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lonelyfairy said:
I don't want this kind of love. I know you love me, or... do you? Actions speak more than words. I feel guilty about this love too. Am I the right one for you? Are you the right one for me? Why you are always so busy? Why you don't speak so often to me anymore? You know that our love is dying? You know that I would do anything for you? Do you really know how I feel? Or do you even care how I feel? Are you bored of me? So many questions. I really do love you and I want to love you and most... I NEED YOU, ****!!! Oops, yeah ''****''. I need you! Am I so dumb! Mom would probably say if she would know condition of our love that ''leave that guy, you deserve something much more!''. But I can't leave you, I don't want to. Yes, maybe I'm naive but I'm young (mom: ''yes you're young, so many boys would be better for you than he!''''). You're right, mom. Maybe I don't know about love enough, because of youth but I know how I feel, and I feel that he is the right one for me, even with the flaws. I just don't know what to do, feeling so hopeless. Please, speak to me more, spend more time with me, notice me.

Omg girl.... I went through this. :(
We should have a bitching session now. See you in the PMs. Oh wait - my turn to reply.. soon!!
 
I was sincerely hoping that once High School ended, my life at school and how I was seen by others would stop revolving around misunderstandings. How wrong I was! My awkwardness and paranoia strikes again, as it always does at the worst possible moments. I knew I was bad at first impressions, but Wow! I hate me for being like this and like me for it at the same time. How is that possible? I have no clue. Maybe it's because I can't change or I'm too lazy to change it. So be it. Awkwardness for everyone! Don't worry, it's on me. ~Thus tonight's rant is complete.
 
I hate him. I think he's a psychopath. A liar (and a bad one at that), a manipulator, and a narcissist. I believe I don't have to "get revenge" or whatever because with the way he is and the way he manages his sex life, he's going to make things messy anyway. Someone, somewhere, is going to give him his just reward for his awful actions. It just won't and can't be me. That being said, I still hope he gets explosive diarrhea in public and then drowns in it.
 
Fantasy: I thought if I was nice the right woman would see that, appreciated it, we'll fall in love and have a beautiful family.

Reality: I learned that being nice to some women puts them off guard because they're either used to being treated like crap and accepts this, or I'm too good to be true and must be hiding something, or I'm soft and a wimp because I'm so nice and a thug or player is more of what they want. I've been taken advantage of and the only women who seem to want me now have kids with the thugs and realize that I wasn't so bad after all. I guess I'm the last resort huh? Here's the problem though, because I didnt get the time of day from women in highschool or college I'm a 33 year old with no experience relationship wise or sex wise and you wonder what the hell is wrong with me?

My family comments of when am I going to get a GF and get married get annoying, my own mom asking me a few years ago am I a virgin and me being so shocked at the question that I didn't know how to respond...and I'm sure she told my dad... How embarrassing. I feel like I'm the charity case of the family sometimes because no one else as far as the cousins that are around my age had trouble finding relationships so what did I do to deserve such bad luck?
 
I'm sick and tired of people who seem to think they know it all when it comes to addiction when they've never experienced it themselves. Doctors, priests, and average people who just think they know it all.

Being a recovering alcoholic and drug addict I know through experience what it's like. Unless you have experienced addiction yourself or have been involved in the life of an addict on a deep level, you have no idea what it's like, so put down your text books, step away from the podium, take your degree, shove it up your ass, sit down and shut the fffffffffuck up!

God Bless.
LK
 
Why can't you ******* parent your kids? Jesus Christ, even the 2 year old is lying now!

When every single one of your 5 kids is a liar, and a thief, and manipulates the situation to benefit THEM, it is not a good sign of your parenting. I've never even had sex, and I could do a better job at raising these children than you ever could. They need discipline and rules set for them. They don't need to run rampant. They don't need to be taught to say they're sorry. They should learn that you avoid doing anything wrong in the first place, so you don't have to even say you're sorry...and they should be taught that sorry fixes NOTHING.

Your children also have no sense of responsibility. They treat pets like they are property, not living creatures that need to be fed, loved on, and cuddled with. It's no wonder that the two dogs are miserable. They have a house full of no rules and basically nobody who has time for THEM to love on them.

I am fed up. I have my own responsibilities. I am trying to concentrate in school, I am trying to have a fun time, and I am coping with depression. You don't have to pile more stress on. Be a mother, have your kids be responsible and act their age and act ******* normal, and stop torturing us.
 
LeaningIntoTheMuse said:
I am fed up. I have my own responsibilities. I am trying to concentrate in school, I am trying to have a fun time, and I am coping with depression. You don't have to pile more stress on. Be a mother, have your kids be responsible and act their age and act ******* normal, and stop torturing us.

Sorry to read about that Muse... :( but you know that it won't change right? Well if it does.. it'd be a miracle. I think it's a bit too late for change anyway.. from my experience at least. :\
 
ladyforsaken said:
LeaningIntoTheMuse said:
I am fed up. I have my own responsibilities. I am trying to concentrate in school, I am trying to have a fun time, and I am coping with depression. You don't have to pile more stress on. Be a mother, have your kids be responsible and act their age and act ******* normal, and stop torturing us.

Sorry to read about that Muse... :( but you know that it won't change right? Well if it does.. it'd be a miracle. I think it's a bit too late for change anyway.. from my experience at least. :\

She is 33, almost 34. **** right it won't change. Even when she's 40, it won't change.

The best thing I can do is exorcise my emotions from how they react, and stop worrying about their issues.

I have been in those kid's lives from day one. The 13 year old was the very first baby I held. I was 17. I've been at every single birth except for the two youngest (the 8 and the 2 year old), and I held the 8 year old as a baby and have pictures with him and my sister.

For the kids to act like I'm a leper is not only ignorant, but it ******* hurts. I was there for them so much growing up. I was there more than any of their baby daddies were...and for them to turn around and throw honeysuckle in my face, well, it not only makes me angry, but it depresses me. How ******* dare they.

My mom and I are at the point where we just want to throw my sister and her kids out, and let them survive on their own. They won't change. Let my sister experience the real world, and what it's like without having a mother who supports you and your children without taking responsibility. I have no children, but I have a college career, and I'm going to throw money towards rent as soon as I can. My sister, however, is a freeloader, and thinks that being sweet and cracking jokes will fix everything...it ******* won't. Being a responsible parent and adult, well that will fix everything. But it's like leading a horse to water.
 
I get pretty ******* annoyed when you have a guy friend who all of a sudden gets a girlfriend. And just because she's insecure or some other god **** reason she may have, but influences him to say fresia you to all the female friends which includes you even though you guys have been friends forever. I ******* hate bitches like that. And I ******* hate guys who allow that honeysuckle to happen because then they look like pussy ass bitches with their nut sacks missing .

And instead of telling me to my face, the ***** would have to text me, but I really wish she would have said it to my face because I would ******* smash her face in and tell her to grow the fresia up and realize your man is going to have female friends. She ******* sends a message saying that she "suggests" I leave him alone then ******* blocks my number. *****!!! She WILL be seeing me soon
 
LeaningIntoTheMuse said:
She is 33, almost 34. **** right it won't change. Even when she's 40, it won't change.

For the kids to act like I'm a leper is not only ignorant, but it ******* hurts. I was there for them so much growing up. I was there more than any of their baby daddies were...and for them to turn around and throw honeysuckle in my face, well, it not only makes me angry, but it depresses me. How ******* dare they.

My mom and I are at the point where we just want to throw my sister and her kids out, and let them survive on their own. They won't change. Let my sister experience the real world, and what it's like without having a mother who supports you and your children. I have no children, but I have a college career, and I'm going to throw money towards rent as soon as I can. My sister, however, is a freeloader, and thinks that being sweet and cracking jokes will fix everything...it ******* won't. Being a responsible parent and adult, well that will fix everything. But it's like leading a horse to water.

Omg Muse, my sister's at the same age as yours and her first kid is also 13. Hmmm.

Totally get you here. But I'm past that stage where I felt really sad and heartbroken that the kids' lives are sort of spoilt in that way. I could try whatever way I want to correct their negative behaviour.. it won't change at all because it has to come from the parent.

She's also always cracking jokes, taking life as a playground.. takes as though there is nothing wrong.. doesn't control her financial situation properly.. I just nagged at her yesterday about her spending despite knowing she needs to save up for the end of year. It kinda breaks my heart seeing my older sister doing this.. while here I am actually struggling to even scrape up some savings for myself after settling the family expenses.

The fact that she has kids.. makes it difficult for me to demand more from her contribution. :\

But anyway, this is also one of the reasons why I wanna move out of here. I've told my mother.. I can't live with her like this.. she needs to grow up and take responsibility over her own life and children. But my mother is another one..... rollercoaster.. sometimes okay with her, sometimes not okay with her.. I can't be bothered anymore. I'm going my own way.. soon.
 
I'm so honestly super pissed off that i never have time for me, by the time work is done i come home make food then off to bed before i know it. I hardly get the time to do anything i love to do like come to this forum and read posts and comment and be part of the community. I feel awful people must think i am just a part timer and i guess because of my job i am but i want to be here more. i want to read more, post more, reply to people more and i'm sorry that at the moment i just don't have the time to.

I do care don't ever think that i don't. One day i will have time for me!
 
*Sammy* said:
I'm so honestly super pissed off that i never have time for me, by the time work is done i come home make food then off to bed before i know it. I hardly get the time to do anything i love to do like come to this forum and read posts and comment and be part of the community. I feel awful people must think i am just a part timer and i guess because of my job i am but i want to be here more. i want to read more, post more, reply to people more and i'm sorry that at the moment i just don't have the time to.

I do care don't ever think that i don't. One day i will have time for me!

Preaching to the choir here, I have so much I want to do. I still have to reply to your last PM as well, and I'd like to PM more people.
 
I'm fed up about thinking about women nearly all the time nowadays. I want to be with someone, however I know that I am not ready and I don't want to date someone just for the sake of being in a relationship nor do I want a one night stand or fling either. I keep having conflicting thoughts about moving out too which is really doing my head in (I hope that I make the right decision).
 
I had a job interview today, and it didn't go well. It went really badly. I was nervous the entire time, near having a anxiety attack, and my mind kept going blank on those stupid interview questions. Had I just been able to control my anxiety for a few minutes, I would have had it.

I'm extremely pissed at myself for screwing it up. Having somewhere to go a few days a week would have helped me, not to mention the extra money. I shouldn't have tried anyway, now I feel worse than I have in weeks. Think I'll go sleep for the rest of the day.
 
Locke said:
I had a job interview today, and it didn't go well. It went really badly. I was nervous the entire time, near having a anxiety attack, and my mind kept going blank on those stupid interview questions. Had I just been able to control my anxiety for a few minutes, I would have had it.

I'm extremely pissed at myself for screwing it up. Having somewhere to go a few days a week would have helped me, not to mention the extra money. I shouldn't have tried anyway, now I feel worse than I have in weeks. Think I'll go sleep for the rest of the day.

Locke, for when you've waken up, here's some food for thought. Yes, you "failed" the interview, but one can argue that it takes a stronger person to collect themselves after such a dissapointment, than it would take to succeed a job interview. People show their real character when times are hard, right? Be that person man.

So come on, recollect yourself, and go for another. Don't be afraid to fail it.

Stand up man, you can do it.
 
Rosebolt said:
Locke said:
I had a job interview today, and it didn't go well. It went really badly. I was nervous the entire time, near having a anxiety attack, and my mind kept going blank on those stupid interview questions. Had I just been able to control my anxiety for a few minutes, I would have had it.

I'm extremely pissed at myself for screwing it up. Having somewhere to go a few days a week would have helped me, not to mention the extra money. I shouldn't have tried anyway, now I feel worse than I have in weeks. Think I'll go sleep for the rest of the day.

Locke, for when you've waken up, here's some food for thought. Yes, you "failed" the interview, but one can argue that it takes a stronger person to collect themselves after such a dissapointment, than it would take to succeed a job interview. People show their real character when times are hard, right? Be that person man.

So come on, recollect yourself, and go for another. Don't be afraid to fail it.

Stand up man, you can do it.

You're right. I've just had a shitty week so far, and its only wednesday. I'll figure some way to stay calm next time I get an interview. I'm just frustrated, my failures are beginning to outnumber and overshadow my successes. But giving up hasn't ever worked before, so I'll try harder next time.

Thanks for the pep talk.
 
^^ *hugs* Locke. You have an awesome attitude. Just keep moving forward...eventually you'll get a handle on the anxiety. :)
 
Locke said:
But giving up hasn't ever worked before, so I'll try harder next time.

Yes, giving up never works in situations like this. Keep going, we're here for support! If you feel the jitters before an interview, you can always come on here and have a chat with anyone of us or post something - it might make you feel better.

Good luck for your next one! *hugs*
 

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