Turning into a stalker!

[karenak]

I really do not like the person i feel my loneliness and self esteem issues are turning me into.
Technically i do have a couple of friends, one in particular who means a lot to me and we have gone through some stuff together. We do on occassions get together but it is pretty rare really. I think i may be pushing her away though. There is another women who seems to have decided to muscle in on our friendship and exclude me whilst still being smiley to me and i just want her to disappear off the face of the earth. I actually wouldnt have a problem with her if she wasnt subtlely trying to oust me but she is. The problem is, I am trying too hard now not to be pushed aside. I will ring my 'best' friend and if she is not in or possibly not answering, i will try again a number of times or/and ring her mobile. I spoke to her yesterday and we were fine and she said she was going to ring back later for a chat and didnt do. I had to fight the urge all evening not to ring her. I am turning into a bit of a psycho and i dont want to as that is the surest way of pushing one of my limited circle of friends away. Do i just wait for her to ring back like she said, what if she doesnt, have i blown it?

 

[lonelygirl]

I would just try to find something or someone else to occupy your time--if you hang eveyrthing on one person if it goes wrong you will feel really low. Keep your antennae open for other people and friendships.

 

[diamond-dancer]

I really do not like the person i feel my loneliness and self esteem issues are turning me into.
Technically i do have a couple of friends, one in particular who means a lot to me and we have gone through some stuff together. We do on occassions get together but it is pretty rare really. I think i may be pushing her away though. There is another women who seems to have decided to muscle in on our friendship and exclude me whilst still being smiley to me and i just want her to disappear off the face of the earth. I actually wouldnt have a problem with her if she wasnt subtlely trying to oust me but she is. The problem is, I am trying too hard now not to be pushed aside. I will ring my 'best' friend and if she is not in or possibly not answering, i will try again a number of times or/and ring her mobile. I spoke to her yesterday and we were fine and she said she was going to ring back later for a chat and didnt do. I had to fight the urge all evening not to ring her. I am turning into a bit of a psycho and i dont want to as that is the surest way of pushing one of my limited circle of friends away. Do i just wait for her to ring back like she said, what if she doesnt, have i blown it?

Hi there Karenak.

I have found myself in a similar position to you so I have an idea of how you must be feeling.

It was when an (now) ex-boyfriend of mine started behaving oddly. He would tell me anything he could think of except the truth and this sent me into an obsessive rage. I suspected (correctly) that he was seeing someone else behind my back and could not stop myself from trying to check up on him. I would call, message, try to stamp my authority over him. I knew what I was doing was only making the situation a lot worse but I couldn't make myself stop. I truly believed that I was becoming insane, but really all I wanted was to know the truth.

The moment that changed it for me was when I talked to a friend about what was happening to me. Letting someone else know and hearing their advice helped me to put the situation into perspective and I was able to take a step back and decide that the person I was becoming was not the kind of person I wanted to be. After that I told the guy to kick rocks and gave myself a psychological slap on the wrist whenever the urge arose to call/message him. I am a stronger person since learning to control those urges.

You've been able to come here and acknowledge that you're aware that what you've been doing isn't constructive... which is a great first step.

You say that you have a history with this friend of yours, so it's worth remembering that no third party that comes between you will ever be able to take that away.

As for whether you've 'blown it', only time will tell. I would suggest organising something for you and your friend to do without this other person. Suggest catching up over dinner or going to grab a coffee or something.

I agree that you should look for other things/people to help take your mind off the hurt you feel about the possibility of losing our friend. I also agree with lonelygirl in the sense that no person is worth losing your sanity for.

Good luck.