What’s wrong with me

[davegoode78]

I have seen commercials on late night tv for a long time for these chat lines. You call and talk to local people. So I decided to call recently. And I met an amazing woman on there. I am genuinely blown away by her. The problem is... I’m married with two semi young kids. I admit that I’m not happy in my marriage, but I’m not necessarily unhappy. And yet I find myself wanting to possibly leave my wife. Not to jump right in to another relationship, but to pursue the potential. I ask myself why did I call in the first place. Then tell myself that I was supposed to meet this lady. Obviously there’s a lot more information to relay, and I don’t even know what question I’m asking. I think I would like to know if anybody has any experience with this? Thanks for reading this. Any thoughts and/or advice is appreciated.

 

[Colster]

Kinda...

It is a long time since I lived as a married man. However, it got to a point where things were not well. My wife, an alcoholic control freak, she had the power to make me feel like a King, or completely destroy my empire. I often daydreamed about leaving. I didn't specifically want another woman, but I did want what we used to have, or at least just peace of mind.

Eventually, drink became the third person in our relationship, and possibly the most domineering one. I left her 10 Dec 2007. I wish that I had done that years earlier. And no, not all times were bad. But I realised that there was so much more out there, than marriage, mortgage, and middle-class lifestyles.

I won't dare to assume that this is the same scenario for you. Although, you choose to either work at it, or get out. The longer it's left, the deeper the resentment becomes, even if it's at yourself.

 

[ringwood]

From my knowledge (I've never phoned one of those chat lines, but I know the type of ads you're referring to), the people who are on the other end are there to make money - nothing else. Stands to reason that this woman is going to blow your mind - she's there to say whatever will keep you on the line longer.

You say you're not necessarily unhappy in your current relationship, but not happy either. So to me, that leaves vast room for improvement. If I were you, I'd quit ******* around with fantasies and get back to reality - you have a wife and two children. Put your energy into what counts and what's real. First step - communicate with your wife about your true feelings. Too many couples don't say what's on their minds and it leads to the type of discontentment you're currently experiencing.

 

[davegoode78]

Many true points there. And lots to process. However, some more info... she actually makes more money than me. She is in a similar situation but she is ahead of me because her and her husband are separated. She has 2 kids close in age to mine. So I’m not worried about her trying to make money off of me. As for communicating... My wife and I have tried to talk. And it always ends the same way. We have 2 kids to think about. And that’s true. I have often asked myself if we would still be married if we never had kids. I honestly think the answer is no.

 

[Finished]

Welcome to the site! Kids definitely can be a trap. But, that's not neccesarily a bad thing. It means that you both have to try really hard to work things work. Too many people give up too quickly. If you loved this woman enough to marry her then IMO, you should try everything you can to make it work. And, yes, that even means going to consuling. There's a very good chance neither of you are hearing the messages that the other person is sending out because men and women communicate differently. That's where a trained neutral third can hear from both of you and figure out what's really going on.