Trouble With Makin New Friendships. They Go Sour

[Retrospective81]

I seem to have trouble making and keeping friends due to the fact I'm 'opinionated' and 'stubborn' apparently.

I recently made a friend from Experience Project and we were getting on quite well up until lastnight.

She then goes to say I'm quite 'snobbish' and 'opinionated' in regards to how I see society. I had already established and explained that I do feel different to a lot of people.

This happens a lot with making friends off and online. It seems that, people want to control me in a friendship Or keep me on a 'leash' so to speak.

Just because I have a lot of opinions and speak the truth people don't seem to like me for it.

Then it all goes sour. Why should I have to walk on bloody eggshells with people?

 

[Rosebolt]

Just because I have a lot of opinions and speak the truth people don't seem to like me for it.

There's your problem. They're opinions not truth. When you realise that, and don't cling to them so dearly, things will go better.

Also, you're looking at the other person wanting to control you. Regardless of wether this is true or not, i'd suggest looking at yourself instead.

 

[UGLYDUCKLING]

Well different people perceive and value "the truth" and opinions differently. Sometimes you need to sugarcoat a bit and not speak of it all together...The truth is a wonderful thing like sugar!it's best that should people speak of it in small doses.

 

[Retrospective81]

Tjhnks for the replies rose and ugly, still finding my way..slowly yeah I do need to reflect on myself a bit more and maybe not speak of it all. There's some really good advice there so I'm grateful

 

[nerdygirl]

I once attempted a friendship with a mostly cool person. One day, she posted something on Facebook that was fairly insulting. I didn't really take it to heart, because she meant it as a sweeping generalization, but at the same time... I couldn't completely ignore it. When I addressed the situation, she told me that I wasn't included in her statement, but that she didn't believe in "Censoring" herself. She had the right to feel however she felt, and if I didn't like what she had to say, then I should just ignore her.

Why is it my duty to tolerate her ****** baggery? How could our relationship progress if I was forced to weed through the things she said? Further... what sort of friend will callously say things they know are offensive? Even if you, personally, don't take them to heart, it is a lousy person to think that makes the behaviour acceptable.

I pointed out that she could invest the thirty seconds it takes to customize her Facebook posts so that at least she isn't saying them to the wrong people. Even a racist person will wait until they're out of the wrong neighborhood before making prejudiced comments. She, however, didn't even care enough about people she considered, "friends" to keep those sorts of thoughts to herself. She insisted she shouldn't have to do that.

I insisted that anybody who didn't care enough about me not to say something that could potentially hurt me wasn't really my friend. Then, I deleted her from my friends list, as well as the rest of my life.

 

[Gutted]

There is a saying that goes "Ignorance is bliss" I think this is true with many people to some extent. Many people don't want to know certain things. Even if they are absolutely true. Many people I know of, just want to keep the peace and be happy. Even if that means ignoring the truth sometimes.

 

[Masque]

Maybe your friends feel like they're the ones walking on eggshells? I'm kind of opinionated, too, but I know how it feels to not be sure whether or not someone's anger is going to be directed towards you unexpectedly.

 

[Locke]

There is a saying that goes "Ignorance is bliss" I think this is true with many people to some extent. Many people don't want to know certain things. Even if they are absolutely true. Many people I know of, just want to keep the peace and be happy. Even if that means ignoring the truth sometimes.

That sounds like me. I have strong opinions about religion and politics, but its usually easier to not get into a debate about it.

I once had a friend who was for the most part a okay guy, but the pure hate that would come from him about certain religions and political groups was just way too much for me. He was completely intolerant and closed minded about anything but his own opinions. I cut ties with him for my own well being. I don't need that kind of negativity in my life.

 

[Retrospective81]

I agree Locke, politics and religion can be a barrier to a good friendship. I'm learning that it is just not worth unwarranted trouble. I've since given up on religion and politics all together not because I don't care or I'm apathetic, but because I've learned some pretty horrific truths, especially about the political party I supported for a few years. Politics is now I know, a dead end street. A lose-Lose situation.

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I second with that, Masque.

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There is a saying that goes "Ignorance is bliss" I think this is true with many people to some extent. Many people don't want to know certain things. Even if they are absolutely true. Many people I know of, just want to keep the peace and be happy. Even if that means ignoring the truth sometimes.

Yes and I'm learning that the hard way for sure Gutted! :club:

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I once attempted a friendship with a mostly cool person. One day, she posted something on Facebook that was fairly insulting. I didn't really take it to heart, because she meant it as a sweeping generalization, but at the same time... I couldn't completely ignore it. When I addressed the situation, she told me that I wasn't included in her statement, but that she didn't believe in "Censoring" herself. She had the right to feel however she felt, and if I didn't like what she had to say, then I should just ignore her.

Why is it my duty to tolerate her ****** baggery? How could our relationship progress if I was forced to weed through the things she said? Further... what sort of friend will callously say things they know are offensive? Even if you, personally, don't take them to heart, it is a lousy person to think that makes the behaviour acceptable.

I pointed out that she could invest the thirty seconds it takes to customize her Facebook posts so that at least she isn't saying them to the wrong people. Even a racist person will wait until they're out of the wrong neighborhood before making prejudiced comments. She, however, didn't even care enough about people she considered, "friends" to keep those sorts of thoughts to herself. She insisted she shouldn't have to do that.

I insisted that anybody who didn't care enough about me not to say something that could potentially hurt me wasn't really my friend. Then, I deleted her from my friends list, as well as the rest of my life.

You was better off deleting this person from your life. This person sounds very shallow and toxic and you was not doing yourself any favours whatsoever so, kudos to you.

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Maybe your friends feel like they're the ones walking on eggshells? I'm kind of opinionated, too, but I know how it feels to not be sure whether or not someone's anger is going to be directed towards you unexpectedly.

I second with that, Masque.

 

[Spiderpope]

Politics and religion are two subjects best not discussed in the early stages of a friendship. Until you have that secure, stable foundation between you, where heated debates aren't taken as arguments, then it can lead to upset for both parties.

It's hard, i have very strong opinions on both subjects, especially religion (I'm an outspoken and vocal atheist) , and sometimes it's easy to go off on one with someone who may not share your views and take them as personal critique. But you just have to bite your tongue sometimes.

 

[BlossomedInShadows]

I think it has a lot more to do with how your express your opinions than in your opinions themselves. You can be honest about how you feel or what you think while still being sensitive to the feelings of others. There's a difference between disagreeing with people and being argumentative and defensive when people hold different opinions to yours. Disagreeing means you acknowledge your differences while still allowing other people the right to hold their own opinions, without feeling like you need to change them. Arguing means you get defensive when others disagree with you, and you go out of your way to try to get someone to change their mind. Even if you don't mean it that way, people might perceive it as arrogant, and be less likely to open up to you.