The last one....

[wolfshadow]

I've been spending far too much time on the internet and my brain is mush, paper mache, cooked porridige, brylcream, scrambled eggs, liver pate, tomato puree, mayonnaise, liquid tarmac, woodchippings, chicken broth.....I think I've made my point.

It's very hard making new friends when you don't know how to approach people. If you try too hard, some sense desperation and retreat, too little and you risk not being noticed at all, and whilst you are thinking about this you have no time to be yourself - the laughter, the joy, the worth of moment itself, gets lost between the cracks.
Ever been in a queue and found yourself observing everyone else and then realising finally that you are the only member who is doing that? That's the closest I can come to explaining who or what I am. No matter how hard I watch, I just don't get you (people in general). I can empathize with emotion but I can't grasp what it is you have to do or how you must behave to appeal to others. I've tried so many tactics but to no avail, and to be honest I've reached an age where I'm tired of taking such convoluted measures. Because of my situation and lack of social talent, I always get this chilling feeling that others imagine that I am hunting for a 'new best friend' to confide in. This isn't so, the source of consternation and bitterness emerges from the fact that I don't know how to form casual bonds with people. I've come to understand that it doesn't mean the world hates me but oh lordy what I wouldn't give to have a just a few more socialite chomosones!!
At some point though you have to let go. The sustained anguish of loneliness can reach into the core of a person much like greed, and drag something altogether unpleasent from within. Nothing is worth that.

That's all folks, my rant is over perhaps it's just more confuson but I'm happier now I've said it. I'll be back if I have something of genuine value to add to the site but it's time for me to go away for now.

 

[Bluey]

Your brain makes me hungry

I understand what your saying.

You don't need to leave. just post a little less if you feel at this point you have nothing to say. Sometimes I come here and have nothing to say. I have a knack of just rambling on about any old honeysuckle that's nothing to do with the thread so I normally have a bit to say lol

I have to say even though I have not talked to you loads I have never thought that you had a problem talking to ppl. You seem to be moor then capitol in interacting socially with other ppl. Also I think your avi is cool as I only live about 4 miles from the major oak.

 

[Bluey]

Take it easy has well wolfshadow, Tally'O for now old boy, youknowwhatamsaying...

 

[SilentThinker]

It really reminds me of the many times I would use to stare at everyone else.I would smile or laugh when someone is talking but never the one to talk.When I am approaching people,I made it a point to be myself.Last time I go to such extent to be someone who is popular in the group but failed badly.

 

[ExtensivexLDL]

It's all about social skills and knowledge. The more you practise, they better you'll be.. THE LESS YOU'LL FEEL DEPENDENT ON HOW PEOPLE REACT. I wish you the best

 

[wolfshadow]

It's all about social skills and knowledge. The more you practise, they better you'll be.. THE LESS YOU'LL FEEL DEPENDENT ON HOW PEOPLE REACT. I wish you the best

The first part is true but the second part isn't and offends me slightly because it implies that I've gone through my life without making an effort to compensate for my flaws.
Believe me, I've been in every job and social situation you could care to imagine and IT HASN'T MADE A BLIND BIT OF DIFFERENCE. There could be all sorts of reasons for that, possibly even organic damage to the brain which I have precident for suspecting may exist.
Forgive the exasperated tone of this reply, it is nothing personal but if practice was all that I required, the problem would have long since been negated.
Your intentions are good and I appreciate the contribution, but what you have suggested won't work.

 

[ExtensivexLDL]

It's all about social skills and knowledge. The more you practise, they better you'll be.. THE LESS YOU'LL FEEL DEPENDENT ON HOW PEOPLE REACT. I wish you the best

The first part is true but the second part isn't and offends me slightly because it implies that I've gone through my life without making an effort to compensate for my flaws.
Believe me, I've been in every job and social situation you could care to imagine and IT HASN'T MADE A BLIND BIT OF DIFFERENCE. There could be all sorts of reasons for that, possibly even organic damage to the brain which I have precident for suspecting may exist.
Forgive the exasperated tone of this reply, it is nothing personal but if practice was all that I required, the problem would have long since been negated.
Your intentions are good and I appreciate the contribution, but what you have suggested won't work.

Of course, what i said goes under the assumption that you aren't afflicted by anything psychological or neurological. If there is something, and you fell it's impeding you, you'll probably want to obtain someone else's opinion in regards to this and get them to help you. Now if it's something chronic (or otherwise 'terminal') then it's a different story and you'll probably have to make the best of your own potential.

 

[wolfshadow]

I was borderline rude with that one ExtensiveLDL and I'm sorry - especially as you a made the choice to try and lend such support as you were able.

Frustration has been creeping to the fore recently but even though I've made it public knowledge, I honestly don't think that there is a lot that can be said or done by anyone else.

 

[ExtensivexLDL]

I was borderline rude with that one ExtensiveLDL and I'm sorry - especially as you a made the choice to try and lend such support as you were able.

Frustration has been creeping to the fore recently but even though I've made it public knowledge, I honestly don't think that there is a lot that can be said or done by anyone else.

It's alright - you weren't mean. I was actually the one who missed out on the other posibillity(ies).

 

[wolfshadow]

Unconnected to other posts here but I don't want to open any more new threads.

Why was I born? To what avail, what design? This isn't a philsophical inquiry into my universal relevance - I've long since stopped caring about such matters - I'm merely regaling the cyberworld with a few morsels of my current incredulousness. How can mother nature conjour an enitity so utterly riddled with flaws that get in the way of fulfilling basic perogatives? A cynic may be tempted to imagine that with so many of us to spare, she can afford to set aside a select few to cater for what would seem to be a rather acerbic sense of humour. Ah, I've just had it with everything!
I'm angry at the hole I've dug for myself and I feel guilty for feeling angry, because much of what makes me angry is of my own doing and my guilt pisses me off somthing chronic, because I know that it is a completely unproductive state of mind to occupy. It just all seems so pointless and in spite of the best efforts of all that have tried, I can't really open up a proper dialogue with anyone - I have zero confidence in anything I say, and I'm pathologically convinced - beyond reason - that I will not be understood, because I myself, can't even begin to disentangle the mess of thoughts that constitute my own awareness. Despite my assertions that I would stop using the internet for a while, this has not come to pass and often I find myself peering in on this site. Do you know what strikes me the most? That most of the members probably aren't as far removed from the norm as some of them might lead themselves to believe. What I mean by that is in a purely social context, a change of circumstance or a little extra assertiveness could well be the key to positive and substantial developments. Although I will insert a little disclaimer which is that a general impression is worlds apart from a diagnosis based on fully fleged facts, the things that aren't revealed cannot be papered over with silly assumptions.
Now I've almost finished, I must confess that true to form I'm not really sure if there is a point tucked away in this post, beyond servicing the vanity of expressing myself.

 

[sammy]

I can't really open up a proper dialogue with anyone - I have zero confidence in anything I say, and I'm pathologically convinced - beyond reason - that I will not be understood, because I myself, can't even begin to disentangle the mess of thoughts that constitute my own awareness.

I know that what I'm going to say probably has nothing to do with what you said here... But i just wanted to tell you..

A little while ago, you managed to boost my confidence a little. With just a few words at me personally, you made me feel better when I felt bad... You showed that you cared, and you didn't know me at all, we had never spoken before that.

To me, that shows that you are capable of a dialogue, you have confidence in what you say, you are beeing understood....

But hey, that's just a silly girl's observations...

 

[Steel]

Actually, I too could thank you for a well timed pm.

In my opinion, the way we can measure the worth of ourselves is in how we affect others. Being a positive influence on other people is always going to be worthwhile.

 

[wolfshadow]

Thank you both, that has actually made me feel quite a bit better. Although it's unlikely that if I'm ever going to be able to produce scintillating conversation on demand, it's nice to hear that some of the vignettes I drop from time to time are well received.

I shouldn't keep posting these sort of rants here though. Maybe it's time to seek professional advice.