I was definitely happier in the past. My life now is empty...disabled, can't get anywhere because I don't drive and can't afford a car on disability, no transportation in walking distance, no taxi service in this stupid little town, no friends closeby, living alone and get out rarely, I'm "extended" family to the little family I have left so am not invited anywhere most of the time, no significant other, no hope for the future. I've heard it said the only one that can change things is me, but how can I change things when I can't afford an apartment and am living in a basement apartment of my "extended" family's house? I get my groceries delivered for $18, which is a lot of money for me, I have to order everything I need on-line, of which the shipping charges are ridiculously high.
How I continue to get up and push myself through each day must be God's doing, because I couldn't do it on my own. Because I believe in God, I wouldn't take my life. I am basically miserable.
I do, however, manage to hide all this when I come into contact with anyone. That's the only reason anyone will be bothered with me at all.