What is truly a friend?

[DariusArgent]

Over my lifetime there were many instances where I met people and considered them as friends. Most in such cases however I was proven to be wrong.

So I have been wondering lately, what truly means to be a friend? How does it feel to have a friend?

Is a friend a person who is close to you, while you are close to him/her? Is it a person that will stand by your side no matter what, and you will do the same for that person? A person that cherishes, worries and respects you and your existence while you consider the same things for that person?

I don't know, many people told me that I have wrong perspective about companionship so that's why I ask this question. Do I have wrong definition for the word or what?

 

[Tealeaf]

Well, people will call someone they've secretly selected to provide sympathy a "friend" or say they "care", so I wouldn't be surprised if we're the ones with the wrong definition. I think for a lot of people, their friends are also just the people they get out of the house with.

My definition of a friend is just someone who legitimately cares about and respects you as a person, and my definition of being a friend involves having their back. Even when I was 16, that was innate knowledge to me and I stood by my friend when she was accused by her other friends of hacking their stupid online game despite having no computer knowledge whatsoever.

 

[DariusArgent]

My definition of a friend is just someone who legitimately cares about and respects you as a person, and my definition of being a friend involves having their back.

I guess that pretty much sums it up.
Hardly can such people be found though.

 

[Ioann]

Getting friendship wrong is, I suspect, a common mistake. I had a good friend once, or so I thought. But really I treated him like a big brother, wanting him to look after me. I also had a crush on him, but I didn't quite realise it at the time. In short, I was very needy with him, and it all ended in disaster, with him actually turning on me and beating me up. He just couldn't take any more of my clinging.

Classical authors (from Plato to Cicero and onwards) thought that friendship could only exist between equals, and I think that is right. You have to give as much as you get - neither more nor less. In friendship, one friend cannot be emotionally dependent on the other, unless, I suppose, the emotional dependence is mutual. In fact, I think mutuality is a good definition of friendship.

Cicero was also keen on shared interest and outlook. Again, I think that important. If you have nothing at all in common with someone, friendship wont go far.

Anyway, just some random Sunday morning thoughts.

 

[Fest]

A friend is someone who extends a hand outward when others retract inwards. Someone who wouldn't leave you by the wayside even if it was easier for them to do so. They are rare people and they should be what we aspire to be for those around us as the first step to finding a true friend is to be one yourself. As for how it feels...it's not easy. There will be just as many bumps as there will be smooth patches, the only thing that really changes is the thought that you stand with someone against whatever you're fighting no matter how big or small it may be.

 

[ABrokenMan]

I think you find out the true meaning of friendship if a situation arises where they judge you.
A friend should never ever do such a thing.
I've made the decision to jettison someone I thought was my best friend - the sister I never had.
13 years of knowing her, offering support without judgement, etc.
Our last convo ruined everything for me. I just wanted her to listen. Instead, she judged and lectured in a mean spirited manner.
I am done.

 

[sothatwasmylife]

But are you not guilty of judging her....maybe her own situation caused her to behave in a way that obviously upset you........we are all flawed and 13 years of investment in another human being needs some very careful consideration before you dispose of it.

 

[ABrokenMan]

^^^
No. She has been very judgmental towards my current situation. I had refrained from telling her, but finally relented
She has also been waiting for me to reveal some things I never told her, because I feel she would judge, and not just listen.
She's very flakey, has a ton of friends, and feels that everyone else's life should mirror her own - i.e you can "have whatever / whoever you want, etc. She has zero trouble in relationships, as she is the one who always remains in control. She just left her BF of 5 years to upgrade with a more successful, younger guy. Moving cross country too. I never told her what I thought about her situation I just listened when she was relating her plans.
I expect the same treatment from a friend that I give to him / her.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Is a friend a person who is close to you, while you are close to him/her?

No, although it is nice for you both to be close to each other you don't have to be.

Is it a person that will stand by your side no matter what, and you will do the same for that person?

No, you want someone who will tell you when you are wrong and when you are right, and knows when to walk away. You can't always stand by a friends side all the time, sometime you have to let go and just be there when they need help picking back up.

A person that cherishes, worries and respects you and your existence while you consider the same things for that person?

Yes.

That's my opinion anyway, your perspective isn't wrong it's what you believe in. If that's what you want out of a friendship then that is what you want, anyone else opinions shouldn't sway that.

 

[LonelySutton]

A dog.

 

[user 115627]

No, you want someone who will tell you when you are wrong and when you are right, and knows when to walk away. You can't always stand by a friends side all the time, sometime you have to let go and just be there when they need help picking back up.

That's my point of view as well. I wouldn't want an ignorant 'follower' who agrees with all my decisions with unquestionable loyalty.

 

[DariusArgent]

Thanks for the great inputs everyone. It's good to know that you are right about some things.

No, although it is nice for you both to be close to each other you don't have to be.

I suppose you thought "being close" as in "physical contact". I didn't mean it in that way.

No, you want someone who will tell you when you are wrong and when you are right, and knows when to walk away. You can't always stand by a friends side all the time, sometime you have to let go and just be there when they need help picking back up.

Of course, this also means that such a friend stays by your side. There are people who pretend that are your friends but when they see that you are wrong they will leave you at that because they don't care.

A dog.

Greatest post. Sadly I can't afford to keep a dog because I live in an apartment.

That's my point of view as well. I wouldn't want an ignorant 'follower' who agrees with all my decisions with unquestionable loyalty.

Of course. That is not a friend, that is a servant or lackey. Friends are supposed to treat equally with each other and respect as such.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Thanks for the great inputs everyone. It's good to know that you are right about some things.

No, although it is nice for you both to be close to each other you don't have to be.

I suppose you thought "being close" as in "physical contact". I didn't mean it in that way.

Depends on what you mean by physical contact. I have had friends who weren't shy about giving you a hug, others were not into that kind of physical contact, didn't mean we weren't any closer as friends. But not what I meant. You can have someone you consider a close friend who may not feel the same, yet will take time to listen and talk to you. Someone who won't push you away even if they are busy or have a lot going on at the time.

Interesting though that you thought I was talking about physical contact. Maybe that is something you wish there was more of in your friendships? There is nothing wrong with it, it's actually quite nice to have a friend who will great you with a hug when they see you and when you are down and need comforting. Especially if you don't have that kind of support or caring in your family.

 

[DariusArgent]

Interesting though that you thought I was talking about physical contact. Maybe that is something you wish there was more of in your friendships? There is nothing wrong with it, it's actually quite nice to have a friend who will great you with a hug when they see you and when you are down and need comforting. Especially if you don't have that kind of support or caring in your family.

Maybe that might be it. But then again, I didn't have much friends that were women so I don't know. I've been in such situations where those few friends who were women didn't hug me at all but hugged someone who just met recently just for the heck of it. Hugging with others was just in greeting and saying goodbye and that's it.
I had great support and caring from my family but the problem is that I am far away from them for some time now due to being in college.

 

[Regumika]

Just some examples of real friends. A real friend is...

...someone who walks in while the rest of the world walks out.

...someone who won't get tired listening to your pointless drama over and over again.

...someone who makes your problems their problems, so that you wouldn't have to go through them alone

...someone who checks if your phone is okay when you fall.

...someone who will dress up in a flashy ridiculous costume to go to the gym with you to take all the attention.

...someone who you haven't spoken to for years and responds as if it was just yesterday.

 

[stb]

A friend is someone who will tell you when you are being an a**, and still defend you to others.

A friend is also someone who will be there to help anywhere at any hour.

Only good people make true friends, at least this has been my experience.

I would rather have one good friend than fifty false ones.

You already know who your real friends are, and if you are one to them.

 

[Case]

Is a friend a person who is close to you, while you are close to him/her? Is it a person that will stand by your side no matter what, and you will do the same for that person? A person that cherishes, worries and respects you and your existence while you consider the same things for that person?

Close friends will respect your decisions even if they think you are wrong. But they'll still be your friend after all is said and done. I believe that friends should have a fundamental respect for each other. Otherwise, that can explode later on.

Not all friends are close, and that's okay. Also, all close friends are not the same kind of "close." Some hug, others don't. Some are loud, and some are quiet. Some are prone to fits of anger, and some never express any emotion at all. Your friends are, in a way, a reflection of your personality. Either they compliment you well, share the same traits, or maybe they are completely opposite and they are the "yin" to your "yang."

To me, the mark of a good friend is someone who responds to my texts and phone calls gladly, who offers to do something with me even when it might be inconvenient for them, and is genuinely happy that I am around. They know when I'm open to discuss something, and when I am not, they back away a bit. but never too far that if I need them, they won't be too far away.

Close friends make me feel accepted and liked, and I make them feel that way as well. We shouldn't have to wonder about these things with a real friend. It should feel like wearing a comfortable sweater. Good friends are just a great fit.

 

[gabriel20]

A friend is someone you can have a laugh with,take the mickey out of,and still be friends,because you know it's just for fun and that's called friendship.

 

[stork_error]

A dog.

lol

 

[Tealeaf]

Some days, everyone who doesn't approach me with veiled, selfish motives seems like my best friend.