To all young and lonely people

[allanh]

hi, guys/itgirls:

I have read many threads on this forum and definitely can empathize with how a lot of you feel. I also notice that the majority of you are still young (16~28). Please do not despair; yes, you may have been rejected/betrayed/lost your family. However, you still have your most valuable treasure - being young.

As long as you have time on your side, things can always change if you put in the effort. Tides/society norms may be against you, but nothing is unfixable with time and determination.

The people whom I feel really have the worst end of the deal are being old and lonely with no one to turn to. There is very little prospect of turning things around. Loneliness can be eternal and society is particularly cruel to them. I am 31 and what I fear the most is not being single/relationshipless now. My greatest fear is staying in the same situation when I hit my mid~late 30s which isn't that far away.

Anyway, to all young people, please keep your heads up and don't despair and waste your biggest asset - youth.

 

[IgnoredOne]

Interesting observation, and very true. Eventually, when you have enough money, you begin to realize just how much of a constraint that /time/ is. I know that I regret that I did not become more social, though I also just regret a lot of time wasted in general

I suspect that's part of growing up.

 

[paulo]

dont regret to much..
youll be wasting more valuable time.

its not like turning 35 is the end of it all.

 

[allanh]

yeah, paulo.

Anyway, the point of this thread is to encourage those who sees no hope to realize that there is still a whole world in front of them and time is on their side

Although I can not say the same for those who are older.

 

[IgnoredOne]

Don't feel too sorry for yourself. This is one of the things where women definitely have it much worse than men do.

 

[paulo]

sorry for turning your post around.
shuldent have read it being to old an all

i get what your saying.

although having a whole life ahead of you might not seem like a good thing if things arent going to well.

 

[jjam]

Don't feel too sorry for yourself. This is one of the things where women definitely have it much worse than men do.

how so?

 

[Limlim]

menopause

Though to be fair it's the guys that do the suffering through that one

 

[IgnoredOne]

how so?

I'll leave the girls to answer that. Suffice to say, though, that every girl I've known always felt like they had something akin to an 'expiration date'.

 

[jean-vic]

Just a quick reply to the original post of this thread: I'm young. 21, in fact. Yes, I have time on my side. I should be out enjoying my youth. I should be socialising. I should be living like there is no tomorrow, not worrying about loneliness.

Problem is, how do I do any of that when people who call themselves my friends ignore me whenever I try to do something of a social nature? How do I enjoy my youth when people only come to me when they need something done for them? How do young people who are lonely - and I mean properly, not 14 and just lost your first "boyfriend" lonely - enjoy their youth when the things a youth should be doing are closed off because of the people around them?

Hell, I've been trying for a very long time to socialise, to have fun, to live my life. The lesson I've learned, so far, is that people, so called friends, are not interested unless it's on their terms.

Here's an example: I recently got my grades back for my law degree exams. I came out with a high 2:1 after missing half the year with depression and insomnia, and after only doing one week's worth of revision. Let's face it, that's a pretty phenomenal feat to achieve. I was chuffed. Immediately, I was on Facebook. I was on the phone asking people if they'd like to come out with me one night and celebrate with some drinks. You want to know how many of my "friends" answered my invitation? I'll tell you. None. Absolutely none.

This isn't sour grapes. This isn't me whining. I could be far worse off. Loneliness isn't the worst thing to happen to a person. Still, you tell me where in that I am supposed to enjoy my youth when every attempt at enjoyment is ignored.

 

[allanh]

dear jean-vic:
The rule of the society does not change: people will only be your friends when you are of value to others (the same applies to all of us). Some people have lots of friends because "being their friends is cool". The only people who will love you unconditionally are your family.

Congratulations on your law degree, it's a remarkable achievement. I am surprised that none of your friends accepted the invitations to the drinks. However, it may be possible that things aren't going well in THEIR lives and "sour grapes" may be part of the reasons why they declined to go to the drinks. I know that when I am in a bad situation and people who are celebrating their success ask me to join, my motivation to party with them was extremely low (even if they are who I consider as friends). On the other hand, if I just won a lottery, I would accept anything , even attending a stranger's party. So don't take their refusal to heart.


My post is not to ask people to enjoy youth. What I was meaning to say is that you have time on your side and you will have all the opportunities down the track to change things for the better. This is not a luxury that older people can afford.

 

[jean-vic]

dear jean-vic:
The rule of the society does not change: people will only be your friends when you are of value to others (the same applies to all of us). Some people have lots of friends because "being their friends is cool". The only people who will love you unconditionally are your family.

Then it is a very sad world we live in.

Congratulations on your law degree, it's a remarkable achievement. I am surprised that none of your friends accepted the invitations to the drinks. However, it may be possible that things aren't going well in THEIR lives and "sour grapes" may be part of the reasons why they declined to go to the drinks. I know that when I am in a bad situation and people who are celebrating their success ask me to join, my motivation to party with them was extremely low (even if they are who I consider as friends). On the other hand, if I just won a lottery, I would accept anything , even attending a stranger's party. So don't take their refusal to heart.

Thank you.

No, the ones I asked are fine. The very same night they were all out with others. If there was a problem I wouldn't ask them. But when they are out partying but ignore my invitation, it does get taken to heart.

My post is not to ask people to enjoy youth. What I was meaning to say is that you have time on your side and you will have all the opportunities down the track to change things for the better. This is not a luxury that older people can afford.

Oh, well I apologise then because I misconstrued what you were saying. I thought it was that very typical, older person response of "What have you got to bother about? You're young" as though nothing bothers us.

 

[applepear]

jean-vic. I'm 18. I have friends and family. But what allanh said is the truth. The only people who will love you unconditionally are your family. That doesn't mean your friends are bad or they won't risk their lives to save you...but the only people in this world that will truly love you no matter how horrible you are to them is your family.

Perhaps people ARE sour grapes. I've realized that people don't show their ugly sides unless their placed in a position of competition with you. I have a friend who was horribly competitive (and I mean HORRIBLE) in school and always putting down my achievements (I topped the school in English and Literature she still insisted I wasn't as good as her); but once we graduated she was all sugary and nice again. Because I wasn't her competitor anymore.

BTW I dont think allanH is brushing aside the problems of youths. Perhaps he is encouraging us to change before its too late like him (ok that sounded wrong...pls dont take it to hard, older folks!).

 

[jean-vic]

jean-vic. I'm 18. I have friends and family. But what allanh said is the truth. The only people who will love you unconditionally are your family. That doesn't mean your friends are bad or they won't risk their lives to save you...but the only people in this world that will truly love you no matter how horrible you are to them is your family.

Perhaps people ARE sour grapes. I've realized that people don't show their ugly sides unless their placed in a position of competition with you. I have a friend who was horribly competitive (and I mean HORRIBLE) in school and always putting down my achievements (I topped the school in English and Literature she still insisted I wasn't as good as her); but once we graduated she was all sugary and nice again. Because I wasn't her competitor anymore.

BTW I dont think allanH is brushing aside the problems of youths. Perhaps he is encouraging us to change before its too late like him (ok that sounded wrong...pls dont take it to hard, older folks!).

I've already apologised for misconstruing what he said. I see what he meant now.

But, on your last point, I don't feel I need to change. I am kind to everyone I meet. I give of myself and give of myself. There is never a time I am not there for people. I have been told I'm funny. People always comment on how lovely a lad I am. But, where is everyone? Where are the texts in the week? When does someone ever treat me well if there is nothing to benefit? Where are my friends when I want to socialise? Oh yeah, ignoring me while they go out with others. I've changed a lot over the past year to become more sociable, to make an effort, to be more of a people person. Still, it has gotten me nowhere. So, I don't think it is me who needs to change. Again, not sour grapes on my part. Just someone who is very tired.

 

[applepear]

If you have been kind then your conscience is clear. You are rare in this world. I understand. Sometimes, it is not you but the situation you are placed in. I too tried to be nice to others but people just wouldn't reciprocate, they would rather die then to be seen with me. It must be demoralizing for you. I wish I could tell you not to take rejection so harshly, but I have many scars too and faced similar situations in the past so I don't know what to say to you to make you feel better...life only started getting better for me when I moved school, made new friends and left the shackles of my past self.

 

[PedroSilva]

Just a quick reply to the original post of this thread: I'm young. 21, in fact. Yes, I have time on my side. I should be out enjoying my youth. I should be socialising. I should be living like there is no tomorrow, not worrying about loneliness.

Problem is, how do I do any of that when people who call themselves my friends ignore me whenever I try to do something of a social nature? How do I enjoy my youth when people only come to me when they need something done for them? How do young people who are lonely - and I mean properly, not 14 and just lost your first "boyfriend" lonely - enjoy their youth when the things a youth should be doing are closed off because of the people around them?

Hell, I've been trying for a very long time to socialise, to have fun, to live my life. The lesson I've learned, so far, is that people, so called friends, are not interested unless it's on their terms.

Here's an example: I recently got my grades back for my law degree exams. I came out with a high 2:1 after missing half the year with depression and insomnia, and after only doing one week's worth of revision. Let's face it, that's a pretty phenomenal feat to achieve. I was chuffed. Immediately, I was on Facebook. I was on the phone asking people if they'd like to come out with me one night and celebrate with some drinks. You want to know how many of my "friends" answered my invitation? I'll tell you. None. Absolutely none.

This isn't sour grapes. This isn't me whining. I could be far worse off. Loneliness isn't the worst thing to happen to a person. Still, you tell me where in that I am supposed to enjoy my youth when every attempt at enjoyment is ignored.

I feel EXACLY the same.

 

[jean-vic]

If you have been kind then your conscience is clear. You are rare in this world. I understand. Sometimes, it is not you but the situation you are placed in. I too tried to be nice to others but people just wouldn't reciprocate, they would rather die then to be seen with me. It must be demoralizing for you. I wish I could tell you not to take rejection so harshly, but I have many scars too and faced similar situations in the past so I don't know what to say to you to make you feel better...life only started getting better for me when I moved school, made new friends and left the shackles of my past self.

Funny, you should say that, actually. My Mum and sisters all want to move down south and in the next couple of months our house will be up for sale. Off they go down London way. As soon as I finish my degree in a years time, I'll be following them down there. Leaving this backwards, inbred town behind. I hope things change down there. My family are convinced it will. But, it makes me wonder what sort of state things are in when someone has to move to the other side of the country just to get some form of human contact.

Craziness.