances. There havent been enough succes in my life. beside that one time were i graduated..alltho it was a good thing..then it wasent all by my self..so its only a littel succes, and it could had been a huge succes perhaps chaning who i am today.

Now what i think could have caused the way i am with the low selfesteem. Is the 2 years of growing bad selfesteem and getting fears inside my head from that factory work, Because thats were i start to get this lonley feeling. Due to we had different shifts, were some works day and other evening..when i was on evening or night shift then there wasent anyone to speak with due to the colleges was wierd and backstabbers, so i avoidet em, just working on my machine producing foils. in 8-10 H each day. Also i am lonley due to i dont have any real friends in my age, only people i can great on here and now and have a small time wasting chit chat with.

I tryed to blend in at my brothers friends, but they are like 6 years younger than me, but they have other interest and humor than me. So i dont want to fit in there.

Sorry for the long post here, but sometimes i feel a littel bit better just telling out what i have on my mind *