well, duhhhhhhhh, i bet half the people or more start on this downhill slide to isolation, inability to feel at ease with others due to what they perceive is their inability to fit into what society deems is normal and attractive. The media images out there are so outrageously beyond attainment, it just fosters billion dollar a year industries so that we too can feel like the "others" who are so successful, beautiful, popular, rich, famous etc etc etc. This is a consumer orientated society...the greatest moguls who make the big bucks found the one thing people really wanted or needed...or found a way to convince them that they had to have it.... so whether it was Estee Lauder pushing you too can be as flawlessly beautiful as me or Martha Stewart who is telling you you too can bake the perfect apple pie or have a picture book home or even if it was Cornelius Vanderbuilt making the trip between NY and NJ so affordable, so reliable and dependable, people came to rely on his boats.... across the board, we have an entire economy based on getting us to buy into the myth, the keeping up with the Jonses, the using of things to make us feel better, and more able to fit in, compete with everyone else out there who is trying to get all the things we want too..... it is exhausting isn't it?
I think the pressure has always been especially hard on women...it's only the last decade or two where men have become "eye candy", marketable six packs and nice round firm buns able to sell and promote products..... since time began, a beautiful face was used to sell and promote, but mostly it was women and the underlying message was buy this and you too might get a chance at snagging a gorgeous woman like me...because back then men held most of the economic power. Now that women have economic freedom, you've got the phenomena of the super star male model..... remember when the first dominant male model came into existence??? most of you probably can't...but it was the Marlboro man who suddenly became a symbol, not only of macho power, but a name was put to the rugged handsome face for the first time and the male model type was born.
I can be sort of **tchy about this and say, GOOD, glad the men now feel the same pressure we women always felt....but have people EVER been so depressed and disconnected from the world as they are today?
I think not. I really don't. I don't think people were as bombarded every minute of every day in the past like they are now to look a certain way. The pressure is relentless now. And of course, those of us who may not fit the norm or think we have the perfect nose, the right lips, small enough body are only going to have our misconception of what beauty or normal is reinforced daily by this society, making us feel more hopeless and powerless.
EDIT: again!! jeesh am I alzheimers bound or what today??? To answer the question of what am I going to do about it? No...not plastic surgery...jeesh, that's ridiculous. how sad to spend inordinate amounts of money trying to fit the mold.... BE YOU. FORK SOCIETY and the NORM. Gawd, have the chutspah to be you, different, imperfect, wild and untamed. Yeah baby....
but...yes, as of today, this is my first day of the diet...well, the healthier attitude towards food.... the mind set that I must take care of my body and myself ...only if it is another symbol or toy or way for me to remind myself I am worth something....I think letting myself get this heavy was just a way of reinforcing my low esteem...and when younger, a way to judge whether people really liked me for ME. When I was younger, I was only ever 20 pounds overweight, but still, it was important to me to NOT look sexually tempting, then how would I know a guy liked me just for me and not what he was hoping to get from me. My best friend in highschool was gorgeous, and I was the trusty sidekick, the one with the great personality, funky cutting edge clothes everyone else then copied.... she liked me for being "different" I liked her for being "normal and acceptable"...but I never forgot the day she told me " Jeeze jeeze freaking Louise, it is exhausting trying to figure out if he likes me for my mind and my intelligence and thoughts.... or whether he just likes the thrill of showing me off....I'm so tired of being that THING that proves he is so cool."
Now, I am so fat I think I used it to reinforce my old assertions I was a freak, a mess, a nothing, worthless, just another way I could hate myself, which was what I was best at..... hating me. a way to punish myself too....i think there was a need to hurt myself, and how better than to distort myself into this horror show. gets kinda sick, hard to admit to.
so ...today is the first day of the rest of my life where I realize I have to care for not only my mind and the thoughts I have...but also my body....and next September I am trying out for a nationally acclaimed Senior Dance Team....I wanna hip hop...love it!!!!!!!!!
