What is lonliness to you, and what would be the cure?

[AmytheTemperamental]

In reflection, the times in which I have felt true loneliness was in phases of self-loathing. It was like I was cut off from the absolute last person who could possibly understand me - myself. In those periods, it doesn't matter who is or isn't around me. The cure? Ideally, to not hate myself. But realistically, to be on a level of only petty hate for myself

 

[Restless soul]

Loneliness: having no one
cure: having someone

That sums it up

No it doesn't.  Just because you "have" someone doesn't mean you won't still be lonely.  Been there, done that.  I would guess a few people here have.

Its realtive. There are different degrees of lonley. Let's assume that " someone " is actually someone you enjoy and look forward to spending time with. And you are not lonley with them. Can you still be when you are apart. Sure. But that is still a different level of lonley if you were to have no one.

 

[Restless soul]

I know now we are going to get people picking apart the word lonley saying how it's a state of mind a illusion whatever and how one should never feel it even when being alone. That is all fine and good. That is what we are here for

 

[TheRealCallie]

Loneliness: having no one
cure: having someone

That sums it up

No it doesn't.  Just because you "have" someone doesn't mean you won't still be lonely.  Been there, done that.  I would guess a few people here have.

Its relative. There are different degrees of lonely. Let's assume that " someone " is actually someone you enjoy and look forward to spending time with. And you are not lonely with them. Can you still be when you are apart. Sure. But that is still a different level of lonely if you were to have no one.

I know now we are going to get people picking apart the word lonely saying how it's a state of mind a illusion whatever and how one should never feel it even when being alone. That is all fine and good. That is what we are here for

There are also different definitions of lonely, hence why, I assume, you asked what loneliness is to you. 

Just because you are with someone doesn't mean you enjoy them.  Just because you have someone, doesn't mean you are happy.  People can and are lonely, even when in a relationship, even when they have friends, even when they have family.  Having someone or someones doesn't equate to not being lonely.

 

[Restless soul]

Of course callie, Many contributing factors. Sure. We know that. That is why there are multiple categories here. We know. Many layers to the word. Be it. Depression, sexual frustration. All reasons we might say we feel lonley.

 

[TheRealCallie]

There are layers to any word, but being single doesn't mean you corner the market on loneliness. I've been in both situations and it was much worse, IMO, when I was in a relationship than out of one.

As for the cure.....well, do something about it. You can't get something for nothing and you can't get something if you sabotage yourself...whether you are aware you are doing it or not.

 

[Somnambulist]

Loneliness is the inevitable result of being a non-conformist, as I am. The less people you see eye-to-eye with, the lonelier life gets.

 

[ardour]

There are layers to any word, but being single doesn't mean you corner the market on loneliness.  I've been in both situations and it was much worse, IMO, when I was in a relationship than out of one.  

The relationship obviously wasn't a good one. Abuse or neglect in a relationship is likely to make someone feel inadequate and isolated, that's not however what was meant by "having someone".

 

[ardour]

Loneliness is the inevitable result of being a non-conformist, as I am. The less people you see eye-to-eye with, the lonelier life gets.

I don't know it that has much to do with it. If you're a deplorable sociopath, maybe, but having uncommon opinions ..

I'd  argue the opposite: being predictable and conformist seems to be real negative in the eyes of many. Feels like there's someone for everyone, unless of course, you're a boring, straight down the middle Mr. Average.

 

[Somnambulist]

Loneliness is the inevitable result of being a non-conformist, as I am. The less people you see eye-to-eye with, the lonelier life gets.

I don't know it that has much to do with it. If you're a deplorable sociopath, maybe, but having uncommon opinions ..

I'd  argue the opposite: being  predictable and conformist seems to be real negative in the eyes of many. Feels like there's someone for everyone, unless of course, you're a boring, straight down the middle Mr. Average.

There is a contagious wolf-pack mentality in the general public. People like to fit in because they see strength in numbers. If everyone around them thinks the same way, that gives them a sense of security and belonging. Eckhart Tolle calls it the "collective human ego". It is also a way to avoid conflicts. This is the basis behind any cult, for instance. That is why people who don't conform are left out.

You and I may see conformity as a negative, but I guarantee you that the masses don't ... they prefer conformity.

You can see this dysfunctional thinking in action right here on this forum ! Write a thread about pro-suicide ... see how many responses you get (in fact, it is forbidden here ... undeniable proof of the dysfunctional love of conformity). On the other hand, write a thread about Clinton vs Trump ... people will flock to it like flies to honeysuckle.

Why do gay teens get bullied and then go take their own lives ? Because they're on the social perimeter, outside the accepted norms ... and it gets pretty lonely there.

 

[AmytheTemperamental]

^Non-conformists have a mass of their own. I suppose they are just the flies going to honey though...

 

[ardour]

I guess with larger (and more serious) issues like homophobia, racism, religion etc. it depends very much on the social circles and community. And people can often find their own niches, cliques where they belong.

In terms of everyday relationships though I’d still say that being unremarkable average-y in terms of personality and outlook isn’t necessarily a good thing. It seems to make you appear predictable and dull in the eyes of the opposite sex and forgettable as a friend.

 

[Somnambulist]

^Non-conformists have a mass of their own. I suppose they are just the flies going to honey though...

That is a beautiful way of looking at it.

 

[Somnambulist]

In terms of everyday relationships though I’d still say that being unremarkable average-y in terms of personality and outlook isn’t necessarily a good thing. It seems to make you appear predictable and  dull in the eyes of the opposite sex and forgettable as a friend.

No no, I completely agree with you ! 100%.

I'm just saying that most don't, and the proof of that is everywhere.

 

[TheRealCallie]

There are layers to any word, but being single doesn't mean you corner the market on loneliness.  I've been in both situations and it was much worse, IMO, when I was in a relationship than out of one.  

The relationship obviously wasn't a good one. Abuse or neglect in a relationship is likely to make someone feel inadequate and isolated, that's not however what was meant by "having someone".

No, it wasn't a good relationship. But, that's the thing. VERY few people knew what was happening in the relationship. And those that did, I had to tell. Relationships....and I suppose even human beings....aren't always how they appear on the surface, so one can't know how a relationship actually is, unless they are in that relationship.
To this day, the majority of the people in my life have no idea what I really went through and no one knows how it really ended.

 

[Lost_in_necropolis]

For me, loneliness is the inevitable result of the modern world. We used to live in cohesive collectives, now we are atomized - living alone in apartments where we suspect our neighbors, spending all day at work where every little word and action is mediated by political correctness, to such a point where we refrain from articulating our innermost thoughts and questions for fear of offending someone and losing our job. We are alienated from nature, to the extent that we no longer grow and hunt our own food. Whereas we used to derive satisfaction from using our bodies and minds to negotiate the exigencies of day-to-day survival, now we just escape from reality through consumerism and simulated realities (social media, video games, pornography, etc). Whereas our priorities used to be the good of the group, now we are self-obsessed - worrying about our facebook status updates, our online profiles, taking and posting selfies at the most opportune times so as to convince everyone that our existence on this planet has value. Our ability to bargain for worker rights is being eroded daily by the economic elites. Our native traditions and practices have been decimated by globalism, effectively cutting off our relationship with the best of what our ancestors had to offer (there's also a lot of dogmatic horsecrap that comes with tradition, but there's no point in throwing out the baby with the bathwater). We know that our current capitalist framework is devastating ecosystems and that the planet, as a self-regulating system, is going to wipe us out when it restores the balance. This means we are willfully turning our back on the symbiotic nature we have always enjoyed with our immediate environment, exacerbating the gulf between ourselves and the very world we live in. The cure for all of this? Things might get better if the current system collapses and is replaced by something better, though I am not holding my breath. In any case, I would be one of the ones to die in the event that the system collapsed. In the current context, I think my best chances at authentic human connection lie in making my own art rather than just consuming other people's art.

 

[Somnambulist]

For me, loneliness is the inevitable result of the modern world. We used to live in cohesive collectives, now we are atomized - living alone in apartments where we suspect our neighbors, spending all day at work where every little word and action is mediated by political correctness, to such a point where we refrain from articulating our innermost thoughts and questions for fear of offending someone and losing our job. We are alienated from nature, to the extent that we no longer grow and hunt our own food. Whereas we used to derive satisfaction from using our bodies and minds to negotiate the exigencies of day-to-day survival, now we just escape from reality through consumerism and simulated realities (social media, video games, pornography, etc). Whereas our priorities used to be the good of the group, now we are self-obsessed - worrying about our facebook status updates, our online profiles, taking and posting selfies at the most opportune times so as to convince everyone that our existence on this planet has value. Our ability to bargain for worker rights is being eroded daily by the economic elites. Our native traditions and practices have been decimated by globalism, effectively cutting off our relationship with the best of what our ancestors had to offer (there's also a lot of dogmatic horsecrap that comes with tradition, but there's no point in throwing out the baby with the bathwater). We know that our current capitalist framework is devastating ecosystems and that the planet, as a self-regulating system, is going to wipe us out when it restores the balance. This means we are willfully turning our back on the symbiotic nature we have always enjoyed with our immediate environment, exacerbating the gulf between ourselves and the very world we live in. The cure for all of this? Things might get better if the current system collapses and is replaced by something better, though I am not holding my breath. In any case, I would be one of the ones to die in the event that the system collapsed. In the current context, I think my best chances at authentic human connection lie in making my own art rather than just consuming other people's art.

OMG, yes !

Necro = death/dead
polis = city

Yes, we are, all of us, lost in necropolis.