Would you reject someone who likes you? Why?

[DarkSelene]

I see myself repulsed by 90% of people's personality. there's probably more supermodels on earth than women with great personalities.

That's genuinely sad, you must feel very isolated.

 

[TheSkaFish]

I'd turn down someone who liked me if they didn't make me feel like they could take me where I want to go. Like anything else with me I've always wanted to get something better and different than what it seems most people are limited to. And again, I just don't know how I can though. I'm afraid that I'm limited too.

I also feel like why should I have to settle when people who aren't even trying to improve or make good, smart decisions in life (in fact, making bad ones on purpose because it raises their status to give off an image of not caring) get whatever they want. I genuinely don't think they're better than me or better than I could ever possibly be and it angers me for them to get a free pass and don't have to work on any of their faults where I have to work and work and work and be as perfect as I can be and correct and adjust myself and I don't even know if any of it will do any good.

It just makes me so angry. These screw-ups get to get what they want and have fun all the time with little to no resistance from life in spite of doing everything you're not supposed to, meanwhile people in my situation get stuff like pseudo-Buddhist crap about how we shouldn't care about anything, not bother having preferences, that the good stuff in life or attractive partners are all for other people who are just better than us and all we can do is watch it happen, and how we should just give up and learn to settle for less and fake happiness until we believe it, resigning ourselves to whatever life gives us, wherever it kicks us to. Basically saying we're in life to lose and it's just our natural place and losers are all we'll ever have the capacity to be, we can't escape it and it's useless to try, we're hopelessly limited, inherently inferior. I just hate that with all my heart and soul and I want to get as far away from that as I possibly can. They say I can't rise above my place, and I don't even know if I can but it's all I want to do.

I really want to beat those people and disprove my limitations and get to enjoy these things I've only ever been able to wonder about.

I would say it's worst being picky about the inner beauty of someone. I see myself repulsed by 90% of people's personality.

I feel very similar. It's hard for me to find someone whose outer beauty really makes an impression on me - I find most people aren't necessarily unattractive, but not really memorable either. They don't really turn me on. For personality, character, the mind, it's the same. It's less that they repulse me and more that I just don't find them very interesting. Most people don't like the same stuff I like, or just don't have anything about them that makes me curious or excited. I don't feel any particular need to talk to them, learn more, or have them in my life at all. They don't make me feel much of anything really, and they certainly don't drive me to improve as a person but rather they make me feel like yeah, maybe I am just limited and it's pointless to try to do anything. I don't see how they could enhance it, but going out of my way to talk to them and try to date them would be a lot of work.

It's another case of me being unmotivated by and uninterested in all that I feel I can get.

 

[Xpendable]

Ok, maybe repulsion is an exageration; but I dislike most of what people has to offer.

 

[ardour]

Ok, maybe repulsion is an exageration; but I dislike most of what people has to offer.

You can carry the haughty self-regard around, but don't complain then about the responses you get.

I'm okay with a lot of people's/women's personalities. It's just that this doesn't make me any more of an attractive prospect to them. This is likely about you being bitter over not being able to attract a partner. You need the rationalization that almost everyone is shallow and horrible in order to feel better.

 

[Xpendable]

I feel bad because they are bad. No one has concern about others and I pretty much carry my own actions in the best way possible. I never found anyone with the will to treat others as I do. I don't care what others think or believe about this.

 

[ardour]

Still a convenient rationalization. “At least I’m…decent”. But in a way there’s no choice. What social contact there is for people like us depends on being polite and considerate 100% of the time.
Who knows how we would behave if given the chance. I’d like to think I would still treat others well even if I had the option not to, but I’ve no way of knowing that.

 

[Xpendable]

I'm more than decent and others get rewarded for not being decent at all. No one can force you to be good when being bad is not punished. Is not about politeness, is about doing the best for others even when they won't do that for anyone else. I have no obligation to be like that but it just happened that way.

 

[ardour]

I feel very similar.  It's hard for me to find someone whose outer beauty really makes an impression on me - I find most people aren't necessarily unattractive, but not really memorable either.  They don't really turn me on.  For personality, character, the mind, it's the same.  It's less that they repulse me and more that I just don't find them very interesting.  Most people don't like the same stuff I like, or just don't have anything about them that makes me curious or excited.  I don't feel any particular need to talk to them, learn more, or have them in my life at all.  They don't make me feel much of anything really, and they certainly don't drive me to improve as a person but rather they make me feel like yeah, maybe I am just limited and it's pointless to try to do anything.  I don't see how they could enhance it, but going out of my way to talk to them and try to date them would be a lot of work.

People have tried to point out the problems with this attitude to you many times.

 

[Paraiyar]

I'm more than decent and others get rewarded for not being decent at all. No one can force you to be good when being bad is not punished. Is not about politeness, is about doing the best for others even when they won't do that for anyone else. I have no obligation to be like that but it just happened that way.

To me you often come across as judgemental, only interested in talking about yourself, super defensive and quick to snap at people. I don't think I have ever seen you ask another person about themselves on the chatroom, much less go out of your way to do 'the best' for them. I understand you aren't in the happiest of places but you might want to think about whether or not the way you interact with people is causing you to alienate yourself because I've seen you do this a lot on the chatroom and here.

But you'll probably come back at me with another defensive comment denying all of this.

 

[TheSkaFish]

I feel very similar.  It's hard for me to find someone whose outer beauty really makes an impression on me - I find most people aren't necessarily unattractive, but not really memorable either.  They don't really turn me on.  For personality, character, the mind, it's the same.  It's less that they repulse me and more that I just don't find them very interesting.  Most people don't like the same stuff I like, or just don't have anything about them that makes me curious or excited.  I don't feel any particular need to talk to them, learn more, or have them in my life at all.  They don't make me feel much of anything really, and they certainly don't drive me to improve as a person but rather they make me feel like yeah, maybe I am just limited and it's pointless to try to do anything.  I don't see how they could enhance it, but going out of my way to talk to them and try to date them would be a lot of work.

People have tried to point out the problems with this attitude to you many times.

I think it's a problem for which there's no solution, other than to have just been good enough, to have fixed myself up before or to have not had any need for fixing to begin with.

I don't even know where I'd begin with those people that I am not curious about, if I wanted to. Talking to them would be work.

 

[Paraiyar]

I'd turn down someone who liked me if they didn't make me feel like they could take me where I want to go.  Like anything else with me I've always wanted to get something better and different than what it seems most people are limited to.  And again, I just don't know how I can though.  I'm afraid that I'm limited too.

I also feel like why should I have to settle when people who aren't even trying to improve or make good, smart decisions in life (in fact, making bad ones on purpose because it raises their status to give off an image of not caring) get whatever they want.  I genuinely don't think they're better than me or better than I could ever possibly be and it angers me for them to get a free pass and don't have to work on any of their faults where I have to work and work and work and be as perfect as I can be and correct and adjust myself and I don't even know if any of it will do any good.

It just makes me so angry.  These screw-ups get to get what they want and have fun all the time with little to no resistance from life in spite of doing everything you're not supposed to, meanwhile people in my situation get stuff like pseudo-Buddhist crap about how we shouldn't care about anything, not bother having preferences, that the good stuff in life or attractive partners are all for other people who are just better than us and all we can do is watch it happen, and how we should just give up and learn to settle for less and fake happiness until we believe it, resigning ourselves to whatever life gives us, wherever it kicks us to.  Basically saying we're in life to lose and it's just our natural place and losers are all we'll ever have the capacity to be, we can't escape it and it's useless to try, we're hopelessly limited, inherently inferior.  I just hate that with all my heart and soul and I want to get as far away from that as I possibly can.  They say I can't rise above my place, and I don't even know if I can but it's all I want to do.

I really want to beat those people and disprove my limitations and get to enjoy these things I've only ever been able to wonder about.

I would say it's worst being picky about the inner beauty of someone. I see myself repulsed by 90% of people's personality.

I feel very similar.  It's hard for me to find someone whose outer beauty really makes an impression on me - I find most people aren't necessarily unattractive, but not really memorable either.  They don't really turn me on.  For personality, character, the mind, it's the same.  It's less that they repulse me and more that I just don't find them very interesting.  Most people don't like the same stuff I like, or just don't have anything about them that makes me curious or excited.  I don't feel any particular need to talk to them, learn more, or have them in my life at all.  They don't make me feel much of anything really, and they certainly don't drive me to improve as a person but rather they make me feel like yeah, maybe I am just limited and it's pointless to try to do anything.  I don't see how they could enhance it, but going out of my way to talk to them and try to date them would be a lot of work.

It's another case of me being unmotivated by and uninterested in all that I feel I can get.

You get infuriated over girls who were never yours in the first place not choosing you over 'bad boys' and yet why shouldn't they have just as much right to overlook you if you don't excite them as you do with the women that you make these sweeping statements about. I also highly doubt that there are no 'interesting' or 'exciting' women for you in your area, I think that is just another one of your excuses.

 

[TheSkaFish]

You get infuriated over girls who were never youra choosing you over 'bad boys' and yet why shouldn't they have just as much right to overlook you if you don't excite them as you do with the women that you make these sweeping statements about. I also highly doubt that there are no 'interesting' or 'exciting' women for you in your area, I think that is just another one of your excuses.

I want to learn to be more exciting though, I wanted to learn this for myself since before I even met them.  But I didn't know what to do.  Part of it was the same old story about worrying that I lacked the natural talent or aptitude to do anything, but the other was just being naive, wanting something but having no clue where to start.  

It makes me so mad because sometimes I really do feel like I could have done better with those I wanted but my insecurity plus lack of knowledge and preparedness, and lack of social skills got in the way.  My past failures compounded into even more failure later.  Now I'm stuck on this track of failure it seems, and having to settle for dating someone I don't find attractive or interesting, if at all, unless I can do something to get a second chance to prove myself.

And I have looked around at the women around here.  I don't know what to say, it really is no comparison.  You'll have to take my word for it.

 

[SilentLife]

I'm okay with a lot of people's/women's personalities. It's just that this doesn't make me any more of an attractive prospect to them.

That's what I feel too.

People are very different. I keep a very open mind and am not going to reject someone based on first sight. I am curious and would like to find out whether "we" could make it work.

If I would use the 'excuse' that people use on me - that I am "too different", then - heck - I could give up on the whole world. Because after all outside of me every other person is 'different'. Once a woman told me she is not interested in a man, because they are "different", and not like her. And she can't date with herself. Lol.

Being 'different' is not an issue. It makes it more interesting actually, unless that 'difference' is clearly negative and you would have to deal with a bad and narcissistic character.

Doesn't change anything to me though. I see that people around me have all other priorities and their sights set on completely different things, at best I would 'disturb' them if I communicated too much with them.

Also there are so many people, who just ignore and don't answer to you. That's annoying, but I have had to learn to deal with it.

 

[Paraiyar]

You get infuriated over girls who were never youra choosing you over 'bad boys' and yet why shouldn't they have just as much right to overlook you if you don't excite them as you do with the women that you make these sweeping statements about. I also highly doubt that there are no 'interesting' or 'exciting' women for you in your area, I think that is just another one of your excuses.

I want to learn to be more exciting though, I wanted to learn this for myself since before I even met them.  But I didn't know what to do.  Part of it was the same old story about worrying that I lacked the natural talent or aptitude to do anything, but the other was just being naive, wanting something but having no clue where to start.  

It makes me so mad because sometimes I really do feel like I could have done better with those I wanted but my insecurity plus lack of knowledge and preparedness, and lack of social skills got in the way.  My past failures compounded into even more failure later.  Now I'm stuck on this track of failure it seems, and having to settle for dating someone I don't find attractive or interesting, if at all, unless I can do something to get a second chance to prove myself.

And I have looked around at the women around here.  I don't know what to say, it really is no comparison.  You'll have to take my word for it.

Start doing stuff and take risks.

---

It just makes me so angry.  These screw-ups get to get what they want and have fun all the time with little to no resistance from life in spite of doing everything you're not supposed to, meanwhile people in my situation get stuff like pseudo-Buddhist crap about how we shouldn't care about anything, not bother having preferences, that the good stuff in life or attractive partners are all for other people who are just better than us and all we can do is watch it happen, and how we should just give up and learn to settle for less and fake happiness until we believe it, resigning ourselves to whatever life gives us, wherever it kicks us to.  Basically saying we're in life to lose and it's just our natural place and losers are all we'll ever have the capacity to be, we can't escape it and it's useless to try, we're hopelessly limited, inherently inferior.  I just hate that with all my heart and soul and I want to get as far away from that as I possibly can.  They say I can't rise above my place, and I don't even know if I can but it's all I want to do.

I really want to beat those people and disprove my limitations and get to enjoy these things I've only ever been able to wonder about.

When has anyone on here ever actually told you something like that? You are projecting your own fears for your future on to what everyone else has been saying to you. Why do you even bother to post when you don't listen or try any advice that anyone gives you? And why do you expect a girl that you would like to want to date a guy who doesn't work, lives at home, spends most of his time whining about 'bad boys, women or his parents? 

If you really want to 'beat' all these people then ******* do something about it...

 

[Paraiyar]

Ok, maybe repulsion is an exageration; but I dislike most of what people has to offer.

You can carry the haughty self-regard around, but don't complain then about the responses you get.

I'm okay with a lot of people's/women's personalities.  It's just that this doesn't make me any more of an attractive prospect to them. This is likely about you being bitter over not being able to attract a partner. You need the rationalization that almost everyone is shallow and horrible in order to feel better.

So much truth in Ardour''s remarks lol...

 

[SilentLife]

I really want to beat those people and disprove my limitations and get to enjoy these things I've only ever been able to wonder about.

I have realized that I can't 'disprove my limitations'. Almost all men are stronger than me. No point to even contemplate beating anyone up, lol. The best I can do is just adapt, - or if necessary hide myself from the harsh world, and completely mind my own business.

I have had to learn to appreciate that others are capable of having "more life", and what they have done in this world. I.e, if the world was full of people like me, it would have never been possible to build up all those huge cities, etc. So I appreciate the big works they have been able to do, despite their own "limitations".

Each of us has limitations with which we have to live with. But those 'limitations' are very different. Those tough guys, who can get women, however may have the limitation of not being able to love or really understand women, so they live in unhappy or even rude relationships.

 

[DarkSelene]

It just makes me so angry.  These screw-ups get to get what they want and have fun all the time with little to no resistance from life in spite of doing everything you're not supposed to, meanwhile people in my situation get stuff like pseudo-Buddhist crap about how we shouldn't care about anything, not bother having preferences, that the good stuff in life or attractive partners are all for other people who are just better than us and all we can do is watch it happen, and how we should just give up and learn to settle for less and fake happiness until we believe it, resigning ourselves to whatever life gives us, wherever it kicks us to.  Basically saying we're in life to lose and it's just our natural place and losers are all we'll ever have the capacity to be, we can't escape it and it's useless to try, we're hopelessly limited, inherently inferior.  I just hate that with all my heart and soul and I want to get as far away from that as I possibly can.  They say I can't rise above my place, and I don't even know if I can but it's all I want to do.

I really want to beat those people and disprove my limitations and get to enjoy these things I've only ever been able to wonder about.

Those tough guys are tough for a reason. Maybe they didn't get the opportunity to complain about their "competition" while being taken care of by their parents and not having to do anything with their lives.
Our personalities are the biggest scars we carry, and those guys scream hard work, health and strength. What does envying others success and making up excuses to not have to work say about you?
You're the only one making yourself to be the loser. The only one in your way to get whatever you want in life. The only one sitting on the victim chair saying "life is unfair" before you even stepped out of your house to try anything at all.

Each of us has limitations with which we have to live with. But those 'limitations' are very different. Those tough guys, who can get women, however may have the limitation of not being able to love or really understand women, so they live in unhappy or even rude relationships.

This is the same bullshit I hear feminists talking about: toxic masculinity. They're tough so they must be rude or abusive to women...
You seem reasonable, but that's still comparing and living by this biased view that just because some dudes are more masculine than you, they must be dangerous and definitely don't deserve what they get or something.
Keep doing your own thing, don't fall in this mindset because it's going to do absolutely nothing for you but set you back.

 

[SilentLife]

This is the same bullshit I hear feminists talking about: toxic masculinity. They're tough so they must be rude or abusive to women...
You seem reasonable, but that's still comparing and living by this biased view that just because some dudes are more masculine than you, they must be dangerous and definitely don't deserve what they get or something.
Keep doing your own thing, don't fall in this mindset because it's going to do absolutely nothing for you but set you back.

I don't say everyone is like that, but there are certainly 'rude tough guys' as well.

Maybe a better expression than 'tough' should be used, to avoid misunderstanding.

 

[user 139760]

This is the same bullshit I hear feminists talking about: toxic masculinity. They're tough so they must be rude or abusive to women...
You seem reasonable, but that's still comparing and living by this biased view that just because some dudes are more masculine than you, they must be dangerous and definitely don't deserve what they get or something.
Keep doing your own thing, don't fall in this mindset because it's going to do absolutely nothing for you but set you back.

I don't say everyone is like that, but there are certainly 'rude tough guys' as well.

Maybe a better expression than 'tough' should be used, to avoid misunderstanding.

I'm considered a "rude, unemotional tough guy". Exterior appearance. I still cry when I watch Finding Nemo...
Lots of stuff in society is biased and is meaningless horseshit. People enjoy tagging someone and neatly labeling them in order to rationalize their own lives and their own failiures. It's much easier than trying to change yourself, to blame it on others.
Which is why I constantly state not to preocuppy yourself with that and instead concentrate on being the best "you" you can be, no matter who that "you" is. Because people notice that and enjoy far more someone who's genuine, rather than someone who "tries" to be something they're not.
Because when you start going bitter and blaming everything but yourself for your failiures, you're basically messed. Stuck in it without trying to get out until "things get better". They won't if you don't try and change them.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Hate to break this to you, but there are rude "nice guys" too.