What are you feeling, hoping, thinking, or remembering right now?

[TheSkaFish]

nevermind

 

[Paths and roads]

Endurance.

 

[Finished]

Braveheart - the movie

 

[ewomack]

Blah - just general blah

 

[TheSkaFish]

Blah - just general blah

Yeah, I feel that way too.

---

Feeling like I hope I'm not wrong about someone, and haven't made the same ******* stupid shitty mistake I have before YET AGAIN and letting down my guard like an idiot, like a naive kid, thinking it's OK to not be macho and (heaven forbid) act like a real person who isn't infinitely strong and perfect.

Feeling like I wish I could hit my head in the right way, or have some kind of experimental brain surgery, some Flowers for Algernon honeysuckle. Have something happen that triggers the right parts of my brain, or if I could just go to sleep until I know how to be attractive and can put this goddamn singledom behind me once and for all.

Even outcast girls like tough guys, Ska, you idiot. How many times do we have to watch this movie. You keep wanting the world to be ideal, yet it keeps being what it is.

If I could physically beat the nice guy out of me by punching myself in the face, like in Fight Club, I would do it. Or drink, or smoke, or fight, or insult this weak guy away. Being a prick and being fake seems to work wonders, maybe I'm the stupid person for refusing, and being unable, to do it myself. I wish I knew what to do, but it seems I can't escape myself. I wish I could reprogram my mind to stop being this person.


Feel more than free to ignore. I've read a lot of stuff on this topic for the past several days and it is messing with my mind hard and causing a lot of self-doubts. I just wish I didn't have this **** problem in the first place.

 

[Myra]

I notice I only feel lonely during times when my life is less bearable than it normally is. It's interesting. Because actually adding a human would make it even worse. I hate feelings and I hate being a human. I wish I could just be an earthworm or a ghost, or better, just nothing!

 

[Alyosha]

I notice I only feel lonely during times when my life is less bearable than it normally is. It's interesting. Because actually adding a human would make it even worse. I hate feelings and I hate being a human. I wish I could just be an earthworm or a ghost, or better, just nothing!

"Less bearable" sort of became "normal" for me over time. I do appreciate the opportunity to be a human, but I have to admit that the ghost idea sounds intriguing. It might not remedy the whole loneliness thing, though, unless I happened to stumble upon other ghosts.

 

[TheSkaFish]

I notice I only feel lonely during times when my life is less bearable than it normally is. It's interesting. Because actually adding a human would make it even worse. I hate feelings and I hate being a human. I wish I could just be an earthworm or a ghost, or better, just nothing!

The right human would make my life better by a long shot. But I don't appear to be good enough/macho enough/whatever for that. The wrong humans would just be another thing about my life that I don't like, that makes me feel damned to a low place in life.

I keep see-sawing between "maybe i haven't tried hard enough to fix this" and "i really am stuck, i just wasn't dealt enough to get out of this".

"Less bearable" sort of became "normal" for me over time. I do appreciate the opportunity to be a human, but I have to admit that the ghost idea sounds intriguing. It might not remedy the whole loneliness thing, though, unless I happened to stumble upon other ghosts.

^ This. I'd take "ghost" too. You can't really be killed or even hurt because you're a disembodied spirit. You can't starve or freeze, so don't have to worry about money anymore, unless they somehow create a system of ghost money (**** you, ghost money!). You can just float around all day, walk through walls, do as you please. Sounds chill actually.

The first thing I'd do is find people with radio alarm clocks, and reset them to go off at odd times, with the corniest songs imaginable (looking at you, 2000s era bling rap).

 

[Alyosha]

I keep see-sawing between "maybe i haven't tried hard enough to fix this" and "i really am stuck, i just wasn't dealt enough to get out of this".

I honestly think that as long as you keep trying, you're proving that you have enough to get out of it. The only thing that would eradicate your chances would be giving up entirely. I know how discouraging the fight can be, though, and I wish you all the best with it.

 

[Finished]

^ Ha! Ha! You guys are a riot!

TheSkaFish: I still think you should try playing dress up to some degree. When this virus honeysuckle is done go out in disguise. Pretend you are an actor playing the part of a bad guy or whatever. Maybe you should even take a couple acting classes to learn how to do that. When you go out, you are not you. Mr. nice guy is nowhere to be found. If someone rejects you, F them. They aren't rejecting you. They are rejecting the character you are playing. Then you can keep playing different characters. Have fun with it. You might just find a character or two that works for you. Drastically changing your clothes, shoes, and hair makes a huge difference. If you look like boring Mr. Nice Guy then that's what you will be to them. Women don't really want bad guys. They just wanted to be seduced by a bad guy. They are looking for excitement. Afterwards they want a nice husband who occasionally can appear to be a bad guy to impress their friends. But you can't go directly to that stage. It's all a fing game like we've already discussed.

Myra & Alyosha: It would be cool being a ghost. I'm really close to that now. I'm rarely seen or heard. Most people don't want to acknowledge me and I'm fine with that. I just wish I could shut off my hearing at will. There it soooo much noise pollution that we can't get away from. I wonder if ghosts can do that? It certainly would be fun to screw with people forever.

Alyosha: I HAVE given up on all of that crap. I don't think it's worth all the effort any more. But, I don't think TheSkaFish has yet. He still has hope. But, he does need to change what he's doing. Continually trying to do the same thing that doesn't work, doesn't work.

 

[Myra]

It might not remedy the whole loneliness thing, though, unless I happened to stumble upon other ghosts.

There are more ghosts than humans by now. I think you would find some ghost friends.

The right human would make my life better by a long shot.  But I don't appear to be good enough/macho enough/whatever for that.  The wrong humans would just be another thing about my life that I don't like, that makes me feel damned to a low place in life.

I keep see-sawing between "maybe i haven't tried hard enough to fix this" and "i really am stuck, i just wasn't dealt enough to get out of this".

I also sometimes feel "I am not good enough", but that's just low self worth and it's a subjective and emotional experience. I know that better descriptions are  "I'm not the right fit", "wired differently", "not compatible". 

The first thing I'd do is find people with radio alarm clocks, and reset them to go off at odd times, with the corniest songs imaginable (looking at you, 2000s era bling rap).

It would definitely be fun to play tricks on humans. 

TheSkaFish: I still think you should try playing dress up to some degree. When this virus honeysuckle is done go out in disguise. Pretend you are an actor playing the part of a bad guy or whatever. Maybe you should even take a couple acting classes to learn how to do that. When you go out, you are not you. Mr. nice guy is nowhere to be found. If someone rejects you, F them. They aren't rejecting you. They are rejecting the character you are playing. Then you can keep playing different characters. Have fun with it. You might just find a character or two that works for you. Drastically changing your clothes, shoes, and hair makes a huge difference. If you look like boring Mr. Nice Guy then that's what you will be to them. Women don't really want bad guys. They just wanted to be seduced by a bad guy. They are looking for excitement. Afterwards they want a nice husband who occasionally can appear to be a bad guy to impress their friends. But you can't go directly to that stage. It's all a fing game like we've already discussed.

Have you ever played a character, Finished?

 

[Finished]

TheSkaFish: I still think you should try playing dress up to some degree. When this virus honeysuckle is done go out in disguise. Pretend you are an actor playing the part of a bad guy or whatever. Maybe you should even take a couple acting classes to learn how to do that. When you go out, you are not you. Mr. nice guy is nowhere to be found. If someone rejects you, F them. They aren't rejecting you. They are rejecting the character you are playing. Then you can keep playing different characters. Have fun with it. You might just find a character or two that works for you. Drastically changing your clothes, shoes, and hair makes a huge difference. If you look like boring Mr. Nice Guy then that's what you will be to them. Women don't really want bad guys. They just wanted to be seduced by a bad guy. They are looking for excitement. Afterwards they want a nice husband who occasionally can appear to be a bad guy to impress their friends. But you can't go directly to that stage. It's all a fing game like we've already discussed.

Have you ever played a character, Finished?

In real life yes. In theater no. After getting rejected 100% of the time while trying to get dates I decided to try to be someone else. I discovered several characters that helped. Initially I felt really stupid dressing up as someone else. But, it became easier in time. I noticed other people did it without making a conscious decision to do it. Hell, I still see many guys play biker guy dress up on the weekends and ride their Harleys to the bars. They pretend to be bad asses. But, they aren't. 

I also created work characters that helped big time. But it became very stressful to continue playing the character while trying to work. It was really difficult because others expected the character at meetings, in charge of groups, speaking engagements, etc, etc, etc, not me. I don't like being a round people. I ended up in jobs that absolutely did not suite my personality. But, I appeared to be a perfect fit. I think many others sort of do that as well just not to the degree I took it.

 

[Alyosha]

I also sometimes feel "I am not good enough", but that's just low self worth and it's a subjective and emotional experience. I know that better descriptions are  "I'm not the right fit", "wired differently", "not compatible". 

I've been experiencing the "wired differently" feeling every single day for such a long while now.  There were people I had wonderful connections with in the past, people whom I didn't feel that "not the right fit" way around, but even tightknit groups tend to disperse over the years.  Still, it gives me hope that such connections can happen again.

There are more ghosts than humans by now. I think you would find some ghost friends.

You make a great point, but knowing me, I'd probably be "wired differently" from all of them!

I just wish I could shut off my hearing at will. There it soooo much noise pollution that we can't get away from. I wonder if ghosts can do that?

That would be an incredible bonus power and major incentive to give ghosthood a try.

I HAVE given up on all of that crap. I don't think it's worth all the effort any more. 

It seems like you were content to give up on that stuff, or that giving up on it brought you contentment, and I'm definitely glad for you if that's the case.  But I'll also hold out hope that something you believed was impossible/unattainable ends up happening for you and brings you greater contentment, because that would be awesome.

 

[Myra]

In real life yes. In theater no. After getting rejected 100% of the time while trying to get dates I decided to try to be someone else. I discovered several characters that helped. Initially I felt really stupid dressing up as someone else. But, it became easier in time. I noticed other people did it without making a conscious decision to do it. Hell, I still see many guys play biker guy dress up on the weekends and ride their Harleys to the bars. They pretend to be bad asses. But, they aren't. 

I also created work characters that helped big time. But it became very stressful to continue playing the character while trying to work. It was really difficult because others expected the character at meetings, in charge of groups, speaking engagements, etc, etc, etc, not me. I don't like being a round people. I ended up in jobs that absolutely did not suite my personality. But, I appeared to be a perfect fit. I think many others sort of do that as well just not to the degree I took it.

Interesting.

I was once thinking maybe I could play some sort of extroverted character for a few hours once a week just to have some form of social contact. But everytime I open my mouth I say something wrong anyway and I understand people too little to know what they want. So the quiet and shy version of me is what works best...

I've been experiencing the "wired differently" feeling every single day for such a long while now.  There were people I had wonderful connections with in the past, people whom I didn't feel that "not the right fit" way around, but even tightknit groups tend to disperse over the years.  Still, it gives me hope that such connections can happen again.

You make a great point, but knowing me, I'd probably be "wired differently" from all of them!

That would be an incredible bonus power and major incentive to give ghosthood a try.

Well, tomorrow is Samhain, when the veil between our world and the ghost world is thinnest. So I might just run away and start a new life.
Anyone want to join?  

I don't care if I'm wired differently from the ghosts because it won't matter. I won't need to fit in anywhere because I won't have to work anymore. I can just do my own thing.

 

[Alyosha]

I was once thinking maybe I could play some sort of extroverted character for a few hours once a week just to have some form of social contact. But everytime I open my mouth I say something wrong anyway and I understand people too little to know what they want. So the quiet and shy version of me is what works best...

It's an interesting idea, but fabricated social contact with people who aren't at all on the same wavelength might prove sickening really fast.  You were probably wise to keep being you.  You don't seem to say "wrong things" around here anyway.

Well, tomorrow is Samhain, when the veil between our world and the ghost world is thinnest. So I might just run away and start a new life.
Anyone want to join?  

Sounds like a grand adventure.  Count me in. 

I don't care if I'm wired differently from the ghosts because it won't matter. I won't need to fit in anywhere because I won't have to work anymore. I can just do my own thing.

That does sound appealing.  But might it be cool to find others interested in doing the same sorts of things?  Notwithstanding how that can often seem impossible, as I know well.

 

[Just Games]

I'm thinking Bidens gonna edge it and Trump said he might leave the country I'm hoping he doesn't.l think I'm really irritating in the morning, everyone else like zombies,better go work

 

[Alyosha]

l think I'm really irritating in the morning, everyone else like zombies,better go work

The morning zombies need to make way for me because I'm always ready to go. The very early hours are great for the peacefulness and the chances they afford me to put real thought into whatever I'm working on.

 

[TheSkaFish]

l think I'm really irritating in the morning, everyone else like zombies,better go work

The morning zombies need to make way for me because I'm always ready to go. The very early hours are great for the peacefulness and the chances they afford me to put real thought into whatever I'm working on.

Actually, I understand this, even if I haven't really been a morning person. I had a good streak going in the beginning of the year where I was routinely getting up at 7 or 8 AM, only needing breakfast and coffee and being up and alert, ready to go. Then I stayed up til 4 just once, and it threw me off. I need to get back on that.

---

Hoping - that this driver's license bullshit gets resolved.

 

[Alyosha]

l think I'm really irritating in the morning, everyone else like zombies,better go work

The morning zombies need to make way for me because I'm always ready to go. The very early hours are great for the peacefulness and the chances they afford me to put real thought into whatever I'm working on.

Actually, I understand this, even if I haven't really been a morning person. I had a good streak going in the beginning of the year where I was routinely getting up at 7 or 8 AM, only needing breakfast and coffee and being up and alert, ready to go. Then I stayed up til 4 just once, and it threw me off. I need to get back on that.

I really enjoy being in a rhythm, particularly when it involves being awake and productive during the early morning hours. It gives me the feeling that I'm making the most of my time every day. And I knew all too well how just one instance of deviation can throw off the whole cycle.

 

[Abstamyous]

I wish people knew that it's not a weakness to acknowledge how they feel. Being honest with yourself is probably one of the strongest things you can do.