What exactly is "boyfriend material"?

[Revengineer]

This seems to be a term that gets thrown around a lot but never gets defined. "Oh he's nice, but he's not boyfriend material." I realize everyone is attracted to different things but I wonder what common things guys exhibit that are turn-offs. It would be helpful to recognize these traits in myself so I'll know what to improve on.

 

[Peaches]

boyfriend material... I can only give my humble opinion

physically: decent personal hygiene, teeth, hair (there are products for dandruff), change clothes and socks, own more than one pair of shoes, not to talk about "personal" hygiene, when that is missing it is such a turnoff. Nothing obsessive, but some people never were taught how to shower (I met one, yuck!). I guess that depends either, but unless one is Mel Gibson (young), some personal hygiene is a plus.

Some grooming, so that it is clear that one made a little bit of effort to look better, not too much, the style depends totally on personal tastes so I can't suggest anything there, it can go from Ghetto style to new bohemian hipster (I tend to prefer the hipster, but that's personal).


Mentally: a guy with some honest values, self esteem and self determination, open and ready to confrontation and to working on issues, not a doormat but not a bully either, easy to spend time with conversation wise, helpful, some decent (very relative) communication skills or at least a honest will to improve, a good example is Dexter from the TV series (except for the serial killer part, it is really funny to see the effort he puts in trying to understand his wife's feelings, as he has hardly any feelings of his own, and she loves him more for that), he doesn't need 100% to have a good job or even to have a job, but he needs to be clear about what he wants to be in life and working in that direction, and proud to be independent. No drugs or major mental problems, must be over mummy and daddy issues (more or less), a bit in touch with his emotions is a plus, I guess.

After all, it all depends on the click, some guys are ******** and have lots of women who want them as boyfriends, maybe it's their ferhomones or something. And if you have nothing in common with a girl, that also doesn't help.

But yeah, any guy who has somehow his honeysuckle together can be boyfriend material.

Well, if anyone can give me the address of a guy like I described, single, between 30 and 45, give me a call...

 

[Batman55]

I suppose some women are more demanding than you, but apart from the hygiene aspect which I think is generally required, that list is asking for, well... stuff I don't have.

All the time, every single time I see such a list, even from someone I don't know and never will meet, I look to see how well I match the points. I suppose this is irrational behavior. But the fact is, I fail miserably almost all the time. It doesn't seem like I'll ever even make 50% on such a list, even if I put in my best efforts. For my own sanity, maybe it would be better to believe that I'm naturally like this, because otherwise it's not so much improvement as it is harsh and unusual punishment... to make myself something I'm not.

 

[Mike413]

Rich, good looking, six pack abs, a mansion and a lamborghini.

 

[9006]

Rich, good looking, six pack abs, a mansion and a lamborghini.

For the shallowers, for sure.

It just means that the person in question doesn't fall into their idea of a [perfect?] boyfriend. For whatever reason is questionable!

 

[Skid Row 89]

The opposite to me in every way I imagine. I'm doing the lone wolf thing well lately anyway so it would be a shame to break out of that while I'm on a roll.

 

[Triple Bogey]

since I am not 'boyfriend material' - I have no idea.

 

[ladyforsaken]

since I am not 'boyfriend material' - I have no idea.

You could be boyfriend material to some woman out there.

One can't really say what is the most common trait of "boyfriend material". It's just all so .. subjective.

 

[Triple Bogey]

since I am not 'boyfriend material' - I have no idea.

You could be boyfriend material to some woman out there.

One can't really say what is the most common trait of "boyfriend material". It's just all so .. subjective.

I agree it is subjective.

 

[Rosebolt]

I am.

..

(...no help at all)

 

[Triple Bogey]

I am.

..

(...no help at all)

I hate deluding myself as well

 

[Peaches]

maybe half the list is enough?

 

[Danielle]

He should have teeth... that is all

 

[Triple Bogey]

He should have teeth... that is all

I have a palette

 

[ForGrantedWife]

In high school I was decent enough to have a choice in the matter so I can tell you the things I was looking for when I was choosing a man out of what was available. I had my pick at the time. A family man (not a player), decent morals, good hygiene, decently dressed, opened my doors, held my hand in public, thought of my needs and cared about what I wanted (not self-centered), a worker not a bum because you can't support a family on wishes and dreams or love alone. Laziness is a major turn off. I liked men who did well and had goals. Just a good guy who was caring. And I know my username suggests my husband is a bad guy but he really isn't. Actually, he's the best man I ever met and a great father. But I think most people find after they've been together for as long as we have (18 years almost) that people get a little too used to each other and ignore each other/take each other for granted. And that's really our problem in a nutshell so it's not that I chose unwisely.

 

[Peaches]

caring, not a player and not lazy, that's what I was trying to say.

 

[Triple Bogey]

while it's wrong for me to say 'I have no chance' - I also know I am not a catch and never will be. Even though I try to be nice, caring etc.

 

[ForGrantedWife]

while it's wrong for me to say 'I have no chance' - I also know I am not a catch and never will be. Even though I try to be nice, caring etc.

I don't think that's true Bogey. I think you're very hard on yourself. Every single person has faults, all of us. You'd be a fine partner for someone-you just haven't ran into her yet.

 

[Triple Bogey]

while it's wrong for me to say 'I have no chance' - I also know I am not a catch and never will be. Even though I try to be nice, caring etc.

I don't think that's true Bogey. I think you're very hard on yourself. Every single person has faults, all of us. You'd be a fine partner for someone-you just haven't ran into her yet.

my life history has made me think like this. I am 45 and nothing 'good' has happened. One date, one lovely day and that's it.

It's not a lack of confidence. In fact I do really like myself. Maybe I am too arrogant ? I wonder all the time - Why can't a woman see what a nice man I am ? Why are they not interested ?

 

[constant stranger]

I'm a guy and I'm interested in some feedback from the ladies on one of the issues mentioned. I'm the sole care taker of my elderly mother; I moved into their retirement home 12 years ago when Dad died; I sold my own house; I'm middle aged and in my own early, secure retirement. So: does all that constitute "..mommy & daddy.." issues?

Because I thought I'd walked away from those issues when I went to college at 18 years old. That I'm even asking this question now, tells me I'm not so sure anymore.