What is wrong with me?

[septicemia]

I am not some gorgeous, sexy woman, but I know I cant be the ugliest because experiences tell me so. I have been with plenty of men, I have been paid good money for sex by multiple men. I have had 2 short relationships in almost 15 years of being sexually active. I am an educated, clean, mostly classy, fun woman. I am a capable woman who works hard, and does good things for the community on occasion. I love men and just need to be appreciated in a genuine and emotional way. What is it about me that makes men want to just use me sexually and not have any emotional interest in me? What is it about some really wonderful women that just invoke this? Its honestly heartbreaking.

 

[Zak]

You're just meeting the wrong men. Its kinda weird that most women (most i have seen) tend to get attracted more towards the wrong kind than the good kind. No idea why. Probably cos of their pua tactics or show off stuffs. I have seen this a lot. Probably why nice guys finish last n things lol.

 

[Code S.O.L]

What is it about me that makes men want to just use me sexually and not have any emotional interest in me? What is it about some really wonderful women that just invoke this? Its honestly heartbreaking.

I have been with plenty of men, I have been paid good money for sex by multiple men.

Ummm.......?

 

[Mary Mary]

I am not some gorgeous, sexy woman, but I know I cant be the ugliest because experiences tell me so. I have been with plenty of men, I have been paid good money for sex by multiple men. I have had 2 short relationships in almost 15 years of being sexually active. I am an educated, clean, mostly classy, fun woman. I am a capable woman who works hard, and does good things for the community on occasion. I love men and just need to be appreciated in a genuine and emotional way. What is it about me that makes men want to just use me sexually and not have any emotional interest in me? What is it about some really wonderful women that just invoke this? Its honestly heartbreaking.

Sanal is right in part in that it's probably because you don't understand how as a woman you get attracted to a man, and it's harder for you to make better conscious choices.

However, I suspect that you're like me, the female version of a nice guy. Let me tell you what happens to nice guys. Like you, they're generous, patient, and undemanding. When they date women, some of these women won't end up being attracted to them but because these women like how these guys make them feel (a horny guy makes a great unpaid therapist), these women will decide to keep these guys around. She'll switch him to friend status without telling him; so as they continue to see each other, he thinks the relationship is progressing and he's gaining romantic capital. However, the opposite is true.

The same thing can happen to women. A guy will date you probably most of the time with initial good intentions. At some point, you'll sleep with him. You seem like a woman who likes sex, which is OK. Just as the woman who's dating the nice guy will lose romantic interest in him, the guy you're dating will decide that you're not The One. Instead of having enough character to realize that he should just let you go because you deserve to find someone who really likes you, he decides to keep you around because he still likes how you make him feel. He'll switch you to booty call status without telling you.

However, back to sanal's point, I still manage to have long-term relationships with men who appreciate me. I have ended up with users just through the laws of probability just as I found men who were romantically interested in me through the laws of probability; so even though I think what I described above is part of your problem, I think Sanal's right in that there's something more going on with you that you need to uncover to stop this cycle. I also think it's beyond the whole women like jerks thing, too, since most women still have long-term relationships.

Have you tried seeing a therapist?

 

[Mr. Sir]

Pics and we can tell.

 

[LGH1288]

I have been with plenty of men, I have been paid good money for sex by multiple men...What is it about me that makes men want to just use me sexually and not have any emotional interest in me?

No offense: Are you a prostitute? LG

 

[septicemia]

LG Yes, I was briefly at one point. No I wasnt some chickenhead streetwalker, it wasnt for drugs or anything bad like that. I do a bit of animal rescue work and this one summer I was between jobs and had a bunch of vet bills and other bills to pay off (everyone wants the rescuers to make the animals better, but very few want to help out), needed money quick, answered some craigslist ads. I dont feel this fact, or any of my other not so great decisions, should have much bearing on if I am worthy of being appreciated or not by men though. I know I offered it up freely here, but its not something I normally tell people, in fact, only 3 people IRL know.

Sanal likely, and it seems like all the good men already seem to be taken.

Code SOL so whats your point? Does that mean I am unworthy of love? Nope! Its certainly not information I normally offer up, I was just making a point that while I am no Jenny McCarthy, I am not the female version of Matt Stone either LOL.

Mary Mary thank you for the long reply. I have never actually been on a date, or dated a man in the traditional sense. The two short relationships were with men who I had known for a while through other friends and we ended up hooking up, and then were a couple for a bit. Also, I dont even really like sex at this moment. Having sex with a man who I am not in a loving relationship with, at this point in my life would just be too painful for me. I have looked into therapy, but its just not feasible for me at this point for a few reasons.

Socrates I am not comfortable with posting photos on here, but what would you be able to tell from photos?

 

[Mary Mary]

septicemia--

Don't ever tell a guy that you were a prostitute.

You really need therapy. The reason why I say this is that you're thirty and never had a long-term relationship but don't know why. There are other people here who may have never had a relationship (or even sex), but they can usually articulate what they think is stopping them from being able to relate to others in more of an average kind of way.

Some therapists will charge fees on a sliding scale. You should really research your options.

 

[LGH1288]

Hi septicemia -- Thank you for your candor. I think you can sense that I asked my question in a sincere manner and that I wasn't intending to be judgemental. I truly thought that you were still active in that line of work. You've shared something sensitive and personal so I now better understand your situation. I think it's good that you've opened up about your previous experience. I think it's a "skeleton in your closet" that needs to be addressed. I feel that it will always get in the way of your future relationships. How will you deal with it? If you don't disclose it you might always feel like you're hiding it. If you're forthright about it you might jeopardize your chance with any new relationships. Yes, of course you deserve happiness just as much as anyone else. I'm sure you've thought about all this; I just want to share my thoughts about it with you. I don't know what I'd do, but I just hope you'll find the right answer. There must be other people who've faced the same dilemma. I'm at a loss on this complicated issue. Best, LG

 

[septicemia]

Mary Mary, I agree, its not something I would ever tell a future lover. I also agree that therapy is something I could really benefit from. I called around to all the therapists within an hours drive, and none had any experience in issues like mine, any sort of sexual therapists were just for married couples and sex abuse victims, and I am neither.

LGH yes, I could tell you were sincere in your question, I wasnt offended or upset, I hope I didnt come off that way. Its something that is easy to write about, but to actually speak the words to people I know, its so impossible, mostly because to them its just so far out of my norm. I have kept the majority of my sex life secret from my family and some of my friends, not because its illegal (just the prostitution) but because, I dunno, its embarrassing or something, plus, I havnt had sex in a long, long time LOL.

I am not sure I would have much issue not disclosing certain things about my past (the prostitution isnt the only thing that I will never tell a possible lover), but I do know that disclosing these things would always end up with me being left on my own. I know there are others with the same dilemma, I just dont know where to find them to help me.

 

[Mary Mary]

Why do you need a sex therapist? Just go to a general therapist.

 

[LGH1288]

Hi septicemia -- For whatever it's worth, you can contact Prostitution Research & Education: Services For Women And Children Escaping The Commercial Sex Industry for their advice on therapy or specialized assistance. Good luck to you, LG

 

[Code S.O.L]

Code SOL so whats your point? Does that mean I am unworthy of love? Nope! Its certainly not information I normally offer up, I was just making a point that while I am no Jenny McCarthy, I am not the female version of Matt Stone either LOL.

Yeah, I kinda thought you were still in that line of work too, my bad. Just that when you asked why men couldn't love you after admitting that you were a prostitute(at one time) kinda answered your own question in my view. Still, it takes courage to turn away from that road, and admit that you traveled it.

 

[A new life]

Septicemia:
life-threatening infection that gets worse very quickly.

Is this how you see yourself?

I hope that you can find someone who's just right for you
and that you can love yourself enough to feel that you deserve it.

My best wishes to you.

 

[Mr. Sir]

LG Yes, I was briefly at one point. No I wasnt some chickenhead streetwalker, it wasnt for drugs or anything bad like that. I do a bit of animal rescue work and this one summer I was between jobs and had a bunch of vet bills and other bills to pay off (everyone wants the rescuers to make the animals better, but very few want to help out), needed money quick, answered some craigslist ads. I dont feel this fact, or any of my other not so great decisions, should have much bearing on if I am worthy of being appreciated or not by men though. I know I offered it up freely here, but its not something I normally tell people, in fact, only 3 people IRL know.

Sanal likely, and it seems like all the good men already seem to be taken.

Code SOL so whats your point? Does that mean I am unworthy of love? Nope! Its certainly not information I normally offer up, I was just making a point that while I am no Jenny McCarthy, I am not the female version of Matt Stone either LOL.

Mary Mary thank you for the long reply. I have never actually been on a date, or dated a man in the traditional sense. The two short relationships were with men who I had known for a while through other friends and we ended up hooking up, and then were a couple for a bit. Also, I dont even really like sex at this moment. Having sex with a man who I am not in a loving relationship with, at this point in my life would just be too painful for me. I have looked into therapy, but its just not feasible for me at this point for a few reasons.


Socrates I am not comfortable with posting photos on here, but what would you be able to tell from photos?

To see if you have any physical defects that are messing with your dating life.

 

[Cathedral]

LG Yes, I was briefly at one point. No I wasnt some chickenhead streetwalker, it wasnt for drugs or anything bad like that. I do a bit of animal rescue work and this one summer I was between jobs and had a bunch of vet bills and other bills to pay off (everyone wants the rescuers to make the animals better, but very few want to help out), needed money quick, answered some craigslist ads. I dont feel this fact, or any of my other not so great decisions, should have much bearing on if I am worthy of being appreciated or not by men though. I know I offered it up freely here, but its not something I normally tell people, in fact, only 3 people IRL know.

Sanal likely, and it seems like all the good men already seem to be taken.

Code SOL so whats your point? Does that mean I am unworthy of love? Nope! Its certainly not information I normally offer up, I was just making a point that while I am no Jenny McCarthy, I am not the female version of Matt Stone either LOL.

Mary Mary thank you for the long reply. I have never actually been on a date, or dated a man in the traditional sense. The two short relationships were with men who I had known for a while through other friends and we ended up hooking up, and then were a couple for a bit. Also, I dont even really like sex at this moment. Having sex with a man who I am not in a loving relationship with, at this point in my life would just be too painful for me. I have looked into therapy, but its just not feasible for me at this point for a few reasons.


Socrates I am not comfortable with posting photos on here, but what would you be able to tell from photos?

To see if you have any physical defects that are messing with your dating life.

I think you should be banned from here without a doubt.

I don't like those who dodge questions and make fallacious statements, telling these lonely guys (and gals) here that they have to be alpha male asswipes in order to get a date.

Some people just don't want to share pictures of themselves with the public on the Internet. And that's okay... unlike you. Have you ever shared any pictures of yourself? Thought so.

 

[Mary Mary]

LG Yes, I was briefly at one point. No I wasnt some chickenhead streetwalker, it wasnt for drugs or anything bad like that. I do a bit of animal rescue work and this one summer I was between jobs and had a bunch of vet bills and other bills to pay off (everyone wants the rescuers to make the animals better, but very few want to help out), needed money quick, answered some craigslist ads. I dont feel this fact, or any of my other not so great decisions, should have much bearing on if I am worthy of being appreciated or not by men though. I know I offered it up freely here, but its not something I normally tell people, in fact, only 3 people IRL know.

Sanal likely, and it seems like all the good men already seem to be taken.

Code SOL so whats your point? Does that mean I am unworthy of love? Nope! Its certainly not information I normally offer up, I was just making a point that while I am no Jenny McCarthy, I am not the female version of Matt Stone either LOL.

Mary Mary thank you for the long reply. I have never actually been on a date, or dated a man in the traditional sense. The two short relationships were with men who I had known for a while through other friends and we ended up hooking up, and then were a couple for a bit. Also, I dont even really like sex at this moment. Having sex with a man who I am not in a loving relationship with, at this point in my life would just be too painful for me. I have looked into therapy, but its just not feasible for me at this point for a few reasons.


Socrates I am not comfortable with posting photos on here, but what would you be able to tell from photos?

To see if you have any physical defects that are messing with your dating life.

I don't like those who dodge questions and make fallacious statements, telling these lonely guys (and gals) here that they have to be alpha male asswipes in order to get a date.

What great advice has people given you that works so well?

 

[septicemia]

Mary Mary, you are right, and its something I need to do sooner than later.

LGH good website! Heck it even opened my eyes to some of the myths and lies I have bought and believed about prostitution and issues that surround it. Luckily my experiences were not violent, I know I was extremely lucky!

Code SOL like I said, its not something that people know about me, so it shouldnt have any bearing on my datability.

A new Life, sometimes I do, and thank you.

Socrates I plain and simple am not going to post a photo of myself after admitting I was a prostitute at one point in my life. Its the internet, not some private club, anyone I know could happen upon it.

 

[jales]

Your question reminds me of a movie: Hysterical Blindness. And Mary Mary had the perfect answer.

I don't think anything is wrong with you. I agree with Mary Mary about how guys and girls think and act.
But I do think that it is important that when you fall in love you should tell your guy about you sleeping with men for money, and about whatever else you are embrassed about sexually.

Sexual stuff is complicated. Yes, but I think that sexual wounds, like most other emotional wounds can heal.. with good care. And a part of good care is being able to talk about it with the person you claim to love. A part of love is knowing that he accepts the real you, the person who made mistakes.

I know that that is easier said than done though, because even I have not been completely honest about my sexual history with those that I love. But with the guy I love, I have been, and when it is something as troubling as your things seem to be that is more reason to be honest. At somepoint in your relationship with the guy you end up with, you will want to tell him i think; and I think you should.

But yea there are men who will use you: MANY. But I think after being with a couple of them, you begin to be-able to see the similarities. Even though they all have completely different acts, there are certain things they all do as well. At least that is what I think.

 

[septicemia]

I think Mary Mary did too. Its just a whole lot easier to hope that the magic answer will be given by some anonymous person on the internet LOL.

I really dont agree with full disclosure though. I mean, if I do ever get to the point with a man that he loves me and wants to be with me and then I tell him these things, it will be like he really didnt fall in love with the whole me in the first place. And if I never tell him... either way that sounds like some terrible deception on my part when I read it. The more I think about it and try to sort it out, the more in circles I feel like I am going.