What is better for you, hookup sites or hookup apps?

[ardour]

I think the Tinder style match before you can message system is great. Saves me a lot of time messaging girls who would never reply to me based on my appearance. 

Well what if you don't get any matches? I can think of at least two ALL members who's profiles didn't get one match after 6+ months. It works for you because you meet enough women's minimum standards for attractiveness.

For large numbers of us this 'feature' spells the end of any sliver of a chance we might have had.

 

[Sci-Fi]

I think the Tinder style match before you can message system is great. Saves me a lot of time messaging girls who would never reply to me based on my appearance. 

Well what if you don't get any matches? I can think of at least two ALL members here who's profiles didn't get one match after 6+ months. It works for you because you meet enough women's minimum standards for attractiveness.

For large numbers of us this 'feature' spells the end of any sliver of a chance they might have had.

It's freaking Tinder, it's nothing but a hookup app.  If you are looking for a relationship on Tinder you are doing it wrong.  But of course blame women, it's all their fault they have standards.  Knock it off.  Stop blaming women.

 

[bender22]

Well what if you don't get any matches? I can think of at least two ALL members who's profiles didn't get one match after 6+ months. It works for you because you meet enough women's minimum standards for attractiveness.

For large numbers of us this 'feature' spells the end of any sliver of a chance we might have had.

I do think just about any guy can get matches if he has some good photos.

All you need is someone with a good camera who can take photos for you (hell, even a decent smart phone camera and tripod will do). Get lots of photos, wear some nice clothes, figure out what your best angles are, do some light edits if needed (all girls do it so you can to), pick a few of the best, upload them to a site like Photo Feeler where people can vote on your photos. Take the ones with the best ratings and add them to your profile.

I know some guys who you definitely wouldn't consider 'good looking guys' but are still able to get matches on Tinder because they have good photos. They wouldn't get any matches if they didn't have good photos.

It's freaking Tinder, it's nothing but a hookup app.  If you are looking for a relationship on Tinder you are doing it wrong.  But of course blame women, it's all their fault they have standards.  Knock it off.  Stop blaming women.

From my experience, I'd say that this idea that Tinder is just a hookup app is completely wrong (even though it does have that reputation). Sure there are a lot of people on Tinder just for hookups. But there's just as many who are looking for something more than a hookup. I've heard of plenty of long term relationships that started on Tinder.

 

[Enpatsu No Shakugan]

Well what if you don't get any matches? I can think of at least two ALL members who's profiles didn't get one match after 6+ months. It works for you because you meet enough women's minimum standards for attractiveness.

For large numbers of us this 'feature' spells the end of any sliver of a chance we might have had.

I do think just about any guy can get matches if he has some good photos.

All you need is someone with a good camera who can take photos for you (hell, even a decent smart phone camera and tripod will do). Get lots of photos, wear some nice clothes, figure out what your best angles are, do some light edits if needed (all girls do it so you can to), pick a few of the best, upload them to a site like Photo Feeler where people can vote on your photos. Take the ones with the best ratings and add them to your profile.

I know some guys who you definitely wouldn't consider 'good looking guys' but are still able to get matches on Tinder because they have good photos. They wouldn't get any matches if they didn't have good photos.

I hardly think judging people based solely on pictures really isn't the best way to go about forging meaningful relationships.

Why it's sad to me that online dating sites have essentially borrowed Tinder's model.... a model that worked as a hookup app.

 

[bender22]

I hardly think judging people based solely on pictures really isn't the best way to go about forging meaningful relationships.

How do you judge women when you have used dating sites?

I don't think judging people based on their photos is actually so bad. A person's photos can tell you a lot about them.

To some extent a person's appearance is determined by genetics and it's probably a little unfair to judge them solely on that.

But photos tell you so much more. Are they smiling? What types of places are they at in their photos? What clothes do they wear? If there's friends in the photos...what do their friends look like? Do they look like they take care of themselves? Are they afraid of showing their face? Based on their expressions and poses, do they look outgoing or timid?

I'd say I'm probably able to better gauge my compatibility with someone based on their photos than their written bio. It's pretty easy for someone to flatter themselves or misrepresent themselves in writing.

For example, I'll almost always swipe left on girls with lots of tattoos in their photos, because I know the type of girls I'm attracted to (both physically and non-physically) wouldn't cover themselves in tattoos. I'll swipe left on girls who have got a bottle of alcohol in their hand in every photo or are considerably overweight. Because that tells me they don't value health and fitness like I do so we probably wouldn't get along.

I think most other people are making those same type of considerations when they're going through dating profile photos too (at least the ones who are looking for more than just a hookup). Although a lot of people probably aren't so consciously aware that they're doing it. Edit: Actually, I take that back. I have no idea what other people are thinking when they go through dating profiles haha.

It may not be perfect and I'm sure there has been times where I've misjudged people. I'm sure there is some truth to the phrase 'don't judge a book by it's cover.' But it seems like the perceptions I've formed of people based on their photos are generally pretty accurate.

And you're not judging people solely on their photos...that's what the messaging section is for. If someone looks nice in their photos but turns out to be rude/nasty/boring in the messages, you end it there. I think the best way to test your compatibility with someone and see what they're really like is by meeting up for a date, so I'm not sure why you're so against dates?

 

[Enpatsu No Shakugan]

I hardly think judging people based solely on pictures really isn't the best way to go about forging meaningful relationships.

How do you judge women when you have used dating sites?

I don't think judging people based on their photos is actually so bad. A person's photos can tell you a lot about them.

To some extent a person's appearance is determined by genetics and it's probably a little unfair to judge them solely on that.

But photos tell you so much more. Are they smiling? What types of places are they at in their photos? What clothes do they wear? If there's friends in the photos...what do their friends look like? Do they look like they take care of themselves? Are they afraid of showing their face? Based on their expressions and poses, do they look outgoing or timid?

I'd say I'm probably able to better gauge my compatibility with someone based on their photos than their written bio. It's pretty easy for someone to flatter themselves or misrepresent themselves in writing.

For example, I'll almost always swipe left on girls with lots of tattoos in their photos, because I know the type of girls I'm attracted to (both physically and non-physically) wouldn't cover themselves in tattoos. I'll swipe left on girls who have got a bottle of alcohol in their hand in every photo or are considerably overweight. Because that tells me they don't value health and fitness like I do so we probably wouldn't get along.

I think most other people are making those same type of considerations when they're going through dating profile photos too (at least the ones who are looking for more than just a hookup). Although a lot of people probably aren't so consciously aware that they're doing it.

It may not be perfect and I'm sure there has been times where I've misjudged people. I'm sure there is some truth to the phrase 'don't judge a book by it's cover.' But it seems like the perceptions I've formed of people based on their photos are generally pretty accurate.

And you're not judging people solely on their photos...that's what the messaging section is for. If someone looks nice in their photos but turns out to be rude/nasty/boring in the messages, you end it there. I think the best way to test your compatibility with someone and see what they're really like is by meeting up for a date, so I'm not sure why you're so against dates?

Of course a picture can lure you to a profile, but not every time. Most of the time, I used the percentages calculated, where I would even check out no-picture profiles.
And what you're missing is, once finding said profile, regardless of how, I'd have a huge detailed profile and questions to go along with it; fully telling me all I should want to know about them.

I'd gone ahead and messaged girls I only thought were okay at first after really loving what else was to them, and passed up some that were breathtaking at first glance because I didn't like them personally.

People put up personas when on dating sites, so why would I want to waste my time talking to someone dumb before deciding to date them when I can do it before even talking with them and really form a solid connection right from the get-go?

And whoosh about dates. If you still don't get it, I doubt I can explain. They're forced and not natural. Do you have to date your friends to know you click? No. It all happens naturally. A date is literally forcing that kind of connection prematurely. The whole concept behind how rigid they have become in structure is superficial to me.

 

[ardour]

I hardly think judging people based solely on pictures really isn't the best way to go about forging meaningful relationships.

How do you judge women when you have used dating sites?

I don't think judging people based on their photos is actually so bad. A person's photos can tell you a lot about them.

To some extent a person's appearance is determined by genetics and it's probably a little unfair to judge them solely on that.

But photos tell you so much more. Are they smiling? What types of places are they at in their photos? What clothes do they wear? If there's friends in the photos...what do their friends look like? Do they look like they take care of themselves? Are they afraid of showing their face? Based on their expressions and poses, do they look outgoing or timid?

I'd say I'm probably able to better gauge my compatibility with someone based on their photos than their written bio. It's pretty easy for someone to flatter themselves or misrepresent themselves in writing.

For example, I'll almost always swipe left on girls with lots of tattoos in their photos, because I know the type of girls I'm attracted to (both physically and non-physically) wouldn't cover themselves in tattoos. I'll swipe left on girls who have got a bottle of alcohol in their hand in every photo or are considerably overweight. Because that tells me they don't value health and fitness like I do so we probably wouldn't get along.

I think most other people are making those same type of considerations when they're going through dating profile photos too (at least the ones who are looking for more than just a hookup). Although a lot of people probably aren't so consciously aware that they're doing it.

It may not be perfect and I'm sure there has been times where I've misjudged people. I'm sure there is some truth to the phrase 'don't judge a book by it's cover.' But it seems like the perceptions I've formed of people based on their photos are generally pretty accurate.

And you're not judging people solely on their photos...that's what the messaging section is for. If someone looks nice in their photos but turns out to be rude/nasty/boring in the messages, you end it there. I think the best way to test your compatibility with someone and see what they're really like is by meeting up for a date, so I'm not sure why you're so against dates?

You're underplaying the limiting factor here: "Can I bothered getting to know him if there are dozens of more attractive options begging to get to know me?" That's what we're up against. It doesn't help that women tend to underrate men's appearance. 80 percent of men on dating sites are rated below average, meaning the truly below average have almost no chance.

 

[TheSkaFish]

Online dating sites are time wasters as is, but hookups seem even more superficial and worthless.

I'd say just to stick to places you like to be, online or off, talk to people there who interest you and that's the best way to make new friends or even more than that.

The problem I have with this, is that there aren't really any places I like.  I don't have that bar or restaurant or concert venue I always go to, or something like that.  One, I don't have the money to go out all the time.  Two, even if I did, I don't really feel much need.  It probably won't be that much more entertaining than home, and I probably won't meet anyone there I can talk to anyway, either because of a lack of common interests, or because they will be there with people in their current social circle and won't be wanting to talk to anyone outside of it.  The few times I do go somewhere, I mostly just do what I came for, and go home again.  Most of the places I go to are friends' houses, and I don't think they know anyone for me.

Online is pretty much the only place I meet people outside of my circle of friends.  I've met a few people that interest me, but the problem there is that it's me that needs to be more interesting to catch up to them, and I'm not sure how I can do this.

Other than here and FB, I'm getting kind of tired of forums and social media though.  I'm not excited to invest myself in more online communities and meet new people, because it seems no matter where you go, people are always the same - make a good first impression by already being successful or tough/"cool", or gtfo.  I just wish more people were more understanding of building myself up while I get to know them over time, instead of needing to be impressed right away.

That may be true but have you ever seen the messages women are getting on online dating from guys? Most of them are awful. It's not too difficult to stand out over 90% of other guys on there by not being creepy/overly sexual, being somewhat interesting and knowing how to move things forward fairly quickly.

See, I think I could definitely do the NOT send creepy/overly sexual messages part.  I don't like talking dirty very much anyway, and while I am looking for a romantic relationship that ultimately leads to sex, I'm genuinely interested in conversation and getting to know someone too.  

What qualifies as "being somewhat interesting" though?

And I also struggle with moving things forward quickly, since I'm a naturally chill person and likes to take things at my own pace, and I'm also not a slick, witty, smooth-talker type.

This assumes they're being read.  As everyone knows someone has to match with you to be available for messaging on Tinder. OkCupid have recently implemented a similar system to Tinder -  a woman has to 'like' your profile or some such first before messages appear in her inbox.

Well honeysuckle.  That's not good.  I guess it's one way to get rid of the countless sexual messages women get, but it's also going to make it very hard for honest guys who can't get by on looks or status alone, but could maybe make a case for themselves if they could send a good message.  I think it's lame that it takes away one of regular guys' few chances to shine, and punishes us all unfairly for the guys who abuse messaging.  They should just ban the offenders without having it affect everyone else.

Basically, if you're a guy, your strategy is reduced to making as good a profile as you can, and then hoping and praying someone sees it and likes it. You can't be proactive at all.

But do you just message everyone?

See to me, I'm very selective and like to browse hard for profiles and people I'd like. Yeah, they'd never respond, but those are the people I want to talk to.

I don't care if someone else 'likes' me that I'm not interested in, so to me it's nothing but infuriating that I'm not allowed to talk to someone I might want to get to know simply because they're too over-swamped to notice me, not signing on, or whatever other reason it could be. (Women always have a lot of reasons when it comes to the game of online). Not to mention that sending a personalized, in-depth message from me has gotten many women intrigued; something that wouldn't happen if they were forced to read my profile first among hundreds of others.

Having to settle for literally only the "ones who'll say yes" with the "ask everyone" approach is very unappealing to me.

I couldn't agree more.  I feel like while I wouldn't call myself ugly, I don't think I can make it on just looks.  I think I could send a personalized, in-depth message though like you said, and maybe that would give me a chance.  

It's worse than "only the ones who'll say yes".  It's "only the ones who'll say yes right away".  Maybe more would say yes if you could send a good enough message.  

This is a real bummer.  As I said, I don't meet people anywhere else really, and I'm not the kind of person that hits it off with anyone right away.  As much as I trash the sites sometimes, online is pretty much my last hope.

 

[Enpatsu No Shakugan]

Online dating sites are time wasters as is, but hookups seem even more superficial and worthless.

I'd say just to stick to places you like to be, online or off, talk to people there who interest you and that's the best way to make new friends or even more than that.

The problem I have with this, is that there aren't really any places I like.  I don't have that bar or restaurant or concert venue I always go to, or something like that.  One, I don't have the money to go out all the time.  Two, even if I did, I don't really feel much need.  It probably won't be that much more entertaining than home, and I probably won't meet anyone there I can talk to anyway, either because of a lack of common interests, or because they will be there with people in their current social circle and won't be wanting to talk to anyone outside of it.  The few times I do go somewhere, I mostly just do what I came for, and go home again.  Most of the places I go to are friends' houses, and I don't think they know anyone for me.

Online is pretty much the only place I meet people outside of my circle of friends.  I've met a few people that interest me, but the problem there is that it's me that needs to be more interesting to catch up to them, and I'm not sure how I can do this.

Other than here and FB, I'm getting kind of tired of forums and social media though.  I'm not excited to invest myself in more online communities and meet new people, because it seems no matter where you go, people are always the same - make a good first impression by already being successful or tough/"cool", or gtfo.  I just wish more people were more understanding of building myself up while I get to know them over time, instead of needing to be impressed right away.

That may be true but have you ever seen the messages women are getting on online dating from guys? Most of them are awful. It's not too difficult to stand out over 90% of other guys on there by not being creepy/overly sexual, being somewhat interesting and knowing how to move things forward fairly quickly.

See, I think I could definitely do the NOT send creepy/overly sexual messages part.  I don't like talking dirty very much anyway, and while I am looking for a romantic relationship that ultimately leads to sex, I'm genuinely interested in conversation and getting to know someone too.  

What qualifies as "being somewhat interesting" though?

And I also struggle with moving things forward quickly, since I'm a naturally chill person and likes to take things at my own pace, and I'm also not a slick, witty, smooth-talker type.

This assumes they're being read.  As everyone knows someone has to match with you to be available for messaging on Tinder. OkCupid have recently implemented a similar system to Tinder -  a woman has to 'like' your profile or some such first before messages appear in her inbox.

Well honeysuckle.  That's not good.  I guess it's one way to get rid of the countless sexual messages women get, but it's also going to make it very hard for honest guys who can't get by on looks or status alone, but could maybe make a case for themselves if they could send a good message.  I think it's lame that it takes away one of regular guys' few chances to shine, and punishes us all unfairly for the guys who abuse messaging.  They should just ban the offenders without having it affect everyone else.

Basically, if you're a guy, your strategy is reduced to making as good a profile as you can, and then hoping and praying someone sees it and likes it.  You can't be proactive at all.

But do you just message everyone?

See to me, I'm very selective and like to browse hard for profiles and people I'd like. Yeah, they'd never respond, but those are the people I want to talk to.

I don't care if someone else 'likes' me that I'm not interested in, so to me it's nothing but infuriating that I'm not allowed to talk to someone I might want to get to know simply because they're too over-swamped to notice me, not signing on, or whatever other reason it could be. (Women always have a lot of reasons when it comes to the game of online). Not to mention that sending a personalized, in-depth message from me has gotten many women intrigued; something that wouldn't happen if they were forced to read my profile first among hundreds of others.

Having to settle for literally only the "ones who'll say yes" with the "ask everyone" approach is very unappealing to me.

I couldn't agree more.  I feel like while I wouldn't call myself ugly, I don't think I can make it on just looks.  I think I could send a personalized, in-depth message though like you said, and maybe that would give me a chance.  

It's worse than "only the ones who'll say yes".  It's "only the ones who'll say yes right away".  Maybe more would say yes if you could send a good enough message.  

This is a real bummer.  As I said, I don't meet people anywhere else really, and I'm not the kind of person that hits it off with anyone right away.  As much as I trash the sites sometimes, online is pretty much my last hope.

Just want to add that places you like or frequent aren't limited solely to offline. What about even here? A forum you're at? What if you got talking with a girl in a similar situation to you?
From what I've read, it's even happened before.

Or anywhere else you are just as often. I met both of my last two girlfriends on forums within a single year and months of one another, when I wasn't even looking.

All after 10+ years of utterly wasting my time on online dating. I'm adamant that is the way to go.

 

[TheLoadedDog]

I am quite capable of making a complete ******* balls up of my own romantic career without paying some American to help. Cheers.

 

[Enpatsu No Shakugan]

I am quite capable of making a complete ******* balls up of my own romantic career without paying some American to help.  Cheers.

And?

Your point being?

 

[TheLoadedDog]

Kudos for "your point being". I forgot that one.

 

[9006]

Most of these apps just exist to generate money. There's loads of free apps that allows you to send messages to one another but it seems that you have to pay a premium that allows you to actually meet people.

I'm actually a member of a specific app designed for you to meet friends, you can create a profile, upload a picture and has it's own AI that detects flirting or sexual orientated conversations and takes action accordingly. And all this is free... so how can dating apps justify charging people for meeting people yet there's equivalent apps that do it for free? Dating or hookup it's all the same; exploitation of the lonely or desperate.

For the likes of Tinder is really is like entering into a world full of the most shallow and sleezy people. I'd say about 8% of the profiles are genuine. To every woman there's probably about 100 men, all gagging for it. Most of the women actually have a list of criteria and it's like a screening process for a job. "must be taller than me, must have a good job, must be considerate, must this, must that" what happened to actually getting to know people? and almost all say something like "Message me first" and "Don't just say Hi". If you do eventually get a "match" you're either ignored unless you say the right thing, or they send you a message actually selling nudes, lol.

 

[bender22]

That may be true but have you ever seen the messages women are getting on online dating from guys? Most of them are awful. It's not too difficult to stand out over 90% of other guys on there by not being creepy/overly sexual, being somewhat interesting and knowing how to move things forward fairly quickly.

See, I think I could definitely do the NOT send creepy/overly sexual messages part.  I don't like talking dirty very much anyway, and while I am looking for a romantic relationship that ultimately leads to sex, I'm genuinely interested in conversation and getting to know someone too.  

What qualifies as "being somewhat interesting" though?

And I also struggle with moving things forward quickly, since I'm a naturally chill person and likes to take things at my own pace, and I'm also not a slick, witty, smooth-talker type.

A little more than "hi....how are you....what do you do" usually seems to be enough to qualify as somewhat interesting. I used to try to be really witty and smooth in my messages. Now I've dialed it back more and seem to be doing better.

I'm also a naturally chill person and in the past I would message back and forth for ages with girls before actually asking them out for a date (if I ever did). Cutting to the chase much earlier on in the conversation has probably improved my online dating results more than anything.

I think when you draw out the conversation for too long on Tinder (or your dating app of choice), girls think you're either a pussy who's too afraid to ask them out or that you're wasting their time. Even if they like you. They're busy, they have other things to do and other guys hitting them up, most don't want to wait around for weeks while you take things at your own pace. Although, there are some who do need a bit more time before agreeing to meet up.

And whoosh about dates. If you still don't get it, I doubt I can explain. They're forced and not natural. Do you have to date your friends to know you click? No. It all happens naturally. A date is literally forcing that kind of connection prematurely. The whole concept behind how rigid they have become in structure is superficial to me.

I don't 'date' friends. But I do hang out with them in real life instead of just exchanging messages with them online.

What happens when you find someone on a dating site who you like and want to meet each other in person? If you don't want to date?

You may not like the idea of a date. And that's fine..each to their own. But most of the women on these sites do want that when they talk to a guy they're interested in. If you're not willing to play the game, you're never going to score..

You're underplaying the limiting  factor here: "Can I bothered getting to know him if there are dozens of more attractive options begging to get to know me?" That's what we're up against. It doesn't help that women tend to underrate men's appearance. 80 percent of men on dating sites are rated below average, meaning the truly below average have almost no chance.

Maybe 80% of men on dating sites are considered below average because they can't be bothered taking the time to get some good photos.

 

[Enpatsu No Shakugan]

That may be true but have you ever seen the messages women are getting on online dating from guys? Most of them are awful. It's not too difficult to stand out over 90% of other guys on there by not being creepy/overly sexual, being somewhat interesting and knowing how to move things forward fairly quickly.

See, I think I could definitely do the NOT send creepy/overly sexual messages part.  I don't like talking dirty very much anyway, and while I am looking for a romantic relationship that ultimately leads to sex, I'm genuinely interested in conversation and getting to know someone too.  

What qualifies as "being somewhat interesting" though?

And I also struggle with moving things forward quickly, since I'm a naturally chill person and likes to take things at my own pace, and I'm also not a slick, witty, smooth-talker type.

A little more than "hi....how are you....what do you do" usually seems to be enough to qualify as somewhat interesting. I used to try to be really witty and smooth in my messages. Now I've dialed it back more and seem to be doing better.

I'm also a naturally chill person and in the past I would message back and forth for ages with girls before actually asking them out for a date (if I ever did). Cutting to the chase much earlier on in the conversation has probably improved my online dating results more than anything.

I think when you draw out the conversation for too long on Tinder (or your dating app of choice), girls think you're either a pussy who's too afraid to ask them out or that you're wasting their time. Even if they like you. They're busy, they have other things to do and other guys hitting them up, most don't want to wait around for weeks while you take things at your own pace. Although, there are some who do need a bit more time before agreeing to meet up.

And whoosh about dates. If you still don't get it, I doubt I can explain. They're forced and not natural. Do you have to date your friends to know you click? No. It all happens naturally. A date is literally forcing that kind of connection prematurely. The whole concept behind how rigid they have become in structure is superficial to me.

I don't 'date' friends. But I do hang out with them in real life instead of just exchanging messages with them online.

What happens when you find someone on a dating site who you like and want to meet each other in person? If you don't want to date?

You may not like the idea of a date. And that's fine..each to their own. But most of the women on these sites do want that when they talk to a guy they're interested in. If you're not willing to play the game, you're never going to score..

You're underplaying the limiting  factor here: "Can I bothered getting to know him if there are dozens of more attractive options begging to get to know me?" That's what we're up against. It doesn't help that women tend to underrate men's appearance. 80 percent of men on dating sites are rated below average, meaning the truly below average have almost no chance.

Maybe 80% of men on dating sites are considered below average because they can't be bothered taking the time to get some good photos.

I don't see how that stock copy and paste reply is interesting whatsoever. I would say to myself "Wow, this girl really has no interest, has no idea how to talk with people and is going through the motions of asking everyone to see who says yes."


You're still missing my analogy with friends. A date is a superficial construct to try and quickly promote interaction; it's not natural. With your friends, however you meet them, the relationship you have with them progresses naturally; be it hanging naturally in person, phone calls, texting, sharing your stuff, etc. You don't literally set aside "Hey, I want to get to know you, let's set aside an hour on this day specifically to be together and test our chemistry" like a date. It's so forced. You should know your chemistry before you ever actually meet someone, is my thought.

For any sort of relationship to be built on actual substance; IE, being friends first, that interaction to me is so incredibly forced. If I liked a girl to *date*, I'd talk with her exactly the same as a friend to really get to know her, understand her, and her me, before eventually we decide to meet up, but not give a rigid time frame and schedule. Just be organic with how we really click.

Whenever I hear "date", I think of a stock layout of 'things to do' that simply does not work with everyone. Some people don't like the boring 'dinner and movie' or whatever. Me included.

This is a big reason why I'm a big proponent of just meeting someone you like somewhere you also like, instead of the superficial cease-pool that are dating and hookup sites. It's just so.... fake. And the very few genuine ones you see are now being blocked off by new practices of the sites themselves to keep success rates low and their market in business. Sorry, but they don't want you to succeed.

You may be getting MORE dates, but how many of them last or go beyond something but a quick distraction at best?


Quality over quantity.

 

[ardour]

Whenever I hear "date", I think of a stock layout of 'things to do' that simply does not work with everyone. Some people don't like the boring 'dinner and movie' or whatever. Me included.

This is a big reason why I'm a big proponent of just meeting someone you like somewhere you also like, instead of the superficial cease-pool that are dating and hookup sites. It's just so.... fake. And the very few genuine ones you see are now being blocked off by new practices of the sites themselves to keep success rates low and their market in business. Sorry, but they don't want you to succeed.

You may be getting MORE dates, but how many of them last or go beyond something but a quick distraction at best?


Quality over quantity.

Unfortunately that's not how it works now. It'd be too easy, too mature, healthy and well adjusted to be able to find a partner that way. No, you gotta put yourself on the market, compete with other men, play the game. Getting complainy about that or trying to circumvent it will just get you condemned as a sort of Nice Guy.

 

[bender22]

I don't see how that stock copy and paste reply is interesting whatsoever. I would say to myself "Wow, this girl really has no interest, has no idea how to talk with people and is going through the motions of asking everyone to see who says yes."

I don't understand...what stock copy and paste reply?

You're still missing my analogy with friends. A date is a superficial construct to try and quickly promote interaction; it's not natural. With your friends, however you meet them, the relationship you have with them progresses naturally; be it hanging naturally in person, phone calls, texting, sharing your stuff, etc. You don't literally set aside "Hey, I want to get to know you, let's set aside an hour on this day specifically to be together and test our chemistry" like a date. It's so forced. You should know your chemistry before you ever actually meet someone, is my thought.

For any sort of relationship to be built on actual substance; IE, being friends first, that interaction to me is so incredibly forced. If I liked a girl to *date*, I'd talk with her exactly the same as a friend to really get to know her, understand her, and her me, before eventually we decide to meet up, but not give a rigid time frame and schedule. Just be organic with how we really click.

Whenever I hear "date", I think of a stock layout of 'things to do' that simply does not work with everyone. Some people don't like the boring 'dinner and movie' or whatever. Me included.

This is a big reason why I'm a big proponent of just meeting someone you like somewhere you also like, instead of the superficial cease-pool that are dating and hookup sites. It's just so.... fake. And the very few genuine ones you see are now being blocked off by new practices of the sites themselves to keep success rates low and their market in business. Sorry, but they don't want you to succeed.

You may be getting MORE dates, but how many of them last or go beyond something but a quick distraction at best?


Quality over quantity.

Humans have been meeting up with other humans to get to know each other forever. That's all a date is. I don't see how that could be considered unnatural. A date is just like the romantic version of catching up for a beer with a friend or a business meeting with a potential client. None of my dates feel 'forced' or 'unnatural.'

I'd say exchanging messages through text or online channels is far more unnatural than a date. People have only been doing that for about two decades. I certainly don't think that's a substitute for meeting with a person in real life, where you can see, hear, touch and look into their eyes.

Just like friendships, there is still a natural progression with dating. Dates are just one part of the progression.

I'll often continue to see a girl I meet online after the first date. So yes, there's been enough occasions when it's been more than a quick distraction. I once dated a girl I met on okcupid for about 6 months. Sometimes I'll go on a date and find there's not much chemistry. Which is fine with me...it means I don't waste any more time with her.

 

[Enpatsu No Shakugan]

I don't see how that stock copy and paste reply is interesting whatsoever. I would say to myself "Wow, this girl really has no interest, has no idea how to talk with people and is going through the motions of asking everyone to see who says yes."

I don't understand...what stock copy and paste reply?

You're still missing my analogy with friends. A date is a superficial construct to try and quickly promote interaction; it's not natural. With your friends, however you meet them, the relationship you have with them progresses naturally; be it hanging naturally in person, phone calls, texting, sharing your stuff, etc. You don't literally set aside "Hey, I want to get to know you, let's set aside an hour on this day specifically to be together and test our chemistry" like a date. It's so forced. You should know your chemistry before you ever actually meet someone, is my thought.

For any sort of relationship to be built on actual substance; IE, being friends first, that interaction to me is so incredibly forced. If I liked a girl to *date*, I'd talk with her exactly the same as a friend to really get to know her, understand her, and her me, before eventually we decide to meet up, but not give a rigid time frame and schedule. Just be organic with how we really click.

Whenever I hear "date", I think of a stock layout of 'things to do' that simply does not work with everyone. Some people don't like the boring 'dinner and movie' or whatever. Me included.

This is a big reason why I'm a big proponent of just meeting someone you like somewhere you also like, instead of the superficial cease-pool that are dating and hookup sites. It's just so.... fake. And the very few genuine ones you see are now being blocked off by new practices of the sites themselves to keep success rates low and their market in business. Sorry, but they don't want you to succeed.

You may be getting MORE dates, but how many of them last or go beyond something but a quick distraction at best?


Quality over quantity.

Humans have been meeting up with other humans to get to know each other forever. That's all a date is. I don't see how that could be considered unnatural. A date is just like the romantic version of catching up for a beer with a friend or a business meeting with a potential client. None of my dates feel 'forced' or 'unnatural.'

I'd say exchanging messages through text or online channels is far more unnatural than a date. People have only been doing that for about two decades. I certainly don't think that's a substitute for meeting with a person in real life, where you can see, hear, touch and look into their eyes.

Just like friendships, there is still a natural progression with dating. Dates are just one part of the progression.

I'll often continue to see a girl I meet online after the first date. So yes, there's been enough occasions when it's been more than a quick distraction. I once dated a girl I met on okcupid for about 6 months. Sometimes I'll go on a date and find there's not much chemistry. Which is fine with me...it means I don't waste any more time with her.

The concept is a construct. I don't think I can explain it to you if you still don't get it.

Online or off, natural interaction, be it if you prefer writing each other back and forth is the definition of natural. You're focusing more on the technology used to do it than the concept itself, which is as old as time.
And it's those same concepts, of just natural attachment via mutual interests (and not a forced concept like online dating or any other real life dating event) is precisely why anyone has ever hooked up before.

If humanity had these inane services hundreds of years ago, we probably would've died out long before now. They don't work, and they aren't designed to work.

 

[bender22]

The concept is a construct. I don't think I can explain it to you if you still don't get it.

Online or off, natural interaction, be it if you prefer writing each other back and forth is the definition of natural. You're focusing more on the technology used to do it than the concept itself, which is as old as time.
And it's those same concepts, of just natural attachment via mutual interests (and not a forced concept like online dating or any other real life dating event) is precisely why anyone has ever hooked up before.

If humanity had these inane services hundreds of years ago, we probably would've died out long before now. They don't work, and they aren't designed to work.

I think me and you are just looking for different things. I'm looking for someone who I can physically interact with. Someone I can see, touch, hug, kiss and so on.. Not a pen pal.

Do you think online dating and going on dates can work for other people besides you?

 

[Enpatsu No Shakugan]

The concept is a construct. I don't think I can explain it to you if you still don't get it.

Online or off, natural interaction, be it if you prefer writing each other back and forth is the definition of natural. You're focusing more on the technology used to do it than the concept itself, which is as old as time.
And it's those same concepts, of just natural attachment via mutual interests (and not a forced concept like online dating or any other real life dating event) is precisely why anyone has ever hooked up before.

If humanity had these inane services hundreds of years ago, we probably would've died out long before now. They don't work, and they aren't designed to work.

I think me and you are just looking for different things. I'm looking for someone who I can physically interact with. Someone I can see, touch, hug, kiss and so on.. Not a pen pal.

Do you think online dating and going on dates can work for other people besides you?

While I will agree on looking for different things, I guess I don't see why you view a "pen pal", as you call them, as someone incapable of fulfilling that same role.
I want the full package, to find someone like what you want, but I want to truly love them as a person first. And to find that kind of thing requires a lot of patience and work, and it's not instantaneous.
I feel that's where our true difference lies.


And to me, those things you want eventually lose their luster and become commonplace; but so long as you have the foundation of a rock-solid base connection, then even that doesn't matter.
And I think to form such a thing is absolutely impossible with the methods you're defending with online dating. It's a short term fix at best, not long term.

Those are my thoughts.

So.... I think it "works" for fulfilling a base urge; like a snack that prevents you from starving to death; but it wears off quickly and soon you're left even hungrier for something more filling, yet all you can find are more snack bags.

Hope you get that analogy. Maybe it'll work with you, but just saying, I wouldn't put much, or any, stock into the methods you're using.