What is wrong with me?

[Mary Mary]

I think Mary Mary did too. Its just a whole lot easier to hope that the magic answer will be given by some anonymous person on the internet LOL.

I really dont agree with full disclosure though. I mean, if I do ever get to the point with a man that he loves me and wants to be with me and then I tell him these things, it will be like he really didnt fall in love with the whole me in the first place. And if I never tell him... either way that sounds like some terrible deception on my part when I read it. The more I think about it and try to sort it out, the more in circles I feel like I am going.

I want to say that I'm not judging you for the prostitution. The only issues I have with prostitution are pragmatic issues, but I make no moral judgment.

About the disclosure, you need to do what seems right to you; but I don't think you owe a guy that you date that information because you're not doing it now. IMO, you'll just be burdening him with something from the past to make yourself feel better. The only information that you owe him is that you're not a virgin.

 

[jales]

I do not think it is the case that he would not have fallen in love with the real you. He would have fallen for you. And having slept with someone for money doesnt make you bad, or unloveable or anything.

I just think that if you feel comfortable enough to tell someone who you think you love, you should tell him. I can't imagine that any man who loves a woman would reject her for this reason.

But maybe I'm being naive. But it's what I think.

Also I think it's important how you tell something like that. You have to explain your situation, what you felt, why you think you did it..etc.

I think Mary Mary did too. Its just a whole lot easier to hope that the magic answer will be given by some anonymous person on the internet LOL.

I really dont agree with full disclosure though. I mean, if I do ever get to the point with a man that he loves me and wants to be with me and then I tell him these things, it will be like he really didnt fall in love with the whole me in the first place. And if I never tell him... either way that sounds like some terrible deception on my part when I read it. The more I think about it and try to sort it out, the more in circles I feel like I am going.

 

[Tex Is Lost]

I just read the whole thread all the way through.
We are the sum of all experiences. Some of us learn from the past, others let it be our present and future.
You are worthy to be loved. And I sincerely hope that you will find that man who is for you.
Not the most eloquent post, but I hope it helps.

 

[septicemia]

Mary Mary thank you. I know you werent judging me I dont feel like anyone who has replied is passing any negative judgement on me. I also agree on not telling. Its not anything that would help a relationship. I think even if they didnt mean to, men wouldnt be able to not take advantage of the information.

jales its not something I would want to tell, unless the man really wanted to know all about my past. I would worry about that in its self though if that were the case.

Thank you tex is lost, that is very nice!

 

[Mary Mary]

I've been thinking about you today, and I have to agree with the other poster. I don't care for your username. Why did you pick that?

I think you should change your name. You comfort those around you. You comfort men without asking for anything in return; and the only time you did it was for money to rescue animals.

I think your username should be either Consolatia or The Consoler; or maybe there's something else that you'd like better, but I don't think it should be septicemia.

 

[evanescencefan91]

I had to look this up
Septicemia is the presence of bacteria in the blood (bacteremia) and
is often associated with severe infections
ohh cool, not the most pleasant of usernames, but scientific and educational so i give it props

i agree with jales and mary mary,

you don't have to tell him if you don't want to,

and this doesn't make you a bad person

I hope thigns get better

*hugs*

 

[ChiCowboy]

septicemia--

Don't ever tell a guy that you were a prostitute.

I completely disagree with this. First of all, it's not that big of a deal. You'd be surprised how many women have turned a trick or two in their lives. I've dated many women who have admitted to this, and it's never made a difference to me. Secondly, honesty is of utmost importance. It's obviously something that matters, or you (septicemia) wouldn't have mentioned it to us. If a guy can't handle a simple fact of life such as this, then he may not be the one for you, anyway.

 

[Mary Mary]

septicemia--

Don't ever tell a guy that you were a prostitute.

I completely disagree with this. First of all, it's not that big of a deal. You'd be surprised how many women have turned a trick or two in their lives. I've dated many women who have admitted to this, and it's never made a difference to me. Secondly, honesty is of utmost importance. It's obviously something that matters, or you (septicemia) wouldn't have mentioned it to us. If a guy can't handle a simple fact of life such as this, then he may not be the one for you, anyway.

Maybe I shouldn't say never, but a lot of men would have an issue with this.

Also, people accumulate skeletons along way. That's the just the way it is. Why rehash old, painful stuff? Why bring up stuff from the past that your partner might find upsetting when it's truly in the past? What is the point?

She does need to tell them that she's been sexually active and if she has any STDs like herpes, but she doesn't owe him the details. I would just let dead stay buried.

 

[septicemia]

I dont know, I like my screen name. Sometimes I feel like what it implies, like when I created this account, but sometimes I know I am a good person.

Chicowboy how and when in the relationship did they tell you?

Mary Mary yeah, I think 99.9% of men would totally not want to know this info.

 

[ChiCowboy]

septicemia--

Don't ever tell a guy that you were a prostitute.

I completely disagree with this. First of all, it's not that big of a deal. You'd be surprised how many women have turned a trick or two in their lives. I've dated many women who have admitted to this, and it's never made a difference to me. Secondly, honesty is of utmost importance. It's obviously something that matters, or you (septicemia) wouldn't have mentioned it to us. If a guy can't handle a simple fact of life such as this, then he may not be the one for you, anyway.

Maybe I shouldn't say never, but a lot of men would have an issue with this.

Also, people accumulate skeletons along way. That's the just the way it is. Why rehash old, painful stuff? Why bring up stuff from the past that your partner might find upsetting when it's truly in the past? What is the point?

She does need to tell them that she's been sexually active and if she has any STDs like herpes, but she doesn't owe him the details. I would just let dead stay buried.

Yes, this is reasonable. It's not something I would ask, but if I did, I would expect the truth. The women who have told me have volunteered the information, and it didn't mean diddley squat to me. Hell, a woman I dated used to get offered $500 many times (she was a bartender and cocktail waitress); I don't blame her one bit for taking the easy cash. We're probably more open to prostitution here in Nevada, but it's certainly not particular to this state.

This is my attitude toward history - sexual and otherwise: If you have any skeletons that are firmly hidden in the closet, you can tell me if you want or you can keep it to yourself. I don't shock easily, nor am I nosey. But if you want to tell me something, just spit it out. I don't play guessing games. On the other hand, if you have skeletons that wander beyond the closet, then that is something I need to know.

---

Chicowboy how and when in the relationship did they tell you?

From the start, as it should be. The subject came up after sex, as you would expect.

Mary Mary yeah, I think 99.9% of men would totally not want to know this info.

Then a great portion of our male population is living a lie, as quite a bit more than 0.1% of our female population has given sex for money.

Myself, I couldn't care less. It's not something I dwell on. Unless there are signs indicating dishonesty, it's not something I would even think about.

 

[Ladysphinx]

Septicemia: I believe that if the guy isn't okay with your past at some point it will leak out and become an issue. I was 19 and almost went to jail cause I slept (unknowingly, sort of) with a under age person. I was lucky to be able to prove I did not know, and his parent droped the garges. I thought know one would find out but it came out and my husband was more angry about me hiding it then telling him. I was also seriuosly promusciuos and that also came out. It took us years to fix the damage I did because of trying to keep it secret. I remember how my poor hubby cried about my deceit. Not because of my past but because I never told him. Get it out in the open and know that if a guy sticks with you that, that part will never come and bite you in your butt, because you didn't tell. Any man leaving because of it is not worthy of you.

 

[Mary Mary]

Septicemia: I believe that if the guy isn't okay with your past at some point it will leak out and become an issue. I was 19 and almost went to jail cause I slept (unknowingly, sort of) with a under age person. I was lucky to be able to prove I did not know, and his parent droped the garges. I thought know one would find out but it came out and my husband was more angry about me hiding it then telling him. I was also seriuosly promusciuos and that also came out. It took us years to fix the damage I did because of trying to keep it secret. I remember how my poor hubby cried about my deceit. Not because of my past but because I never told him. Get it out in the open and know that if a guy sticks with you that, that part will never come and bite you in your butt, because you didn't tell. Any man leaving because of it is not worthy of you.

That may not be the actual reason. It's easier on someone's ego to show distress over someone's 'deceit' than to admit their jealousy. I mean does it really sound reasonable to cry because your wife, a woman, had trouble admitting that she was promiscuous.

The only thing he could be legitimately distressed about is if you pretended to be virgin when you married, but it doesn't sound like you did that.

That being said, if it's something that may probably come out, you may want to reveal it sooner than later. Like if she was a prostitute for 10 years, that would be different; but I was under the impression that she had done that only a few times.