Would you reject someone who likes you? Why?

[SilentLife]

EVERYONE experiences hard times.  It doesn't matter how much you have or how rich you are.

I don't dispute that.

 

[DarkSelene]

That being said, in my case, "I don't wanna fresia with you" is a stance I should maybe have adopted more lol. Might have solved a couple of problems. Ironically, it's a stance I have trouble UNADOPTING now, because of past experience. I don't know who the girl is who'll make me change my mind, but I reckon she'll have to be some type of angel, not to mention a lot of free time on her hands to unravel THIS psychological nutcase lol.
But, I'm starting to think she's out there, somewhere. I see a lot of people on this site talking about "girls" or "boys". In the end, at least for me....you only need one. ONE will be enough, hopefully for the next 50-60 years (500 if technology advances, but we'll tackle on that particular subject when we get there) ;-)

Only need one but go through a whole bunch of wackos before finding that. Or can't find anyone at all.

Regardless, this was cute. Good luck.

 

[user 139760]

Only need one but go through a whole bunch of wackos before finding that. Or can't find anyone at all.

Regardless, this was cute. Good luck.

LOL Cute? Well thank you

I reckon we'll find out the older we get, the less picky we get. I'm sure by the time I'm 80 I'll figure any girl who doesn't beat me up for money everyday ;-)
But yes, wackos abound. Sadly. On either side of the sexes. Patience, and fingers and toes crossed, will get us through. I hope lol.

 

[SilentLife]

I reckon we'll find out the older we get, the less picky we get.

Well, the older we get, the less attractive we get too. So it makes sense. Smaller and smaller pool to choose from.

In the end everyone's "pickiness" depends on how attractive that person is. Hence the advices here. Someone, who is very attractive, is of course very picky. Because the choice is huge and you can choose the very best.

It is a bit like sports competition. Every club in the world would like to hire the best footballer in the world and are prepared to pay big money for that. Of course then that footballer is picky and chooses the best offer he can get. But an amateur player somewhere would be lucky if anyone knew or noticed him at all, or would be prepared to hire and pay for it.

I know me personally can't be particularly picky. It would be ridiculous given my situation. The main reason I would rule someout out is if she is so insane that she drives me nuts. And I literally can't deal with that. But for that she must have a pretty bad character, so that it would be impossible to discuss about anything. This is the standard I must have, so that the relationship would be at least tolerable. It is all theory in my case though. I have no practice unlike others.

All this "nah, I am just attracted to him/her, am not/don't have reasons, just feel like that" sounds like a story of more attractive people, who CAN be picky and don't need to re-consider, because despite being picky they still have a choice. Often it feels like some high school talk. But many people keep this approach well into later life too.

 

[user 139760]

I reckon we'll find out the older we get, the less picky we get.

Well, the older we get, the less attractive we get too. So it makes sense. Smaller and smaller pool to choose from.

Speak for yourself. My goal is to be named sexiest man on the planet by 2068 when I'll be 88

 

[SilentLife]

Speak for yourself. My goal is to be named sexiest man on the planet by 2068 when I'll be 88

Good luck then.

 

[ardour]

TheRealCallie:

"Okay, take a guy who only wants the supermodel type of girl with the intelligence of Einstein and NO ONE else will do."

And how many guys are that picky? Very few, and certainly very few of us on a forum like this.

"My point is that how do you KNOW what you like and don't like if you don't give people a chance?"

I don't need to give everyone chances to know what I want, in the same way I don't need to watch every movie ever made to know which genres I prefer.

You're telling people who've never been given a chance to give out chances irrespective of their own desires. There's something suspect about that. I think us being romantically challenged, lonely 'low status' sorts has something to do with it.

It's almost as if we don't have the right to standards and to know our own minds the same way our betters do...

 

[TheRealCallie]

TheRealCallie:

"Okay, take a guy who only wants the supermodel type of girl with the intelligence of Einstein and NO ONE else will do."

And how many people are that picky?

"My point is that how do you KNOW what you like and don't like if you don't give people a chance?"

I don't need to give everyone chances to know what I want, in the same way I don't need to watch every movie ever made to know which genres I prefer.

You're telling people who've never been given a chance to give out chances irrespective of their own desires. There's something suspect about that, and I think us being romantically challenged, lonely ('low status') sorts has a lot to do with it.

It's almost as if we don't have the right to standards and to know our own minds the same way our betters do...

I'm not saying it's always that specific example.  But yeah, a lot of people are super picky and refuse to change anything about their standards.  They refuse to give anyone else a chance, even though they have never given another type of person a chance. 

What I'm saying is that if you have never been given a chance, if you have no experience, you can't possibly know what you really want.
A lot of men say they hate chick flicks, but then they watch one and oh hey, they were wrong.  A lot of people "KNOW" they would hate vegan food, but then they try it and realize they don't really hate it at all.

Not saying you can't have standards, just that maybe you're putting too much importance on standards.  I wasn't attracted to my ex when I first met him, but I was after I got to know him better. 

What I'm saying is step outside of your self imposed box and see other aspects of life, maybe you'll realize that what you thought was important isn't really all that important.  In other words....give people a chance, they might surprise you.

 

[Nicolelt]

TheRealCallie:

"Okay, take a guy who only wants the supermodel type of girl with the intelligence of Einstein and NO ONE else will do."

And how many guys are that picky? Very few, and certainly very few of us on on forum like this.

On the forum no, but that is a sample of the population. Generally, there are several that think that way unfortunately.

"My point is that how do you KNOW what you like and don't like if you don't give people a chance?"

I don't need to give everyone chances to know what I want, in the same way I don't need to watch every movie ever made to know which genres I prefer.

You're telling people who've never been given a chance to give out chances irrespective of their own desires. There's something suspect about that. I think us being romantically challenged, lonely 'low status' sorts has something to do with it.

Almost as if we don't have the right to standards and to know our own minds the same way our betters do...

I agree with you there. Sometimes you just know a type you don't like. There are types of personalities and styles people have, that I just find unattractive.

 

[ardour]

What I'm saying is that if you have never been given a chance, if you have no experience, you can't possibly know what you really want.

I wasn’t raised in the wild by a group of chimpanzee, I grew up in society around other people.

I know who I’m interested in, and it’s usually been women I’ve known quite well beforehand, so your comment that we  "can't possibly know what we really want" is untrue and really condescending.

 

[Xpendable]

On the forum no, but that is a sample of the population. Generally, there are several that think that way unfortunately.

Generalizations are against the forum policies.

 

[TheRealCallie]

What I'm saying is that if you have never been given a chance, if you have no experience, you can't possibly know what you really want.

I wasn’t raised in the wild by a group of chimpanzee, I grew up society around other people.

I know who I’m interested in, and it’s usually been women I’ve known quite well beforehand, so your comment that we  "can't possibly know what we really want" is untrue and really condescending.

Actually it's not considering half the time people WITH experience have no idea what they really want.  But whatever it's your life, do what you want

 

[SilentLife]

Things are very simple: you SHOULD reject everybody who likes you but you don't like him. In opposite case, you will make thing just worst, 2 people who are not liking each other will very soon start to escalate.

There are different perspectives on this.

Personally I'd love it if I was liked by someone. I imagine it would be a pretty good feeling if I am genuinely loved by someone, who wants to be with me? And it is no joke, and she really wants that? Well, I don't know, what it really feels like, but I would imagine that's quite special. So if I am genuinely liked by someone, that's already a pretty strong argument for me to like that person too.

But people, who have attracted more attention - well, obviously for them it is a more mundane matter. The fact of being liked by someone doesn't create much excitement, so they wouldn't care much. It would not be a unique development in life.

 

[VanillaCreme]

On the forum no, but that is a sample of the population. Generally, there are several that think that way unfortunately.

Generalizations are against the forum policies.

Stop being a smart ass. She wasn't generalizing in her post. She was saying this forum is a small fraction of the population. There is nothing about gender-bashing in that post.

 

[TheRealCallie]

But people, who have attracted more attention - well, obviously for them it is a more mundane matter. The fact of being liked by someone doesn't create much excitement, so they wouldn't care much. It would not be a unique development in life.

Not obviously.  It always feels good when you get that kind of attention (well, provided they like YOU and not just your body, of course). 

On the other hand, there are those who haven't attracted the attention you're speaking of and just feel disgusted when they get attention like that from someone who doesn't fit neatly into what they want. 


Here's what I don't understand though.  Why do people think they know exactly what the opposite side would do/feel?  Stop assuming.  I honestly don't understand why people are so **** focused on how the other half (quarter, third, two-thirds, whatever) lives.  Not just relationships, but everything.  If you would just worry about yourself (generalized you, not you specifically) and not everyone else, you might be surprised on how many of your issues just don't exist anymore.

 

[DarkSelene]

It always feels good when you get that kind of attention

Not always, not for everyone.

[...] feel disgusted when they get attention like that from someone who doesn't fit neatly into what they want. 

Happens, but it's not the only reason someone might not enjoy the attention.

 

[kamya]

Some straight up lies in dis thread. =P

I have noticed a lot of the guys here that are having troubles do tend to have extremely high physical (and other) standards relative to what they have to offer.

I don't really have that issue. While I definitely have a "type", I am attracted to a lot of different shapes/sizes/features so physically I'm pretty much always interested in something. I wouldn't say I have low standards though, I am just attracted to a lot of different types.

I have to say though that even if you cast a wider net it doesn't seem to help much. At least it seems that way in my case anyways. :O

I'll keep rolling the dice for now.

 

[user 139760]

Some straight up lies in dis thread. =P

I have noticed a lot of the guys here that are having troubles do tend to have extremely high physical (and other) standards relative to what they have to offer.

I don't really have that issue. While I definitely have a "type", I am attracted to a lot of different shapes/sizes/features so physically I'm pretty much always interested in something. I wouldn't say I have low standards though, I am just attracted to a lot of different types.

I have to say though that even if you cast a wider net it doesn't seem to help much. At least it seems that way in my case anyways. :O

I'll keep rolling the dice for now.

Well, I happen to fit that description nicely. On the contrary, I think it's having very good standards; just that physical is not as important as the rest ;-)

As cliche as it might sound, it still remains true in my experience; beauty is not only skin deep. When I seperated from the mother of my daughters, who was not considered a super top model by any stretch, I was with a girl who considered herself ONE. While she was not repulsive to look at by a long shot...let's say she had a too healthy opinion of herself LOL.
Regardless, we stayed together 2 years where I tried my damndest to make it work, but turns out she was a LOT uglier than the mother of my kids. Physically, not at all, but the rest? Dear Lord. I even called my ex at the time and we joked around on the phone and at one point I got serious and told her "Listen, I'm trying to end this relationship, but for all the crap we been through, you're like an angel in Heaven compared to her. I'm sorry if I ever was a big giant Prickzilla".
And I remember once showing my wacko gf a picture of my ex and her going "You went out with THAT? You could do a LOT better!" to which I replied nothing (because it was a gratuitous, mean thing to say and I should have figured it showed me a part of her character) but was very dissapointed to hear.

Lots of people stop to what someone looks like. I find that almost everyone, even though they might not be an "A++" physically, have a little something that makes them special. So when you take that, let's say C+ physicality, hell, even that E-, but couple it with that A++ Personnality, it easily becomes if not B+, A- at least, if you know what I mean. It doesn't add, it MULTIPLIES.
But too many people stop at looking at each other and miss out on what lies inside. Which is far, FAR more important than the rest. Besides which...we're pretty much all cute naked
There's standards and standards. My standards are to get to know someone. Then you can easily tell if they're cute or not. Often it's in the eyes, or the smile. Or that backwards suggestive glance with the flowing hair and devilishly penetrating gaze...it's something very simple, very pure, very basic, most of the time. Very GENUINE. Which you'll almost never find if you stop at a cute body.
Having sex is BORING; making love is OUT OF THIS WORLD.

 

[SilentLife]

But too many people stop at looking at each other and miss out on what lies inside. Which is far, FAR more important than the rest. Besides which...we're pretty much all cute naked
There's standards and standards. My standards are to get to know someone. Then you can easily tell if they're cute or not. Often it's in the eyes, or the smile. Or that backwards suggestive glance with the flowing hair and devilishly penetrating gaze...it's something very simple, very pure, very basic, most of the time. Very GENUINE. Which you'll almost never find if you stop at a cute body.

I agree.

From purely physical point of view most young women are attractive in my view. But that's not the point and it doesn't tell anything about, who they really are deep down.

 

[Xpendable]

On the forum no, but that is a sample of the population. Generally, there are several that think that way unfortunately.

Generalizations are against the forum policies.

Stop being a smart ass. She wasn't generalizing in her post. She was saying this forum is a small fraction of the population. There is nothing about gender-bashing in that post.

"Generally, there are several that think that way unfortunately".

Outside the forum.

---

Some straight up lies in dis thread. =P

I have noticed a lot of the guys here that are having troubles do tend to have extremely high physical (and other) standards relative to what they have to offer.

I don't really have that issue. While I definitely have a "type", I am attracted to a lot of different shapes/sizes/features so physically I'm pretty much always interested in something. I wouldn't say I have low standards though, I am just attracted to a lot of different types.

I have to say though that even if you cast a wider net it doesn't seem to help much. At least it seems that way in my case anyways. :O

I'll keep rolling the dice for now.

I would say it's worst being picky about the inner beauty of someone. I see myself repulsed by 90% of people's personality. there's probably more supermodels on earth than women with great personalities.