Tired of guys and their lies.. in need of some advice

[sorat116]

Hi so I am 19 years old and have been on and off dating this guy for the past few months. When we first started dating he seemed crazy over me and told me I was the "hottest girl he had ever dated." So after dating for a bit one night he messages me on facebook after seeing a picture of me and another guy on their saying "I'm jealous of everything you do and I hate seeing pictures of you and other guys. I want to be with you, I want you to be my girlfriend." He was drunk that night so I figured it wasn't that serious. The next morning he texted me and I said "wow you were really wasted last night you said you wanted me to be your girlfriend." he replied, "I do." So one night a few weeks later we went to the movies and came back to his dorm afterwards and I was like "I want you to be my boyfriend." he was like "really?" and I said yes, so we made it official. He was all excited telling me I was the most gorgeous girl hes dated, blah blah blah. So I sent him the facebook request, and he texted me saying he doesn't "out his relationships."

So naturally, I was a little upset and we argued a little bit over it. But we got over it.

Later, he had lost his phone so he didnt have one and he told me to meet him at his dorm at a certain time so I did and he basicially stood me up. So I deleted him off my FB and he freaked out and kept sending me messages apologizing and saying please answer me and etc. etc. So I finally excepted his apology but I still feel like the only reason he is dating me is because he thinks I'm hot. Like he never tries to get to know me and instead of holding my hand at the movies last night and putting his arm around me he was texting someone else. So I told him that last night after our date and he got angry and hasn't spoken to me since..

Do yall think I am wasting my time seeing him still?

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

The guy sounds like a jerk who probably only wants to get to know you for sexual reasons.

Texting someone else during a movie with you is just plain rude, not to mention it's pretty unhealthy to get so possessive of you on facebook too.

I'd see a decent guy worth your time instead

 

[Ox Blood]

You've got a good head on your shoulders.

I can read between the lines and see you already know what your gut is telling you to do about this guy.
Tune out the rest of the background noise and listen to your instincts, always.

 

[Ak5]

He doesn't show signs of caring about you? Dump him. Don't listen to him telling you you're hot.

You don't want to be hot and ignored. You want to be hot and cared about.

 

[floffyschneeman]

A good guy with a good intention will always handle things differently. He would understand you despite his weaknesses as well. He will put your happiness over his and at his worst, he would still manage to make you feel better or not upset you. I agree with OX Blood, listen to you instincts. You can observe him for a bit and if he is really true to what he says, it will show.

 

[whispers]

I'M with the others on this, in my experience, those who qualified me as HOT, acted like little kids in a candy store and then got tired and found another hottie to show off. You want a guy who thinks you are awesome, smart, etc .... then hot. This guy seems to be using you to boost his self esteem...

 

[Avaron]

I once dated a guy that would always tell me that I was "hot" and "gorgeous" and things like that, but he really wasn't a good guy at heart. He only really wanted me for sex, but I broke off from him before he could get me.

...Well that's what came to mind when I read your story.
Wouldn't you rather want a guy that would treat you well, that would understand you and be considerate and sensitive to you?

Don't be afraid to break off from a relationship, if it's the right thing to do (which I think it is) then there's nothing to fear!

 

[The Good Citizen]

I think given your description people will obviously say "he's a jerk dump him" that’s almost a given. But what you've put is a short summary of a recent glitch in your relationship and very much from your point of view. So there’s no way anyone can say for sure what you should do to be honest. There are always 2 sides to the coin, his version would probably be very different and rightly or wrongly, probably lay more of the blame at your door.

When I was trying to work out what was going wrong in my relationship I imagined what she would say to a friend that annoyed her about me. Even if I didn't agree with them, it’s quite hard to admit such things, we can all be stubborn, but it did help to understand what the real issues were.

I'm not saying you are in the wrong of course, its just there’s always another side to hear so I'm always reluctant to say 'get rid' of someone based on a quick summary, he might be the greatest guy on he planet for all I know and crazy about you!

For instance he might say, "I met this fantastic girl and I think she is beautiful, I couldn't believe she said yes when I asked her out, but recently I can't seem to do anything right. I was late meeting her this one time but there was a genuine reason and the other night at the cinema, I sent a couple of texts during the movie and she just got annoyed with me. I think she's great, I do * insert random selection of good things he might do* but she just seems to look for reasons to get on my back and I never feel appreciated."

You know the general reaction then would be she sounds hard work get rid! Same story more or less just from different sides.

Talk to him, tell him you want to stay together but you have a few things that annoy you and listen to what he has to say about it. Perhaps do it over a coffee in public so it doesn't turn into a row, consider the good things he adds to your life, then come to a decision as to whether it’s what you really still want.

I'd say thats a better option than listing a grievance and then asking if its justification to finish it.

 

[sorat116]

I think given your description people will obviously say "he's a jerk dump him" that’s almost a given. But what you've put is a short summary of a recent glitch in your relationship and very much from your point of view. So there’s no way anyone can say for sure what you should do to be honest. There are always 2 sides to the coin, his version would probably be very different and rightly or wrongly, probably lay more of the blame at your door.

When I was trying to work out what was going wrong in my relationship I imagined what she would say to a friend that annoyed her about me. Even if I didn't agree with them, it’s quite hard to admit such things, we can all be stubborn, but it did help to understand what the real issues were.

I'm not saying you are in the wrong of course, its just there’s always another side to hear so I'm always reluctant to say 'get rid' of someone based on a quick summary, he might be the greatest guy on he planet for all I know and crazy about you!

For instance he might say, "I met this fantastic girl and I think she is beautiful, I couldn't believe she said yes when I asked her out, but recently I can't seem to do anything right. I was late meeting her this one time but there was a genuine reason and the other night at the cinema, I sent a couple of texts during the movie and she just got annoyed with me. I think she's great, I do * insert random selection of good things he might do* but she just seems to look for reasons to get on my back and I never feel appreciated."

You know the general reaction then would be she sounds hard work get rid! Same story more or less just from different sides.

Talk to him, tell him you want to stay together but you have a few things that annoy you and listen to what he has to say about it. Perhaps do it over a coffee in public so it doesn't turn into a row, consider the good things he adds to your life, then come to a decision as to whether it’s what you really still want.

I'd say thats a better option than listing a grievance and then asking if its justification to finish it.

Gave him another chance.. he was on facebook the other night and I messaged him but he didnt reply and later made a status that was obviously written towards me saying "you deserve better, but so does the person you are with"

I really feel like he may have emotional issues because all I said was I felt like he may be only dating me because he thinks I'm hot.. it wasn't anything mean, and certainly not worth avoiding someone for the next two weeks. Pretty childish behavior and I have now officially dropped it. If he messages me again I probably won't reply.. way too much drama for the short amount of time we had been seeing each other. Plus hes going back to his hometown for the summer so I guess he doesn't even "need" me right now.

I think I'm gonna take a long and much needed break from dating.. anyone else on the same page?

 

[dannyr22]

Sounds like he was only after one thing to me

Maybe a break from dating is good, but don't miss out on a nice guy if he pops into ya life

 

[climbingsteadily]

Blocking him on Facebook after he stood you up was not your best move. That's just passive-aggressive and isn't productive because it doesn't address any of the issues at hand. It's fortunate that you had a frank conversation with him afterward. He certainly seems to have a lot of problems and is not bringing out the best in you or treating you all that well. Sounds like it's time to end it and move onto better things.

 

[sorat116]

That's exactly the point I am at. He stopped talking to me since I said I thought maybe he was only dating me because of the way I look..

If he ever tries to contact me again (which I am almost positive he will at some point in the future) I am most certainly not replying. I think I really don't deserve this kind of treatment.

 

[AskingtheEarth]

I know this sounds probably quite harsh and judgemental, but someone from whom the most memorable compliment was that you were "the hottest girl" he had ever dated, is probably not the sort of guy you really need in your life. You can read a lot about a person's intentions by their terminology, and while I won't presume to be able to see inside this bloke's head, I will leave you to decide what you think he meant by it.

 

[sorat116]

Nope I think you are right.. he liked me for all of the wrong reasons and I'm glad it's over.

However, I have a new found HATE for dating at the moment.

 

[maybelazy]

Nope I think you are right.. he liked me for all of the wrong reasons and I'm glad it's over.

However, I have a new found HATE for dating at the moment.

I wouldn't let a bad experience put you off. People make mistakes, and it sounds like this guy has made a fair few. But that doesn't mean the next guy you meet will make the same mistakes. I know it's frustrating sometimes.

 

[AskingtheEarth]

I too hate relationships. It's kind of nice to know I'm not the only one

 

[Gutted]

I am that guy!! Lol Joke. But seriously though, always give someone another chance if they've not screwed you over majorly. I don't know about you, but I can't afford to just give up the chance of a relationship with anyone (By that I mean a chance to make friends or even a partner ect)