worst kind of loneliness??

[bish33]

When I am at a gathering of friends like a BBQ or something. Everyone seems to be so happy and I put on a smile (most of the time) just to look like I am one of them. All the while I really feel horrible and just want to run from the situation.

 

[SimizAkri]

Hmmm. For me, the worst type of loneliness is the one I frequently face.
Losing all your "close/best" friends because they have betrayed you many times and in many ways, being left with friends who don't listen to you and who don't even care about you, feeling as if you don't belong somewhere, and putting on a smile everyday to make it seem as if everything's okay.

 

[Caesium]

When I am at a gathering of friends like a BBQ or something. Everyone seems to be so happy and I put on a smile (most of the time) just to look like I am one of them. All the while I really feel horrible and just want to run from the situation.

Yeah, same here, albeit at school, during lunch. I've never been out on a gathering with friends yet.

 

[Van Hooligan X]

Realising ya gunna die alone, regardless of anything you do or try to fight.

 

[nomisfive]

I am the same when it comes to a gathering of people. The last time I felt very lonley like that was at a fan meet of a metal band. I thought it would be easy to talk to these people since we all liked the music and that I also posted on the message board but I was completely ignored. Only the friend I was with would come over and ask how I was but she was mixing with everyone there so I didn't want to spoil her day because I felt completely out of place, alienated and estranged.

The other worst kind of lonliness for me, which is the one I face most frequiently, is feeling empty from the thoughts of knowing that I am alone and will never meet or be with that special someone. It makes my mind fall into a dark hole and due to that I do things that I regret deeply, which in turn kills my self estem and even sometimes causes self hate. (these regretful things I do would probably seem silly or nothing to get bothered about by some but I have a moral standard and to fail on your own beliefs and personal standards is shattering to the mind and emotions)
I did it again today and I feel so low and worthless of myself, yet at the same time I know there's a strength inside of me that can over come it but I never seem to reach it.

If there wasn't already a suicide in my family I would probably have killed myself years ago but going through the pain of that and knowing how it messes up a family I could never do it.

I've already betrayed my bestfriend, because of the side effects my lonliness has, by lying to her about something I could have trusted her easily with but no, I had to go and severly damage a really good friendship and as a result I feel worse even though I am working hard to change myself and my ways.

@ Van
Many nights I've cried due to those thoughts, it is one of the most horrible thoughts there is. So many that I've lost count.
I know I will die alone. Why? Because I am too different for a woman or any person to want to get close to me or be with me.

 

[Van Hooligan X]

@ Van
Many nights I've cried due to those thoughts, it is one of the most horrible thoughts there is. So many that I've lost count.
I know I will die alone. Why? Because I am too different for a woman or any person to want to get close to me or be with me.

Amen bro, amen.

 

[Naval_Fluff]

I think the worst kind is when you REALLY have no one to talk to. I mean, most people are like, yeah I can't talk to anyone, then they go and find a therapist...-.-
Other than that it really sucks when you meet new people and you know that you're most likely never gonna see them outside of school

 

[Luke_S]

I sometimes get this feeling, usually when its nearing the end of the day, even though I may have spoken to a lot of people or associates throughout the day, I can get home and be in my room and suddenly think that it has all amounted to nothing, and that there was no real connection beyond just being mere acquintances, and that in reality I am disposable to them because beyond that one moment we talked, there will be nothing more beyond it.

I sometimes find myself getting lost in these thoughts, I've recently been keeping an optimistic outlook on things no matter what, I won't give in to these thoughts ever, I know if I can find strength in solitude then I will be strong enough to face anything the world has on offer.

 

[nomisfive]

That is a very positive attitude you have there Lucas, It is how I used to be too. For years I was happay and content being on my own. Sure I cried from lonliness every now and then and dark thoughts would arrive during a depression but now I've lost all that and can't see anything in a positive way. I lost my strength and am weak to almost everything.
I have a lot of rebuilding to do inside of me but it is going to take a lot of time...

 

[blue_azure]

The other worst kind of lonliness for me, which is the one I face most frequiently, is feeling empty from the thoughts of knowing that I am alone and will never meet or be with that special someone. It makes my mind fall into a dark hole and due to that I do things that I regret deeply, which in turn kills my self estem and even sometimes causes self hate. (these regretful things I do would probably seem silly or nothing to get bothered about by some but I have a moral standard and to fail on your own beliefs and personal standards is shattering to the mind and emotions)
I did it again today and I feel so low and worthless of myself, yet at the same time I know there's a strength inside of me that can over come it but I never seem to reach it.

That's exactly what I feel! *sigh*
I feel like I could have been strong but I just let the tears flow every night.

 

[Haven]

I still remember being in school. Having my own opinion wanting to think for myself it was high school I was alienated, rejected, only because I didn't share the same ideals as my peers. I felt isolated. They treated me like I had leprosy and its only because I had a different opinion.

 

[nomisfive]

That's exactly what I feel! *sigh*
I feel like I could have been strong but I just let the tears flow every night.

It's not easy and it only makes things feel worse too but you can't help it. I know I can't. When the tears come everything comes out.

Some hugs for you

 

[blue_azure]

That's exactly what I feel! *sigh*
I feel like I could have been strong but I just let the tears flow every night.

It's not easy and it only makes things feel worse too but you can't help it. I know I can't. When the tears come everything comes out.

Some hugs for you

Aww... You're so nice! *hugs* for you too.

 

[nomisfive]

Aww... You're so nice! *hugs* for you too.

Thanks

There will always be hugs when needed or not but especially so when it all seems too much.

 

[loketron]

worst kind of loneliness is when love has just ended .
is it possible to be addicted to love? (no jokes please, yes i know that sounded funny, but no....)
without love i totally shut down as if nothings worth it if i have no one. i think ive always wanted to be in love and do the whole bit, that i forget about myself and only concentrate on being in the moment, forgeting about the real world.
the worst part, were still friends so i make myself believe i can hold on but thats just gonna make it worse

dumb
im glad this forums around so i can vent stuff like this, even if no one responds, it still helps, i think..........

 

[Wyrm]

I suppose the worst kind of loneliness is when your family doesn't support or love you. It really screws up your efforts to enjoy anything else really. Makes it hard to make or keep friendships and much harder to date. It's the worst in my opinion because you can't choose your family, and you can't really get another one besides the one you were born into. I hate sounding emo, but it's just how I feel about my circumstances. Really, my goal for the last few years has been just to live a normal life, but it's easier said than done.

 

[StarStrider]

Loneliness from which there is no foreseeable escape.

 

[Punisher]

Before joining this forum and making online friends I wasn't as lonely as i feel right now. And right this minute i feel more depressed and alone than i have ever felt in my entire life. There's a reason for me feeling like this, but it's hard to explain... I just feel so sad, and i feel like giving up.

 

[StarStrider]

Punisher - from a different perspective I know the feeling.

In many ways although ALL is designed expressly for for people who stuggle with isolation or loneliness in the real world, it is still a community based facility in which the more socially able will rise to the top of the pecking order. Of course the irony being that they are probably the least in need of assistance.

I have a condition that has provisionally been diagnosed as "formal thought disorder". I'll explain a little more about it to this forum when I begin treatment because it is a major social boundry that may even be relevant to other visitors to this site.

 

[cheaptrickfan]

The worst kind of loneliness? Hard to gauge.

There's the one where you feel pretty meaningless because you've discovered that you are "replaceable." That relationship ended and the other person is now happier than a pig in slop with someone new, as if the time you spent together never happened. That's fun.

Then there's the kind where you're trending downward to suicidal thoughts and all those people who've said, "Oh, you can call me anytime," aren't there when you do work up the courage to dial. Yep. Good times there.

Then there's the loneliness which extends toward existentialist territory and you begin to wonder if you are somehow alien, or if possibly you might be the only real person and everything and everyone else is just a construct of your insane mind.

*sigh*

yeah, I think about these things too much.

And I'm lonely.