Unhappy in a relationship

[physwitch]

So, I've been going out with this guy for about three months now. We're studying together in university and he's a really nice guy, but it seems that we have almost nothing in common.

I'm no beauty (although I strongly believe I'm not ugly either) and not very sociable, which is why I've always had difficulties finding friends, not to mention a boyfriend. I guess I jumped into relationship just because I never had one. It was great while it was something new, something I've dreamed about. But the novelty wore off and now I don't know what I want any more.

Lately everything my boyfriend does or says gets on my nerves. It feels as if I accept going out to theater or anyplace else with him only because I have some kind of obligation (you know, he's my boyfriend after all..), and not because I really want to. I started avoiding him at university, turning off my phone so I wouldn't have to talk to him. When I'm with him, I try to stay where there are a lot of other people around. I started making all kinds of excuses so I wouldn't have to go to his place for lunch as I used to just because it always ends up in a make out session and I don't want that. Don't get me wrong, I like(d) making out. Simply I don't want to make out with HIM any more.

It's gotten to the point where I say to my boyfriend that I'll see him next week at classes because I don't plan on going to the town before that (I live out of town), but the next day I go to the town to meet with a friend (who's also kind of my best friend AND my last crush with whom I only recently started talking/meeting again. That's a long story.) Or my bf writes me an SMS asking whether I would like to talk to him on the phone, and I answer that sorry, but I'm going to sleep. And then I spend the next four hours talking to my friend on internet.

All of this led to insomnia. Thanks Merlin, it almost went away (with a bit of help from Chopin). It doesn't change the fact that daytime is almost as bad, because I have lots of free time alone at home (I really don't have a lot of classes this year and my work can be mostly done from home). Lots of free time = lots of thinking, analyzing what went wrong, trying to decide what should I do now and feeling like a failure. And that is depressing as hell.

Why am I writing this here? Firstly, I needed to share it with someone. Secondly, I need advice. What should I do?

I understand that what I'm doing now (avoiding, even lying) is not fair to my boyfriend. I know I'll have to have a talk with him. And that scares the honeysuckle out of me. I'm really not great in expressing my feelings in words. I tend to keep them safely inside. What should I say? That I want to break up? Or maybe I should give it another try, try harder to make it work.

I would appreciate any advice.

 

[shells]

You already know what you have to do.

I understand that what I'm doing now (avoiding, even lying) is not fair to my boyfriend. I know I'll have to have a talk with him. And that scares the honeysuckle out of me. I'm really not great in expressing my feelings in words. I tend to keep them safely inside. What should I say? That I want to break up? Or maybe I should give it another try, try harder to make it work.

Communication and honesty is a MUST in relationships. Maybe that's where you should start and see what your options are from there. How does he know he is doing something wrong if you never let him know? Don't keep putting it off. The longer you wait, the worse it is going to get.

If you do decide to break up, make sure you let him know why so you don't leave him without any explanation.

 

[Steel]

I agree with shells in that you already know what you have to do.

There isn't any point putting it off further really; the sooner you tackle it, the sooner the pair of you can move on with your lives.

 

[Badjedidude]

Yup. Communication is key.

I'd elaborate, but dammit...everyone beat me to it.

----Steve

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Maybe sleep on it or give it at least 72 hours. As you stated you're kind of stress out.
Whatever decision that you make will be the right one for you...don't worry.

well..if you don't have anything in common that you can relate to...that means it's sex.

Relationship takes time and work. Lots and lots of understand , patience, tolerance and love.
it's like planting a flower. Both partners has to nuture it to make it grow and continue to nurture it.

Now that the honey moon is over...If you don't really want it...then it's not going to work.
Your heart has to be into it and want it. Screw guilt...if you don't want it.

yeah don't leave him hanging either way. Speak your truth.

Yeap...too much thinking for me is like the devil's workshop.
Let go....

 

[physwitch]

well..if you don't have anything in common that you can relate to...that means it's sex.

There was no sex...yet. I guess it's better that way, makes it less complicated.


I plan on talking to him tonight. If I won't chicken out at the last minute. Hope it'll go smoothly... or as smothly as a break up can go

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Breaking up is not easy for anyone wheather you're on the giving end or the recieving end.
I had to break up with someone that was very much in love with me. It totally devistated her.
For a couple of weeks she threw herself at me. There was a lot of sex involved in the relationship
but I couldn't have sex with her anymore. It was also difficult to watch her go through so much pains.
I wanted to hold her and comfort her but I couldn't do that either. I couldn't continue to hurt her.
Yeap sex made it more complicated becuase everytime she had sex with me, she would get more emotionally attached.
Having sex with her or making anytype of body contacts with her would prolong her suffering.
I could had continue the relationship and have my ways with her. She did anything and very thing for me.
I couldn't continue lying to her or lying to myself. It was messed up enough as it was...becuase I used
to call her by my ex-wf's name lots lots of times. She bascailly resymbal my ex-wf but we didn't have too much in common.
I was trying to replace my ex-wf with all the women that came into my life...That's some complicated.
Bascailly i was still married at the time and was separated from my wife. She got herself involved with a married man
and tried to become the perfect wife...some really complicated stuff. She caught me on a rebound and was trying to make a slam dunk.
ultimately...I knew that wasn't going last forever...she couldn't kiss my ass forever. I still had a lot of emotional baggages and wasn't
really ready for a relationship..A true healthy relationship. She was trying to fix me...but I needed to fixed myself first.

I can't really judge her becuase I see myself in her. I'm actaully doing the samething today that she did.lol
What gose around comes around I suppose...I'm very much in love with a married woman at the moment...hahahaaaaa
I'm very complicated....that woman is my ex-wf. I'm sick and tired of trying to replace her....
I can't bring myself to belive that my ex-wf was just some woman I got pregnant and I was just some sperm donor of my daughter.
I tried for many years to convience myself of this so that I may move on with my life but it's something that I find very hard to accept
and I feel like I'm lying to myself if I think like that. Logically it makes sence and is convient...but If i thinking like that..at the sametime
I feel like if I get involve with any other woman...then it's all just freaken shallow.
fresia I'm going stop...it's getting too freaken complicated for me now. Realtionship is freaken complicated for me. Sometimes I wish i can do
without....like I ma trun into a monk to make all my troubles go away..but I love Chelle very, very much. She's the love of my life.

It was a graudal transition. We see each other in passing for a couple of months. Sometimes I see the tears in her eyes.
Then a couple months later...I saw her with a new BF. She was very happy. He held her in public and was
very much in love with her. Holding her in public was something I never did with her. She found someone that loved
her like she watned and ought to be loved....Then I'm reminded of this also.

 

[matthewferry]

Communication is an important part of a relationship. This helps identify the problem, if there are any.

 

[Steel]

Good luck Physwitch!

 

[Ithought]

if you want to meet someone definitely you should break with him.
if you just not happy with him talk to him how you feel about your relationship and solve the problem like give a time and try or be a friend or break up or don't see each other something whatever you want.

I don't think that is reasonable to keep going with unhappy relationship.
that is what I will going to do if I were you.

recently I told someone that I don't have feeling for him but I like him as a friend. it hurt him at the begin but now he understand or accept the fact and we are still friend, I think. we chat sometimes.
what is different with you is we didn't date at the begin but I am glad that I told him how I feel about him and it is turned out well in my view.

sometimes good to have other side shoes.
what do you want him to do if he is the same feeling about you?
do you want him to talk to you honestly or keep avoiding you?