Would you reject someone who likes you? Why?

[AnonymousMe]

I don't assume to know you Anonymous, but I think this is the kind of thought one has for two reasons. Either you have really low self esteem (like I did) or you are being practical (you have no job/job that pays very little/have no time/are ill and not indepedent etc) because you think it is very difficult or unlikely for things to work out under these circumstances. Also I could be completely wrong about this, if yes please ignore

When I think about the couples who have made it work, I see one common denominator. They may be different in a million ways but they all seem to share similarities when it comes to values.

Well, you guessed correctly Amelia, it is for both reasons.  I'm not independent and I do have low self esteem, I sometimes think that I don't, but when I get into social/public situations, my body feels this dread that prevents me from even trying stuff.

Share similarities when it comes to values... doesn't that just mean that they think similarly (with hobbies too), like all couples?

EDIT: Actually, let me rephrase that, what I crossed is true, but mainly, I know I have it because I generally suck at doing many, MANY things.  So I try to not get involved in any situations to avoid feeling embarrassed and demonstrate the world my incompetence, even though really I wish I could be part of those activities, be them fun, romantic, etc.  I'm currently going to the gym though, hopefully it'll naturally boost my confidence in doing stuff in a couple of years.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Those doubts you mention can be too obvious many times though, like the ones I stated above.
You wouldn't want to date someone that is too different than you, right?  It's a simple fact of life that opposites don't attract.

Not too sure about that. My guy and I are, outwardly, quite opposite. People would probably never picture us together. I really think that depends on the people. Opposites can attract, or they can be too different that it never works out. On the flip side, two people can be too much alike and it can be bad as well.

We knew each other quite well before being together, too. I don't see myself as someone who dates friends, but I suppose I could say he was a friend beforehand. Don't actually know why we attracted each other.

 

[Sci-Fi]

I rejected someone who liked me, I just wasn't into her and had known her since I was in the second grade. She had a crush on me since then and in high school she wanted to date me. I turned her down but unfortunately I didn't realize how obsessed she was with me. She couldn't take no for an answer so it ruined a long time friendship. I had friends telling me I should just go out with her and give it a try, they seemed to forgotten that I had known her a lot longer than them. Being friends was tolerable, dating her would not be. She was self absorbed, self deprecating, and needy. She also thought she could change me.

 

[kamya]

I rejected someone who liked me, I just wasn't into her and had known her since I was in the second grade.  She had a crush on me since then and in high school she wanted to date me.  I turned her down but unfortunately I didn't realize how obsessed she was with me.  She couldn't take no for an answer so it ruined a long time friendship.  I had friends telling me I should just go out with her and give it a try, they seemed to forgotten that I had known her a lot longer than them.  Being friends was tolerable, dating her would not be.  She was self absorbed, self deprecating, and needy.  She also thought she could change me.

Thats understandable. Thats different than rejecting someone just because you think you arent good enough for someone though. =p

Id reject someone i knew i didnt like or that i knew i wasnt into as well.

 

[Ignis]

I've rejected someone who liked me before, and I was interested in her too. The main reason why I did it was because I felt like I was "protecting" her from me.

I was a young dumb kid when I did that, felt like I was being some kind of 'Hero' by doing it like I was selflessly throwing my needs and desires away in an attempt to make someone else happier.
What it actually did, was hurt both of us. It took me a long time to realise that if she really felt like I was that bad of a person, like I was gonna ruin her life, she never would have admitted her feelings to me, and it took her a lot of guts to be able to do such a thing.

At the end of the day, as has been said multiple times before, you don't know if things are gonna end badly unless you try. Restricting yourself by saying "This isn't gonna work out because of X reason" is an excuse you're making to not try at all because you're scared of hurting them, or being hurt yourself. Maybe it's because your self-esteem is in the dumps, perhaps you think very little of yourself but when someone tells me they like me? That's often a really big confidence booster, for me at least.

That being said though, I would absolutely reject someone who liked me if I didn't feel the same way. I'm flattered that they're interested in me, but I only have a set period of time on earth, we all do. I'm not going to waste my time and theirs in a relationship doomed for failure because of no spark.
Although, I have no qualms with going out for a few dates first see where things go, see if there's a spark... But if there isn't? It simply wasn't meant to be.

I'd also like to say to TC that people date for many reasons and contrary to what you think, opposites can attract in many ways. Submissive people often look for Dominant people, quiet and shy people can be attracted to loud and bubbly, introverts can be attracted to extroverts.
In terms of things like $$$ earnings, or schedules, those are a part of life and are minor roadblocks that any couple who are serious should be able to deal with. I've dated girls in the past who make way more than me, I've dated girls in the past who still live at home with their parents and only work 3 hours a week while they get through University. My friend works night shifts as a cop and his girlfriend is a Real Estate agent, their schedules are pretty out of wack but they make it work, those are just a few examples and they're not super out of the ordinary tbh.

 

[Amelia]

Share similarities when it comes to values... doesn't that just mean that they think similarly (with hobbies too), like all couples?

By values I meant the deep stuff like how you view the world, level of commitment, views about relationships. Like for example, if I believe that money and status are not as important as love and respect, while my partner is the opposite, then we might have a problem. But even then, I know couples who have made it work.

Things like hobbies and interests don't seem to be the dealbreaker in relationships as far as I can tell at least. In fact, even when it comes to personality, people seem to figure things ouy together.

I think your view of this matter might change once your situation improves and you feel better about yourself.

Also, I know it is easier said than done, but don't be so hard on yourself. You probably have a lot more to offer in a relationship than you think. 

Good luck!

 

[AnonymousMe]

Well, what can I say about all of you, I simply wanted to know what would it take for you all to reject a possible relationship and I got my responses.  I'll be honest with you all, I was hoping to see some answers from other well known members, I won't mention who they are, but I am satisfied with what I got.
I still don't get why some of you would give a doomed relationship a try, but that's how some of you are and I can't do anything about it (I'm not complaining here, so don't misunderstand me).  It kinda sucks that I'm the only freak here though.  =/  Meh, whatever.

I think your view of this matter might change once your situation improves and you feel better about yourself.

Also, I know it is easier said than done, but don't be so hard on yourself. You probably have a lot more to offer in a relationship than you think. 

Good luck!

XD  I wish I could share your optimism Amelia, but self-improvement is something that's out of the question in my life.
I'm sure you won't give yourself time to read it all, but I'll just leave this link here, then you'll probably think otherwise of me.
https://www.alonelylife.com/showthread.php?tid=36193
Thanks for wishing me luck though.

 

[kamya]

Because you arent listening is why you "still dont understand". A bit thick in the head really if you still dont get it. You are the one dooming things for no reason other than your own self hatred. We don't all share those issues. Sorry you didnt get what you wanted. You could give pming those special members a try and see what they say.

 

[Paraiyar]

Because you arent listening is why you "still dont understand". A bit thick in the head really if you still dont get it. You are the one dooming things for no reason other than your own self hatred. We don't all share those issues. Sorry you didnt get what you wanted. You could give pming those special members a try and see what they say.

As bluntly voiced as this post is, Kamya does kind of get to the core of it in my opinion.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I still don't get why some of you would give a doomed relationship a try, but that's how some of you are and I can't do anything about it (I'm not complaining here, so don't misunderstand me).  It kinda sucks that I'm the only freak here though.  =/  Meh, whatever.

I'm not really understanding what you're wanting now. Some were uncaring for rejecting, and now giving a doomed relationship a try is the bad part? It's really a personal thing. If someone feels as though they shouldn't date someone - because no one has to accept the offer - then they just won't do it. It varies greatly, though. And opinions and thoughts and feelings do sometimes change.

 

[AnonymousMe]

I'm not really understanding what you're wanting now. Some were uncaring for rejecting, and now giving a doomed relationship a try is the bad part? It's really a personal thing. If someone feels as though they shouldn't date someone - because no one has to accept the offer - then they just won't do it. It varies greatly, though. And opinions and thoughts and feelings do sometimes change.

I don't want anything and I'm not trying to convince anyone here too.  I'm totally indifferent to those who responded that they would reject a proposal, they gave some understandable reasons, I simply got curious about those who would accept them, despite the proposed knowing that the proposer is in a bad situation, status or circumstance that would make the relationship unlovable, a hindrance, a problem.  Why give it a try when it's obvious that both individuals won't last together?  To me, that tells me that the proposed in seriously desperate and would rather be in a toxic relationship than being alone.

This is obviously something that's beyond my comprehension, so I should probably stop thinking about it, maybe it's something that's understood emotionally than logically, but then again, why are there so many lists on the internet about guys and gals that no one should date...  Bah, forget about it; I'm not replying to this thread anymore.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I'm not really understanding what you're wanting now. Some were uncaring for rejecting, and now giving a doomed relationship a try is the bad part? It's really a personal thing. If someone feels as though they shouldn't date someone - because no one has to accept the offer - then they just won't do it. It varies greatly, though. And opinions and thoughts and feelings do sometimes change.

I don't want anything and I'm not trying to convince anyone here too.  I'm totally indifferent to those who responded that they would reject a proposal, they gave some understandable reasons, I simply got curious about those who would accept them, despite the proposed knowing that the proposer is in a bad situation, status or circumstance that would make the relationship unlovable, a hindrance, a problem.  Why give it a try when it's obvious that both individuals won't last together?  To me, that tells me that the proposed in seriously desperate and would rather be in a toxic relationship than being alone.

This is obviously something that's beyond my comprehension, so I should probably stop thinking about it, maybe it's something that's understood emotionally than logically, but then again, why are there so many lists on the internet about guys and gals that no one should date...  Bah, forget about it; I'm not replying to this thread anymore.

Saying that someone is uncaring isn't being indifferent. It's kind of sad that you're dismissive because it doesn't seem as though you got the answer you wanted.

 

[user 139760]

Well that seems like a big huge giant waste of all our times.

Your welcomed. We'll try to give you only what you want next time before we're dismissed, boss...

 

[AnonymousMe]

Well that seems like a big huge giant waste of all our times.

Your welcomed. We'll try to give you only what you want next time before we're dismissed, boss...

Don't be a smart ass Richard, I didn't knew my topic was going to turn out like this, if I knew it, I would not have made it in the first place.
Just FYI, I always think twice before I post stuff and I thought this was something interesting to discuss, that obviously wasn't the case, so I apologize to you and everyone else that participated here.

 

[user 139760]

Bathrobes.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I didn't knew my topic was going to turn out like this, if I knew it, I would not have made it in the first place.
Just FYI, I always think twice before I post stuff and I thought this was something interesting to discuss, that obviously wasn't the case, so I apologize to you and everyone else that participated here.

You don't have to apologize.  No you may not have gotten what you wanted, but you did get honest answers, so it's not a waste, IMO.  Maybe it gives you something to think about. 

Just keep in mind that you will not always get the answers you want, no one will.  Personally, I would rather have honesty than fake bullshit people say because that's what I want to hear.

 

[AnonymousMe]

You don't have to apologize.  No you may not have gotten what you wanted, but you did get honest answers, so it's not a waste, IMO.  Maybe it gives you something to think about. 

Just keep in mind that you will not always get the answers you want, no one will.  Personally, I would rather have honesty than fake bullshit people say because that's what I want to hear.

Thanks Callie, I was going to say that we did get some good answers, but I would've just stated the obvious and I do have in mind that I won't always get the answers I want, believe me, I've created far worse threads than this one.

Bathrobes.

I'll still keep in mind that you called me a whiny, 4-year-old, a**hole.

 

[ardour]

I think you should rephrase the question to make it clearer : "Would you reject someone you were attracted to out of self-loathing...?"

No, not even considering the laundry list of insecurities I have, knowing that I'd be a crap boyfriend, and that they would probably grow bored of me quickly.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I think you should have rephrase the question to make it clearer : "Would you reject someone you were attracted to out of self-loathing...?"

No, not even considering the laundry list of insecurities, knowing that I'd be a crap boyfriend, and that they would probably grow bored of me quickly.

If that were the question, for me, yes. Again, I wouldn't want anyone to settle for me, nor I for them, if I wasn't in the right frame of mind with myself.

 

[user 139760]

I'll still keep in mind that you called me a whiny, 4-year-old, a**hole.

Please do and keep in mind what I said. Those are my final words on that matter.